Camanti nin nasta (Help me heal)

Chapter three I love you

A year has passed by and Elladan and Leloth hadn’t yet tired of each other’s company and were seen together more and more. Today they were sitting in the sun, talking amiably. Elrond silently watched them from the shadows, pleased with the change that continued to grow in Elladan.

He smiled when he sensed Glorfindel behind him, trying to sneak up on him. “Perhaps soon they’ll become more than friends, don’t you think, Glorfindel?”
The blond growled and came to stand before Elrond, an angry expression on his face. “How do you do that? Nobody senses me.”
Elrond raised an eyebrow. “And no one manages to sneak up on me. Give it up, meldir.”
Glorfindel sighed frustrated and turned, looking out over the valley. “We still don’t know the truth about him.”
Elrond smiled. “It really bites you, doesn’t it?” He smiled warmly. “Let it rest and focus on Elrohir. He might become lonely when Elladan and Leloth deepen their relationship.”
Glorfindel smiled. “I think Erestor is better suited for that. He doesn’t have to leave for patrol and such. And you know the twins; they need a friend at the weirdest times.”
Elrond grinned. “Aye, they take after me, I know. No need to rub it in.” He smiled fondly as he remembered the time after his wife had sailed, a time during which his friendship with both Erestor and Glorfindel had deepened. He knew he had driven them both to the brink of insanity with his extremely erratic and impulsive behaviour.

He turned and walked away. “I shall speak to Erestor myself.”

Glorfindel grinned and hastily left to pack. He knew he had better make today’s patrol last some days. Erestor was bound to become extremely pissed at him.

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Elladan embraced his friend goodbye for the evening and he hurried to his rooms. He regretted parting ways more and more and he knew he was in love, but he would never admit it.

Elrohir grinned when his twin once again entered without even noticing the changed decorations. Elrohir figured he could even make out with someone and his twin wouldn’t see. That’s how big Elladan’s crush on Leloth was and he ached to help him.

He nodded and stood. “Elladan, are you in love with him?”
Caught of guard Elladan nodded and sighed again. “I want to wed him.” Hearing his own words he swiftly closed his mouth and glared at his smirking twin. “How could you?”
Elrohir shrugged. “Come on, everybody knows you two are smitten with each other.” He laughed at the dumbfound expression that graced Elladan’s face. “Aye, he is hooked on you. I can understand you don’t see anything else, but that you failed to see that…”

Elrohir shook his head and sat down beside his twin. “I think he has fallen for you when he first saw you. According to adar his eyes never left you.”
Elladan shrugged. “I found him. He was grateful.”
Elrohir shook his head. “He fell in love. Why do you continue to part ways at night when you both long to rest in each other’s arms? Nobody understands the two of you. They don’t understand why you don’t pursue him and they don’t understand why he doesn’t speak of his love for you.”

He embraced his twin. “Go on, go to him. Show him how you feel. He’s not going to wait forever.”
That had some result and Elladan stood. “You think I should…?”
Elrohir nodded and ushered him out the door. “If I hear you slept anywhere else I will not rest until I deliver you there myself.”
Elladan widened his eyes, knowing Elrohir wasn’t kidding and he rushed away.

Elrohir shook his head and silently followed, just to make sure. He watched as Elladan knocked on the door and he saw how surprised Leloth was to see the twin, but Elrohir also noticed the desire hidden in the orbs and smiled. Perhaps his twin would get lucky tonight.
He was so engrossed in watching the two elves he failed to notice the presence behind him.

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Erestor looked up from the documents when the door opened. Seeing Elrond’s concerned look he braced himself; it usually meant bad news. Or a difficult assignment.

Elrond sat down and inhaled deeply. “It’s about Leloth.” Erestor cocked his head and the near black eyes narrowed minutely, making Elrond shake his head and the Peredhel placed a calming hand on his friend’s arm. “Be at peace; all is well. But he and Elladan are bound to become lovers.”
Erestor’s eyes twinkled with happiness. “So I wasn’t mistaken. Elladan is melting, so to speak.”
Elrond nodded. “Aye, but I’m afraid it might affect Elrohir. He never had to share his twin before.”
Erestor shrugged. “We will all be there for him.”

Elrond nodded but locked their eyes, a sign Erestor knew well. Elrond was about to make a request; one he might not necessarily like. The Peredhel sighed. “Glorfindel suggested you spend some time with Elrohir the first coming days, look after him for me.”
Erestor blinked. “What? Why?”
Elrond swallowed, realising he had to carefully steer Erestor towards accepting. “Because you are always here and Glorfindel is right; the twins are impulsive in their needs; much like their father. Glorfindel might not be there when Elrohir needs some extra attention. But you are. Plus you share the same interests.”

Erestor stood and walked to the arched window. “You are asking me to spend my free time with your son, am I correct?”
Elrond nodded. “Aye. I know you rather spend it in the library and read, but Elrohir is fond of reading as well.”
Unknown to Elrond, Erestor smiled. He knew all about Elrohir’s tastes in books. He knew precisely which volumes the twin has devoured and which ones he avoided.

After some more thought he nodded. “I shall do as you ask.” He didn’t turn and continued staring outside. There was a reason he remained locked in his study for so long, but he wasn’t going to tell anyone.
His eyes hardened, seeing Glorfindel ride away, heavily packed. /So you know? You knew and now you flee for me. Doesn’t matter. I can wait./
And with a plotting smile on his face Erestor turned and walked out his study in search of the twins.

He widened his eyes in surprise when he found Elrohir, spying on someone, something the twins haven’t done for ages. Walking closer he frowned, seeing Elladan kiss Leloth. /Elrond will be pleased./

Elladan and Leloth entered the room and the door closed and Erestor deemed it safe to speak. “Care to tell me why you feel it necessary to spy on your brother?”
Elrohir gasped and jumped up, twirling around. His shock at being discovered evaporated when he saw Erestor smiling, though the stern look remained. He smiled warmly. “I just wanted to make sure Elladan followed my advice. They’ve been beating around the bush long enough.”
Erestor smiled approvingly. “I was on my way to control some new volumes. Would you like to help?”
Elrohir nodded. “Always. You know how much I like books. I can’t wait to read them.”
Erestor smiled. “Two deal with painting and one is on warfare.”
Elrohir shuddered and grinned. “All right, not all of them.” He wondered how Erestor knew he didn’t like them. He frowned when he thought of something horrible; what if Erestor thought those were Elrohir’s favourites? That made him shudder again and he sped up, eager to get that misconception out of the world.

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Elladan groaned when sunlight assaulted his eyes. He squished his eyes shut to block it out, vaguely wondering what was wrong; the light was never this bright in his rooms. In order to avoid it even more he turned round, smiling when he found his twin holding him.

Content, he inhaled deep only to flash his eyes open and stare at the form before him, holding him. Instantly his memory returned and he groaned. It hadn’t been just a lustful dream, it had been real. Now what? Seeing awareness return to the orbs he stilled and held his breath, awaiting Leloth’s move.

Leloth smiled when he found Elladan still locking in his arms. “Morning, vanimaer.”
Elladan blushed at the endearment and averted his eyes, not willing to see what he feared to see.
Leloth narrowed his eyes in understanding. /You’re clearly not as far as I thought. Perhaps I shouldn’t have done this./ He caressed Elladan’s face and leaned in for a kiss, frowning when Elladan pulled away. “Did I do something wrong?”
Elladan shook his head. “I’m sorry for last night. I… I don’t know what came over me. Ro told me to talk to you and…”
Leloth laughed warmly. “And you did more than talking.”

He sat up and reinitiated the caresses. “Please do not feel guilty by letting your urges control you. You didn’t hurt me and I wanted it too. You would have woken up in the healing house if I didn’t.”
Despite the situation Elladan laughed at the words. “Aye, you are extremely good with a sword. Not even Glorfindel can best you.”
Leloth grinned. “I am sure he could, vanimaer. And I am not willing to find out.”
Elladan nodded. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone you can still fight so well.”

He locked eyes. “You’re really not mad at me?”
Leloth shook his head. “Nay. But I will be if you tell me you just used me. I want it to be more, Elladan. I love you.”

Those words seemed to light Elladan and the twin looked at him gratefully. He wanted to assure him it was mutual but he couldn’t bring himself to say it. He just couldn’t say those words. He didn’t want anything to happen to him. Instead he leaned in and claimed the lips again, showing what he could not speak.
Leloth understood and smiled. And even though Elladan didn’t say the words he had seen the depth of his love in his eyes. /Two years… I’ve got two years to make you speak the words. I must succeed or I have to leave you./

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Elrond contained a snicker when he saw Glorfindel hiding behind a pillar. “Good morn, meldir.”
Glorfindel shrieked and twirled round. “What? You always…”
Elrond laughed freely. “Enter the dining room corridor from the other side. Not this morn.”
Glorfindel stalked into the room and plunged down on his seat, muttering beneath his breath.

Erestor raised an eyebrow. “Back from patrol already? You’re getting old, meldir, if you can no longer keep sane out there.”
Glorfindel merely glared at the counsellor and started eating.
Elrond shook his head and sat down, handing Erestor a book. “Here you are, meldir, though it is beyond me how it got in my study.”
Erestor smiled and accepted the book. “Me neither.” His eyes however were locked with Glorfindel and the blond could easily read the message. Erestor had deliberately placed it there, therefore failing Glorfindel’s attempt to sneak up on Elrond. He knew this plan would have worked and as revenge Erestor had thwarted it.

Elrond was blissfully unaware of the silent conversation as he addressed his youngest son. “Good morn, Elrohir. Up already?”
Elrohir grinned. “Up still is more like it. I hardly slept. Erestor kept me up all night.”
Elrond’s eyes flashed towards Erestor in wonder and the counsellor only barely succeeded to hide a blush. He shrugged. “Elrohir drew me into a conversation. Before we knew it dawn was upon us.”
Elrond smiled. “Well, that’s a good reason to skip your rest. But don’t do it too often, Elrohir. Erestor gets extremely moody if he hasn’t had enough rest.”
Erestor narrowed his eyes. “So?” His tone was daring and Elrond smiled. “I have to work with you.”

He deemed the conversation over and filled his plate. “Where’s Elladan? Eating with Leloth again?”
A chuckle from the door proved him wrong and he smiled fondly at his eldest, who guided Leloth inside. “Nay, adar, we are here.”
Elrond smiled warmly when he saw the changed behaviour of both Leloth and his son. Oh, he was happy for them both. “Leloth, come sit down. You’ve been in Imladris a year now. Are you still happy with the situation?”
Leloth nodded and his smile was catching. “Aye, more than happy. I love it here. I still feel I haven’t seen everything yet, though I know I have.” He looked at Elladan. “Can we go to the stream again today? I really missed hearing the water.”
Erestor narrowed his eyes. “Why? I thought there was plenty of water in Valinor?”
Elladan glared at him and shrugged. “Perhaps it is not as talkative as the water here. Come on then, let’s eat.”

Elrond and Glorfindel exchanged a happy look. Seeing Elladan defend Leloth indicated real deep feelings.

Glorfindel made sure to eat swift for two reasons: he wanted to get away from Erestor to let the advisor cool down some more and to plot on new ways to sneak up on Elrond, successful this time.

Elrond smiled and stood. “Erestor, if you are done; we have a lot of work waiting. Elrohir, what will you be doing?”
The twin shrugged. “Don’t know. I shall ask if they need me somewhere and if not, well, I think I shall read some more.” Slowly they all left and went their ways.

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Leloth looked up and smiled at Elladan, who seemed utterly relaxed. He waded out and climbed the bank, joining the twin on the grass. “It was nice.”
Elladan smiled. “You looked it. And they call me a child.” He rolled his eyes but gasped and mentally hit himself when Leloth’s wounded expression registered. He scooted closer and embraced him. “Aiya, forgive me. That was harsh.”
Leloth smiled, leaned and shrugged. “You are right though.”
Elladan widened his eyes. “What?”
Realising he had slipped Leloth cursed himself and swiftly figured out how to prevent it from turning worse. “I mean, it’s a whole new life here for me, never being here and all. It makes me feel like a child on exploration.”
Elladan grinned and pulled him closer still. “Still, I should have thought before speaking. Forgive me.”
Leloth nodded. “Always. I know you didn’t mean to hurt me. Why would you if you love me, right?”
Elladan smiled and nodded. “Right.” He leaned in and claimed his lips.

Leloth pulled back and sighed. “Can I ask you a question?”
Elladan nodded, cocking his head in wonder.
Leloth didn’t end the embrace or sat away, but he did make eye contact. “What is it with your father and Glorfindel?”
Elladan laughed freely and shook his head. “Aye, I know. It must look like they’re lovers or something, I think.”
Leloth nodded. “Or something is about right.”
Elladan still snickered and relocked their eyes. “Glorfindel constantly comes up with new ways to sneak up on adar, who doesn’t allow Glorfindel to take victory. It is sort of a contest that arose one day and has never stopped since.” He shrugged. “They could never be lovers though. Glorfindel still loves Ecthelion and adar our nana.”
Leloth nodded and hesitated. He knew what had happened, but he could not let Elladan know and had to pretend ignorance. “Where is she? I’d like to meet her.”
Elladan hung his head. “She sailed to Valinor. She had to or she would have faded. Orcs attacked her and she couldn’t see the beauty anymore and she left.”
Leloth tightened his embrace and gently kissed him. “You have me now.”

Elladan looked up and momentarily was lost in thought. /Aye, I have you now. Mother went to Valinor and you came from there. Did they give me you?/ It fuelled his belief he would lose Leloth as well should he speak his love. How could he ever utter those words again? It had been the last words he had said to his mother. And he didn’t want to risk losing his family, especially Leloth.

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Leloth smiled when Elladan dozed off and he held him close. His eyes widened on their own accord when Mandos materialized before them.

The Vala knelt and smiled. “Do not worry, I’ve not come to take you back. I’m here to warn you.”
Leloth blinked and cocked his head, involuntarily tightening his hold on Elladan.
Seeing it brought a smile to the Vala’s face. “You’ve got a hard road ahead of you. And remember that he has to voice the words. Showing it isn’t enough. The three of us know he loves you but he will never heal unless he faces it. And that’s why you are here.”
Leloth nodded, feeling a fist close around his heart. Deep down he knew Elladan might never say it.
Mandos smiled and stood. “Worry not. He -will- speak the words.”

He faded and watched Leloth succumb to his spell and fall asleep as well. He felt sad, knowing the future. The wind caressed them as well and Mandos could hear Manwë’s words. `His love is strong; it will be rewarded.`
Mandos nodded. `I know, but still…`
`Things have been set in motion a long time ago and it is too late to turn back. They will be happy.`
`And them?`
`The memories return and assault him at night. She needs more time too heal but will be ready when the time comes.`
Mandos returned to his house and sighed. He felt the pain not only of the dead but of the living as well and the pain of a broken heart was almost unbearable. He sat down and sighed again. /I know things will turn out right, but that doesn’t stop the present from hurting./ But he, like everybody else, had no choice but to wait.

TBC