The Empty Vessel
folder
-Multi-Age › General
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
31
Views:
19,519
Reviews:
47
Recommended:
1
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
-Multi-Age › General
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
31
Views:
19,519
Reviews:
47
Recommended:
1
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own the Lord of the Rings (and associated) book series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Red is the Color of my True Love's something something something
No, this isn't really a new chapter - it's really a MisAdventure, however the powers that be can't make up their minds how they want the disclaimer written. All of my disclaimers in the past have been absolutely no problem, but now, they apparently are having problems and can't make up their minds.
So, considering, I feel the company generated disclaimer at the beginning of this fic should suffice.
Yes, every chapter here is corrupted - infact I have chapters MISSING... I figure hell will freeze over before they are fixed. I planned to combine ALL of the MisAdventures where they belong eventually.
If you would like to see my original, tongue in cheek disclaimer (which was the THIRD in three days) email me... obviously, the moderators here don't know how!
Haldir rolled over, bringing his cloak with him, fully covering him and his wife. Leaves came up with the cloak, showering them with vibrant fall colors. She snuggled in, wedging herself into his embrace.
“Don’t ask me if it was good,” she smiled. “You know it was.”
Her husband’s laugh was more a silent explosion of mirth. “Do men in your world truly need a special day to remind them to tell their wives how wonderful they really are?”
For a moment, Bronwyn’s smile faded, dark memories flooding. “Sometimes, they even forget that day.” Before the Elf could question her, react to her sudden change of moods, a sound of grating, biting, gnawing screeched through the woods, scattering birds and cute rodents.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-BAAAAAAAAA-AAAAAAAAAH BYYYYYYYYYY-ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM…”
Haldir jumped up, leaving Bronwyn in a shower of foliage and fighting for her dignity. She jumped up, shrugging into her clothes and inelegantly tried to jump in her shoes as she chased after her husband, who somehow managed to dress without a thought.
The thumping and howling continued, taking the pair deeper into the forest. “Haldir,” Bronwyn whispered, “that sounds like Treebeard. He normally doesn’t venture this deep in this part of the woods.”
“He sounds injured.” As they came closer to an obvious clearing where the noise was originating from, he motioned his wife to stay back, in case of danger.
She ignored him.
They peered around a large tree…
“Oh, my God!” Bronwyn’s eyes bugged, Haldir’s jaw dropped.
Treebeard was hugged up to a tree, banging away for dear life.
“BAAAAAAAAAAAAA-BBBBBBBYYYYYYYYYYY BAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOM…”
“Is that an… Entwife?” Bronwyn was pointing at the poor tree. “Poor things. Small wonder they hid!”
Haldir shook his head. “He found a convenient… knothole.”
Bronwyn peered closer, Treebeard was none the wiser, being too busy humping the tree. “Haldir!” she gasped, “His woody has… splinters!!!”
Haldir looked at his wife aghast. “I cannot believe you are looking at it close enough to notice!” Bronwyn stuck her tongue out at him. “Pervert!”
“I married you!”
The two Voyeurs watched, grossly fascinated as the Ent came to the obvious conclusion, making both blanch and grimace and spit. No sooner than he finished and withdrew, he began to jump up and down, smacking at…
“BAAAR_TEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRMMMMMMMMMMMIIIIIIITTTTTSSSSSSSS….ROOOOOOOOOOOOM…”
Bronwyn began to back up. “Oh, that was just something I did NOT want to contemplate!” She stopped in her tracks and put her hand to her mouth and began to whine. “Poor Treebeard. I’ll never be able to look at him again.”
Haldir joined her. He took her hand and began to drag her back towards Rivendell. “I was going to take you back to the clearing for thirds, but now-“
“Now what?”
The thought of Treebeard knocking termites from his …entwood… made his flesh crawl. He scratched himself. “I feel the extreme urge to bathe my … archer.”
Bronwyn sped ahead. “You’re not the only one that needs to bathe.”
THE END!!!!
So, considering, I feel the company generated disclaimer at the beginning of this fic should suffice.
Yes, every chapter here is corrupted - infact I have chapters MISSING... I figure hell will freeze over before they are fixed. I planned to combine ALL of the MisAdventures where they belong eventually.
If you would like to see my original, tongue in cheek disclaimer (which was the THIRD in three days) email me... obviously, the moderators here don't know how!
Haldir rolled over, bringing his cloak with him, fully covering him and his wife. Leaves came up with the cloak, showering them with vibrant fall colors. She snuggled in, wedging herself into his embrace.
“Don’t ask me if it was good,” she smiled. “You know it was.”
Her husband’s laugh was more a silent explosion of mirth. “Do men in your world truly need a special day to remind them to tell their wives how wonderful they really are?”
For a moment, Bronwyn’s smile faded, dark memories flooding. “Sometimes, they even forget that day.” Before the Elf could question her, react to her sudden change of moods, a sound of grating, biting, gnawing screeched through the woods, scattering birds and cute rodents.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-BAAAAAAAAA-AAAAAAAAAH BYYYYYYYYYY-ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM…”
Haldir jumped up, leaving Bronwyn in a shower of foliage and fighting for her dignity. She jumped up, shrugging into her clothes and inelegantly tried to jump in her shoes as she chased after her husband, who somehow managed to dress without a thought.
The thumping and howling continued, taking the pair deeper into the forest. “Haldir,” Bronwyn whispered, “that sounds like Treebeard. He normally doesn’t venture this deep in this part of the woods.”
“He sounds injured.” As they came closer to an obvious clearing where the noise was originating from, he motioned his wife to stay back, in case of danger.
She ignored him.
They peered around a large tree…
“Oh, my God!” Bronwyn’s eyes bugged, Haldir’s jaw dropped.
Treebeard was hugged up to a tree, banging away for dear life.
“BAAAAAAAAAAAAA-BBBBBBBYYYYYYYYYYY BAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOM…”
“Is that an… Entwife?” Bronwyn was pointing at the poor tree. “Poor things. Small wonder they hid!”
Haldir shook his head. “He found a convenient… knothole.”
Bronwyn peered closer, Treebeard was none the wiser, being too busy humping the tree. “Haldir!” she gasped, “His woody has… splinters!!!”
Haldir looked at his wife aghast. “I cannot believe you are looking at it close enough to notice!” Bronwyn stuck her tongue out at him. “Pervert!”
“I married you!”
The two Voyeurs watched, grossly fascinated as the Ent came to the obvious conclusion, making both blanch and grimace and spit. No sooner than he finished and withdrew, he began to jump up and down, smacking at…
“BAAAR_TEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRMMMMMMMMMMMIIIIIIITTTTTSSSSSSSS….ROOOOOOOOOOOOM…”
Bronwyn began to back up. “Oh, that was just something I did NOT want to contemplate!” She stopped in her tracks and put her hand to her mouth and began to whine. “Poor Treebeard. I’ll never be able to look at him again.”
Haldir joined her. He took her hand and began to drag her back towards Rivendell. “I was going to take you back to the clearing for thirds, but now-“
“Now what?”
The thought of Treebeard knocking termites from his …entwood… made his flesh crawl. He scratched himself. “I feel the extreme urge to bathe my … archer.”
Bronwyn sped ahead. “You’re not the only one that needs to bathe.”
THE END!!!!