Honour Before Love

Chapter Four - After the Council

'Why did you do that?'

Legolas was abruptly woken from his reverie by the demanding voice.
After the Council - and his pledge to follow the halfling - he had
swiftly made his way to his favourite, long missed part of the
gardens of Rivendell. It was where he had often come to reflect in
happier times and though two hundred years had passed, little had
changed.

He had told himself it was because he required solitude to reflect on
what he had just volunteered for that he had retired here, but in his
heart he knew that this was the first place Elrond would look for
him - if he would look for him at all. It seemed he was not to be
disappointed.

Legolas looked down from his perch in an old, proud tree.

'I told you yesterday I would do whatever was necessary to help,'
Legolas replied evenly.

'You did *not* have to do that.' Elrond replied, his voice rising
slightly.

Legolas lightly jumped down from the tree and faced the older elf.

'Never the less it is done and cannot be undone. I have given my
word to the halfling and I will not break it.'

'Since when has your word come to mean so much?' the dark-haired elf
asked heatedly. 'I remember a time when you gave solemn promises
only to break them without thought.'

'I have never done that!' exclaimed Legolas, stunned by the anger in
Elrond's face and voice.

'You made a promise to me that you would come back before the first
snow. I do not consider two hundred years later in keeping with your
vow...or any of the other vows you made to me.'

The younger elf looked at Elrond speechlessly. He had not expected
him to bring up the past, and what they had once been to each other,
not after the painfully polite avoidance of the subject the day
before.

'I could not help it, you know that. Not coming back was the hardest
thing I have ever done. Maybe that is the reason why I must keep the
promise I have made now.' Legolas thought he caught a glint of
sympathy evident in the other's pale grey eyes and perhaps something
more. Whatever the reason, his voice was softer when he next spoke.

'Your father will not be happy. After all you are his heir and this
quest is very dangerous.'

'My father is not my keeper and I have learnt the hard way that his
counsel it alt always the wisest.' His eyes were stormy and his
voice was bitter and Legolas could see his former lover was taken
aback by the conflict that was plain in his words. 'And if indeed it
is my destiny to die on this quest then I will not hide from it.'

Elrond studied the fair face before him.

'Is that your wish, Legolas?' he asked quietly. 'To die honourably?'

'I did not say that,' the prince protested. 'Only that it is a
possibility of which I am well aware.'

'Then why did you volunteer?' Elrond asked.

'Because I am the best archer in Mirkwood or Rivendell, and because
Aragorn is a dear friend who deserves my loyalty.' He
hesitated. 'And also because if an elf has to be a part of this
fellowship I would prefer it to be one who has fewer ties to this
world than say Elladan or Elrohir, who would be sorely missed.'

'Do you really believe that?' Elrond asked incredulously. 'What
about your father, your son...your wife?'

'My father hates me, he has never forgiven me for trying to follow my
heart - the only use I was to him was to provide an heir to carry on
the line and now I have fulfilled that he has no more interest in
me. My son would miss me, but as I have said he is strong and would
soon recover. As for Alemi...' his tone turned cold. 'She would
rejoice in her freedom.'

Elrond could not suppress a shiver at the ice in those pale blue eyes
and the bitterness in his voice. He could not help but mourn the
loss of the innocent, uncomplicated soul he had once known. He
realised, whatever he may have thought to the contrary, life had
become a bitter disappointment to the younger elf.

'I cannot believe the one you are bound to would rejoice in your
passing,' Elrond replied.

'We may be bound by marriage, but there is little else between us.
She does not love me and I do not love her. It has been many years
since we have touched...in fact it has been many years since I have
been touched by anyone,' he admitted softly, his eyes not leaving his
ex-lover's face.

Elrond's heart beat faster at these words and a flare of lust went
straight to his loins as he remembered the touches they had freely
bestowed on each other many years ago. Whatever Legolas saw in his
face, he misinterpreted it.

'Do not worry,' he said, smiling sadly. 'I am not propositioning
you...I know our time has long since passed.' But the hint of
longing was not missed by the other's sharp ears and at that moment
all he wanted to do was cup that beautiful face with his hands and
kiss away all the sadness and pain reflected in it.

He clenched his fists at his side to stop them doing as he wished.
As much as he hated to admit it, he knew Legolas was right...their
time had passed...

'I must go now,' he all but whispered, turning away abruptly.

Legolas wed hed him go. Once the lord was out of sight, he pressed
his forehead against the tree and let the silent tears fall. He knew
he had been weak and revealed more than he ought, but he knew he had
also seen the unguarded lust in the other's eyes. For a moment he
had dared hope...

Even as he told himself it was all for the best and an unnecessary
complication of an already complicated situation, he still knew,
given the opportunity, he would willingly give himself again to the
lord of Imladris.

*******

Over the next two months, Legolas saw very little of Elrond; partly
to avoid temptation and partly because he spent much of his time with
Aragorn searching the west as far as Tharbad for tidings of the
Riders or Gollum. He knew others had entered Mirkwood, but he had
consciously chosen the opposite direction. Not that anyone had any
luck.

He was relieved that Elladan and Elrohir had been sent off on a
special, and secret, mission for their father. They had not taken
the news well that he was to be part of the Fellowship and so would
be at based at Rivendell until they set out. They had acted as if it
was some great conspiracy to insinuate his way back into their
lives...and their father's bed. That always made him laugh
bitterly. He had truly been shocked to hear the extent of Elrond's
grief over him and, as every moment spent in the dark-haired lord's
presence made it more difficult for him to ignore the draw between
them, he had determined to see him as little as possible. He would
not let his desire cause the other any more pain. Not unless he
could find a way around his own guilt...

TBC.