Soulbound

A New Perspective

The only reason for existence of the question why

Is to cope with rare conditions, you didn't even know before

(Diorama - Contradictive)

~o0o~

Aragorn re-stuffed his pipe. "So, Haldir was your mentor?"

"At first, yes. He taught me everything I know about archery, about nature and its creatures. He also managed to tame my temper a bit. Something that my father was never able to do but very grateful for."

Aragorn chuckled softly. "It still seems hard for me to picture you losing your temper. Though, I have experienced it once already..."

Legolas reached for Aragorn's arm. "I'm sorry, my friend. I didn't mean to hurt you. But when you looked at me, seeking comfort for the loss of your lover... I just lost it. I should have told you, then. I know that now. I'm going to make up for this."

The ranger put his pipe down. He gently covered the slender Elven hand with his sword-calloused one.

"There is no need to apologise, Legolas. Not anymore. I understand now. I have to apologise for my actions. I only wish you would have told me."

"I couldn't. When we entered the Golden Wood, I wanted to tell the Fellowship about our bond. But we were all weary with sorrow and much toil."

"You have been with him the whole time we lingered in Lórien, haven't you?"

The Elf nodded. "Yes. The only night we did not spend together physically was the night he healed your soul and heart."

"You were there... But why?"

"He is my bond and a part of me. He only would have done it with my approval. It was a promise unspoken long ago. After we bound ourselves to each other." Legolas sighed. "Something, I nearly messed up. I didn't see, then, that I had fallen head over heels at first sight with him."

~o0o~

Legolas drew an arrow out of the quiver at his back and placed it on the string. Carefully he bent the long bow, aiming at the target Haldir had put up aboutyardyards away. He took another second to secure his aim before he let his arrow fly. He was rewarded with a near centre hit. He couldn't bite back the wide grin that was spreading over his face. He knew that he was very far from being good, but the little steps make up the path.

Haldir inclined his head in appreciation. "Very good, Legolas. You will make a fine archer one day."

Legolas accepted the compliment, but he sighed, though. "I don't feel like it, Haldir. Compared to you..."

Haldir put an arm around Legolas' shoulders. "Don't compare yourself to someone being older than your grandfather would be now if still alive. You will do fine. You are not the first apprentice I train."

Legolas felt jealousy creeping into his heart. For one reason or another, he grew jealous of everyone Haldir's hands had shown how to hold and bend a bow. But the jealousy subsided the moment the March Warden smiled at him. A smile that could warm you on a winters day. A smile smiled for him alone.

"But there were only one or two having your talent."

The Prince blushed. "Thank you."

Haldir counted the arrows in Legolas' quiver before he looked him in the eye. "Shoot another ten. Try to increase your draw and aiming speed with every arrow. After that I will increase the distance of the target."

Legolas nodded. He started to draw and shoot his arrows. He tried to get faster both with drawing and aiming. The first six arrows found their way into the target. Every arrow a bit further from the centre. The last four arrows missed their target completely.

Legolas closed his eyes and let his head fall into his neck in disappointment. "Damn it!" he swore aloud. He felt his tutor near him and he opened his eyes to meet Haldir's gaze. To Legolas' annoyance Haldir's lips twitched with amusement. "You do think that funny, don't you?" he snapped, but this caused Haldir to chuckle softly.

"No, I think your reaction funny, my Princeling. Did you really think you could get perfect in two weeks? You are a quick learner, yes. And you have the talent. But you have to take your time." Haldir smiled fondly. "And I was not nearly as good as you are now, given the same time." He stepped around Legolas. "Let me show you how you can secure your aim and draw with speed, will you?" He didn't wait for the reply. "Take your aim." Legolas drew an arrow and aimed at the target. "The trick is not to move. The only part of your body that should move at best is your right arm when you draw and place the arrow and bend the string. Don't bend the bow by holding the string and bending the corpse", Haldir explained while he corrected the position of Legolas.

Legolas nodded and waited for Haldir to stand back.

"Do another ten and then, we will see."

Legolas did as he was told. He paid special attention to pull the string instead of bending the corpse. He could feel the difference after the forth arrow. His arm was beginning to protest against the unusual use of its flesh. But all arrows except the last one found their way into the target.

Legolas swung his arm in order to relax the tense muscles.

"I see you feel the difference", Haldir teased. "As it should be." He looked at the Prince. "Let us finish for today. I am proud of you."

Legolas flushed pink. He followed Haldir to clear the field from his stray arrows and collected the ones that had buried themselves into the target into his quiver again.
Legolas chewed on his lower lip as he watched Haldir move. There were so many things he wanted to ask the ancient warrior. Every movement spoke of the battles he had already faced. Every word whispered about an ancient soul in a forever young body. He wanted to hear stories of the battles he had seen. Seek knowledge about the experiences he had made. Acquire wisdom from the things Haldir had to offer and teach tlflilfling.

"There is something on your mind, isn't there?"

Legolas was once again taken aback by how easily Haldir could read him. And he had quickly learned that it was useless to deny it because Haldir would find out. "Questions. Many of them", he simply stated, hoping Haldir would be contented with the answer. He should have known better.

"Questions that need answering I presume?" He let go of Legolas and grasped his bow and quiver. "Questions are a dangerous thing, my dear Legolas. Especially if someone as young as you asks them. Questions lead to answers. Answers lead to more questions and so on. It's the answer that makes a question dangerous. An answer can change your life within a heartbeat." He slid his free arm around Legolas' waist and pressed him slightly to his side. "Let us go inside. And while we re-draw the maps your brother has ruined wn ten tend to your questions."

On their way inside, the seneschal of Greenwood seeked them out. "Haldir of Lórien, our scouts have reported the Lady Galadriel and Lord Celeborn are on their way to the court and will arrive at nightfall."

Haldir tilted his head gracefully. "I thank you. I will ride out to meet and accompany them." Haldir dismissed the seneschal with another bow before he turned to Legolas. "It would be my honor if you would accompany me to greet them."

Legolas smiled at the sudden fall back to protocol. "I will accompany you under one condition. Don't introduce me as a Prince of Greenwood the Great but as your friend and apprentice."

Haldir smiled, and Legolas could see that he has touched the elder Elf deep within. "You have my word, Legolas. Now, I have to go. Meet me and my brothers at the stables, will you?"

"I will, dear friend."

Legolas watched his friend and mentor sprinting away with that feline grace of his - joy written all over his face. He smiled, though a shadow grew in his heart. What if the Lady of the Wood would not grant her permission to Haldir staying in Greenwood to see to Legolas' training and education? It was an open secret that Thranduil and Galadriel despised each other, and it was almost a miracle that Galadriel would attend the celebrations of Legolas' year of coming of age. His mind was about to ride on this train of thoughts when he recalled what Haldir had told him earlier. Questions and answers to them were a dangerous thing. Thus, Legolas tilted his head and went inside. But he couldn't help the numb feeling in his stomach. He didn't want Haldir to return to the Golden Wood. Not yet. He would terribly miss him. And it would have meant that Thranduil once again would decide on behalf of his son. Decisions, Legolas was no longer willing to accept.

He dressed deliberately in simple leather breeches and a linnen tunic. He didn't want to looke ake a Prince of Greenwood the Great for that was a role he didn't want to fit in to. But into which role did he want to fit, then? What was his innermost identity? Who was he?

He closed the door to his chambers louder than usual to cut off the thoughts running through his head. He sprinted down the solid marble staircases to meet Haldir and his brothers at the stables. To his surprise, his father was waiting for him as he stormed out of the gate.

"Alas, child! Where art thou going?"

"To greet the Lady Galadriel and Lord Celeborn. Haldir has invited me to accompany him and his brothers."

"Yes...yes..." Thranduil looked as if he was about to say more, so Legolas waited, though being impatient and excited with anticipation. "I have to admit that you have chosen wisely, child. Haldir is more than suited to teach aducaducate you."

"Thank you, father."

"Now go. They will be waiting for you."

"Will you not come with us?"

Thranduil smiled which was a rare sight. "No, I won't. There are to many preparations to be made that I have to oversee. And I don't feel like riding with you young ones."
<

Legolas nodded though he knew his father was excg hig himself for he definitely knew by now how old Haldir really was. "Then, I will go, father. Farewell."

"Farewell, child."

~o0o~

Legolas had to remind himself to measure his pace. He didn't want to look like a maid running to her lover.

Ashad had expected Haldir and his brothers Rúmil and Orophin were already waiting for him. Legolas flinched slightly, seeing Haldir in the garb of Greenwood rather than Lórien. So, he definitely had made up his mind.

The equerry led Legolas mare out of the stable and handed him the reins. Legolas thanked the Elf with a nod before he gently took the mare's head into his h. ". "So, my beauty. Let's ride and greet the High Lady and L Wha What do you think about that?"

The answer was a gentle prod with her nose for she knew her master would have a delicacy for her. "You know me to well, love," he sighed before feeding a ripe apple to her.

"If I were you, Legolas, I would stop worshipping the horse," Rúmil teased him. "For Haldir would even kill a horse out of jealousy."

Rumil set the spurs to his horse to get out of his brothers reach. "Just you wait!" Haldir laughed. "I will get back to you on this!"

Legolas mounted his horse and rode up beside Haldir. He wanted to say something thoughtful or humorous about Rúmil's comment, but as Haldir looked at him through half-lowered lids he couldn't swallow the lump in his throat. A smile was twitching around the corners of that beautiful mouth.

"My brother is not that wrong about your mare for I never had the pleasure of being fed an apple by you while holding my face."

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Haldir smirked as Legolas blushed fiercely. He called out to his brothers to wait for him and went off. Legolas had but one choice to follow them. He felt stunned. Was Haldir really flirting with him? Was his affection for the young Elf the reason he wanted to stay? Did he want to teach him more than just archery and manners? No, he didn't want to take this further. He told himself that Haldir just wanted to tease him to see how he reacted. But why would Rúmil say something like he did? Why?

He was roused out off his brooding when Orophin suggested a race. Now, that was something he was good at! Since he was able to mount a horse, he had spent most of his free time on the back of them. But nevertheless, it startled him that he was able to beat them in the end.

Hr lar laughed out of pure joy.

"Now, that is something you can teach me!"

Legolas smirked and decided to return a favour. "How to ride in general or just how to ride a horse?"

Rumil and Orophin doubled over with laughter. It rarely happened that their brother was left blushing and speechless. But Haldir composed himself quite quickly again and bent his graceful face in acknowledgement.

~o0o~

They rode on. Laughing at silly jokes, bantering and teasing each other. But as soon as Haldir caught a glimpse of his people, he again turned into the warrior and proud March Warden of Lothlórien. They all straightened and rode to meet the Lady and Lord of the Golden Wood.

"Well met, my Lady and Lord. Welcome to Greenwood the Great," Haldir greeted them.

Galadriel smiled. "It is good to see you again, Haldir. And I see you have helped yourself to a new apprentice."

"Yes, my Lady. Though I have to admit that my apprentice helped himself to me."

"I wouldn't have expected differently from Thranduil's young son."

Legolas looked up to meet the ancient and glowing eyes of Galadriel in awe. He heard a voice inside his he
<
Don't fear your heart, young Legolas. It has never betrayed you. Just find time and solitude to listen to its song for it only speaks the truth.

"It makes me happy to see you again, Legolas Thranduilion. The last time I saw you, your mother gave birth to you," Galadriel said aloud, not letting anyone know what she whispered into Legolas' thoughts. "And yet there is already wisdom in your actions for you have chosen your tutor and mentor wisely."

"Thank you, my Lady," he answered in a very low voice for he was still spellbound by her presence; her voice was running through his head like a soft stroke to a frightened creature.

Your father will not be happy about this. But he is upon the edge of seeing his mistakes. Do not fear.

What did she know that he did not? What was it?

~o0o~

Legolas and the three warriors of Lórien accompanied the delegation of the Golden Wood to the Gates of Greenwood where Thranduil and his two eldest children waited for them to arrive.

"Welcome to Greenwood the Great!" Thranduil greeted them regally. "It has been a while."

"A while indeed," Celeborn returned joyfully. "And for one time in your life you have made a right decision," he added, looking at Haldir and Legolas.

"Ai! I have to pass that compliment on to my son. The choice was his." Thranduil led the high guests to the palace while the servants tended to the rest.

~o0o~

Legolas did not follow them, though he knew it was expected of him. He stayed behind, tending to his horse himself. He didn't wonder about Haldir being there for he half had expected him to be.

"She has whispered to you, has she not?" he asked quietly. But it was more a statement than a question. "What did she say?"

Legolas didn't even think about refusing to answer. In his opinion, Haldir had every right to know. "I should not fear. I should follow my heart. And that my father would not be happy about something. But I don't know what she meant with that," he answered truthfully. "What do you think about that?"

Haldir shrugged. "I do not know. I wish I knew for she also whispered something similar to me. Only that there is battle before I can fully trust my heart."

Legolas began to curry his black beauty. "And what is it that your heart tells you now?"

Another graceful shrug. The Elf began braiding the mane of his horse after he had finished combing it. "I do not know. My heart and I don't talk anymore."

Somehow this made Legolas sad. "What has happened that you abandoned your heart?"

"I had given it away - long ago. But it was torn apart. And somehow, I never managed to mend it properly. It has betrayed me two times, and I've decided to not listen to it anymore. I follow my instinct, yes, but I never ever trust my heart when my mind speaks a different thing."

"Tell me, then. Has your mind ever betrayed you?"

"More than once. But matters of the heart are different. They hurt. They tear you inside out. Sometimes, they tear you asunder." Then, he smiled. "Questions of the heart have answers that are most dangerous, Legolas. But Galadriel knows your heart. And I would trust her judgement." He finished braiding the mane of his mare. Without hesitation, he began doing the same to Legolas' horse. "A real beauty she is. And her coat... so smooth and silken like the most delicate skin. She must be a sin."

Legolas envied the mane of his mare. Though he was very sensitive with his hair and insisted on braiding it himself, he knew he would entrust Haldir with that one day. Before he could help it, he simply asked him. "Would you that for me, too?"

"What?" Haldir responded amused and a bit teasing. He seemed to know what you young Prince wanted from him.

"Braiding my hair," Legolas said in a low and husky voice.

"Sure." His eyes burned brightly with affection. Slowly, he combed his fingers through Legolas' hair. A content sigh escaped Legolas' mouth and he leaned into the touch. "I am looking forward to braiding this silken veil."

"Is your heart or mind your advisor at this moment?"

At first, Haldir didn't answer. When he did it was barely more than a whisper. "My heart..."

He let go of Legolas and turned away. "I am sorry, Legolas. Just forget what I have said."

Before Legolas could say anything in reply, Haldir fled into the surrounding woods. Legolas' called after him, but the March Warden was not coming back. At least, not now.

~o0o~

Legolas felt dizzy. What was so bad about following his heart this time? This was just about braiding his hair! Wasn't it?

But there was nothing he could do about it now. He would just have to wait for Haldir's return.

He met Orophin on the way to the Great Hall where the preparations for the feast at midnight were in full effort. Silently, the Lórien Elf followed Legolas. Somehow, this was reassuring and calming. He was not intruding his privacy, but still he was there in case he was needed. Finally, Legolas gave in to his need to talk. "Your brother confuses me. He is so different from everything I know," he said.

Orophin looked at him, understanding and compassion clearly on his face. "I know what you mean. It is hard to read him. Even for Rúmil and me. Sometimes, Galadriel reaches him. But those are very rare occasions." He stopped and turned to Legolas. "And you. Seldom have I seen Haldir so full of joy. Full of real joy. He is very capable of pretending it, but this time... His eyes are burning. The night sky has once again returned to his eyes, and for that I am very thankful, Legolas."

Legolas was even more confused now. "How could this be? I am barely more than a child compared to him."

Orophin gripped Legolas arm and caught his gaze. "Next time you see my brother, dare and ask him. Ask him every question that burns in your mind, in your soul, in your heart. He is afraid. Even more than you are. But let him come to you."

Orophin let go of Legolas and walked quickly down the hallway, leaving the young Elf again confused and troubled. They all seemed to know something he didn't, and that was unnerving. He couldn't even seek out Haldir's warm presence for the Elf had disappeared into the woods. Legolas could have found him if he'd really wanted to. But he thought he had no right to walk into the chosen solitude of his friend. So he chose to climb the stairs to his rooms.

He didn't find them deserted, as usual. A beautiful Elven maid laid sprawled over his bed. "Linaewen."

"I wish to take the loneliness of my Prince away, but will he let me?" she purred with half-closed eyes, fingering her raven locks that flowed over her firm breasts and abdomen.

Legolas smiled. Yes, that keep away the thoughts of Haldir for a while. For a very sweet while. "Yes, love, he will," he answered, already beginning to open the laces of his tunic, discarding it to the ground.

"Let me help you," she begged, her eyes full of devotion for the graceful creature before her.

Without another word she reached for the fastenings of his breeches. She did quick work, and finally Legolas threw himself beside her, starting to caress her delicate silken skin. He pulled her closer into his arms, enjoying the sensation of her mouth on his, her tongue between his lips, seeking its counterpart. Legolas felt her familiar hands touching his erection tenderly, almost shy at first. He turned on his back to gave her better access to whatever she wanted to.

Linaewen willingly followed the unspoken invitation. Deliberately slowly she glid on top of Legolas' aroused body, sensitive now to every touch. He moaned out loud as she engulfed his hard member with one quick movement into her blissful mouth. Skillfully she licked and sucked and teased him, bringing him to the brink of release.

He had closed his eyes, enjoying the burning sensation of her flirting tongue. He held her head, not pressuring her, his fingers tangled in her hair. He started thrusting into her mouth, wanting to feel more of her. Usually, he would have released her by now, taking her lovingly, making it as enjoyable for her as she did for him. This time, it was different. He didn't back away from her, but urged her on. He felt her surprise, but he couldn't help it anymore. Another loud moan escaped his mouth and with a last thrust he flooded her mouth with his seed, feeling her swallowing quickly. He panted heavily, trying to catch his breath again. But with the breath back in his body, the regret of what he did came swiftly. "I am sorry, Linni."

To his surprise, the Elven maid smiled at him knowingly. "Don't be, my fair Legolas. I knew what I was doing."

He gathered her in his arms for he didn't know what she meant by saying that.

"Your lust betrayed you," she continued.

"How could she possibly do that?" he asked teasingly, too contented to start a thoughtful conversation.

"By laying a name in your mouth that is not mine, but graces the Captain of Galadhrim. You moaned his name when you realeased your passion."

Legolas backed away from her. He starred at her in pure horror. "That can't be..." he whispered, denying what she just had told him.

"Yet, it is the truth." She got up from the bed and dressed herself into the shimmering robes she always wore at her night time visits to the Pince's chambers. "You have done nothing wrong, Legolas, for in the end, we all must follow our hearts, must we not?" She bent forward and kissed him softly. "You should let him know," she said softly, caressing his cheek. "I am not mad at you, if that is what you are thinking. Just sad. Sad you haven't told me."

"How could I have told you something I didn't know it was there?" he whispered. "And I don't believe in that, Linni. I don't lust after males. Do I?"

"That is something you have to find out, my dear Legolas. Or it will drive you insane. And you should find out before Thranduil decides on the perfect bond for you," she added with a bantering tone in her voice. "You should find out soon." She kissed him one last time before she got up and left him alone.

~o0o~

Left alone once again, Legolas got up from his He He dressed himself quickly for he didn't want anyone to find him like that.

He dragged his favorite arm-chair in front of the crackling fireplace. He took a goblet from the mantlepiece and poured himself some apple-wine from a jug on the table. He fell into the chair and starred into the fireplace. It could not be! He couldn't be in love with Haldir! He couldn't possibly want Haldir to do what Linaewen had done to him! His father would skin him alive! He once threatened his elder brother Nimdú with banishment to Mordor if he wouldn't obey Thranduil and marry the Elven maid Thranduil had chosen for him. Legolas didn't want to think about the punishments his father would come up with if Legolas told him he was in love with a male Elf. The only way for coping with the fact was the denial of it.
He did believe that he could fight his heart. He was sure it was the best for him and Haldir. Above all, he didn't want to threaten their blooming friendship.

~o0o~

Legolas could not remember how long he had been sitting in the chair, starring into the fire, when he heard a soft knock on the door. He was sure it was his brother or sister, maybe even his father's seneschal, to call him to dinner. But he didn't feel like dinner. He didn't want to go down to the hall, meeting all the knowing eyes of the Lórien Elves. That would definitely drive him insane!

"Go away!" he called out loud enough for the one on the door to hear. He heard the door open and then, a silent click, when it was pushed back into the fr "I "I told you to go away," he said lazily for he didn't really care if he was left alone or not.

But he flinched when firm hands gripped his shoulders and started to work on his aching flesh. "Relax, Legolas," he heard Haldir's soft voice above his head. "It is only me."

His heart was pounding in his ears. But he relaxed into the gentle ministrations of his tutor. He even dared to enjoy them for a while. But when the questions started running through his head again, he broke the silence. "Why did you run away?"

"Don't you know that? I always run when my heart whispers something in my ear I do not want to hear."p>
p>

"Why? What has happened to you? I want to know..."

Haldir sighed. "That is a long story. And I am afraid, we are expected to appear for dinner."

"I know what is expected of me. My father had made that very clear to me every time I did not obey him."

"What do you mean?" Haldir asked, not caring of the apparent fear in his voice.

"Do yoow wow what a whip is, Haldir of Lórien?"

Haldir's hands stopped moving. He urged Legolas to stand up. Without further questioning, he unfastened the lacings of Legolas' tunic and shoved the garment over his shoulders. He turned him around so that he could see his back in the glare of fire. He took a deep breath. Carefully, he traced the faint scars on the smooth skin of the Prince. The gesture itself was as innocent as it could be, but Haldir's fingers left a burning trace on his flesh. Legolas tilted his head. He caught his breath in his throat when he saw the undisguised anger in the sapphire-blue eyes of Haldir.

"He didn't do that, did he?" he growled through gritted teeth.

"Every stroke fell from my father's own hand."

"Haldir?"

He flinched when these burning eyes caught his gaze. Though he knew that the anger wasn't directed at him, he was suddenly afraid of Haldir.

"He will never ever do that to you again," he snarled, his anger clearly audible in his else velvety e. \e. "I will see to that. No one will ever hurt you again like that, Legolas, I promise."

Legolas starred at him in awe. What had he done to deserve such caring? Such devotion? "You don't know what you are offering, Haldir. You do not know my father!"

Haldir rose his hand in unquestioned authority and Legolas fell still. Why does he possess the power to tame me while my father always walks the way of pain to show me?

"I have fought battles before he was even born, Legolas. I have duelled with men and Elves of higher rank than your father's for the very same reason: cruelty, injustice, malice. And it is cruel to hurt a creature in that manner just because of insubordination!" His voice had raised while he was speaking, and he had to breathe deeply a few times to calm himself down again. "If it wasn't for you, Legolas, I would challehim him right here and right now."

"Why?" he whispered. "What have I done to deserve such loyalty?"

"You are alive, Legolas. That is the only reason for me." He walked over to the discarded tunic and handed it to his apprentice. "I think I will tell you why my heart and I have stopped talking for I do not desire to see and kill your father right now."

"You would be dead before your strike fell."

"I know." He chuckled softly. "But it would be funny, wouldn't it? I have survived the war with Morgoth, with Sauron, battles with orcs to numerous to count, dragons, balrogs. And then, I'd die because of being compassionate and loyal." He tugged another arm-chair to the fire and filled another goblet with wine. He sat down and invited Legolas to do so, too. Then, he started. "I was in love. Deeply, madly in love. Ready for the soulbond." He sipped from his wine. "But it was never to be."

"Why?"

"Because his heart was weak." Legolas gasped at the silent confession of Haldir's sexual preference. "He betrayed me. He had promised to bind himself to me once the war was over, once Morgoth was defeated. I should have known that it was only an excuse. A delay. For we didn't even know if we had the power to defeat Morgoth. But I was ded.ded. Blinded by my love for him. Throughout the war, he gave me every possible reassurance that we were meant for each other. And after the war when I took him up for his promise he presented me his wife." Haldir's eyes were now glistening with unshed tears making him look so vulnerable and even more beautiful. "Almost 300 years we lived and fought together. I was not prepared for that humiliation for I had found out that everyone knew about his wife. Except me." He ran his hand over his eyes. "That was the point I decided to never love again. Enjoying the physical pleasures - yes. But giving my heart away - never again."

"What about those who dared to love you?"

Haldir looked at Legolas with sad eyes. "I made sure they didn't see anything else in me than the warrior I chose to become."

"And in doing so being cruel to yourself."

"Yes, maybe. But I don't want to get hurt again, Legolas. I don't want to suffer through all that again."

"What did you feel?"

"Regret, loss, love. Grief."

"You are still grieving, aren't you?"

"Perhaps. Yes," he admitted. "By the Valar, Legolas, you are the first Elf I am telling this!" he exclaimed. "Even my brothers do not know. They know that I hurt, but not why." Though his soft features were calm, almost like carved into marble, his eyes burned with unshed tears. With passion. With grief. Legolas found Orophin being right. Haldir's eyes, smoldered with emotions, indeed reflected the night sky. "I hope you do not disapprove of my preference for male lovers?"

"There is nothing to disapprove, Haldir. At least, not for me. Though my father certainly will disapprove of it."

Haldir nodded. "I know." He took Legolas hand. "You won't tell him, will you?\/p> /p>

"Do you really have to ask, friend? Don't you already know I won't tell him? Never?"

Haldir lowered his head in shame. "Yes, I know. Forgive me. It is still hard for me to trust another one like I do trust you. I know, the incident is millennia away now. Still, it hurts." Then he smiled again. "It seems that you are the tutor now, and I am the apprentice."

"No, Haldir. No tutor, no apprentice. Friends, companions even." He squeezed the hand of the elder Elf. "As for the 'incident'. For someone immortal one millennium seems like the blink of an eye. And you have never tended to your heart again. Let it heal properly. How did you survive that?"

Haldir met Legolas' gaze openly, and suddenly Legolas was afraid of the answer.

"My heart and I stopped talking." He took a deep breath. "Until now," he whispered. He turned his gaze down. "That is why I ran away earlier. I couldn't allow this to happen."

"What to happen?" Legolas almost cried.

Haldir remained silent. There was nothing Legolas could do about it. When Haldir finally looked up again, his face was wet from tears. Shocked by the revealed emotions Legolas sat on Haldir's thighs to cradle him into his arms. "Don't, Haldir, please. Don't hurt me," he whispered.

"I don't want to hurt you, Legolas. You know that," he sobbed.

Legolas cupped Haldir's face with his hands. "Then don't do that to you anymore. I don't want to see you suffer anymore! You hear me?" He leaned his forehead against Haldir's. Reassuring, comforting, soothing. Suddenly, he felt Haldir's lips on his. Gently, moist, silken. For a moment in time Legolas allowed himself to melt into this almost shy caress before everything he debated with himself earlier came back. "Gods, no!" he said in despair and backed away from Haldir.

The Elf stood up, his gaze lowered with a shameful expression on his face. "I am sorry, Legolas. I thought you wanted this." Without another word he dropped his goblet to the nearby table and left Legolas alone.

~o0o~

Legolas covered his face in his hands. "No... no," he whispered into the dark. "Why?" he asked the moon. "Why him?" But the silver Lady did not answer him.

He turned away and fell onto his bed. Everything was clear to him now. Every word that Orophin had been saying earlier in the hallway. The look Haldir had given him after he had asked him to braid his hair. Haldir was in love with him. He had allowed himself to love again. And then, he, Legolas, tore this new, fresh feeling asunder because he was afraid. Afraid to love this wonderful creature being Haldir. This wonderful Elf who had been giving his heart away once more. "What have I done?" he sobbed. He couldn't bear the fact that he hurt Haldir. "Curse you, father! Curse you!"
Crying silently into his pillows, he finally fell asleep.