One prank to rule them all

One prank to rule them all, Part 3

It was dark outside when several cloaked figures scurried along the paths of Imladris, heading for a secluded house at the end of the valley. It was a dark night, lit neither by moon nor by stars so that the figures remained unnoticed at this late hour.

“I would say, that the first issues was a success”, Elladan laughed.

“Aye, everybody was talking about it”, his brother agreed. “It is time for the next issue, I think.”

Everybody nodded enthusiastically. The turmoil over the first issue had somewhat calmed down, but elves all over the valley could still be seen with the first issue of Elfopolitan. Inspired by the success, all involved in this prank had ady ady thought about new stories. Soon the topics for the next issue were assigned.

“There is one more thing. We have received a number of letters from our readers.” Elrohir was still amazed that so many readers had used the mailbox they had put up.

Elladan laughed. “The most difficult part was to distract Thranduil long enough to empty the box.” The others roared with laughter.

“Aye, I have seen Thranduil creeping around that mailbox all week,” Gildor giggled. All of Imladris had noticed that the king of Mirkwood spent all day and most of the nights trying to catch the editors of the infamous magazine that had harmed his reputation so much.

“What should we do with the letters?” Lindir asked. “After all those are comments from our readers.” They thought for a while until Galadriel spoke up.

“How about printing the most interesting ones in the next edition?” the Lady of the Wood suggested. The others nodded in agreement, grinning impishly. That way the letters might provide even more entertainment.

********************************************

Two weeks later Elrond was falling over a pile of paper again when entering the dining hall for breakfast. This time he would have fallen had it not been for Haldir who caught his lover in his arms, using the opportunity to steal a quick kiss. Elrond was too distracted to appreciate the attention, his view focused on the pile of paper that had disturbed his walk.

“Look, another copy of this magazine!” Elrond’s mood cheered up by the minute. “Let’s see if they have more news on Thranduil’s disreputable family.” Haldir laughed and followed his raven-haired lover into the dining room, but not before grabbing a copy of the magazine too.

Glorfindel and Erestor already sat at the table, both absorbed in a copy of Elfopolitan. Glorfindel was looking so intensely at some drawings that he did not even notice that honey was dropping from a piece of bread in his hand, slowly making its way down the fingers and palm of the elven lord.

“Is this as good as the last one”, Elrond asked upon entering.

Glorfindel nodded. “Aye, they have more of that Karma Sutra stuff. And this time the positions are even better.”

Erestor grew pale. This could not be true! He must find a way out of this or he would be sore for the rest of his days. He had tried everything – working late, pretending to having fallen asleep in his office, being already asleep when Glorfindel went to bed. But nothing had helped. Not even the sprained ankle that had been the result of the hasty flight from Elrond’s balcony one night had stopped Glorfindel. At least he had been considerate enough to pick a position that did not put any pressure oe ine injured joint.

Haldir smiled knowingly. Just like Glorfindel the Marchwarden had found much pleasure in trying out the sexual positions of the first edition. However, unlike Erestor Elrond had put a stop to this when it got too adventurous for his taste.

“The have a new section in here”, Elrond noted excitedly. “It’s called ‘Letters to the editor’. And guess who has written a letter?”

Haldir looked up. “Thranduil?” he asked in disbelief. All he got for response was laughter until Elrond finally started reading.

Dear editor,

With great distress I had to notice that in your first issue you recommended a rather questionable book concerning the life of my late father, Oropher of Mirkwood. I would like to point out that my father is by no means an elf of questionable reputation, as the book you mention in your magazine indicates. On the contrary, for all his life my father was a wise ruler, kind elf, considerate husband and loving father, who is remembered dearly not only by his family but also by his people.
This infamous book disgraces not only my father, but the whole royal family of Mirkwood. Since your magazine is obviously promoting such questionable literature, I have already sent word to Mirkwood that your magazine will be banned from my realm. Anyone under my reign reading your magazine will have to face serious consequences, including my royal wrath.

Royal regards,
Thranduil, King of Mirkwood


Haldir was laughing so hard that he nearly fell of his chair. He happened to know that Legolas had already organised a black market sale of Elfopolitan in Mirkwood. The magazine was selling rapidly in Thranduil’s realm at unbelievable prices.

“There is another letter”, Erestor observed.

Dear editor,

I have read the first copy of your magazine with great interest. The Karma Sutra section is particularly to my liking. In fact, your tips for new sexual positions has spiced up my love life considerably. Not that I had any problems with my love life before, but your suggestions give a new dimension to lovemaking even for a sexually very experienced and skilled elf like me. My partner and I had several nights of adventurous passion thanks to your magazine. Please keep this section up, as I can’t wait to read more of your innovative ideas concer new new positions.

Yours sincerely,
I hate Balrogs


Elrond nearly choked on his tea, trying hard not to laugh out loudly as Erestor was giving Glorfindel a scolding look. “You did not, did you?” Glorfindel grinned sheepishly. “What makes you think it was me? Everybody hates Balrogs!”

“Oh come on!” Erestor was not buying this. Haldir and Elronre gre giggling, enjoying the show. Glorfindel gave Erestor a brilliant smile. “As if you have not enjoyed it! We might as well tell them how much fun their sexual positions are.”

While Haldir nodded in agreement vehemently, tor tor shook his head in defeat only to earn another wide grin from his blond lover.

***************************************

Arwen was sitting on a bench in the rose garden. This was the perfect place for reading this lovely new magazine, she decided. Flicking through the pages she was looking for the fashion section. After all, she had a reputation to lose.

Imladris elves are the most fashionable ones

Orange and lime, the must-have colours of this season, have become the predominant colours in Imladris lately. While the elves of Mirkwood and ‘Lorien still stick to their traditional colours, the burgundy and gold of Imladris has been replaced by lime and orange.
Most prominent elf to wear the latest fashion is the Lord of Imladris, who has been spotted in a Dolcelf and Gabana creation in lime and orange striped velvet, a truly regal robe that only an elven lord like the stunning Elrond Peredhel can wear.
However, lime and orange does not only go well with the formal look of ceremonial robes. It also makes a stunning combination for a sportier outfit, such as leggings and tunic. It is the right outfit for an enjoyable day in the woods or a strenuous patrol on the border. With these colours you fit in, no matter where.
No elf with the slightest sense for fashion can go without lime and orange, the Elfopolitan fashion editor says.

Arwen could not agree more. She had been among the first ones to order me ame and orange dress. By now Elrond’s daughter had three new dresses in the colours of this season. Much to her disappointment, Aragorn would not agree to any change of his usual outfit. Reading the article, Arwen decided that something must be done.

After all, he was the future king of Gondor! A human of such position must care for his appearances. Maybe she should pop in the little beauty shop next to the watll, ll, opposite the embassy of Mirkwood. They had such lovely things and surely they had something to improve Aragorn's looks. She had already ordered new clothes for him to match her orange and lime silk gown.

********************************
That same day, Arwen showed Aragron her new robe, a cloud of lime and orange silk. Aragorn looked at her speechlessly. His beautiful fiancé was hidden under layers of hideous puffy silk of indescribable colour! “What do you think? It’s lovely, isn’t it?” Arwen was beaming. Aragorn was lost for words. “It’s… ahm….wonderful…. ahm…dear….. ahm… it….. suits …ahm… you…”

Arwen gave him a brilliant smile. “I thought so too. Look, I have got you a matching outfit.” Aragron stared in disbelief at the lime leggings and orange tunic with lime embroidery she was holding up.

“Darling, I do not want to disappoint you, but I can not wear this.” Aragorn tried to be as diplomatic as possible. Looking at his beloved, he saw that he had failed terribly as Arwen’s eyes were filling with tears. “I am going on patrol with Glorfindel and your brothers and we are supposed to wear the colours of Imladris on patrol. I am so sorry my dear.” Aragorn had never before been so happy to go on patrol.

Awren sniffed. “But in the magazine it says that this is the perfect outfit for riding or going on patrols. Glorfindel and my brothers will be so envious if you wear this!”

“I would wear it my love, but there are rules about the clothes you wear on patrol.” Aragorn had never been so eager to obey any rule.

Arwen’s eyes filled with tears. “I have made such an effort to get this outfit for you”, she sniffed. “The tailor was so busy. It took me ages to convince him.” Aragorn was lost. Seeing his love cry was his undoing, but he could not possibly wear this. This outfit was the ugliest he had ever seen. This time, he told himself he would not give in.

“I thought you love me”, Arwen sobbed, tears running down her cheeks.

“But I do, my love!”, Aragorn reassured her while wiping away her tears. “If …you… loved ….me ….you ...would ...wear …this ...for …me”, she replied between the cries. Aragorn sighed. He realised that there was not way to win this. Reluctantly he took the outfit, but before he could put it on, Arwen interrupted him. “It only looks good with the right hairstyle and appnce.nce.”

Aragorn froze on the spot. What by the Valar was his fiancé talking about? “I have all we need to make you look really beautiful, my love.” Arwen smiled at him.

“But I have to go on patrol!” Aragorn was determined to put up a fight. Wearing this hideous outfit was more than enough. His hair did not need any treatment. It was perfect the way it was. But seeing more tears in Arwen’s eyes, he gave in.

For the next hour constant grunts and desperate howls could be heard out of Aragorn’s chambers, but no one dared interfere. Right in time to go on patrol, Arwen had finished her piece of work, finally allowing Aragorn to look into the mirror. What he saw left him lost for words. “What do you think?” Arwen enquired excitedly. All he could do was giving her a weak smile before rushing out for the patrol. There was no time to do anything about his current state or he would be late for patrol, which would not be tolerated by Glorfindel.

Running out of the door without looking back, he could not see Arwen standing in the door smirking. All the tears were gone, replaced by a glitter in her eyes. Oh, Aragorn was so predictable. All it needed was a few well placed tears and he was wax in her hands, she thought while giggling happily, being extremely proud of the make-over she had given him.

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The twins and Glorfindel waited at the stables. “I am sure our sister is responsible again for Aragorn being late”, Elladan joked. Aragorn had been late for pat eve ever since he started dating Arwen. Elrohir and Glorfindel laughed, grasping for air the moment Aragorn came around the corner. At first sight they weren’t even sure that this *was* Aragorn.

Instead of the greys and greens of the Imladris border guards he was wearing extremely tight lime leggings that did not leave much to the imagination and a rather short orange tunic with a vast amount of lime embroidery on hem, sleeves and neck. As bad as this was, his hairstyle was even worse. Obviously Arwen had decided to give her fiancé an elven hairstyle today, as Aragorn was sporting about a dozen braids. Since his hair was not long enough for a proper elven hairstyle his braids were standing out to all directions, stray hair sticking out everywhere. The twins could not hold their laughter back at this sight.

Glorfindel tried hard not to laugh. “What happened to your face,” he asked instead as Aragorn’s face was bright red all over and completely shaved. Aragorn’s ears turned crimson.

“Arwen said that my skin is not smooth enough and a mask from the beauty parlour would do wonders, but it seems that I am allergic to it.” At this point the twins lost the fight against the giggles.

“And your outfit is surely not that of an Imladris border guard.” Glorfindel was not letting that matter go that easily. Aragorn sighed. “Arwen insists that I wear this. She says it is the latest fashion and if I love her I woular iar it,” he replied, embarrassed. Glorfindel could not hold back the laughter much longer, laughing so hard that he fell nearly off his horse.

“We better get moving,” he finally managed to say after calming down. “At least we do not need to worry about orcs today.” Aragorn arched a brow in surprise. “How so?”
“Your outfit will surely scare every orc away that dares coming near us, dear Aragorn,” Glorfindel replied roaring with laugher as he rode off.

*******************************

Legolas could not wait to read the latest issue of the magazine. There had been so much good stuff in the first one. The outfits, the gossip and the fact that all of this had driven his sire mad made the whole matter even better. His favourite section was the beauty pages. Everyone thought that he was fair by nature, which was true to a certain extent, but with the centuriassiassing by, even an elf as fair as he had to do something for his natural beauty. This time they had an article on hairstyles.

How to make your blond mane shining

Shining blond hair is considered a sign of exceptional beauty among elves, but is sometimes difficult to achieve. Environmental influences, personal stress and other matters are causing the hair to look dull and tangled. The Elfopolitan beauty editor has discovered that the “blond shine” treatment sold at the Imladris beauty parlour does the trick when a handful of the trent int is mixed with two teaspoons of lemon juice and a tablespoon of miruvor. Leave it in your wet hair, wrapping a towel around your head and rinse your hair thoroughly after exactly 15 minutes. However, be very precise with the measurement. Otherwise you might end up with results you did not desire. With the right dose of all ingredients you hair will be shiner than ever before, making potential lovers queue for you.

That was exactly what Leoglas needed. Swiftly he left his room to get the “blond shine” from the beauty parlour and lemon juice and miruvor from the kitchen. Back in his room he washed his hair carefully before mixing the ingredients and applying the mixture to his long blond hair, wrapping a towel around his head. Soon all of Imladris would admire his shiny blond mane. They would be so envious!

Lost in thoughts about countless admirers, Legolas did not hear Elrohir enter his room. He only realised the presence of his lover when Elrohir put his hand around Legolas’ waist, kissing his neck gently. Legolas moaned slightly and soon they were kissing passionately, their hands roaming all over their bodies. This went one for some time, both of them lost in passion, until Elrohir dragged Legolas to the bed. Falling down on the bed, the towel came off. “Darling, what did you do with your hair?" Elrohir asked, surprised. Something looked wrong with Legolas’ hair.

“They had a tip for really shiny hair in the new issue, which I tried”, Legolas replied proudly.

“Uhm… are you sure it is supposed to look this way?” Elrohir asked cautiously. “You better go and check.”

Legolas looked out of the window to check the time on the tower of Imladris. “By Elbereth! It has been in my hair for nearly an hour!” he screamed in shock. “They said to be very precise with the time!” In panic he rushed to the bathroom to wash the mixture out of his hair immediately. When he came back Elrohir stared at him in shock. Seeing his lover’s reaction, Legolas hurried to the mirror, screaming in shock when he saw his reflection. Staring back was an elf with bright pink hair!

Legolas on ton the verge of tears. “Uhm, it suits you”, Elrohir said in a not very convincing tone. “It really does.”

*******************************

Galadriel was looked over the jewellery at Cartielf, Imladris’ finest goldsmith. They had such beautiful things. “Soon you will be ours, my precioussssssssss”, she thought looking at a seven carat diamond ring, enclosed in the finest mithril. Sooner or later Celeborn would get her something nice out of guilt and she would make sure that is was something very precioussssssss... “Make sure that you recommend this preciousssssssssss ring to my husband when he comes to your shop,” she told the owner. And Celeborn would come. She just had to wait until he had seen this month’s horoscope.

Virgo
You are disappointing the ones who should be dearest to you. Betrayal cannot be denied forever and at one point it will be too late to ask for forgiveness. Make up with the one you have hurt so deeply and make all efforts to reconcile. Use all means, materialistic and others to ensure that the betrayal will be forgiven, no matter what it costs. Love should be valued higher than financial means. Fail and you might provoke the wrath of the Valar, as betrayal is one of the severest misdemeanours in Arda.

Celeborn swallowed hard when reading his horoscope to Thranduil. “How can they possibly know…” He could not believe this. Everything in his horoscope was true again!

Thranduil shook his head. “This is nothing but a coincidence.” He would never understand why the Lord of ‘Lorien was so superstitious. “Read mine and you will see that it is all an unpleasant coincidence, nothing more.”

Leo
You can no longer hide was has been hidden for so long. No matter how hard you try, the truth about your family can not be denied much longer. Confess what is obvious and no one will take offence. Try to cover up what has been hidden and your embarrassment will be enormous. In the end it all boils down to your vanity. Accept things the way they are and be more relaxed about appearance and reputation and life will be much more enjoyable for you. Once the anger you are carrying right now fades, you might even find true love.

Celeborn looked at his lover in confusion. Too much of this applied to Thranduil. He was vain and lately had had made such a fuss about that infamous book about his father’s affairs. Besides, he had even tried to ban the magazine in Mirkwood. And what was that about true love? He eyed Thranduil suspiciously. “Is there something you want to tell me?” Celeborn asked icily.

“This is a horoscope, nothing else,” the king of Mirkwood tried to defend himself. “Nothing of this is true. I love you and no one else!” He could tell that Celeborn did not fully believe him.

“I think I'd better do something about reconciling with Galadriel,” Celeborn said while getting up.

Thranduil stared at him in disbelief. “Are you dumping me?”

“No, I am not, but it cannot do any harm to calm down Galadriel a bit. Maybe a present will make her more approachable.” Celeborn had no intention of leaving Thranduil, but he did not want to fuss around with the Valar or his wife. He could not decide who was scarier, but at least he could do something about his wife’s wrath.

Walking down the shopping mall of Imladris he held Thranduil close, ensuring the blond elf that he had no intention of leaving him. Outside Cartielf they stopped. “Maybe some jewellery would be to Galadriel’s likingelboelborn mused while entering.

The owner of the shop had already been waiting for Celeborn. “I need something for my wife,” Celeborn explained. “A little something.”

“The Lady of the Wood has looked at this ring the last time she was here,” the shop owner said pointing at the huge seven carat ring Galadriel had admired earlier that day. Celeborn swallowed hard. “Are you sure it was this one?” That particular ring must cost a fortune! The other elf nodded. “It would suit your wife perfectly, milord.”

Celeborn sighed. It seemed that he had not much choice. If Galadriel had looked at this particular ring she would be disappointed about any other piece of jewellery he bought. After all those millennia of marriage he knew that for sure. And a disappointed Galadriel was not something Celeborn looked forward to. The last time his wife had been disappointed Celeborn had volunteered to join the border guards of his realm for a whole season, even though this had meant sleeping outdoors in winter.

He gestured to the shop owner to pack the ring. He would have to ask Elrond if he could borrow some money.

When Celeborn turned around he noticed the hurt look on his lover’s face. “What is the matter, my dear?”

Thranduil pouted. “You say you will never leave me and yet you buy *her* such an nsivnsive gift. You never give me any gifts.”

“Our love needs no gifts, my precious.”

Thranduil shook his head. “That’s what misers say.”

“Good, my dear, what would you like?” Celeborn was too exhausted for more discussions.

Thranduil pointed at a ring roughly the size of the one Celeborn had bought for Galadriel. “That one would be nice.”

Celeborn sighed inwardly. This was going to be an expensive afternoon. He would have to ask Elrond for even more money. No doubt his son-in-law would rub that in for the next millennium or two.

***************************************

Rumil sat in one of the gardens of Imladris. He had chosen one of the wilder parts where no one would look for him and he could indulge in self pity undisturbed. He had seen Thranduil earlier but the king of Mirkwood had hardly noticed him. He knew that it had not meant anything when he and Thranduil had had that little affair last time the king had been to ‘Lorien, but Rumil could not help it. He had fallen in love with Thranduil. And ever since he had been suffering. He had tried evhing: re: revealing outfits, perfume, little presents, but Thranduil had not even noticed.

He was so lost in thought that he did not hear another elf approaching. When Galadriel touched his shoulder he jumped. “I did not mean to disturb you, Rumil, but we need to talk.”

Rumil’s head was spinning. Why was the Lady of the Wood seeking him in this remote garden? Had he done anything wrong? Before he could reply Galadriel continued. “It seems that we have some common interest, young one,” she smiled. Rumil was confused. What was tal talking about?

“Your affection for Thranduil did not go unnoticed,” Galadriel stated.

Rumil looked up. “But how…? When…?”

Galadriel laughed softly. “You know, my mirror is not just for decoration, my dear. Besides, you have been moaning so loud during your nights of passion in ‘Lorien that it could be heard all over the place. That was hardly discrete.” Rumil turned crimson up to the tips of his ears.

“You want Thranduil and I want my husband back,” the Lady of the Wood continued. “Together we might be more successful.” Rumil listened with interest. After all, he had nothing to lose.

“All you have to do is to make sure is that Thranduil is on the balcony outside my rooms tonight a nine o’clock. If you manage to accomplish this, the rest should be easy,” Galadriel started to explain her plot.

Rumil’s eyes saddened, tears welling up in his eyes. “How should I achieve that.anduanduil barely notices me.”

Galadriel nodded in agreement. “Aye, but I think in here you might find some strategies to get Thranduil’s attention.” Handing him the latest copy of Elfopolitan she pointed at an article. Rumil looked closer.

“Make him crave you”
Guys are wired to respond to even the slyest wiles. Activate his imagination with these sexy suggestions, and he'll be aching for you all day.

Go Commando in Low-Slung Pants
Make sure he finds out before you get home that night -- drop your pencil, bow, or dagger, and make a strategic bend for his benefit.
Why he'll melt: What you don't reveal is what reels him in. "It's well-known that male elves are visual creatures," the Elfopolitan sex educator suggests. "But they're also problem solvers. Giving him a clue without exposing everything keeps him guessing." In other words, the suggestion of an almost-bare area will lock his mind on exactly when he'll get to explore your body in its entirety.

Use Your Fingers
At a casual dinner, lose the fork in favour of your fingers. Look him in the eye while you lick off any excess salt or sauce.
Why he'll melt: "When you touch yourself in a sensuous manner, it's an invitation for him to think of you in those terms. When he sees your self-stroking, he won't be able to resist thinking of his own hands on you,” Elfopolitan suggests.

Get Chummy
Or better, borderline flirty with the cute sentry, handsome chief advisor, or drop-dead gorgeous servant who's helping you.
Why he'llt: Yt: You're awakening his most basic instinct -- competitiveness. If you keep your moves benign (too much jealousy can trigger his temper and cause major problems), he'll be dying to let everyone know you're his.

Rumil read eagerly. This made sense and sounded reasonably easy. If this was all it took to convince Thranduil, he could do that.

He had not suitable pants to wfor for this undertaking, but Orophin, being one of the biggest flirts of Middle Earth, had what he needed. For the rest of the day Rumil could be seen walking around Imladris with extremely tight low-slung pants, dropping things whenever Thranduil was in sight. Dropping books, arrows and his bow frequently all over the place, he made sure that Thranduil had a good view of his rear every time he bent down. Thranduil pretended not to notice, but Rumil could feel the king staring at his nearly exposed backside. By dinnertime Rumil had a whole horde of male and female admirers following him around, hoping that the rather clumsy but unbearably sexy elf from ‘Lorien would drop even more things and give them another view of his cute backside.

All day Rumil had been flirting with all pretty elves he could find around Imladris, making sure Thranduil was in sight when he put stray strands of hair behind pointed ears or brushed invisible dust off robes, laughing seductively. Thranduil tried hard to ignore what was going on, but he paid close attention to Rumil’s actions. The young one was far too pretty for one of these dull elves he flirted with.

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Having escaped Thranduil, Celeborn sat down at the Bruinen. He needed some rest. This was emotionally draining. He was attracted to Thranduil, but it had never been love. After being married to Galadriel for several millennia, he had been looking for some adventure and change. At the same time he was fully aware that his marriage with Galadriel was eternal and he did not want to lose her in the end. The passion might have worn off over time, but he still loved her very much. Besides, the horoscope had put the fear of the Valar in him. Maybe the magazine would relax him a little bit, if he carefully avoided the horoscopes. Arching an eyebrow in surprise, he realised that he had just come across the solution of his problem:

“How to keep your romance alive”
In a perfect world, each moment of a relationship would be like that weak-kneed romantic scene featured in so many books and poems, when Luthien and Beren finally get together. So what keeps us from living that swoony, loopy-in-love life? Let Elfopolitan play mushy-moments director aush ush you to pack as much lovey-doveyness as possible into your daily duo.

Transform Dinner Into Dining
That midweek post-grind meal you devour together? Make it register off the mush-o-meter with some tiny adjustments to the atmosphere. "Pull out your nicest dishes and light a couple of candles, even if you're just having a mushroom lembas," suggests The Elfopolitan romance editor. "It's the mood, not the food, that sets a romantic scene.”

The Ranger look
Slip into shinghing a little more comfortable but a lot more cuddle-enticing. "Tight leggings and a short tunic make a casual but irresistible look, especially if it is not your usual outfit. It will sweep your love off her feet.

Touch Tenderly in Front of the palantir
When you're both chilling out in front of the palantir, heat things up with some hands-on action. "Give each other mini foot massages while watching the latest news from Gondor and Mirkwood," suggests Elfopolitan. "Or lay your head in his lap and let him stroke your hair." For the ultimate drive-in date experience watch the palantir outside on the talan or on lawn chairs on the front stoop beneath the stars.

That could be done, Celeborn mused, and he went on to prepare for the night. First he went to Aragorn to borrow one of his ranger outfits. Now that Arwen was insisting that Aragorn wear his lime and orange outfit every day he had no use for his usual ranger gear anyway. Surely he would not object to lending it to Celeborn for one night. On the way back he told the cook and the maids to prepare his room tonight for a romantic din It It was the ure ure that counted, he decided, not who did the dirty work. After all, he was still an elven lord and not used to do commoners' work.

**********************

At dinner Rumil dropped his fork to the floor, using his fingers instead. But how he was using them! Thranduil could not avert his view. Rumil was licking his fingers with every bite he was feeding himself from his fingers, obviously oblivious to the effect that had on Thranduil as the young elf kept talking to Erestor the whole time. Thranduil felt his groin stirring. He wanted Rumil and he wanted him now!

As soon as dinner was finished, Thranduil was at Rumil’s side guiding him to a more quiet area with a firm grip on the younger elf’s arm.

********************************

When Galadrcamecame to the room she officially shared with Celeborn she blinked in surprise. Obviously the horoscope had helped more than she had imagined. In front of her stood her husband dressed in Ranger’s clothes that obviously belonged to Aragorn. The ragged look of the slightly too tightthesthes made him look extremely sexy.

Celeborn led her over to the table where a carefully prepared dinner waited. Galadriel was careful not to smirk. Obviously the suggestions Elladan had put in the magazine with the hope of getting more than just passionate sex from Orophin had done the trick for Celeborn. She made a mental note to thank her grandson in the morning.

Noticing the little wrapped gift next to her plate, Galadriel’s smile widened. She finally got her preciousssssssssssssssss...

They settled down in front of the hearth were a warm fire burned. Celeborn took his time to reassure his wife of his undying love. Galadriel let her husband talk, smiling inwardly, knowing that she was about to win the game against that pretentious king of Mirkwood she had never liked. To complete her victory she had to make sure that Thranduil would get to know of this night. Leaning closer to her husband, she flicked through the pages of Elfopolitan stopping at the Karma Sutra section. “This looks interesting, my love”, she pointed at “The Joystick Ride”. Slowly she began to read with a low seductive voice.

Hot how-to: Your man lies on the bed or floor on his back with his arms relaxed above his head. Straddle him on top and slide your legs straight out and forward, so that your feet are on either side of his shoulders. Hold his shins or push on the floor for leverage, and start swivelling your hips in figure-eight motions so you're moving his penis around inside like you would a stick in a pot of healing herbs, turning your hubby’s penis into your very own joystick.

Why you'll love it: For the independent gal, this megamomentum move gives you tons of freedom and literally adds an exciting twist to your typical in-out motion. You control the speed, direction, and overall activity level. And as you're swivelling, your boobs will bounce north, south, east, and west -- an exhibitionist's dream.

Celeborn smiled happily, undressing quickly and laying down on the floor naked. Galadriel leaned over him kissing him. When she straddled her husband, Galadriel made sure that she was facing the window. Celeborn was in heaven, totally oblivious to the fact that this was the final part of Galadriel’s little plot to win her husband back.

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At the same time, Thranduil was kissing Rumil around the corner on one of the balconies of Imladris. Why Rumil had insisted on this particular spot, Thranduil could not figure out, but he was happy to oblige, delighted that Rumil had been so easy to convince. As their kiss deepened, Rumil moved making sure Thranduil faced a particular window, giving him a perfect view of Galadriel riding her husband to ecstasy. This, Galadriel mused, while smiling at a shocked Thranduil, would be enough to get her husband back after all.

Thranduil could not make any noise as his tongue was intertwined with Rumil’s in a passionate kiss. When the grasped for air, Rumil smiled wickedly. “Forget Celeborn, I can offer you much more than he ever would.” Thranduil smiled back. Maybe it was time for something new. Maybe his horoscope had been right after all. Opening the magazine he brought along, Ru sho showed a drawing to Thranduil. hinkhink I have exactly the right thing to make you forget Celeborn.” Rumil grinned invitingly, pointing at the “Wanton Wheelbarrow”.

How it's done: Stand facing the bed or a chair, then bend over so that your head and arms are resting on its surface. Your partner then stands behind you and grabs one of your ankles. Holding your foot near his hip, he enters you from behind.
Why you'll love it: In this rear-entry ride, your boy gets to thrust while getting a glorious view of -- and access to -- your posterior (a major turn-on). Plus, the deep impact and bent-over angle lets him hit that oh-my-god prostate gland.

Thranduil felt his leggings getting extremely tight. I a hurry, rather unsuitably for an Elven lord, he dragged Rumil along to his rooms. For the next week all that emerged from the room were passionate moans and cries of lust.

After a day Elrond grew worried and ordered the servants to leave food outside Thanduil’s chamber. The last thing Elrond wanted was the king of Mikwood starving to death while indulging in passionate lovemaking within the borders of Imladris.

When the two emerged a week later from Thranduil’s room, the king only had eyes for his new lover. Celeborn was completely forgotten, Galadriel noted with a smug and rather un-queenly grin on her face.

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TBC