The Beverly Hillbillies Go To Middle Earth
folder
Lord of the Rings Movies › Het - Male/Female
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
6
Views:
1,999
Reviews:
19
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Lord of the Rings Movies › Het - Male/Female
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
6
Views:
1,999
Reviews:
19
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own the Lord of the Rings book series and movie series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Helm's Deep
The Beverly Hillbillies go to Middle Earth
by Sinda
Chapter 4 - Helm's Deep
“So, exactly where is this Helm’s Deep that we’ll be going to?” Mr. Drysdale asked suspiciously.
“Well, from what I reckoned, it’s a resort up in the mountains,” Jed said happily.
“Ah, a resort,” Mr. Drysdale said, “that’s more like it!”
He walked back and got into the horse cart that Miss Hathaway was driving.
“So Helm’s Deep is a resort,” he informed her.
“A…resort?” she stammered. It certainly hadn’t been that in the book, but maybe some things were better left unmentioned.
~~~~~~~~~
“Wait! I’m out of corn liquor!” Granny stated as panic set in.
“Well, Granny, I know that but I haven’t seen any corn since we been here,” Jed reminded her.
“Oh, it doesn’t have to be corn,” she said, swatting him with her purse, “any grain…or for that matter, flowers. Lookee over there! Pick me some of those flowers, Jed!”
Jed sighed and got out of the cart, calling to Jethro to help him. Between the two of them, they picked all of the flowers on the strange mounds. Stuffing them in a bag, they headed off to catch up with the others.
~~~~~~~~~
It was late afternoon before they reached Helm’s Deep and everybody was quite impressed with the resort.
“Now, if I can just find a masseuse and a manicurist, I’ll be fine for the rest of the day,” Mr. Drysdale said, sighing. “I guess a newspaper would be too much to ask for.”
Miss Hathaway rolled her eyes. The man was in denial. She looked around, wondering when that luscious King Théoden was going to return, or for that matter, Gandalf. She didn’t care if he was old enough to be her grandfather’s grandfather’s …. Regardless, the wizard had all of the qualities she looked for in a man…er a mate. Of course, so did the king. If one wanted to be technical, so did every man in Helm’s Deep that was still moving. Face it Jane, she told herself, you’d take the dwarf at this point.
Jethro was speaking with Éowyn when the king returned with a few others. When the elf walked in, Jethro’s eyes narrowed. You could fool Jethro Bodine once, but it wouldn’t happen again. Deciding to take a nap before the evening’s activities, Jethro didn’t wake up until he heard a horn blaring. Running down to see what all the commotion was, he was shocked to see hundreds of beautiful elf maidens at the front gate.
“Hooo-eeee!” he said, “Well, lookee there!” He watched as they marched in and noticed they all carried bows and arrows. He’d always liked athletic women.
When the beautiful elf in the long red dress stepped up and spoke, Jethro could hardly speak. He wanted her! When Aragorn hugged her, Jethro felt like leaping over the wall to show that ranger a thing or two.
~~~~~~~~~
“Granny, whatcha’ doin’?” Elly May asked.
“Mixin’ up a batch of Simbelmynë liquor,” Granny said. “It’s made of those little white flowers. Might not turn out as good as my corn liquor, but it’ll do in a pinch.”
~~~~~~~~~
“Can you handle a sword?” Aragorn asked Jethro, out of breath.
“What fer?” he asked, confused.
“Fer fighting,” Aragorn said, rolling his eyes. “We’re about to be attacked.”
“Oh, no sir, I don’t believe in fightin’,” Jethro said, somberly. “You talk to Elly May, though, ‘cause she sure likes it.”
“Not a bad idea,” Aragorn said, turning to Jethro’s cousin instead. After a quick lesson, the young woman was fairly proficient with the sword and Aragorn turned to leave.
“Who are we gonna’ be fightin’?” she asked.
Not sure how to explain Orcs and Uruk-hai, Aragorn said, “Really ugly guys. If you see one of them, just kill them.” He started to leave but after a second thought, turned back just in time.
“No! Not the dwarf! Big ugly guys. They’re not here yet, but I’ll point them out when they show up.”
It wasn’t long before the Uruk-hai army was assembled in front of the Deeping Wall. The tension was almost a physical thing as the Uruks began to hit their spears on the ground in unison. It was hard to say who would have made the first move if Granny had not goosed the old man and caused him to let his arrow fly early. She never noticed what she had started as she went to check on her still.
“Granny, you should not be here!” Legolas told her. “It is too dangerous.”
She showed him her iron frying pan. “I’d like to see you make me leave. I got me a batch o’ liquor cookin and ain’t nobody gonna’ send me away now!”
Eyes wide, Legolas turned back and began firing off one arrow after another.
When the first ladder hit the wall and the Uruks began to climb over, Elly May caught on quickly that these must be the big ugly guys. She heard Legolas and Gimli keeping score so she decided to join the competition and was able to keep up with them. Things were not going too badly until an explosion shook the building, allowing the Uruks to come flooding in. Aragorn tried to get Granny to go into the caves with the other women, but she finally bit him when he wouldn’t let go of her arm. Jumping back, he decided that they’d all be better off if he just let the Uruk-hai have her.
“Nineteen,” Elly May said, gutting an Uruk. “Twenty,” as she decapitated one. Aragorn did a double-take at the pile of bodies around her feet.
~~~~~~~~~
“Granny, I got me a new girl!” Jethro said, excited.
“Who’s that, Jethro?” Granny asked, adjusting the pressure gauge on her still. Turning quickly, she had to bonk another Uruk on the head when he got too close.
“That one up there!” Jethro pointed at Haldir, who was twirling around furiously in his cloak, slicing and dicing as he went.
“She’s purty,” Grandma admitted, thinking she’d make a good farm girl with such big bones and all those muscles.
“Let’s go meet her,” Jethro said, dragging Granny along.
Just about the time they arrived, an Uruk with a sword went after Haldir, but Jethro saw it coming and charged, knocking the Uruk to the ground.
“Oh, no you don’t. I don’t know where you come from, but where I come from, we don’t run ladies through with swords!” Haldir raised an eyebrow at that but wasn’t about to look a gift horse in the mouth. While he was busy thanking Jethro, Granny saw the Uruk behind him with the axe and leaped onto his back. The Uruk still managed to hit Haldir, but the wound was not life threatening as it easily could have been.
“Now, that’s a nasty gash you got there,” Granny said after dropping the Uruk with her frying pan. “You’re gonna’ need some doctorin’”
Haldir was in mid swing with his sword when Granny began pulling at his cloak to try and get his attention. He looked at her, incredulous.
“I am a bit busy…” slice… “at the moment”… whack … “if you do not mind,” he said, looking down his nose at her.
“No future niece-in-law of mine is going to stand here and bleed to death while I have something to say about it,” Granny said. Haldir just gave her a dirty look as he swung his sword again, getting an Uruk in the neck. He tried to ignore Granny, but the next thing he knew she had him by his ear and was dragging him off to a corner.
“Owww!” Haldir yelled. “Watch it! The ears are very sensitive!”
~~~~~~~~~
Jed watched as Théoden, Legolas and Aragorn got on their horses. Théoden was yelling something about wrath, ruin and a red dawn and Jed thought it sounded like a toast, but none of them had drinks. He was a bit surprised to see them rushing through the castle on their horses. Granny’d skin him alive if he ever tried something like that at home. They were just about to leave the castle gates when a second explosion rocked the night.
~~~~~~~~~
Granny smacked Haldir again, trying to get him to hold still so she could put one of her ointments on his wound. They both looked up when the explosion hit and after a moment, Granny sniffed the air suspiciously.
“Oh, no!” she said, stumbling to her feet. “My still!” Leaving the elf, she raced to check on her still and was horrified to see nothing left but a large black hole in the rock floor.
“Now, that’s just a goldurned shame, Granny,” Jed said, trying to comfort the sobbing woman. “We’ll have to see if we can’t build you a new still.”
The air seemed filled with a strange mist. The smell of Simbelmynë filled the night, causing a feeling of contentment to settle over the men, elves and dwarves. The Orcs and Uruk-hai, on the other hand, began to scream as the Simbelmynë liquor rained down upon them, burning their flesh.
“I’m melting…melting…” one of them yelled. Before long, the valleys, groves, hills, fields and woods in front of Helm’s Deep were filled with the melted bodies of Orcs and Uruk-hai, causing a tremendous stench across the land. Relief flooded all those holed up in Helm’s Deep, except for Granny who was still mourning the loss of her still. As the dawn broke over the hilltop, a cry rang out throughout the morn. The sight of Gandalf on the hill atop Shadowfax, rearing up on his hind legs, would have been enough to bring joy to each man, woman, child, elf…well, you get the picture…had the battle not been already over by a good ten minutes. Instead, when the two thousand or so Rohirrim gathered upon the extremely steep hill, everybody just stood and watched, wondering how the hell they planned to make it down without rolling their horses.
~~~~~~~~~
“Yes,” said Éomer to himself. “This is it: Éomer’s last stand.” When Gandalf had arrived and told them about the helpless cause, Éomer had immediately agreed to assist, knowing that now he had his perfect suicide mission. They could not possibly survive in a battle against ten thousand Uruk-hai, so he would have his moment in the sun before dying an honorable death and saving him from a life with the insatiable Elly May. An order was yelled and the Rohirrim charged down the hillside…the very steep hillside. Sure enough, after about three steps, the horses all started rolling.
~~~~~~~~~
Jed pushed his hat back on his head once again, pondering the situation. He turned to Gimli.
“Well, now, if I’d been in charge, I believe I’da taken those fellas ‘round there,” he pointed, “where the hill wasn’t quite so steep.” He scratched his head. “Course, that’s why I’m just a poor mountain man…O.K. a multimillionaire mountain man…and not a Marshall of the Riddermark. What do I know?”
The man and dwarf watched as the horses and men tumbled down the hillside. Every now and then they’d both wince as either a man or animal would hit a particularly bad bump and bounce up into the air a bit before landing again. When at last all of the men and animals were at the bottom of the mountain, most of the population of Helm’s Deep was standing around the Deeping Wall, discussing the matter. By now, Aragorn, Théoden and Legolas had slunk back inside, not wanting to be associated with the foiled rescue attempt.
~~~~~~~~~
“Old woman!” Haldir was saying to Granny who had returned to finish up with him.
“Man,” Jethro said. “And I’m not old. I’m thirty seven.”
“Well from behind you looked like…never mind, I was talking to Granny. Old woman, if you do not remove your gnarled, pointy fingers from my ear, I will be forced to…”
“To what?” Granny asked, twisting harder.
“Nooooo!” Haldir yelled. “Shit!”
Whap! Granny smacked him right across the mouth. “You watch how you talk around other ladies!”
“You are no lady,” Haldir sneered. “You are a demon!”
Whap! Haldir’s head rocked back. Within a half second, he had whipped out a bow and had an arrow now aimed directly at Granny’s face.
“Come on!” he said through gritted teeth. “Give me a reason…!”
Before he could release the arrow, Jethro was standing between them.
“Now, come on girls,” he said. “Can’t we all just get along?”
~~~~~~~~~
Elly looked down from her vantage point upon the wall to see Éomer where he lay in a heap with his leg trapped beneath his horse.
“Oh, no!” she yelled, racing down the stairs to the front gate.
Éomer saw her coming and turned towards one of his men, “Quick! Grant me the gift of a swift death by your sword. I will not last much longer.”
“Actually, I don’t see any wounds on you,” the man said, confused.
“It is my leg! I fear that it is badly broken and I will never walk again.”
“You want me to kill you because you might have a broken leg?” the man asked, his expression stunned.
“A badly broken leg,” Éomer said, turning back to check on Elly’s progress. She was close now.
“Hurry! Do it!” he said.
“I don’t think so,” the man said. “I do not wish to bear the wrath of your woman.”
“She is not my woman,” Éomer said through clenched teeth.
“Tell her that,” the man said as Elly approached.
In a matter of minutes, Elly pushed the horse off of Éomer’s leg and lifted the man onto her shoulder. “Come on, Mr. Éomer, we’re gonna’ get some doctorin’ for you so’s we can get married! I can hardly wait!”
Elly thought that those must be tears of joy she was hearing as she hauled him off to Granny.
~~~~~~~~~
The sound of a horn caused silence to settle over all of Helm’s Deep.
“What is it now?” several of them asked. At last, Granny stepped into the center of the crowd and made an announcement.
“We got us some good news! Elly May’s gone and gotten herself engaged to Mr. Éomer! We’re gonna’ have us a celebration and I’m gonna’ cook! I brought the rest of that warg meat and there’s enough to make Warg Stew for everybody!”
The sound of wailing could be heard as far as the deepest cave inside Helm’s Deep.
~~tbc~~
by Sinda
Chapter 4 - Helm's Deep
“So, exactly where is this Helm’s Deep that we’ll be going to?” Mr. Drysdale asked suspiciously.
“Well, from what I reckoned, it’s a resort up in the mountains,” Jed said happily.
“Ah, a resort,” Mr. Drysdale said, “that’s more like it!”
He walked back and got into the horse cart that Miss Hathaway was driving.
“So Helm’s Deep is a resort,” he informed her.
“A…resort?” she stammered. It certainly hadn’t been that in the book, but maybe some things were better left unmentioned.
~~~~~~~~~
“Wait! I’m out of corn liquor!” Granny stated as panic set in.
“Well, Granny, I know that but I haven’t seen any corn since we been here,” Jed reminded her.
“Oh, it doesn’t have to be corn,” she said, swatting him with her purse, “any grain…or for that matter, flowers. Lookee over there! Pick me some of those flowers, Jed!”
Jed sighed and got out of the cart, calling to Jethro to help him. Between the two of them, they picked all of the flowers on the strange mounds. Stuffing them in a bag, they headed off to catch up with the others.
~~~~~~~~~
It was late afternoon before they reached Helm’s Deep and everybody was quite impressed with the resort.
“Now, if I can just find a masseuse and a manicurist, I’ll be fine for the rest of the day,” Mr. Drysdale said, sighing. “I guess a newspaper would be too much to ask for.”
Miss Hathaway rolled her eyes. The man was in denial. She looked around, wondering when that luscious King Théoden was going to return, or for that matter, Gandalf. She didn’t care if he was old enough to be her grandfather’s grandfather’s …. Regardless, the wizard had all of the qualities she looked for in a man…er a mate. Of course, so did the king. If one wanted to be technical, so did every man in Helm’s Deep that was still moving. Face it Jane, she told herself, you’d take the dwarf at this point.
Jethro was speaking with Éowyn when the king returned with a few others. When the elf walked in, Jethro’s eyes narrowed. You could fool Jethro Bodine once, but it wouldn’t happen again. Deciding to take a nap before the evening’s activities, Jethro didn’t wake up until he heard a horn blaring. Running down to see what all the commotion was, he was shocked to see hundreds of beautiful elf maidens at the front gate.
“Hooo-eeee!” he said, “Well, lookee there!” He watched as they marched in and noticed they all carried bows and arrows. He’d always liked athletic women.
When the beautiful elf in the long red dress stepped up and spoke, Jethro could hardly speak. He wanted her! When Aragorn hugged her, Jethro felt like leaping over the wall to show that ranger a thing or two.
~~~~~~~~~
“Granny, whatcha’ doin’?” Elly May asked.
“Mixin’ up a batch of Simbelmynë liquor,” Granny said. “It’s made of those little white flowers. Might not turn out as good as my corn liquor, but it’ll do in a pinch.”
~~~~~~~~~
“Can you handle a sword?” Aragorn asked Jethro, out of breath.
“What fer?” he asked, confused.
“Fer fighting,” Aragorn said, rolling his eyes. “We’re about to be attacked.”
“Oh, no sir, I don’t believe in fightin’,” Jethro said, somberly. “You talk to Elly May, though, ‘cause she sure likes it.”
“Not a bad idea,” Aragorn said, turning to Jethro’s cousin instead. After a quick lesson, the young woman was fairly proficient with the sword and Aragorn turned to leave.
“Who are we gonna’ be fightin’?” she asked.
Not sure how to explain Orcs and Uruk-hai, Aragorn said, “Really ugly guys. If you see one of them, just kill them.” He started to leave but after a second thought, turned back just in time.
“No! Not the dwarf! Big ugly guys. They’re not here yet, but I’ll point them out when they show up.”
It wasn’t long before the Uruk-hai army was assembled in front of the Deeping Wall. The tension was almost a physical thing as the Uruks began to hit their spears on the ground in unison. It was hard to say who would have made the first move if Granny had not goosed the old man and caused him to let his arrow fly early. She never noticed what she had started as she went to check on her still.
“Granny, you should not be here!” Legolas told her. “It is too dangerous.”
She showed him her iron frying pan. “I’d like to see you make me leave. I got me a batch o’ liquor cookin and ain’t nobody gonna’ send me away now!”
Eyes wide, Legolas turned back and began firing off one arrow after another.
When the first ladder hit the wall and the Uruks began to climb over, Elly May caught on quickly that these must be the big ugly guys. She heard Legolas and Gimli keeping score so she decided to join the competition and was able to keep up with them. Things were not going too badly until an explosion shook the building, allowing the Uruks to come flooding in. Aragorn tried to get Granny to go into the caves with the other women, but she finally bit him when he wouldn’t let go of her arm. Jumping back, he decided that they’d all be better off if he just let the Uruk-hai have her.
“Nineteen,” Elly May said, gutting an Uruk. “Twenty,” as she decapitated one. Aragorn did a double-take at the pile of bodies around her feet.
~~~~~~~~~
“Granny, I got me a new girl!” Jethro said, excited.
“Who’s that, Jethro?” Granny asked, adjusting the pressure gauge on her still. Turning quickly, she had to bonk another Uruk on the head when he got too close.
“That one up there!” Jethro pointed at Haldir, who was twirling around furiously in his cloak, slicing and dicing as he went.
“She’s purty,” Grandma admitted, thinking she’d make a good farm girl with such big bones and all those muscles.
“Let’s go meet her,” Jethro said, dragging Granny along.
Just about the time they arrived, an Uruk with a sword went after Haldir, but Jethro saw it coming and charged, knocking the Uruk to the ground.
“Oh, no you don’t. I don’t know where you come from, but where I come from, we don’t run ladies through with swords!” Haldir raised an eyebrow at that but wasn’t about to look a gift horse in the mouth. While he was busy thanking Jethro, Granny saw the Uruk behind him with the axe and leaped onto his back. The Uruk still managed to hit Haldir, but the wound was not life threatening as it easily could have been.
“Now, that’s a nasty gash you got there,” Granny said after dropping the Uruk with her frying pan. “You’re gonna’ need some doctorin’”
Haldir was in mid swing with his sword when Granny began pulling at his cloak to try and get his attention. He looked at her, incredulous.
“I am a bit busy…” slice… “at the moment”… whack … “if you do not mind,” he said, looking down his nose at her.
“No future niece-in-law of mine is going to stand here and bleed to death while I have something to say about it,” Granny said. Haldir just gave her a dirty look as he swung his sword again, getting an Uruk in the neck. He tried to ignore Granny, but the next thing he knew she had him by his ear and was dragging him off to a corner.
“Owww!” Haldir yelled. “Watch it! The ears are very sensitive!”
~~~~~~~~~
Jed watched as Théoden, Legolas and Aragorn got on their horses. Théoden was yelling something about wrath, ruin and a red dawn and Jed thought it sounded like a toast, but none of them had drinks. He was a bit surprised to see them rushing through the castle on their horses. Granny’d skin him alive if he ever tried something like that at home. They were just about to leave the castle gates when a second explosion rocked the night.
~~~~~~~~~
Granny smacked Haldir again, trying to get him to hold still so she could put one of her ointments on his wound. They both looked up when the explosion hit and after a moment, Granny sniffed the air suspiciously.
“Oh, no!” she said, stumbling to her feet. “My still!” Leaving the elf, she raced to check on her still and was horrified to see nothing left but a large black hole in the rock floor.
“Now, that’s just a goldurned shame, Granny,” Jed said, trying to comfort the sobbing woman. “We’ll have to see if we can’t build you a new still.”
The air seemed filled with a strange mist. The smell of Simbelmynë filled the night, causing a feeling of contentment to settle over the men, elves and dwarves. The Orcs and Uruk-hai, on the other hand, began to scream as the Simbelmynë liquor rained down upon them, burning their flesh.
“I’m melting…melting…” one of them yelled. Before long, the valleys, groves, hills, fields and woods in front of Helm’s Deep were filled with the melted bodies of Orcs and Uruk-hai, causing a tremendous stench across the land. Relief flooded all those holed up in Helm’s Deep, except for Granny who was still mourning the loss of her still. As the dawn broke over the hilltop, a cry rang out throughout the morn. The sight of Gandalf on the hill atop Shadowfax, rearing up on his hind legs, would have been enough to bring joy to each man, woman, child, elf…well, you get the picture…had the battle not been already over by a good ten minutes. Instead, when the two thousand or so Rohirrim gathered upon the extremely steep hill, everybody just stood and watched, wondering how the hell they planned to make it down without rolling their horses.
~~~~~~~~~
“Yes,” said Éomer to himself. “This is it: Éomer’s last stand.” When Gandalf had arrived and told them about the helpless cause, Éomer had immediately agreed to assist, knowing that now he had his perfect suicide mission. They could not possibly survive in a battle against ten thousand Uruk-hai, so he would have his moment in the sun before dying an honorable death and saving him from a life with the insatiable Elly May. An order was yelled and the Rohirrim charged down the hillside…the very steep hillside. Sure enough, after about three steps, the horses all started rolling.
~~~~~~~~~
Jed pushed his hat back on his head once again, pondering the situation. He turned to Gimli.
“Well, now, if I’d been in charge, I believe I’da taken those fellas ‘round there,” he pointed, “where the hill wasn’t quite so steep.” He scratched his head. “Course, that’s why I’m just a poor mountain man…O.K. a multimillionaire mountain man…and not a Marshall of the Riddermark. What do I know?”
The man and dwarf watched as the horses and men tumbled down the hillside. Every now and then they’d both wince as either a man or animal would hit a particularly bad bump and bounce up into the air a bit before landing again. When at last all of the men and animals were at the bottom of the mountain, most of the population of Helm’s Deep was standing around the Deeping Wall, discussing the matter. By now, Aragorn, Théoden and Legolas had slunk back inside, not wanting to be associated with the foiled rescue attempt.
~~~~~~~~~
“Old woman!” Haldir was saying to Granny who had returned to finish up with him.
“Man,” Jethro said. “And I’m not old. I’m thirty seven.”
“Well from behind you looked like…never mind, I was talking to Granny. Old woman, if you do not remove your gnarled, pointy fingers from my ear, I will be forced to…”
“To what?” Granny asked, twisting harder.
“Nooooo!” Haldir yelled. “Shit!”
Whap! Granny smacked him right across the mouth. “You watch how you talk around other ladies!”
“You are no lady,” Haldir sneered. “You are a demon!”
Whap! Haldir’s head rocked back. Within a half second, he had whipped out a bow and had an arrow now aimed directly at Granny’s face.
“Come on!” he said through gritted teeth. “Give me a reason…!”
Before he could release the arrow, Jethro was standing between them.
“Now, come on girls,” he said. “Can’t we all just get along?”
~~~~~~~~~
Elly looked down from her vantage point upon the wall to see Éomer where he lay in a heap with his leg trapped beneath his horse.
“Oh, no!” she yelled, racing down the stairs to the front gate.
Éomer saw her coming and turned towards one of his men, “Quick! Grant me the gift of a swift death by your sword. I will not last much longer.”
“Actually, I don’t see any wounds on you,” the man said, confused.
“It is my leg! I fear that it is badly broken and I will never walk again.”
“You want me to kill you because you might have a broken leg?” the man asked, his expression stunned.
“A badly broken leg,” Éomer said, turning back to check on Elly’s progress. She was close now.
“Hurry! Do it!” he said.
“I don’t think so,” the man said. “I do not wish to bear the wrath of your woman.”
“She is not my woman,” Éomer said through clenched teeth.
“Tell her that,” the man said as Elly approached.
In a matter of minutes, Elly pushed the horse off of Éomer’s leg and lifted the man onto her shoulder. “Come on, Mr. Éomer, we’re gonna’ get some doctorin’ for you so’s we can get married! I can hardly wait!”
Elly thought that those must be tears of joy she was hearing as she hauled him off to Granny.
~~~~~~~~~
The sound of a horn caused silence to settle over all of Helm’s Deep.
“What is it now?” several of them asked. At last, Granny stepped into the center of the crowd and made an announcement.
“We got us some good news! Elly May’s gone and gotten herself engaged to Mr. Éomer! We’re gonna’ have us a celebration and I’m gonna’ cook! I brought the rest of that warg meat and there’s enough to make Warg Stew for everybody!”
The sound of wailing could be heard as far as the deepest cave inside Helm’s Deep.
~~tbc~~