Pen-Estel

Legolas felt very small and scared when he slowly opened the door to their rooms. Certainly Glorfindel must be able to see what he had done – even if Elrond had washed all traces from his body, there must have been some taint left, a stain on his fëa that could never be washed away. Certainly Glorfindel would be able to see it in his eyes, see that he had now become a whore in truth?

Yet Glorfindel was not waiting for him, as he would certainly have been had he suspected something. And so Legolas took Gîlríon with him to their bed, to let him sleep there in his arms after he had undressed himself. The warm presence of his son helped to finally calm himself – he had done everything Elrond had asked, they could not take Gîl away from him now. And he was still so small! Gîl needed him, at the very least for nourishment, and both Glorfindel and Elrond knew this... If he would just do as they said, everything would work out.

With a deep breath, Legolas relaxed into the cushions, watching his child sleep so peacefully. He would almost have fallen asleep himself, but finally, Glorfindel entered the room, and that immediately roused him. He tried not to look as afraid as he felt, and to not flinch back when his Lord sat down next to him, yet Glorfindel did not even seem to realise that something was wrong.

“Are you well, pen neth?” he asked softly, cupping Legolas’ face and giving him a concerned look. “I was worried about you! Did Elrond find out what was wrong?”

“Simple exhaustion, my Lord,” Legolas whispered, trembling a little at this sudden show of gentleness. He had been prepared for anger – but how was he supposed to react to this? He felt as if he were caught in a game, just a helpless plaything to amuse those more powerful than himself. “I am well now, truly...”

Glorfindel leaned in and kissed him briefly, pulling back to smile strangely. He sighed. “You smell of Elrond,” he said, deliberately inhaling the scent of herbs that clung to Legolas’ hair. Hearing that, Legolas froze in terror. Had he imagined darkness in Glorfindel’s voice? He closed his eyes, but that made the sick feeling worse. “Did you take a bath while you were there, roch neth?”

Legolas wanted to cry in relief, but instead he leaned against Glorfindel when the adrenaline left as suddenly as it had arrived. “Are you still so tired?” Glorfindel asked then, in obvious concern, and Legolas only nodded against his chest, hoping that he would be left alone to sleep at last. But he was disappointed.

“I could take you like this,” he said, his voice dropping deeper in the familiar desire, “while you are still so exhausted.” As he spoke he guided Legolas’ hand down to his member, which was hard and hot for him already under Glorfindel’s clothing. “And you would like that too, wouldn’t you?” Legolas moaned in answer as Glorfindel quickly undressed and joined him in their bed, the familiar call of his submission to Glorfindel was too strong to deny. It surprised Legolas how different he felt now, to what it had been like with Elrond. Glorfindel’s domination was absolute and faintly terrifying, and yet, somehow tempting.

“Shall I keep you from sleep all night?” Glorfindel wondered out loud, pulling Legolas close for a kiss that stole his breath and his thoughts.

“Please...” Legolas whispered, unthinking, then flushed with shame as he remembered pleading with Elrond in the same way. But it was so different with Glorfindel – it was as if he was a completely different person when he was so close to his Lord. It was intoxicating; it reduced him to nothing but desire, need, and submission.

With Elrond, he had been able to think, but this – there was no room for thought here, there was not even any choice. He belonged to Glorfindel, his body knew that fact... and Glorfindel knew it as well.

“But you are exhausted... maybe I should not?” Glorfindel teased, although his hands already curved around Legolas’ buttocks, pulling him so close that he could feel that Legolas was hard as well, just from these few moments of his presence.

“But then, that would be cruel – and I cannot be cruel to you when you are already unwell,” he said with a smirk, and allowed one of his fingers to slip into Legolas. “You are so loose...” he noted, and Legolas froze again.

But then Glorfindel smirked. “You really need this, don’t you? Already you are all sweet and relaxed for me... but you forgot the oil, roch neth!”

“I am sorry,” Legolas said breathlessly, feeling uncomfortably reminded of Elrond when Glorfindel’s finger continued to move inside him. But unlike Elrond, Glorfindel made it pleasurable for him... He moaned, then again, louder, when Glorfindel began to deliberately stimulate him.

“I love the sweet sounds you make for me,” Glorfindel said hungrily. “I think that just this one time, I will forgive you for forgetting the oil – but do not forget, the next time this happens, I will just have you without it, and if it hurts, it will be your own fault.”

“Yes, my Lord,” agreed Legolas breathlessly, panting as Glorfindel continued to massage him inside. Then, just as suddenly, it stopped, and Glorfindel’s touch left him as he stood up. He couldn’t stop a dismayed moan from escaping his lips, and Glorfindel smirked.

“Do not worry, I will not leave you alone for long,” he promised with a laugh. “But I think this one would only be disturbed too if I do not move him.” So saying, he very tenderly picked up Gîlríon from where he lay on the bed next to Legolas. For one moment, Legolas had the opportunity to study Glorfindel without that dangerous predatory attention focused on him, and so he took the chance. It was clear that Glorfindel loved their son as much as he did. From the way he looked at Gîl in his arms, to the way he carried him, careful not to jolt him.

At this moment, their son had all of Glorfindel’s attention, and to see it warmed Legolas’ heart – until he remembered what he had been doing earlier. Legolas closed his eyes in shame as Glorfindel took Gîl into the next room, that voice that could be so commanding and daunting, speaking soft words to their son as he laid him down to sleep.

And then, in the midst of his guilt – Legolas realised something else. He made a strangled sound of shock that Glorfindel luckily didn’t hear, and his hand drifted down to his belly. Could he? Legolas didn’t know enough about how it worked, and so he couldn’t think of any reason why not. He closed his eyes as Glorfindel came back into the room alone and returned to the bed, only to take Legolas into his arms again.

This time, the fear of his sudden realisation was enough to keep him from the automatic rush of desire being close to Glorfindel usually caused. He shivered as he now, finally, understood the full scope of what he had done. He could be pregnant now – pregnant with Elrond’s child!

What would that do to Glorfindel? What would it do to Imladris?

The way he knew Glorfindel, he would never be able to let it rest. He might punish Legolas, might even kill him for this betrayal – but he would not forgive Elrond either. Legolas was certain of that. Glorfindel was simply too proud to ever forgive something like this... and how could a realm like Imladris function when its ruler and its seneschal were fighting?

Legolas moaned in despair, yet Glorfindel seemed to take it as proof of his need for him, just like his trembling, and only moved to kiss him again.

“Gîl sleeps now,” he smiled, his eyes bright with fatherly pride and affection for the child they had created, and Legolas weakly closed his eyes. But there was no escaping his guilt, not when just a short while ago, he had lain just like this in the arms of his lord’s best friend.

“Do you remember the task I gave you?” Glorfindel then asked, his fingers moving back between Legolas’ legs to tease him there with light, fleeting touches. “Did you think of something to please me? Or...” His voice grew darker now, and he made no effort to hide his desire, his pleasure at having Legolas helpless in his arms. “Or did you not think of something, because you want me to punish you, roch neth?”

Legolas looked into Glorfindel’s eyes. “I…” he began weakly, not knowing how to answer the question. All he had to give his Lord was betrayal, and it felt terrible. “Punish me,” he begged suddenly, burying his head in Glorfindel’s chest to avoid looking up at him anymore. “I deserve to be punished.”

He thought he might have shown too much in his answer, but Glorfindel only laughed at his outburst. “Then I shall,” he promised. “But much later, when I have taken all the pleasure you can give me, and your body longs for rest and sleep.” Legolas moaned, feeling his desire return at the threat. And Glorfindel would keep it – he knew that.

But now Glorfindel had the oil, and he prepared Legolas teasingly, drawing it out so that by the time his Lord moved to lie on top of him, Legolas was begging for Glorfindel to take him at last.

He didn’t waste anymore time, but held Legolas still and looked into his eyes as he thrust inside of him deeply. “Please, my Lord,” Legolas moaned, wanting to look away. Now, although he wanted to feel Glorfindel inside him, he couldn’t help remembering how Elrond had felt such a short space of time ago. It was as though his body was something for them both to use – he had never felt that more clearly than now, and he wondered in a strange mixture of guilt and pleasure if that was what his life would be from now on… to be passed back and forth between the two of them. Glorfindel was already quite demanding enough. How would he satisfy them both?

That thought brought him close to the edge almost immediately, when Glorfindel had barely begun to move inside him, and he felt himself tighten up as he moaned, so that Glorfindel stopped in his movements and held still.

“So eager?” he teased playfully, leaning down so that he could kiss Legolas’ neck. “But I haven’t even begun to take all that I want from you tonight. And as my pleasure will come before yours – you will have to wait.” Legolas whimpered submissively and tried to calm himself, deliberately turning his thoughts away from Elrond and dedicating himself to serving Glorfindel.

Still, it was hard to make himself wait, even though he had already come earlier, in Elrond’s bed... but Glorfindel knew exactly how to play with his body, so that he was hot and eager for him, and even the pain of accepting something so large into his body only made him moan with desire for more.

“Please, my Lord!” he begged breathlessly, trying to tighten around Glorfindel to give him even more pleasure. “It is too much... I can’t...”

“Oh yes,” Glorfindel groaned, deliberately brushing against the small spot that made Legolas cry out with pleasure. “You can and you will! You do not want to know what I will do to you if you disobey now!”

Legolas sobbed from the intensity of it all. It was too much, too much pleasure... he needed release, otherwise he would certainly die if Glorfindel kept forcing more pleasure on him!

“Please, my Lord!” he begged again, reaching up to wind his arms around Glorfindel’s neck, kissing him with all the passion inside him. “I need... I need you! Oh, please!”

Glorfindel chuckled, but then indulged him, his thrusts becoming more forceful as he threw his head back, groaning loudly every time he pushed deep into the tightness of Legolas’ body. He had wanted to make it last – but the youth’s pleading was just too sweet to resist, and the needy little gasps and moans were what finally pushed him over the edge.

“Don’t come yet!” was the last thing he managed to groan, before pleasure overcame him and he spilled himself inside Legolas with a few more thrusts. A moment later, he found himself resting on the youth’s slight body, still panting breathlessly from the force of his release, while Legolas’ eyes filled with tears of frustrated need.

He moaned once more in satisfaction, before pulling out of Legolas slowly. Before Legolas could gather his wits, Glorfindel slipped an arm around his shoulder to pull him close, imprisoning his hands behind him at the same time. Glorfindel turned onto his side then, towards Legolas, and threw one leg over Legolas’ thighs, effectively trapping him. He grinned wickedly, and Legolas suddenly became aware of how helpless he was.

His erect member still throbbed and pulsed with unsatisfied need, and Legolas watched as Glorfindel reached down with his free hand to caress him. He groaned, and turned his face into Glorfindel’s shoulder as the Lord let out a pleased chuckle.

“I love those sounds you make, roch neth,” he said warmly. “Won’t you make more of them for me?” And Glorfindel squeezed and manipulated him perfectly so that Legolas couldn’t help but do as he was told.

“Please!” he begged breathlessly, after a few minutes of such keen, exquisite torture that he no longer knew exactly what he was begging for. It was just so horrible, and perfect, and pleasurable. He moaned again when Glorfindel didn’t answer except to move his hand like that again – and he couldn’t move away from it. “Oh, help me!” At that Glorfindel laughed, but Legolas was too far gone to feel anything else now.

It seemed to last forever, until he was feverish with desire and longing. He couldn’t keep his eyes open, only the clever hold Glorfindel still had on him kept him in place, and his legs shook of their own accord as the terrible/beautiful massaging motion of Glorfindel’s hand continued.

He progressed beyond moaning, to a kind of wail that didn’t end. “Please!” he begged, more hoarsely, and at last Glorfindel’s hand stopped moving. Legolas trembled in relief and want, equally glad for the break and wishing that it would start again. At last he could look around him, but he was caught by the look Glorfindel had. He was staring at Legolas’ face curiously, and meaningfully. He moved his hand again, and Legolas finally began to sob.

“No more, my Lord,” he pleaded, betraying himself by the way he moved into Glorfindel’s touch. It was never quite enough to make him come, only enough to drive him insane.

“All right, roch neth,” Glorfindel whispered soothingly, and there was no amusement in his voice now, just a kind of intense seriousness. “Come for me.” And suddenly he leaned on Legolas to keep his body flat on the bed as he came, covering his mouth to deaden the scream that he couldn’t control. It was simultaneously the worst, and most wonderful feeling of freedom… to let go. And as he came down he clung to Glorfindel breathlessly, finding that his hands were free.

“Shh,” Glorfindel soothed him again as he closed his eyes tiredly. “Well done, Legolas. It’s over now.”

In his tiredness and bliss, Legolas hardly understood what Glorfindel said, only reacting to the tone of his voice. He felt Glorfindel’s fingers brushing strands of sweat-soaked hair from his face, and suddenly shivered feeling cold, but then Glorfindel pulled him close, and he was so warm! Legolas settled happily into his arms now, kissing everywhere he could reach without moving; Glorfindel’s chest, his throat, his hands when they came too close.

But after only a few seconds, Legolas knew he was falling asleep. He felt so drained and weary now. So completely exhausted from Glorfindel’s demands that he couldn’t even concentrate on the kisses anymore. Glorfindel spoke, and it took a moment for Legolas to catch the words, since the deep, rumbling sound Glorfindel’s voice made in his chest seemed to want to drag Legolas into sleep.

“There is still the question of your punishment,” Glorfindel reminded him. Legolas only snuggled into Glorfindel’s body tiredly, yawning a little.

“Punishment,” he repeated, as if the word meant nothing. And it didn’t mean anything anymore.

“Yes, punishment,” Glorfindel said, and now he sounded amused. “I told you that it would wait until I had exhausted you – and I think that I have taken my fill of pleasure from you now.”

“But I am so tired, my Lord,” Legolas said and yawned again, fighting against the urge to just relax and let sleep take him. “And... didn’t you already...”

Now Glorfindel laughed. “That was no punishment – that was pleasure! You know that you liked what I did, you cannot deny it!”

Legolas only sighed in answer. He knew that he had begged for it himself, but he was so very weary now... he no longer even cared about Glorfindel or Elrond, all he wanted was sleep. “If it is to be my punishment to be kept from sleep, I think I would rather have thought of a way to pleasure you,” he muttered, then groaned when Glorfindel let go of him, allowing the cold air to reach him.

“Whatever shall I do with you?“ Glorfindel purred, and Legolas shivered.

“Please, my Lord,” he begged, “you can do with me whatever you want... But may I not rest first? Just for a short moment? I still feel so exhausted...” He gave Glorfindel a beseeching look, trying to look as pitiful as possible. He felt a small amount of guilt for using Elrond’s lie against Glorfindel, but after what Glorfindel just put his body through, it truly felt as if his eyes would glaze over in just a moment, whether he wanted it or not.

He accepted Glorfindel’s fingers into his mouth easily, not really surprised to taste himself. Perhaps if he pleased his Lord now, then Glorfindel wouldn’t hurt him – at least not tonight – and he could rest. But then, when he had finished licking clean Glorfindel’s hand he was turned onto his back, and he opened his eyes wide when he felt Glorfindel wiping his belly clean with a damp cloth. The water was freezing, and he gasped as the cloth moved slowly lower.

“Don’t!” he gasped. “Please!” But Glorfindel only laughed and Legolas squeaked when the cold dampness touched him between his legs. He wanted to move away, but he didn’t really dare, knowing he would definitely earn himself a punishment if he didn’t allow Glorfindel to do what he wanted.

The awful teasing seemed to last forever, and when it was done, Glorfindel pulled him close again. After everything, Legolas had nothing left to give – he didn’t even have the energy to plead anymore – and he pressed himself to Glorfindel’s warmth almost in desperation. “You can sleep now, pen neth,” Glorfindel said softly, and Legolas was grateful to hear the words, since he was already halfway there. “After all, we still have the morning. And you will be so much more responsive once you have rested,” he teased. But Legolas didn’t have the strength left to respond, and he drifted off straight away in Glorfindel’s arms.

Despite his utter exhaustion, Legolas woke several times that night. Only two times were because of their child – the rest he could only blame on his betrayal of Glorfindel, as his guilt followed him even into his dreams. They were strange dreams, which had him waking up covered in cold sweat, gasping for breath as if somebody had choked him in his sleep.

And even then, although he felt so very alone and afraid in those moments, he still tried to be quiet, so as to not disturb his lord.

But as always, Glorfindel’s sleep was light, and the next time Legolas was startled awake out of a nightmare, Glorfindel was there to pull him into his embrace, soothingly running his hands over his back. In silent gratitude, Legolas pressed himself tightly against Glorfindel’s warm body, but although his lord’s presence was enough to keep the nightmares at bay, it only magnified the bitter guilt he felt. How could he have done this to Glorfindel?

Glorfindel was no longer the same; he was not always cruel. Had he not even allowed for him to take up weapon training, once Gîl was a little older?

But instead of gratitude, all Legolas had done was to give himself to another at the smallest threat of pain. Was he truly such a coward? Had his father been right after all?

Legolas’ shoulder shook as he soundlessly wept against Glorfindel’s chest.

“Hush, child,“ the lord tried to soothe him. “Have you dreamed of your father? Or are you still feeling unwell? Are you in pain, Legolas? Shall I call for Elrond?”

At that last suggestion, Legolas’ shaking became worse, and he couldn’t speak – couldn’t stop Glorfindel from doing exactly that. But his exhaustion was such after the long day and night that he several times slipped in and out of sleep while they waited for Elrond to arrive.

As if in a nightmare, he awoke again to find himself being examined by the Lord of Imladris, and he shrieked in his half-sleeping state, trying to push Elrond’s hands away from him. “Be still, Legolas!” And Glorfindel’s harsh tone was the only thing that could calm him enough to allow the hands to check him over.

“Perhaps it would be best if he stayed in the healing quarters tonight. He seems to be suffering from a form of mild hysteria.” Elrond’s suggestion, and Legolas was so afraid of what might happen there that he clung to Glorfindel’s arm.

“Don’t send me away, my Lord, please!” And his entreaty was so much in earnest that Glorfindel actually smiled at him.

“Don’t worry, I won’t send you away from me, pen neth.” Turning to Elrond, he said: “He will stay here tonight. If anyone can calm him then that person is me.” To which Elrond nodded, and directed a little glance of concern towards Legolas.

“Make him drink this,” Elrond suggested then, capitulating, passing Glorfindel a small cloth bag full of herbs for an infusion. “It will calm him enough to rest. And allow you to do the same.”

After Elrond had left, Legolas found himself calming down a little, and he gratefully accepted the tea Glorfindel made for him, feeling drawn out from his nightmares and the guilt he still felt. He sighed heavily when he was finished, and Glorfindel took the cup from him.

“May I rest now, my Lord?” he asked in a small voice, feeling not only guilty because of his betrayal now, but also for keeping both Glorfindel and Elrond up tonight. “I am calm now...”

“Of course you may,” Glorfindel said tenderly and drew him into his arms once more. He kissed his forehead and gently stroked over his hair, and Legolas felt like a small child now, soothed by the embrace of its parents and their love for him, although he had never known that sensation as a child.

“Ah, I wish I knew what has caused you such distress,” Glorfindel sighed, and Legolas guiltily closed his eyes. “Will you not tell me, pen neth? Was it a dream? I know that you did not find much rest tonight...”

“Yes, it was a dream, my Lord,” Legolas finally admitted in defeat. Yet more lies... but what else could he say? “I am sorry for making you worry, and for keeping you from sleep. I promise it will not happen again...”

Now Glorfindel chuckled. “Can you control your dreams then?” he said gently. “None of us can... Do not feel guilt for something which is out of your control. And do not think of your father anymore. That life is behind you. You have a child of your own now, and what your father thinks of you is of no consequence. Instead...” Now his voice grew hoarse, and Legolas shivered, although he could already feel himself growing tired from the calming tea, “Instead you must please me now, Legolas, and only me.”

“Yes, my Lord,” Legolas agreed softly, thinking sadly about how easily he had given in to Elrond, but then the herbs finally did their work, and his eyes fell closed for a deep, healing sleep.