Cinderella of the BumpNGrind

BLISTERGIRL: In this final section I've expanded my reference text list from LOTR and Rocky Horror to include Monty Python.

*****

EOWYN: *lies breathless on the chaise longue staring blankly*

ARWEN; *flicks through Aryante: A Cinderella Story* Look, another short chapter. I'll read this out while you recover.

EOWYN: *lies breathless on the chaise longue staring blankly*

++Ch4

Just to let u all knwo im changing my pen name "Midnight Rose" to "Kairi Dark"
I iwll update ASAP! Becuas ei have a major paper due soon.
Thanks!
Sorry if short++

ARWEN: As the immortal goddesses and gods of MST have taught us, Do Not Question The Author. That was chapter 4, Eowyn. You recovered yet?

EOWYN: Hmm?

ARWEN: Close enough. *jumps Eowyn again*

EOWYN: *several minutes later* Wasn't there meant to be a story?

ARWEN: *straightens dress and picks book up from floor* Oh yeah! Here's chapter 5.

++Aryante: A Cinderella Story
By: Kairi Dark
A/N: Hey! I'm back! And ready to start! But I have a message to all of you:
Okay...so I don't know much about Middle Earth. ++

ARWEN: *Thankyou* for pointing that out, honey.

++And this is my first Fic. I put one of the genre as Fantasy for a reason! This Mirkwood is my version for this story! It's my first so you can't really blame me. And anyway So it doesn't really go to the Real Mirkwood, like its a forest, not a palace, it's dark and gloomy etc. But I just changed it to my version for this story! I'm not changing it like I'm Tolkien my self!!! ++

EOWYN: I'm going to have to look this Tolkien guy up. Everyone speaks of him.

++And I don't care what all of you flamers say. This is my story and I ca wha whatever I want with it. If you have a problem with it. Either Deal, or don't read my story anymore. Okay?
Disclamier: I do not own anything of tolkien. Everyone eles.. is mine.
Well, now to the story!
"Talking"
'Thoughts'
*Elvish* ++

ARWEN: ++Silly Bint called Kairi Dark/ Midnight Rose++

++Chapter 3: The Invite and Getting Ready
I was making lunch for her stepsisters and mother. ++

ARWEN: Hmm. She seems to have a problem with POV.

EOWYN: *gig* PO* POV? That sounds rude.

ARWEN: You'ust ust *asking* for it now. There's no challenge.

EOWYN: Please?

ARWEN: *growls* We're *one* sentence into the chapter. You're going to have to wait.

EOWYN: You're all worn out aren't you?

ARWEN: What? No! I-

EOWYN: Let's keep reading, shall we?

++Then I heard a knock on the door.
"I'll get it!" cried Ethelewen. She ran downstairs and ran to the door. She opened the door and there was a man dressed in a blue tunic and black boots. He also had a black cape, brown eyes and blonde hair.++

EOWYN: I'm kinda disappointed with the physical descriptions in this story. Apart from Leggy's "long white blonde hair and crystal blue eyes", everyone's hair is simply black, or blonde.

ARWEN: I think maybe word of the GayShaggingCats' Band of Rusty Gold has got around. The authors are scared.

++"Here you go miss," he said as he gave her a small white envelope with the Stamp of Mirkwood on it.++

ARWEN: Ah, the legendary Mirkwood Postal Service.

EOWYN: They had those lovely commemorative stamps on Legolas's 2100st birthday.

ARWEN: No, that was Prince William.

EOWYN: *shrugs* All these princes look the same to me.

++"Thank you," she replied. She took the envelope and shut the door. She observed it before opening the envelope. ++

ARWEN: What, the door?

EOWYN: *shrugs*

++Her eyes skimmed though the letter. She smiled. "Mother! Seerefea!" Vana, Seerefea and I all came running into the room.++

EOWYN: Wha? I'm confused, I thought Hey You was already in the room observing the door.

ARWEN: *rereads* No, Hey You was making lunch for her stepsisters and mother.

EOWYN: I thought her mother was dead?

ARWEN: *frowning* I'm still wondering how Hey You can know what's going on at the front door when she's in another room making lunch for her dead mother. I *think* this is still being told in the first person.

EOWYN: *starts to cry* My head hurts.

ARWEN: There, there *pats Eowyn's head and pushes it down to her lap* You just have a nice rest.

EOWYN: Ybfiwmmared...

++"What is it dear child?" asked Vana. Ethelewen stated jumping up and down.
"The prince is having a ball to find his future wife!" Vana ripped the not from Ethelewen's hands. ++

ARWEN: Better than having a knot ripped from your hair.

EOWYN: *sits up* That was a good sentence... NOT!

ARWEN: *pushing Eowyn's face into her lap* You're resting.

++She smiled a big smiled. ++

ARWEN: And the readers died a little death.

++"Every girl in the Kingdom is invited! I'm sure the prince will surely chose one of my beautiful daughters." She screamed along with Ethelewen. Seerefea and I covered our ears. God how they screamed loud. "Come Ethelewen, Seerefea, we must prepare." I smiled in the inside. I hoped I could come along. The prince would take me away from this awful place. ++

ARWEN: And return her to the BumpNGrind, fetching a handsome bounty from her pimp.

++As they walked up the stairs, I ran to the bottom of the stair case. " Stepmother," i said getting her attention. Vana turns around annoyed. ++

EOWYN: *sits up and immediately collapses* Woah, headspin from the change of tense!

ARWEN: If you'd just kept your head down there that wouldn't have happened.

EOWYN: *mutters* I wish more than one of us had shaved her legs...

++"What?!" she sneered. I did not cringe because I did not want to show them that I am weak.
"May I go to the ball also?" she looked at me disgusted.
"Why should you go to the ball?" she scoffed. "Surly you would capture the prince's heart?" ++

ARWEN: The prince being one of those certain types of fetishists with a thing for cave troll hookers.

++"The invite said ALL the ladies of Mirkwood." Added Seerefea.
, I , I just thought-" Ethelewen interrupted me.++

ARWEN: YOU weren't talking. And if you were, you should learn a few things about formatting dialogue.

++"You cannot go to the ball. You are common! You will never have the princes heart. And besides, you have nothing to wear!" I opened my mouth but nothing came out. Vana and Ethelewen flipped their hair and continued to walk up the stairs. ++

EOWYN: *sits up* That's a blatant ripoff of Band of Gold. The January wind flipped Ally's hair, now it's scuttled down to Mirkwood and is flipping the hair of random women everywhere.

++Seerefea looked at me upset.
"If you do not go Aryi," said Seerefea. "I will not go."
"But you must!" I yelled back. "You shall go and have the time of your life." She took my hands.
"But it will not be the same, without you." I shook my head.
"Maybe you will not the princes heart, but maybe some other man live in kingdom. Do not worry about me, I assure... I shall be fine," she looked at me doubtfully. ++

EOWYN: She will not the princes heart, similar to the not in Ethel Ewan's hands.

++*If that is what you wish. *
*It is. *Seerefea gave me a hug and walked up the stairs. I went back into the kitchen and continued cooking. ++

ARWEN: *flips back to start of chapter 5, or 3, or whatever this is* Randomly placed asterisks denote Elvish speech. This community service announcement was brought to you by GayShaggingCats.

++**Mirkwood Palace***++

EOWYN: So was *that* Elvish too?

ARWEN: No, but I see we've moved from Mirkwood Palece to Mirkwood Palace. Good choice, the bathrooms are much nicer in the Palace.

++"I do not know if I can do this Kaane." said Prince Legolas.
"You will do fine milord," replied Kaane, helping Legolas put on his wardrobe. His mother came in and she smiled when she saw her son. ++

ARWEN: *as Legolas's mother* What are you doing wearing the wardrobe? I thought you came out of the closet years ago.

++"Legolas, you look very handsome." Said his mother smiling. ++

EOWYN: I thought her name was Celebmoth? *giggles*

ARWEN: *sigh*

++He wore a white tunic and Leggings. Along with a white cape and boots. ++

ARWEN: Very similar to the postman who wore a blue tunic and black boots. He also had a black cape, brown eyes and blonde hair.

EOWYN: *whines* Can't we go MST one of Jennywrenny's stories?

ARWEN: Shh, another chapter of the Hobbidykes has been discovered. Don't speak too loudly or we'll end up cememted in here like the boys.

++"Thank you mother." Replied Legolas.
"I am positive you will find her tonight," his mother turned to Kaane. "Do you not think so Kaane?" He was about to say no when the qugavegave him her death glare. ++

ARWEN: FUCK!!! *ducks* I thought that was outlawed!

EOWYN: Must have regained popularity when the cave trolls moved in.

++He stood tall and then bowed.
"Of coarse he will, your majesty" Kaane replied loo up. ++

ARWEN: Hmm. This could be interpreted several ways.

EOWYN: And as long as you're here, none of them will resemble what Kairi Dark/ Midnight Rose intended.

ARWEN: I could only improve things...

EOWYN: Come on, not much more to go! Hope you've got your energy back.

ARWEN: *starts to read very quickly*

++"Maybe so," said Legolas. "But remember our deal mother."
"I will my son."
"If you will excuse me, I shall go rest until the time has come." Legolas gave his mother a kiss on the cheek and walked away.
***Aryante's home. Hours later***
*You look beautiful Seerefea.* I complimented in elvish. ++

EOWYN: Der. We already covered that.

++We in her room looking over her dress. She wore a green dress that sparkled in the light. It showed her curves, and was up to her knees. ++

ARWEN & EOWYN: SLUT!!!

EOWYN: You're right, these Rocky Horror references do fit well.

++Her hair was up in a tight bun, with two pieces of bangs coming down on her temples.
*Are you sure you do not want me to stay?*asked Seerefea.
"I am sure. You will be the light of the party," i smiled and she smiled back.++

ARWEN: The bilingualism in these fanfics is disturbing and illogical. Especially when it's cave trolls speaking English and Elvish.

++"Seerefea! Our ride is here!" yelled Ethelewen from down stairs.
coming! " she turned around and gave me a big hug. She whispered to me. "I shall tell you all about." I nodded. ++

ARWEN: I wouldn't trust See Reefer to tell me all about anything, she can't even complete her sentences.

++She walked down the stairs which such grace and beauty. I walked over to the window and I saw the three of them get into a green carriage and rode away to the palace.
I felt water in my black eyes. ++

EOWYN: Hey You should really put a steak on those. It's meant to reduce the swelling or something.

ARWEN: You country girls really are rather coarse aren't you?

EOWYN: You can't tell me you prefer femmes, you married Aragorn.

ARWEN: True. He's the biggest bulldyke around.

++I ran down the stairs, though the back door and to the yard. I feel to the ground and weeped. ++

ARWEN: See, this is the problem with spellcheckers. Just because everything in those two sentences is a legitimate word, it doesn't mean they're meant to be used that way.

++Hot tears kept pouring into my eyes. Midnight saw this and walked to me master and gave my cheek a nuzzle. ++

EOWYN: Where did her pimp come from?

ARWEN: She's started speaking Mangel Wurzel. (as Aryante) Weel me master peemp give me two blick eey-

EOWYN: *pashes Arwen to shut her up*

++I stood up and hugged my horse tightly continued to cry. The squirrel from before came and pulled on the bottom of my brown, ragged dress. I picked him put and cradled him in my arms. Soon all of my animal friends were around me trying to comfort me.
*Oh Valdar, please tell me, why do I live a life like this? Do I not deserve more? Can I not find someone to take me away from this awful place. * I prayed in mind.++

EOWYN: *pulls out mid-pash* That wasn't praying, that was speaking Elvish. Kairi Dark/ Midnight Rose said so at the start. If she's thinking it's meant to be written like 'this'.

ARWEN: *looks at book* Hey, that was the last bit.

EOWYN: *looks at book* But- we can't end things there!

ARWEN: You want to read more of this drivel?

EOWYN: Fuck the story, I said *we* can't end things here. We haven't fucked yet! All the boys get way beyond second base by this stage, and we don't have any story left.

ARWEN: I *guess* we could indulge in a little PWP.

EOWYN: Isn't that why we all signed up for this?

THE BOYS IN OTHER MSTS: Yes! Get on with it!

BLISTERGIRL: And so Arwen and Eowyn tore off each others' maidenly vestments. And there was much rejoicing.