Sex, Drugs, and Orcish Theatre
folder
-Multi-Age › General
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
43
Views:
2,051
Reviews:
4
Recommended:
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Currently Reading:
0
Category:
-Multi-Age › General
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
43
Views:
2,051
Reviews:
4
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own the Lord of the Rings (and associated) book series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Test Driving the Human
Chapter 35
"Should we?" Kalina asked Galadriel. They were lurking outside the bathroom door. Galadriel nodded and they burst in.
"AH! What? What?!?" demanded Aragorn, convinced that he'd done something bad and they were out to kill him.
"Nothing," said Kalina sweetly, slipping into the tub beside him, smiling.
"I just want to make sure my granddaughter is going to get something worthwhile for her immortality," said Galadriel, getting in on Aragorn's other side.
Aragorn's eyes darted nervously between the two women. Here he was, naked in a bath that contained steaming hot water and two naked and horny elf chicks that were currently in extremely close proximity. This had to be a dream which meant that any second his guilty subconscious was going to kick in and Kalina and Galadriel would tear their heads off and turn out to be a pair of demonic creatures Elrond had summoned to test his devotion to Arwen. He whimpered audibly and hunched up trying to inch away from these relentless demonic women.
"Look... we're only going to hurt you if you ask us nicely," said Kalina, moving behind the man and wrapping her legs around his waist.
"Elrond sent you!!" he yelled, thrashing to get away and failing to evade the vice-like grip of Kalina's thighs.
"What the hell are you on about you fucking buffoon?" she demanded.
"Right. Like my son-in-law would send me here to try and seduce you," snorted Galadriel.
"AH! But he's NOT your son-in-law!!! You're not Galadriel! You're merely some hideous entity DISGUISED as Galadriel!!! BEHOLD!!" Aragorn lashed out and grabbed Galadriel in a headlock and tried to find somewhere to start peeling her skin off.
"Aragorn, are you having issues distinguishing reality againaskeasked Kalina, moving up her thighs and applying pressure to Aragorn's ribcage and thus restricting his breathing.
"You mean this is real? You're actually here and yourselves?" he asked, cautiously releasing Galadriel. She looked furious as she backed away. Kalina reduced the pressure on his ribcage but maintained her position just to make sure he didn't turn on her and therefore force her to beat him unconscious, thus ruining the idea of inflicting a spontaneous bath-time cross-species threesome before Sauron got back.
"He suffers from stress. There's a lot of pressure on him right now, and he's been smoking more than usual, and occasionally gets attacks of paranoia," explained Kalina before Galadriel launched a full-scale verbal cluster bomb assault on Aragorn's psyche.
"Sorry?" apologized Aragorn sheepishly. His pathetic pleading eyes melted Galadriel's wrath. It was a shame he was short-lived and would probably go bald in a decade or so based on what his maternal family's hair was like. And there was little point in letting him go to waste over some silly notion of chastity. By the time Arwen would get around to marrying him he'd probably be half dead and no fun at all. Mortals had a distressingly short shelf life. Galadriel pulled Aragorn towards her and kissed
him.
"Forgiven," she said as Kalina pulled her back from him and began to kiss the back of Galadriel's neck gently. Aragorn stared, ng tng to avoid letting his jaw drop as his brain tried to make sense of the situation. 'Lesbians! Wet elf lesbians! Making out in a bath with me in it!!! Who cares if one of them is younger than me and the other one is thousands of years old! They're naked! This is the greatest day of my life! AND they chose me over Haldir and Legolas! Damn, I must be good. Even better!!! They're groping each other!! I can die a happy man now! Fuck being king! All I need is lesbians!!' Aragorn finally began to unwind and enjoy himself.
"Should we?" Kalina asked Galadriel. They were lurking outside the bathroom door. Galadriel nodded and they burst in.
"AH! What? What?!?" demanded Aragorn, convinced that he'd done something bad and they were out to kill him.
"Nothing," said Kalina sweetly, slipping into the tub beside him, smiling.
"I just want to make sure my granddaughter is going to get something worthwhile for her immortality," said Galadriel, getting in on Aragorn's other side.
Aragorn's eyes darted nervously between the two women. Here he was, naked in a bath that contained steaming hot water and two naked and horny elf chicks that were currently in extremely close proximity. This had to be a dream which meant that any second his guilty subconscious was going to kick in and Kalina and Galadriel would tear their heads off and turn out to be a pair of demonic creatures Elrond had summoned to test his devotion to Arwen. He whimpered audibly and hunched up trying to inch away from these relentless demonic women.
"Look... we're only going to hurt you if you ask us nicely," said Kalina, moving behind the man and wrapping her legs around his waist.
"Elrond sent you!!" he yelled, thrashing to get away and failing to evade the vice-like grip of Kalina's thighs.
"What the hell are you on about you fucking buffoon?" she demanded.
"Right. Like my son-in-law would send me here to try and seduce you," snorted Galadriel.
"AH! But he's NOT your son-in-law!!! You're not Galadriel! You're merely some hideous entity DISGUISED as Galadriel!!! BEHOLD!!" Aragorn lashed out and grabbed Galadriel in a headlock and tried to find somewhere to start peeling her skin off.
"Aragorn, are you having issues distinguishing reality againaskeasked Kalina, moving up her thighs and applying pressure to Aragorn's ribcage and thus restricting his breathing.
"You mean this is real? You're actually here and yourselves?" he asked, cautiously releasing Galadriel. She looked furious as she backed away. Kalina reduced the pressure on his ribcage but maintained her position just to make sure he didn't turn on her and therefore force her to beat him unconscious, thus ruining the idea of inflicting a spontaneous bath-time cross-species threesome before Sauron got back.
"He suffers from stress. There's a lot of pressure on him right now, and he's been smoking more than usual, and occasionally gets attacks of paranoia," explained Kalina before Galadriel launched a full-scale verbal cluster bomb assault on Aragorn's psyche.
"Sorry?" apologized Aragorn sheepishly. His pathetic pleading eyes melted Galadriel's wrath. It was a shame he was short-lived and would probably go bald in a decade or so based on what his maternal family's hair was like. And there was little point in letting him go to waste over some silly notion of chastity. By the time Arwen would get around to marrying him he'd probably be half dead and no fun at all. Mortals had a distressingly short shelf life. Galadriel pulled Aragorn towards her and kissed
him.
"Forgiven," she said as Kalina pulled her back from him and began to kiss the back of Galadriel's neck gently. Aragorn stared, ng tng to avoid letting his jaw drop as his brain tried to make sense of the situation. 'Lesbians! Wet elf lesbians! Making out in a bath with me in it!!! Who cares if one of them is younger than me and the other one is thousands of years old! They're naked! This is the greatest day of my life! AND they chose me over Haldir and Legolas! Damn, I must be good. Even better!!! They're groping each other!! I can die a happy man now! Fuck being king! All I need is lesbians!!' Aragorn finally began to unwind and enjoy himself.