Faithless

Chapter 4 – Roads Untaken

"Saying nothing... sometimes says the most."
- Emily Dickinson

"Grief closed her throat, the grief of roads untaken, of doors not
opened, or songs unsung – the human grief of choice."
- Barbara Hambly, "Dragonsbane"


The lord Elrond woke to a cold bedroom and empty bed. A small moan of anguish escaped his lips at the thought of Glorfindel's love having been merely an illusion and he would have to awaken to nothing.

Oh, how he would have spoiled him! He would lavish on him all sorts of jewelry he loved so dearly. The blonde's hands would each have three rings, middle finger to pinky. The right would have gold and the left silver. And from there, there would be bracelets and arm jewelry running to his shoulders in the forms of dragons, griffins, and birds...

About his neck would hang three, maybe more, necklaces. The first would be a silver chain with a leaf connected to it and two smaller golden leaves on each side. The next would be silver as well, with a red-black dragon attached to it guarding a moonstone. And the last that hung the farthest down would be gold with a diamond in the golden tear droplet form.

On the lord's ankles beaded precious stone would dazzle – amethyst, cat's eyes, aquamarine, emerald, ruby, sapphire, obsidian, garnet, scapolite, pearl, jade... A pendant would be made from such jewels aswell, and a golden leaf decorated to pin his cloak of the finest silks. Better yet, he would have a new cloak made! A cloak of velvet perhaps... No, forest green silk, it was his favorite.


His Glorfindel would look beautiful fitted in the finest silks... And to top it off, a circlet. The circlet would be one to match his silver one. So simple and yet...so beautiful. His flowing, golden hair would be brushed with only the finest of materials. Ah, but a gold or silver comb? He would be bathed in the most fragrant water scented with flower petals and oils. Candles would surround him, giving off the most pleasant of odors.

Ai, he would be a god!

Elrond thought of himself bathing the lord as a servant, sitting aside the tub, rubbing oils to his body and then soap. Afterwards, he would pour shampoo into that beautiful hair and run fingers through it with perfect ease... He would stream water over him ao too to fetch a towel. Glorfindel should then be sitting watching with unreadable expression. The towel would run ever so gently down his back and shoulders collecting whatever moisture it encountered. Then, it would travel over those long legs until moving upward and –

A soft, "Elrond, wake up. I have some tea for you," rose Elrond from the mental scene that had formed. He turned to stare at his chief advisor, and seeing that he was still there, and still his, smiled softly as he reached out toe the the warm mug from Glorfindel. The herbal drink had a lovely scent and taste, much like Glorfindel's own natural perfume. The liquid warmed his throat and continued until reaching his stomach, where it rested, bringing warmth to his chilled body. He noted the taste of both spearmint leaves and chamomile. (Little did he know, it also possessed a touch of Mirkwoodian wine.)

"Sit by me... Please?" Elrond begged. His eyes looked up, shining with affection. "I..." he continued, voice shaking with embarrassment, "want to know you're here. I want to feel you, know you are not an illusion..."

"You need only ask…" Glorfindel sat, wrapping arms about him, taking the mug from his hands, and transferring it to the table aside them. "Feeling better?"

"Mmmhum... I suppose..." The lord rested his head and arms on the firm warm chest and pressed his lips to his golden lover's. "And how was your day?"

"I worried about you..."

"I have only been sick a day..."

"But I worry." Glorfindel purred as he softly nuzzled his nose against Elrond's and occasionally nipped at the pouting lower lip. Elrond, out of nowhere, feeling much better as though by a miracle, and a bit of wine, naughtily gave playfully soft bites to Glorfindel's nose. "Ellrrrrond..."

"Yesth?" the lord paused, his prize's tip between gentle teeth.

"Let go of my nose. You're still sick...and rather irresistible." Glorfindel tried pushing him off to no avail.

Elrond, unwilling to give up his recently acquired win so easily, gave another pout, rtinrting to his childhood fuss. "Am nots *that* sick. It's mines! Mine, mine, mine, mine, MINE!" To add to his act, he even managed to fake a few held back tears.

"Yes, yes. It is yours," Glorfindel sighed.

"Garfinkel is mine, too." Elrond pushed him softly into the bed, kissing him, and smiled against the tip of his lover's pinking nose.

"You know I despise that name..."

Elrond nodded, licking at his nose. "Garfinkel is so very pretty. Ai, and he is mine. Aren't you?"

'Garfinkel,' deciding to play along, muttered, "Well, I may have to think about that..." They smiled softly to each other, both happily silent in their own little game. Elrond stroked the cheek of the reborn elder, letting a finger circle it. Glorfindel's death had been a strange
separation. A moment of a separation, in their eyes at least, but still separation. Someg neg new Elrond could add to his list...

"Glorfindel, there are so many things I regret," Elrond sighed, burying his face into the veil of gold that was Glorfindel's hair. "I regret the wrong choices I've made, and some of the right ones. I regret the roads I've never taken and most I've taken. I regret the hidden secrets of souls I have never revealed. I regret... I regret the times I have not lived. I can never make up for that lost time. There is so much time and yet...that is lost. Choices cannot be unmade.

"And," he continued, "there are so many things to change, and only we can do those things. There is just so much to do and seemingly so little time to do it in. Men and dwarves live so short a time..." At this, Elrond's voice began to quiver, though why Glorfindel could never
understand. "At times it is all too great a burden to bear. One can feel so trapped by it all... Thank you. Thank you...for...for…" Elrond choked on his words, silent tears falling onto Glorfindel's neck.

"I know," he embraced Elrond. Elrond rested peacefully, much too tired to continue. No words were spoken. Silence enclosed them as love fell onto both of them as rain. *What are words, really?* Glorfindel thought. *A way of understanding, sounds, noises? But true understanding, understanding deeper than knowing, is only felt. The true beauty lies in that which goes unexplained, unspoken. For within one's heart, words do not reign, emotions do. Love is so unsuiting of a name. If only there were a word...*

Yet...there was no word, though Glorfindel did find one that contented him.

Elrond.

He would probably hurt him...one day. And probably hurt him more than once, but... Was that notly hly how the world worked? One always had to pay for everything: pain for love. Sorrow for contentment. Dark for light. Folly for wisdom. Sickness for health. Despondency for hope. Death for life.

But what would love, or life, for that matter, be if there were no problems? Love leads to problems, and problems lead to hope. And it was only the faithless who had no hope, it was they who were unhappy. For is not he who is faithless the one who says farewell when the roads ahead darken?


"When the night is overcome,
You may rise to find the sun."
- Enya, "May It Be"


The End

The The first time I ever wrote fanfiction, or anything to let people read and comment on for that matter, was slash. The first comment I received, and I remember it oh so well, was "Wonderfully written, but incest... that's horrible!" And I really want to thank that person – I wish I still had their e-mail! It strongly inspired me to work harder at writing in order to inspire people to be more open-minded and really appreciate a story for its qua and and its message rather than what it contained. It's not how you say something, it's what you say. And well, that person made me want to write more than anything in the world. And, perhaps, I've become better at it. And well... writing and reading fanfiction has turned out to be quite the experience and I wouldn't trade it for the world.

I don't have time to e eae each fanfiction, or series for that matter, I've read and why I love it but... I love them all. For those of you that have received comments from me, I hope you realize that "I loved it!" was more than I loved it. It means that I was taken by the way it
was written, moved by it in some way. You're all marvelous writers and I really respect you.

Thanks everyone, for your love and hate. Feedback and flames. Cimeniments and criticism. Concerns. Friendship. Wisdom. Folly. And a million other things. Without any of it I would not be who I am today, nor as strong a person. I don't know what I'd do without you all. And I just can't say it enough...

Thank you.