Knocking At Heaven's Door

Title: Knocking At Heaven's Door

Author: Emmess

Rating: NC17

Warnings: Everything I can think of without being overly gross and offensive.

Pairings: Almost every Elf in Arda

Disclaimer: I do not own anything even remotely associated with Tolkien's universe, and actually…very little of anything else.

Summery: Ever wonder what happens to fanfic writers after they die? Would heaven be heaven without Elves and sex? Um…no. No, it wouldn't…

As soon as my knees stopped shaking and I was able to pull myself from the floor of the talan, I sat at the table by the window, and opened the orientation pamphlet. It was a really nice pamphlet - good graphics, and printed on slick, shiny paper. I began to read.

"Welcome to Heaven! Here are a few things you should know about the afterlife.

1. You are dead. You are no longer among the living. Your body is worm food, and, basically, you are a floating electrical impulse, but don't let that get in the way of your having a good time in Heaven.
2. Heaven is tailored to each individual's most ardent desires. Therefore, if you find that your version of Heaven is chock full of fright-wigged, grease-painted clowns wearing nothing but whipped cream, then, while you were probably a most disturbed individual in life, feel free to dive right in and enjoy the party.
3. Heaven's inhabitants are granted the ability to read your innermost thoughts. There is a very good reason for this - if they couldn't read your mind, then Heaven might as well be the Department of Motor Vehicles, with you standing in line for eternity waiting for your number to be called. Newcomers to Heaven are usually too shy and unsettled to let the inhabitants know what they want, hence all the mind reading.
4. You will probably find yourself fighting the impulse to give in to your desires. This is normal, and the inhabitants of Heaven are used to it. Just be aware that, eventually, you will give in. Everyone always does, so you might as well just relax and enjoy the ride.
5. Nothing in Heaven can hurt you. You're dead, remember? So, if you've always wanted to try lion taming, then a lion, whip, and chair will be provided. Go for it.
6. Periodically, you may asked by management to fill out a brief questionnaire regarding your satisfaction with the inhabitants' performance. Please fill it out expediently, to the best of your ability, and be honest. We'll know if you're lying.
7. Money is a non-issue in Heaven. Although we have some of the most wonderful shopping, dining, and entertainment facilities in this universe or any other, everything is free. Go nuts.
8. If sex is your thing - and it usually is - don't be afraid of hurting anyone's feelings by jumping from partner to partner. There was enough monogamy in life...it's time to loosen up now. Orgies are both permitted and encouraged, if that's your cup of tea. However, by the same token, if your deepest wish is to spend eternity with just one person, then, as boring as that sounds…okay.
9. Maid service is provided once a day, unless otherwise indicated. Garbage pickup is on Tuesdays and Fridays. Room service is available by dialing "1011" on your house phone.
10. Lastly, and most importantly, nothing - repeat nothing - is taboo. If you aren't offended by something, then it will be made available to you, providing it is not something that would be considered too twisted, even for here. For example, if your sexual fantasy is dismemberment, chances are a mistake has been made and you are in the wrong afterlife. Please contact the concierge if that is the case.

I absently scratched my head, trying to absorb the information in the pamphlet. At least that explains why Rumil kept trying to read my mind. Damn…I could have been rolling around in the Jacuzzi at this very moment with a vial of oil, a large pink dildo, and a very horny Elf. Well, maybe after the dinner. I still found it a little disconcerting to have someone prying into my gray matter like that, though.

Feeling I'd read enough for now, I went into the bathroom, and started running a nice, hot bath for myself. I selected a vial from the cabinet, and very soon the soothing scent of lavender filled the air. Slipping out of my robe, I eased myself into the hot water, turned on the jets, and sighed. This was the life, er…afterlife.

"Knock, knock."

I started, staring up at the figure that was rapping on the doorframe to the bathroom, leering at me in the tub.

"Hi," he said, craning his neck a little to see over the sides of the tub. Frowning as I sank a little lower into the foamy water, he continued, "I'm Orophin. I'm going to escort you over to the welcoming dinner. Seems like I'm just a bit early…whatever can we do until it's time to leave?" He smiled a slow grin, reached up and began to slowly unfasten the closures on his tunic.

My first impulse was to order him from the bathroom, but I was frozen as I watched him slowly undress. Off came the belt, then the tunic. The thin, silk undershirt went next, sliding to the floor on top of the discarded tunic and belt. My, but he had a fabulous chest. Broad, well muscled, pale and smooth. His hands traveled down to begin unlacing his legging, while he kicked off his soft suede boots. I think I may have been licking my lips in anticipation at this point, but, since my attention was riveted on his crotch, I really can't be sure.

He peeled off his leggings, releasing a truly impressive erection. Throbbing with need, it stood ramrod straight, fairly glowing against the paleness of his chiseled abdomen. It was a very good thing that I was already dead, because it was at that moment that I forgot to keep breathing.

He came to kneel beside the tub, grabbing my chin and pulling me into a deep kiss. His tongue tickled my lower lip, and I gasped, allowing him the opportunity he'd been seeking. His tongue was warm, alternately soft and firm as it grappled with my own.

With a splash, he pulled himself over the side into the water with me, never removing his mouth from mine. Finally, realizing how much time I was wasting being shocked, my hands threaded their way into his long silky hair, grabbing fistfuls as I pulled him even closer. My fingers left his head, traveling over his shoulders, back, and arms, delighting in the feeling of his strong muscles moving beneath his skin.

His own hands wrapped themselves around my waist, and in one sure movement, he flipped me over, sliding underneath me, and impaling me on his thick, hard shaft. His mouth closed over a nipple, his tongue teasing and tasting, his hands on my bottom, kneading and helping me ride him. I felt the buildup of tension begin, rising to a fevered pitch equal to nothing I had ever felt in life.

Let me tell you something…Heaven knows how to put the "O" in orgasm. If I hadn't already been dead, I'm pretty sure it would have killed me.

He came a moment later, his head thrown back against the side of the tub. Smiling, he drew me close, and whispered, "Welcome to Heaven." We laid there for quite a while, until the water began to turn chilly. Turning on the hot tap, he added more water to the tub, and we took turns washing each other of the evidence of our pleasure.

I decided right then and there that "Bath Time with Elves" was going to be a favorite, and hopefully oft-repeated, activity.

Helping me out of the tub, he stooped to grab his clothes from the floor. We toweled each other off, my eyes trying desperately to memorize each line, curve, and angle of his body as I gently drew the moisture from his skin with the fluffy towel.

He chuckled, knowing what I was doing. Tipping his head down, he claimed my lips in a soft kiss, running his hand down my cheek. "You can have me whenever you wish, you know…I'll know when you want me and will come to you."

"What if you don't want to…what if you want someone else? I don't want to force anyone to do anything they don't want to do…" I whispered, pleased nonetheless that he had offered.

"You are our purpose…the reason we exist. There is no one else, unless you wish it," Orophin replied, smiling. "Now, let's go see what devastating gown you'll be wearing tonight!" Taking my hand he led me into the main room.

Walking over to the large armoire, he opened the double doors revealing a veritable plethora of gowns in all of my favorite colors. His hand brushed past several, before choosing a pale silver gown of gossamer silk. I knew immediately that it would look great with my dark red hair, and was secretly pleased that he'd chosen that one. I tried not to remember that he probably chosen it because I wanted him to. No sense in spoiling the fantasy with rational thought.

He helped me dress, taking the time to run his fingers lightly over each part of my body as he slid the dress over my head, and pulled it down over the rest of me. It clung to me like a second skin, leaving very little to the imagination. Smiling his approval, he pulled a pair of small, delicate silver slippers from the armoire, and helped me slip my feet into them. I didn't remember my feet being so small in life, but they fit perfectly.

Walking me to the table, he sat me in a chair. Again from the armoire, he pulled out a brush, comb, and a shiny metal tiara.

"Is that…?"

"Mithril…of course." he replied, slowly brushing my hair dry. He arranged the sides in intricate braids, leaving the back to spill over my shoulders in waves. Sighing, I felt the smoothness of my own hair, gladly noting that there were no split ends in Heaven.

I also noted that he was still completely naked. He bent to nibble at my neck, saying, "Now…if you really want to, of course we will, but we did just finish getting you dressed…"

Sighing, I agreed that it would be a shame to have to redo all of his hard work. He quickly got dressed, and offered me his arm.

"Shall we go?" he asked, smiling and pressing the button for the elevator. "It's going to be a great party."

We stepped into the elevator, and the doors slid silently closed.