The Price of Pride

Elvish translations

Cuivië - awakening
Pen-neth – young one
Meleth – love
Hîr nín – my Lord

Chapter 4

I walked into Elrond’s study that day, blithely unaware that my life was yet again about to be turned upside down. I found Elrond sitting at his desk, a worried frown on his face.

“What is it, Hîr nín?” I asked. “What troubles you?” If I had known the answer before I asked the question, I would have run, as far and as fast as I could.

“My daughter has asked for a favor,” Elrond told me softly.

“Of course,” I replied. “I will do whatever she wants.” I sealed my fate with those words, without even knowing it.

“I was afraid you would say that,” Elrond answered with a sigh. “I told you to guard your heart, pen-neth, but you did not listen. I had hoped to avoid this heartache.”

“What heartache?” I asked, still blissfully ignorant. “What could Arwen possibly want that could cause me heartache?”

“She reaches her majority in a few days. Her Cuivië will take place on the night of her birthday. She has asked for you.”

Delight was my first response. Delight that I would be her first lover, that I would teach her all the ways two people could please one another. Then I realized. “But that would mean…”

“Aye,” Elrond replied. “That would mean that there could never be a bond between you. She would be your lover, but never your love.”

“You cannot ask this of me,” I whispered.

“I wish I did not have to, but you must understand, Legolas. Even if I denied her, even if you deny her, you still cannot have the bond you desire.”

“Wh…why not?” I stuttered. “Mirkwood is not Imladris, but…”

Elrond interrupted me before I could continue. “This is not about you. This is not about your father and me. This is about Arwen. Do you remember when she was born? I saw the future, holding her there in the hallway, outside her mother’s room, as I have seen it again, every time I have looked. Do you remember, Legolas?” he asked me.

“Aye,” I whispered. “I remember.”

“Arwen’s heart must remain unattached, for her heart is the key to victory over the Shadow. Whether she will give her heart when the time comes is her choice, but she must be free to make that choice at the right time. You cannot bond to her, Legolas. I told you to guard your heart.”

I fled Elrond’s office for the peace of the gardens. When my footsteps slowed and I began to recover my composure, I looked up to see Erestor moving quietly among the well-tended beds. He had a small collection of flowers in his hand.

“You look surprised, caun-neth, to see me gathering flowers.”

“A little, I admit.”

“Flowers say many things. The act of giving is great in itself, but the flowers can also speak for you if you have not the words to speak yourself.”

“I do not understand.”

“Each flower has a meaning, Legolas. You choose the ones that say what you cannot say. Take this bouquet for example,” Erestor said, holding out a collection of flowers. “This one, the variegated tulip, says that the recipient has beautiful eyes. The scarlet geranium tells of comfort, received or given. The althea says I am consumed by love. The ivy that binds them together promises eternal fidelity.”

“Do many people know the meanings of flowers?”

“The knowledge is there for those who choose to look, but most do not.”

“Thank you, Master Erestor. You have given me much to think about.” I started away when he called me back. “Legolas, I can help you if you will trust me. I am considered something of an expert in the fine art of communicating with flowers.”

A laugh interrupted our conversation. Glorfindel came to Erestor’s side and took the bouquet from his hand. “The art of miscommunication, you mean.”

“Was it my fault that you did not speak my language?” Erestor shot back.

“Beautiful eyes, comfort, consumed by loveernaernal fidelity. Very nice, meleth. I love you, too,” Glorfindel said with a smile. “You can trust him to send your message, pen-neth, but the person receiving it must also know to understand.”

“She cannot know. I can never speak of what I feel.”

“Speak, perhaps no, but you know what could happen if you keep this inside you. Trust us to keep your secret and to help you express what you feel,” Glorfindel urged.

I hesitated, still struggling with the reality of my situation. Until a few hours earlier, I had imagin ver very different future, despite Elrond’s warning. Now I knew I couldn’t love Arwen, not openly the way I wanted to, and I couldn’t court her so there would be not gifts, of flowers or otherwise, just to be giving gifts, but there would be times, like for her birthday, when I could give her flowers. She might never understand the message I was sending with the flowers I gave, but neither would I be living a lie, at least not completely. I would be telling her what I felt, just not in ways she would undand.and. I could keep my promise to Elrond and be true to my heart. I took a deep breath.

“You will keep my secret?”

“We have said we would. No one will hear of your feelings from us.”

“I love an Elf-maid who will be forever denied to me. I can be her friend. I may even be allowed to be her lover for a time, but I will never be allowed the bond I would form with her if I could.”

Glorfindel and Erestor were silent as I spoke, but I could see that they were trying to work out the identity of my beloved.

Finally Erestor spoke. “Arwen has chosen you for her Cuivië. Why did you not refuse?”

“Because Lord Elrond had a vision of Arwen’s future and it does not include me. If I accept, I have at least some place in her life.”

“There will be flowers in her rooms that night. We will help you pick them. They will say all that you could wish.” We spent several hours that day choosing the perfect flowers, some of which I had never known before walking the garden with Erestor and Glorfindel.