Journey Of A Butterfly

Chapter 37 - Lost Trinkets, Old Wounds

 

 

The sun had not yet come up when Feredir woke. Next to him lay Terrwyn, exhausted after their first time making love. Love, he thought. She had told him she loved him just before her dreams cast over her. Would she remember? Did she even know what she admitted?

 

He thought about what they had experienced. He could have blamed it on the throws of passions, said it was the heat of the moment, but that would be a lie. He tried to walk away, but found himself at her bedroom door. Never before had he wanted someone so badly. There had been other women in his life, some more special than others, but none who made him feel as he did with Terrwyn. All he wanted to do was protect her, be with her constantly. Was this what love felt like he wondered?

 

Terrwyn stirred and Feredir turned to face her. By the gods, she was beautiful, so delicate and lovely in her sleep, but so fiery and determined when awake. She had a mind of her own, a very stubborn one at times. He did not know why he felt so compelled to please her, to make her happy. Maybe it was because she hadn’t had much happiness in her life. Neither had he. In that way they were very much alike.

 

Terrwyn turned and rolled onto her side. She was slowly waking up. What then? Where would they go from here? Was there even enough time left to sort things out? What if her tribunal went horribly wrong and she was--.

 

Feredir couldn’t bring himself to finish that sentence. No, he could not let things get that far. He needed to help her, protect her from that outcome, but how? What could he do to ensure her comfort and safety? Then he remembered something, something very important.

 

Feredir quietly got out of her bed. He searched the floor for his leggings, but could not find them. He knew they had to be here somewhere. They hadn’t even left the bed last night. Terrwyn moaned and moved again. He had to get back before she woke. He looked around the room. The sheet had come off the bed and lay on the floor. Terrwyn was covered by a blanket, so he took the sheet and wrapped it around his waist. He tiptoed to the door and went out, carefully closing it behind him.

 

Terrwyn stirred again and blinked her eyes. She was a little sore but overall she felt refreshed. A smile spread as she thought about Feredir. He wanted her trust and she gave that to him freely. His name on her lips made her heart sing. He was absolutely wonderful and he was--.

 

She reached out to his side of the bed. He was not there. “Feredir?” she called quietly, hoping he was just looking out of a window, but he was not in the room. Terrwyn’s smile disappeared. Ran away again, she thought. Of course he did. He would never stay in one place for too long. She should have known. She should have never told him she loved him. Now he was gone.

 

* * *

 

Meanwhile, Feredir slipped quietly down the stairs. He made his way to the back room where the door led out to the garden. It was here somewhere. It had to be, he told himself. He remembered tossing it and . . . bottles, yes, he had heard bottles. On a table next to the back door was a row of empty ones. Feredir searched frantically in the dark, knocking them over with his free hand. The other one was holding the sheet around his waist. His shirtless chest glowed in the light of a single lit candle he had brought with him. He reached and searched, cursing under his breath when his fingers felt something. He grabbed it and held it next to the flame. “There you are,” he smiled. Feredir had found the wooden butterfly. He looked at it for a moment. How could he have forgotten? He had been so excited to give it to her, but then he saw her with his brother. Foolishness, that’s all that was. It would not happen again. He held the butterfly tight in his hand and turned to head back towards the stairs, but stopped when he heard someone.

 

“Whoever is back there better come out right now or I swear I will--.” A candelabra lifted above someone’s head. “Feredir, is that you?”  It was Limil. “I heard a commotion back here and was afraid it--.” She stopped again as she realized how the young elf was dressed. “Why are you here so early? And why are you wearing just a sheet?” As soon as she spoke and saw the smile on Feredir’s face, it dawned on her exactly what was going on. The Healer’s wife smiled shyly and had the lighting been better, her blushing face would have been more prominent. “You . . . never left. Oh my, well this is a predicament now isn’t it?”

 

“I . . . well, I was . . .,” he stuttered trying to answer her.

 

“It is Terrwyn isn’t it?” she asked just to make sure her assumptions were correct.

 

Feredir held the sheet tighter around his middle. “I know this breaks all sorts of rules about the duties of a guard, and I--.”

 

Limil laughed. “It is alright, Feredir. Your secret is safe with me. Actually, I am quite pleased to know you two have finally reconciled. It was only a matter of time before the two of you . . . well, you know.” She smiled and glanced at the sheet.

 

Now it was Feredir’s turn to darken a few shades of pink. “I’m sorry to have woken you. I just remembered something I needed to return to Terrwyn and it could not wait another moment.”

 

Limil made a shooing gesture with her hand. “Go on then. Get back up there before she misses you. Just tell me one thing, Feredir. It this real . . . for you . . . does it have meaning?”

 

Was this real? He repeated the words in his mind. There hadn’t been much time to think about it. He nodded. “I think so. I think it is.”

 

Limil walked to Feredir and he clasped the sheet even tighter. It was awkward talking to the lady of the house with naught on but a bed sheet. She cupped the side of his face. “My dear boy, to think something exists is not the same as knowing. To think it is so is no different from guessing. Look to your heart and there you will find your answer. So I’ll ask you again. Is . . . this . . . real.” She ended by touching her finger to his chest where his heart lay.

 

Limil had forced him to take a closer look at the situation. When he thought about her question this time, his heart swelled in his chest. This time he nodded with full confidence. “Yes, this is very real, Limil, very real indeed.”

 

She smiled while pulling her hand away. “Good, very good. Now go . . . and hurry.”

 

Feredir watched Limil as she went back to her room. She was the wisest person he had ever met and he respected her opinion more now than ever. “Thank you Lady Limil.”

 

Without turning, Limil waved from down the hall and kept walking to her and Curuven’s bedchamber.

 

Feredir bound upstairs to Terrwyn’s room, a new spring in his light footsteps. He quietly opened the door so as not to wake her. Then he walked softly on elvish feet to her bed. Her back was turned to him and he thought she still slept until he heard a hushed whimper. She was crying. But why, he asked himself. Why after this night of consummation and passionate perfection would she be crying?

 

Forgetting about the little butterfly, he carelessly dropped it onto the bed. He reached out, letting his long fingers graze her bare shoulder. Terrwyn jumped, unaware that anyone was in the room. “Feredir?” she asked, her voice choking on her sobs.

 

“Naru, my sweet, why are you crying?” he asked compassionately.

 

“I . . .” She hesitated, suddenly feeling foolish. “I thought you left.”

 

“Well, I did leave, but I came right back. I thought you were sleeping and--.”

 

Terrwyn flew up and wrapped her arms around his neck. She could not stop crying, only now they were tears of joy. “I thought you left, that you meant not to return.”

 

Feredir pried her from his neck and forced her to look at him. “I am not going anywhere ever again, not if I can help it. I am here with you always because I . . .” He paused, thinking of his conversation with Limil. In that moment, he no longer guessed his feelings. He knew and was never more aware of them. “I am still here because I love you, Terrwyn.”

 

She was half-smiling, half-frowning, tears streaking her lovely face. “I love you too, Feredir,” she said between sobs.

 

Feredir laughed. “I know I have been an ass, but is loving me so painful?”

 

Terrwyn laughed and sniffed, trying to get in control. “Yes, yes it is, but I will just have to get used to it won’t I?”

 

Feredir closed the distance and kissed her. Then he held her face in his hands and captured her eyes. “You’ve got me, Naru. You have all of me. I do not know what our futures hold, but you will not lose me and I will not let you go. I would fight for you until my dying breath and your name would be the last thing my lips would whisper. And even then it would still be the sweetest thing my tongue has ever tasted.” He kissed her again and pulled the sheet from his body.

 

Terrwyn laid back into the pillows and relished in the feel of Feredir’s body crushing her into the mattress. They kissed, tongues swirling and their breathing became heavy. She wrapped her legs around his waist as he slowly entered her body with his hardened desire. As he pushed into her, she arched her back and moaned. Feredir watched the ecstasy on her face as he set his rhythm. Faster and harder, he pumped into her. The little wooden butterfly bounced to the edge of the bed and fell to the floor, landing upright as if it was ready to take flight. Cries of passion and joy echoed around the small bedroom when they came together as one entity. It would be late in the morning before either would wake again. They wrapped themselves around each other in a tight cocoon, knowing they were safe, warm and together.

 

* * *

 

She dreamed of a lush green forest, ferns growing beneath the thick canopy. There was a presence nearby. This time when she turned, Feredir stood with is arms outstretched waiting to catch her. Part of her dream had been revealed to her. The presence was this elf who now lay beside her. Still, she wondered about the forest and what it meant. It somehow no longer seemed important to her. Feredir was here now and he was real. His love was real. With him by her side, she could face any fear, any challenge.

 

Terrwyn awoke to the feel of sweet kisses on her arm. She rolled over and faced Feredir. He smiled at her. “Beautiful,” he whispered again. She started to blush, but forgot about her embarrassment as she watched her elf offer her his closed fist. “Close your eyes, Naru.” She looked at him questioningly. “Go on, close them.”

 

Terrwyn smiled and did as he asked. It felt like forever before he spoke again. “Open them now Naru,” he said.

 

She opened her eyes and looked down to find his fist open, palm up and something very familiar, very precious sitting there as if it had always been there. She gasped and smiled. “My butterfly, but where . . . when . . . How did you come to have it?”

 

“Do you remember when you told me about your journey to Gondor?” he asked and she nodded. “I listened to you. I memorized every word and every detail of your story. Then, when I was on my mission to meet with the scouts and retrieve the letter for my Captain, I suddenly found myself in a very familiar place. I was there in your story. The trees and the bushes, it all came flooding back to me and I followed your words. They led me right to that campsite. There were even ashes remaining in the place where you built a fire. From your words, I followed you as if you were a ghost. And then . . . there it was, waiting for someone to find it and bring it home . . . to you.”

 

Terrwyn took the butterfly from his hand, turning it and looking at it closely. “I have had this since I was a child. I thought it was gone forever.” She wrapped her fingers around it and brought her eyes up to meet his. “And you went out of your way, just on a hunch.”



“I am sorry I did not give it to you sooner but with all that happened upon my return and--.” He was cut off by her hungry mouth devouring his.

 

Terrwyn carefully placed the butterfly on her side table and then turned back to Feredir, sultry green eyes shining wildly. She pushed him so he was lying on his back. Then her leg slid across his thighs and she straddled his body. As she leaned down, her breasts crushed onto his chest, her kisses on his neck setting him on fire. Feredir hardened instantly and Terrwyn slid back engulfing him until he was deep inside her body. She sat up and set to riding him, holding back her own desire until he was roused and his body thrummed beneath her. Not a wave, but an entire ocean washed over him as he came, this beautiful seductress milking his body of all its elvish energy. Terrwyn collapsed beside him, watching the way his chest heaved out of breath. He closed his eyes and let a light reverie take over, needing to recharge. Terrwyn lay quietly next to him, studying every inch of his exquisite body. When he had time to rest, he rolled onto his side, facing her, the sheet draped low across his hips.

 

Terrwyn traced a finger along his exposed side observing a very long scar that ran from the bottom of his ribcage down his side to the top of his pelvis. “What happened to you?” she asked curiously.

 

“Just an old battle wound. An orc tried to slice me in half,” he said, twirling a piece of her red hair.

 

“It looks as though it must have been very painful.” Terrwyn touched the scar, a blemish to his perfection.

 

“My pride hurt more than the wound,” he commented and she looked at him curiously. “I was out on my first mission, first time to fight a real battle. I was separated from my partner and came upon three orcs. The first two were no match and I took them down quickly. The third was a little more cunning. We fought each other for a long while it seemed. I thought I had him, but he used an elvish move on me, distracting me and I played right into it. That’s when he gave me this scar.”

 

Terrwyn listened intently. “How did you get away?”

 

“My brother was there . . . again. He slayed the creature and got me to a healer before the poison set in too deep. Orthorien was always there no matter what I did, always looking over my shoulder. This was my first time to prove to him that I could take care of myself and I almost died.” Feredir paused, a far off look on his face.

 

“You were very lucky then that he was there and got you treated.” Terrwyn scooted closer to him, nuzzling her face against his chest.

 

“Lucky for me, yes. Then he took me out of the patrol and sent me back to the palace where I was placed on guard duty. He said I wasn’t ready, but I knew I was. That’s when I knew I would never be free of my brother. He was our captain and when we were on duty, he had complete rule over me.” Feredir rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling, remembering those days in Mirkwood, growing up as a Peredhil amongst many very proud Wood elves. “You see, Orthorien was always my protector. He was well past his majority by the time I was born. His father was killed in battle while our mother carried me. So when I came into this world, Orthorien promised our mother that he would help raise me, step in as any older brother might have done. The life of a warrior was all he ever knew, so he placed those same values on me. But it was our mother who taught me that there was more than the life of a soldier.”

 

Terrwyn ran her fingers through his thick hair, moving it away from his ears so she could observe their uniqueness. “It must have been very difficult growing up being half-elven.”

 

“There were always those who sought to make me feel inferior. Orthorien would change that. He started training me at an early age, at first alone, just the two of us. Later, I joined the others in training, but my brother was always there. I was teased for that, constantly reminded of my anomaly.”

 

To hear him talk about his heritage this way made Terrwyn cringe. “I do not think you are a rarity. Look at the Queen of Gondor. She is Peredhil and has even given up her immortal life to marry the King.”

 

“Queen Arwen comes from a long line of very influential elves with royal bloodlines. Their half-elven blood runs long and deep in that family. I did not have the luck of being born into such a prominent family. My mother was a barterer for King Thranduil. My father was a textile merchant in Gondor. She was negotiating trade with him on the King’s behalf when they met. I was just part of the bargain.”

 

Terrwyn sat up on her elbow and watched Feredir. She had never seen him more vulnerable than at that moment. “Surely you do not see yourself as such.”

 

“It is hard not too when reminded of this all my years in Mirkwood, so I set out to prove them all wrong. I worked hard and trained long hours until I made my place amongst the other soldiers. I went above Orthorien’s head and asked to be placed in a battalion separate from his. I tried very hard to claim my independence. And then the Ring war came about. Orthorien was promoted and I was once again under his thumb. I played by his rules until I felt I was not being used properly as a soldier. My talents were being wasted because he feared I was not ready. A great host marched upon us from Dol Guldur. I was ready to take my place amongst my Mirkwood warriors. Orthorien tried to push me back to a safer position, but I decided to take things into my own hands and went off to fight my own war. I knew I was breaking the rules, but I did not care. I was fighting for myself, for my home and its people. After the battle, I felt I had proven myself to my fellow troops and I had. Orthorien saw things differently. We argued long and hard, but in the end, he stripped me of my duties and never acknowledged my accomplishments. Even my peers felt he was unfair in his actions. I had no choice but to conform to his commands. My hatred towards him grew silently, but what could I do? Where could I go? Lothlorien would not take me. They already had reserves against my kinsmen. They would not tolerate a half-elven soldier from Mirkwood. I grew distant from my family, something I regret doing to my mother, but I felt I had no other choice. And then one day, Prince Legolas announced the development of a new colony in Ithilien. I agreed to go without speaking to anyone, not even my mother. That was the first time I made her cry, when I told her I was leaving our home. I hated that, but I had no other alternative. Orthorien would never concede that I was his equal. He would always see me as different, unable to prove my worthiness. Even some of those who teased me during my youth saw my talent and accepted me. It was Orthorien’s approval I always craved, the one thing I would never have. So I left, and here I am today.”

 

Terrwyn thought about the scene Feredir came upon when he returned and saw her with Orthorien. She had no idea he felt this way about his brother. “I’m sorry if I hurt you. I never meant to cause any more pain between you and Orthorien.”

 

“It’s alright. You did not know. I still would have tried to stop you though, even if I hadn’t had feelings towards you. Orthorien plays a very smooth game. You deserved more than what he could offer you.”

 

She smiled, settling back against his warm body. “I have you now if only for a little while.” Her tone changed with these words to one of solemnness.

 

“I will not stop searching for an answer to your problem. There is someone out there that holds the key to your innocence,” he said determinedly.

 

“You saw the letter, Feredir. The one man who could have testified on my behalf has died. There is no one else.”

 

“Then I will go to your home and turn Rohan upside down until I find someone that has an answer. I will threaten the very lives of these men who lied for their own protection.” His voice rose in anger and she felt him tense.

 

“You cannot. It would cause a rift between Rohan and Ithilien and I know you would not see that happen,” she answered calmly.

 

Feredir moved quicker than Terrwyn could ever have imagined, pinning her to the bed. He looked deep into her eyes, silver pools on fire once again. “Then I will abandon my life here in Ithilien. I will take you and we will go far from here where we will never be found. I will do whatever it takes to keep you with me, Naru. I made you a promise to never let you go, and I mean to keep my word.”

 

Before Terrwyn could protest, Feredir plunged into her roughly, a sudden animalistic lust taking him over. He held her down as he forced himself upon her. She did not complain and merely let him have his way. It was intoxicating to be under his spell, that hidden danger always on the edge of his consciousness. This was his elvishness. This was what she longed for and she knew she would never be able to resist him again.