The Elf and Future King

Thanks to my beta Viv
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JRR Tolkien owes everything except Amrun.

Chapter Three
Learning to Live Alone


Amrun had not felt this vast emptiness until Grima had described Theodred as "the late Theodred."

Amrun glanced to her left and saw that Legolas had come up beside her as silently the wind blowing across the terrace.

“I was troubled for you when you left the celebration. I did not mean to intrude on your thoughts,” Legolas said softly, watching her face.

Looking up at the cloudless sky, she whispered to him, “How do you carry on through all of the death surrounding you and the loss of your friends without letting the rage and sorrow shatter you into a million pieces?”

“You have not been in this world of men long, having been sheltered by the few that you knew. You have not seen that while there is great evil in this world, there is also goodness worth fighting for. I do not allow the evil to enter my heart but I too have felt the rage. My life in Mirkwood has helped me quiet the storm. But you still have the fire of youth and the wildness of being away from others for too long.” He studied her delicate features and her eyes that were immersed in sorrow. “Do you plan to go to one of the Elven realms when we ride to Gondor?”

“I do not plan to stay in Edoras but know not where I will go.”

They turned to see Aragorn coming towards them.

“You will be safe in Mirkwood or Imladris,” Legolas assured her.

Turning to Aragorn, Legolas said, “We should send her there with the hobbits away from this war. If we fail, there will be no place in Middle-earth for her anyway. Lord Elrond or my father will take her to the Undying Lands rather than see her die when the evil of Mordor spreads. She belongs with the elves; she is one of us. She needs to know of the goodness of elves rather than just see the evil that spreads from Mordor.”

Nodding, Aragorn said, “You are right Legolas. You will take her and the hobbits tomorrow.”

“No, my lord. His place is with you. I will not allow him to leave your side. When you ride to war, send me with someone else to Imladris or Mirkwood, which ever is safest. You must follow your destiny as much as everyone else. You need Legolas and Gimli as much as you need Éomer and King Theoden to fight with you. You destiny does not involve caring for me as if I were a child. I am not your burden to bear.”

“If that is what you wish, I cannot refuse. Thank you Legolas for your wisdom. Now let us get some sleep, it has been a long day and this may be the last time we sleep before it is time to ride out again. I bid you goodnight, Legolas and Amrun.”

With that, and a boyish grin, Aragorn kissed her hand. Legolas smiled at her. Aragorn patted Legolas on the shoulder and went inside. She turned back to looking out over the plains of Rohan bathed in the soft light of the moon. She did not know when Legolas had left her because all was silent except for the cheerful sounds of the hall. She knew not how long she stood there, so deep were her thoughts. As the sounds from the hall lessened then finally ended, she heard Aragorn’s voice. Turning, she saw him speaking with Legolas again on the other side of the porch. Suddenly, she felt dread and fear wash over her and she shivered, wrapping her arms around herself as if it would protect her from the evil she felt invading the very air around them. Disturbed, she went back to her room.

When she awoke the next morning, Gandalf and Pippin had departed to ride to Minas Tirith. Everyone, tense with anticipation, waited to see what was to happen next.

Over the following days, Amrun spent time acquainting herself with everyone, overwhelmed with the kindness she received from the very people she thought would reject her. Amrun felt she already knew Eowyn, for Theodred and Eomer often spoke of the White Lady of Rohan. So Amrun was hardly surprised that she and Eowyn became fast friends.

At times, she would feel Éomer’s eyes on her, but when she turned to look at him, he would walk away. King Theoden looked at her often as if he wanted to say something but he rarely spoke to her. Even though she was not feeling the sting of rejection, she felt uncomfortable as if her very presence hurt both the king and Éomer. She longed for the days when she would laugh with Theodred and Éomer.

Amrun was sitting by herself on the outside steps watching from a distance Éomer and Aragorn teaching Merry how to wield a sword properly. She often would watch Éomer but she kept her distance knowing how distant they had quickly become. Her heart ached for the loss of him as much as Theodred.

As a shadow fell on the porch beside her, Amrun looked up shading her eyes from the sun to see who had come to talk to her. King Theoden looked down at her and smiled gently.

“Amrun, are you well?”

“Yes, I am well,” she answered him not knowing what more to say. Once again, they were silent.

“I miss him.” The king said after some time.

“As do I.”

“Every time I look at you, I wish I had known. I wish my son had felt confident that I would accept you into my home because he loved you if for no other reason. If you had been a dwarf, I would have been happy just to see him in love.”

Even as tears filled her eyes, Amrun let out a small laugh.

“I feel as if I have failed him because I have rarely been a father to him. I was more a king to a Marshall of the Mark than I ever was a father to Theodred since his mother died. There was so much of his mother in him: his smile, his eyes, his dark hair, all reminders of my wife. Even as a king, I failed him when he saw me weak, a lesser man, under the hold of Saruman. In his last days, he saw his king fall into nothingness and his father abandon him. Now it is too late to tell him how much I love him.”

“He knew. He always knew.” She smiled. “In his last days, he was concerned for you but he never doubted your love for him nor did he think ill of you in any way. He often told me what a great man you were: a caring father, an honorable king. There were never any accusations of failure or abandonment towards you, only love. ”

Gazing at her, Theoden smiled as he said, “Your smile warms my heart. I fear I have seen little happiness in my halls since everyone was much younger and less burdened.” Suddenly shy, she lowered her head and he looked away back over the plains.

After a few moments, the king turned to her and said, “Aragorn has told me that you did not wish to say in Rohan, feeling you had nothing here but ghosts. I vow to you, no matter the outcome, you will always be welcome in these halls. Do not yet give up hope on an old king. I will welcome you into my house as a daughter as you were the love of my son.” He turned to her and smiled as tears filled her eyes.

“My son chose well.”

Theoden walked away slowly. She wiped the tears away as the men continued their swordplay.

The next day, Amrun was sitting with Éowyn and Legolas in the great hall. The two women talked while Legolas waited for Aragorn. Éowyn had been asking about the time she had spent with the farmer. Amrun had stopped abruptly when she discussed the last day before she was taken. Eowyn became quiet for some time. After a few minutes, she looked at Amrun, feeling perhaps that she wanted to talk about the issue more but was scared to open up to anyone.

"They say you were held in the Orthanc," Eowyn said trying to lead her to open up.

Amrun nodded. She knew the next question even before it was asked, and she did not welcome it.

"But why? Why would Saruman torment a simple elf? You were no threat to him, you have no armies or magic….."

"No," Amrum replied sadly. "But Saruman discovered, perhaps through Grima, that I held a more precious thing: the love of Rohan's future king. I was to have been bait, to lure Theodred to his death or betrayal."

Amrun’s voice dropped into a whisper. "And now, it appears, Saruman's plan has worked. Theodred is gone along with all of the men that followed him that day."

Legolas turned and watched her. Eowyn was quiet feeling sad for Theodred and regret for pushing Amrun to speak of it. After a moment, Amrun excused herself and left the hall swiftly as tears streamed down her face.

“Amrun.”

Amrun turned to see Legolas and she tried to wipe the tears from her cheeks. When he came closer, she could see he was looking her in a soft and tender way.

“Amrun, I see the guilt you carry and it is wrong to bear this as your own.”

Amrun gave a little bitter laugh. “Perhaps I should feel lucky that he loved me enough to come after me with his men and be slaughtered for it. I am sure their families would be glad to know that the men died, not for a noble cause, but for me. If they had known it was for a mere elleth, they would have still followed him because they trusted him, they respected him, and they would die for him. But they didn't die for him; they died because of me. Explain to me how I could feel anything but guilt, Legolas. Their blood will forever stain my hands. As will Theodred’s.”

Amrun turned to flee the hall but Legolas grabbed her arm. Turning her around, he looked deep into her eyes.

“This is through no fault of your own. Many people have died for the evil that we now battle. Theodred loved you. Yes, he came after you. But you know as do I, if one of his men had come to him with same problem, Theodred would have gone to Orthanc as well. From what I have heard of him, he would have gone for loyalty and with valor into any fight. Would you have preferred he betray his very being and not attempt to rescue you? If Theodred were standing before you now, would he say he would rather die with honor than live in shame of his weakness?”

As she began to sob deeply, Legolas took her in his arms and stroked her hair lightly. Unknown to either of them, Éomer had just come into the hall. He stopped short seeing Legolas holding her. Anger filled him as he walked quietly into the shadows to observe them. Legolas looked in his direction as if he had heard him but looked back to Amrun. Éomer watched the two elves and soon realized that Legolas was comforting her. Éomer felt the anger pushed out of him by the guilt that she no longer could to come to him for comfort. He had abandoned her when she needed him out of shame for his lack of control. Once again, Legolas looked in Éomer’s direction. Éomer knew that Legolas knew he was there but neither said anything. He watched as Legolas walked with her into the great hall.

Leaning back against the wall, Éomer wondered what to do. He wanted to go to her, to comfort her. But he did not want to upset her further. He suspected that she still feared he might take advantage of her grief, and so far he had not given her any reason to believe he would not. Éomer walked back onto the terrace and watched her walk with Legolas to the entrance gates. Looking down at the ground, he knew where she was going.

Legolas showed her to Theodred’s final resting place then moved off far enough away to give her some time to herself. When she looked up, he had turned away out of respect, as she knew he would have. Sitting there on the ground, she realized she did not know what to say or do. She could not imagine Theodred dead. He had such a powerful life force, she could not believe he was gone. She wished Éomer were here with her. He would know what to say to make her feel at peace. Tears overflowed her eyes with her loss. The one man alive who knew her as he did stayed away from her because she could not return his love. But she did love him. And she needed him to help her through this. Legolas was a wonderful support to her but it was Éomer she needed now. Only he could help heal her heart and put the pieces of her life back together.

Amrun heard Legolas moving away and looked up. Éomer was walking towards her. The sun was behind him and it fell on his hair in a way that made it seem golden. With his hair loose and the wind blowing through it, he seemed so young. She could see the sadness in the very way he moved and she started crying harder seeing the sorrow in him as well. Walking over, he sat down beside her and pulled her into his arms and held her tightly. They did not speak. The only sounds were her light cries. The sun began sliding down from the sky and still he held her as she felt safe and no longer alone. After a time, he pulled her away from him. She could see tears in his eyes as well but none had fallen. Lightly, he wiped away the tears on her cheeks then leaned forward to kiss her on the forehead.

“Amrun, listen to me,” Éomer said sternly, forcing her to look at him. “Theodred would not want this. He would not want your guilt or your sorrow to overwhelm you. He would want you to live your life with only loving memories of the time you had with him. If he saw you now, it would devastate him to see these tears. You have cried now and you will continue to hurt, but you cannot let this consume you.”

Gently, he cupped her face. “Amrun, you must go on living. No tears will bring him back. I will stay here with you as long as you need but when we leave this site you will leave the guilt behind with him, as he would want it. Some day you will leave the sorrow behind as well but you will not take your guilt from this spot. If we must stay here all night, I will not let you burden yourself with the guilt anymore.”

Éomer pulled her closer to him and held her tenderly. As she wept, he stroked her hair, every once in a while he would caress her cheek lovingly. As the sun set he pulled her onto his lap and held her enclosed in the warmth of his body as a light breeze ran over them. When she finally stopped crying, he spoke to her in hushed tones of reasons why she needed to go on living. She sat quietly with her head resting against his chest listening to the beat of his heart, feeling soothed by the sound of his voice and peaceful wrapped in his arms. Even as it became darker, they stayed together until finally Éomer sat her up and looked at her as the moonlight fell across her face.

“Amrun, do you remember what I have said about leaving your guilt behind?” He said and she nodded. “I will stay with you longer if you wish it, if you cannot leave here unburdened.”

Leaning forward, she kissed him lightly then put her head on his shoulder wrapping his arms around his neck.

“Éomer, I am glad you came here. I cannot make it through this without you. If I lose you, I have nothing,” she whispered, so softly he could barely hear her.

Éomer ached inside. He knew what the coming days would bring and he could not promise her that she would not lose him as well. Aragorn had told him about her going to Rivendell or Mirkwood. The thought of her being elsewhere hurt him deeply but he did not know what would become of her in Rohan, if he were gone. Even though she had become friends with the others, she clung to him and he knew this. He did not know how many more people she could lose before she stopped living herself.

Hugging her tightly, he whispered in her ear, “Even if you did not have me, you would always have yourself. You are too strong to let anything defeat you. You know that one day I will not be here and I need to know you will be strong. There are others who care about you as well. Legolas will far outlast us so you need to go to him if you do not have me. He will take care of you.”

Pulling away, she whispered, “I care about Legolas but you know me more than any other person. I do not wish to be cared for as a child. I need someone who loves me because he knows me, not because of an obligation he feels to me.” She stroked his bearded cheek and smiled. “I never would have thought that two arrogant riders would affect my life so deeply.”

Éomer smiled and kissed her on the forehead again. “It is you that affected our lives, Amrun.”

Both were quiet as she lightly traced his brow with her fingertips. She pulled back the hair blowing in his face. When she realized what she was doing and how intimate it was, she stopped suddenly and looked at him but his eyes were closed. Feeling the heat of a blush rising to her face, she looked away quickly. When she looked back, he was looking at her intensely. For a long moment neither moved nor broke eye contact. Finally remembering where they were, she looked away pushing back the other thoughts in her mind.

Softly, he said “Do you wish to stay or are you ready to go back?”

“We should go back. The others will worry.” Amrun started to get up, but he pulled her back down.

“This not about the others. We will not leave unless we leave your guilt of Theodred’s death behind.”

Quietly, she said, “Perhaps it is not his death that makes me feel guilt now. Perhaps it is my betrayal of him that makes me feel guilt.”

Éomer was silent. He had barely heard her over the wind. His heart and his body screamed out for her but his mind warned him that now was not the time if there ever was a time. She had turned away so he could only see her profile. Putting his hand on her cheek, he pulled her close to him and kissed her cheek facing him. Pulling her back to nestle her face against his shoulder, he sighed.

“Amrun, you have not betrayed him.”

After awhile, she stood up. Looking down at him, she said, “I am ready now.”

Standing up, he put his arm around her and kissed the top of her head. She shivered slightly in the breeze so he left his arm around her as they walked back into Meduseld.
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