The Price of Pride

Elvish translations

Gwador – brother
Díhena nin – I’m sorry
Pen-velui – beautiful one
Ala – no


Chapter 35

We returned to find chaos at the camp. There were Orc corpses littering the ground all around our once pristine campsite. And Elrohir had a strip of bloody cloth bound tightly around his upper arm. Aragorn could not quite suppress a troubled shout when he saw his brother wounded.

“Where the Valar were you?” Elladan asked me angrily as Aragorn began tending to Elrohir’s arm.

“We met up with a pack of Orcs ourselves,” I told him. “The trees warned me before they got to us so we were able to pick them off before they got close enough to do any damage. I take it you got no such warning?”

“Ala. We had no warning. Fortunately, Arien had already started to rise, so they were half blind. Otherwise, we probably would have been overrun. As it is, one of them landed a blow on Elrohir.”

“Is it poisoned?” I asked Aragorn who was putting a fresh bandage on Elrohir’s arm.

“Ala, it is clean, but he should rest.” I noticed that Aragorn looked only at Elladan as he spoke, not meeting my eyes. What was going on, I wondered.

“We cannot stay here,” Elladan contradicted. “The smell of blood will bring every Orc in these woods to this spot before long. We must be gone before they arrive.”

Over Aragorn’s protests, we gathered our gear and cleared the site of our prese lea leaving only the bodies of the Orcs to betray our passing. Aragorn walked at Elrohir’s side as we headed south. Elladan thought there was a town in that direction where we could rest for a few days and let Elrohir recover. I noticed, as we walked, that Elladan was watching Aragorn nearly as carefully as Aragorn was watching Elrohir. That seemed strange to me. Aragorn was not wounded. Why was Elladan so fixated on him? Suddenly, I understood. Elladan was watching to see if there was any sign that I had taken advantage of our solitude last night. His concerned gaze annoyed me, but he said nothing so I let it pass.

When we had walked for several hours, I tried to join Elrohir and Aragorn, but Aragorn rebuffed me, choosing to focus his attention entirely on his brother. When he moved away from my hand on his shoulder, I began to get annoyed again. Did nobody trust me today?

We made camp early when we found a cave where we could take shelter. One archer or even one swordsman could hold the entrance against any number of attackers. I took first watch, leaving Aragorn to tend his brother. When the time came for Aragorn to relieve me, I was dismayed to see that he had spread his bedroll next to Elrohir’s, on the opposite side of the fire from where I had placed mine. “Estel?” I asked.

“I have to tend to my brother,” came the sullen reply.

I lay down in my lonely blankets, trying futilely to fall asleep. When I heard Aragorn come in from his watch and lie down across the fire from me, I gave up. I heard Elladan rise to take his turn, but I motioned him back to sleep. “I will watch, mellon. I cannot seem to sleep.” Elladan accepted my offer, urging me to wake him if I changed my mind.

Dawn came and with it, a chance to speak with Aragorn. “Why are you avoiding me, Estel?” I asked him.

“It is our fault he was hurt,” Aragorn replied. “If we had been there, they would never have gotten that close.”

“And the pack we slaughtered would still be roaming unchallenged. This way, both packs are gone.”

“I did not protect my brother,” Aragorn said in response. He turned away before I could say anything else and spent that day avoiding me as well.

I sat down next to him and Elrohir when we paused for lunch. As soon as I was seated, Aragorn rose and moved away. I gritted my teeth in frustration.

“Trouble, meldir?” Elrohir asked.

“He blames himself, and by extension me, for your injury. If we had been at the camp, you would not be wounded.”

“True, but you killed a pack that would still be alive.”

“I told him that, but he does not want to listen.”

Elrohir smiled. “We warned you that he was very young. I will speak to him tonight. He was happy these past few days. He is not happy now. I can make no promises, except to try.”

I thanked him for being willing to help. We resumed our march in the general direction of the town Elladan wanted to find, but we did not reach it again that night. I watched Aragorn tend to Elrohir’s arm as we made camp. I could not hear what they were saying, but I could tell from their faces that Elrohir was pleading my case. I could also tell that Aragorn was not listening. Again that night, he sought his own blankets rather than sharing mine. I was getting well and truly frustrated by that point. I resolved to have it out with Aragorn in the morning. If he truly no longer desired my company, I would take my leave and travel on my own. I had tarried only to be with him.

The next morning, Elladan and Elrohir disappeared after breakfast, under the pretense of replenishing our water. Aragorn tried to go with him, but both brothers refused. That left him with no choice but to face me.

“Talk to me, Estel,” I pleaded. “Tell me what you want me to do.”

He glared at me for a moment before asking, “Why did you take me back there?”

That was not what I had expected to hear. “I wanted to spend time with you. Just with you. It was a beautiful spot and you enjoyed it so much when we were there the first time. I thought it would give us the chance to get better acquainted.” I knew I was babbling, but I had not been prepared to answer that question. I wanted to tell him how I felt, but I needed to talk to Arwen first. After all our many years together, I needed to tell her before I made a commitment to someone else.

“Better acquainted?” Aragorn repeated, scorn lacing his words. “Is that what you call it in Mirkwood?” He did not say it, but I understood his implication. He thought this was all about lust, that I had lured him to the point in order to take advantage of him.

That was the final straw. I lost my temper completely. “Is that all you think this is to me?” I roared. “How many times have I stopped, Estel? Have I stopped when you would have continued? I have made sure this did not go too far, too fast because you have certainly done nothing to stop or even discourage me. Do not accuse me of that!”

I turned on my heel and stormed off, too angry to even see Aragorn’s reaction to my tirade. As I retreated, I could hear Elladan’s voice over what was surely very sarcastic applause. “Well done, gwador,” he said. Then I was too far away to hear any more. I was tempted to leave then, without even saying goodbye to my friends, but reason won over anger and I decided against it. If I left with no explanation, the twins at least would feel obliged to track me down just to make sure I was all right. When my temper had cooled enough that I could hold my tongue, I returned to our camp, gathered my pack in silence and waited for the others so we could continue on our way.

We traveled south again all day long, with no sign of any town or village. I began to wonder if Eln acn actually knew where we were going, but I made no comment. I had no desire to speak to Aragorn.

When we camped that night, Aragorn approached me nervously. “Can we talk for a moment?”

I nodded curtly and followed him a short distance from the fire. “What did you want to talk about?” I asked, not bothering to hide the coldness in my voice.

Aragorn flinched under my tone but did not back down.

“Díhena nin , Legolas. I said things in my guilt that you did not deserve. Will you forgive me?”

“You said you trusted me, Estel, but you have not acted like it these past days. I, too, am sorry Elrohir was wounded, but that does not give you the right to strike out at me. We had something precious growing between us. You have struck at that with your distrust.”

“I know I have,” Aragorn said. “I did not understand… You had not said… I did not know what to think.”

“And you did not ask me or give me any chance to explain. You just jumped to conclusions. I thought I was dealing with a man, Estel. I do not want a relationship with a child.”

“I… I will understand if you do not want anything else to do with me. "Díhen…” I cut him off with a kiss. When we separated again, he looked at me, bemused.

“I did not say I did not want a relationship with you, pen-velui. I said I did not want one with a child. If we can break you of this habit of trying to read my mind instead of asking, perhaps we will be able to have that relationship.”

“I… I can do that. If you still want me.” His shyness was as appealing now as it had been when we first met.

“I still want you, pen-velui,” I promised, pulling him against me and into the first real kiss we had shared since before the Orcs had attacked two days ago. It was two days too long.