MST: Legolas and Antira

A/N: Once again, I have been cut off...I'll back up a little...this is the last part for now.

Antira: Give me liberty or give me death!
Frodo: They can never take our freedom!
Legolas: Does this author actually write anything on her own?

++And they all charged as she watched the first of the lives be taken away from the first dying soldiers of war. Terrible.

All: …
Antira: Is anyone else appalled by the stupidity of that?
Legolas and Frodo: (nod dumbly, too overcome to speak)

++They all charged toward the army and began to shoot her arrows quickly

Antira: You were all shooting my arrows?

++and at the same time pulling them out of dead orc bodies to shoot again. She thought that that was the worst thing about war was when you have to pull an arrow out of ad bad body to kill another. It’s like that arrow had another chance to kill another soul.

Legolas: Do orcs have souls?
Antira: I’m, like, the lamest warrior in history. I can’t even kill an orc without feeling sorry for it.
Frodo: I kind of want to kill the author’s soul.
Legolas: Can you KILL a SOUL? I thought the whole idea of souls was that they were immortal.
Frodo: Well, apparently their souls have gifted all their eternalness to their organs.
Antira: (snicker) That one just never gets old.

++She hated war but if she had to fight, then she would fight and be proud of it. She knew that lots of people were watching over her right at that moment. Her mother and father, her family, Denethor, Boromir.....

Antira: Ah, the elusive mother and father.
Frodo: (as Steve Irwin) It’s not often we get ta see the family of this STRANGE creature. In fact, they’re so rare, no one really even knows what they look like, or what race they are!

++.but as she came to think of Boromir, she saw his face. She was once again brought back to the place where he had fallen.

Legolas: Time warp!
Antira: Isn’t it a little dangerous to have a flashback in the middle of a battle?
Frodo: Maybe you’ll die. At least the story would be over.

++She felt like she was transported to that exact spot. He was lying in the grass on a hill. Aragorn, he was leaning over him. And her. Acting helpless as she also lay beside him. Tears running down her cheeks.

Antira: Fuck me, but I hate fragments.
Frodo: This author seems to like them, though.

++Then he saioodboodbye Antira. May you life be filled with happiness and promise me something. Get that ring to Mordor no matter what circumstances lay ahead.

Frodo: Excuse me, that would be MY job.
Legolas: These deathbed conversions are so amusing.

++If you must, I know that you would sacrifice yourself to save this world. Do that if needs be.”

Antira: Did he just tell me to kill myself?
Legolas: He’s just being a loving brother.
Frodo: Kind of like how your loving father smacked you across the face.
Antira: We need therapy.

++He finished as his face got whiter and whiter. Then, to her surprise she sensed that she said words out loud that sounded like “Yes Boromir, I mean Faramir....I... mean.....” then she felt herself falling. Falling. Falling into shadow. She was confused.

Antira: Understandably so.
Frodo: What the FUCK is going on?

++She didn’t know who died. Was it Boromir or Faramir? It was like she was predicting the death of Faramir. “It was like she was predicting the death of Faramir or something.”

Legolas: Wow, that’s not redundant at all.
Antira: I am SO over this.

++She heard Aragorn’s voice say very dimly. She woke up in a flash. She wasn’t on the battle field anymore, but in a bedroom. She felt a piercing pain in the side of her stomach

Antira: The arrow! Someone finally remembered it!

++that she thought was a just miss of her intestines.

Frodo: Ummm…
Antira: A brief shining moment…and then overwhelming hopelessness.

++She lay there. Eyes closed. She couldn’t open them. She finally felt somebodies

Legolas: You felt some bodies?
Frodo: Eeeeeeeewwwww.
Antira: I’m a retarded lesbian whore with a severe lack of ethnicity and a penchant for necrophilia. What a great story.

++hand in hers as she regained consciousness. She tried to open her heavy eyes but they just opened a bit to reveal some of the light in the room. It was just about sundown and she was lying in her bed with somebody sitting beside her and somebody walking around the room. Her hand twitched a bit and Aragorn and Legolas either got up from the chair or rushed to her side as she opened her eyes.

Frodo: Either got up or rushed to her side?
Antira: Why can’t they do both?
Legolas: Oh, that would be too simple. It’s much more suspenseful this way.
Antira: (puke)

++“What happened?”

Antira: Good fucking question.

++She said trying to sit up. “You passed out.” Aragorn said putting his hand on her forehead to feel her temperature.

Legolas: Awww. Mommy Aragorn.
Antira: I do a lot of passing out in this story.
Frodo: Maybe it’s the pressure of having to live up to all the stupidity the author wants you to accomplish.

++“I was standing beside you fighting when you went into a trance and started saying stuff about Boromir or Faramir. I think that you were predicting Faramir’s death....I don’t know.” “I was transported to the death of Boromir and I became confused because I didn’t know who died! And......that’s all I remember.” Antira said in a very low voice.
“You were hit by an arrow and you collapsed.” Legolas said.

Antira: Oh great. Another arrow.
Frodo: I wonder if this one is going to come out or not.

+++“So that’s probably why I felt like I was falling into darkness. I collapsed when I was hit!”

Legolas: DING DING DING! You are the big winner!
Antira: Damn I’m sm

++Antira said very softly because she did not intend for them both to hear her say that.
“Well, we had better get you out of here and get you to the Golden Hall. They can treat you there. Legolas, can you carry her out to the horse?” Aragorn asked him as if he meant for him to say something different.

Frodo: WHAT?
Legolas: Who meant for whom to say something different from what?
Antira: (groan)

++“Yes Aragorn. Come now Antira...” he said as she put one arm behind her back and the other arm under her legs. “But wait! What happened with the battle? And where are we?” Antira said stopping Aragorn and Legolas in their tracks. “Antira, we are in Mirkwood.

Legolas: Whoa. Fuck of a trek, there.
Frodo: (snicker) While you were out, we traversed over half of Middle Earth!
Antira: Speaking of passing out, I sort of wish I could be unconscious right about now.

++And the battle left over half dead and a quarter hurt and the rest either missing or alive. We ran. We could not do much for the wounded. They all wanted to die

Frodo: I bet they did.
Legolas: (as soldiers) No, let us die, please! We can’t take any more of this crap!
Antira: And they were only in, like, two chapters! Imagine how I feel!

++because of Sauron taking away their freedom.” Aragorn said with a sad look in his eyes. “No.” She said softly into Legolas’ ear. Then she felt the rage take over. How could they surrender! She hatted them for it!

Legolas: (hangs head) Oh, no.
Antira: (maniacal laughter)
Frodo: You hatted them?
Antira: (still giggling) I am a mad hatter!
Frodo: (snort)

++“How could you!”Antira said in almost a yell. “How could you just give up! I thought that we were fighting for freedom!” Antira yelled almost at the top of her lungs.

Frodo: What’s up with the changing volume, yo?
Antira: I can’t decide how mad of a hatter I am.

++“Antira, calm down. We are all fine! Do not worry. We surrendered

Legolas: We’re fine? We surrendered to the orcs and we’re FINE?
Frodo: Orcs are known for their mercy.
Antira: (rolls eyes) It’s good that this author knows Tolkien so well. His heroes are ALWAYS surrendering.

++because nobody could handle the war, and without the Fellowship there, they would all of just died.” Legolas said without hesitation.

Antira: The Fellowship wasn’t there? What the hell?
Legolas: Right, because the Fellowship would have helped. All those hobbits really put the odds in our favor.
Frodo: (glare)
Antira: Excuse me while I beat the author over the head with a continuity stick.

++Antira just looked at him. Aragorn walked out of the little hut and so did Legolas. They set her on the horse while the rest of the Fellowship climbed on their own horses.
“Why wasn’t the Fellowship there?” Antira asked Legolas and she leaned against him on the horse.

Antira: Yeah!
Legolas: I don’t believe it! Someone asked a logical question.

++They were on the same horse since she could not handle hers at that moment. Legolas was in the back and she was in the front.

Frodo: There’s just so much to say to that.

++“The reason was because.......listen.......Aragorn did not tell the whole story.” Legolas said as he looked into the elvin eyes of Antira.

Antira: Oh god. My elvin eyes again.
Legolas: Aragorn LIED?
Frodo: That dick. I never did like him.

++She was now paying more attention then she was to the fact that she once again saw the trees of Mirkwood and perhaps for the last time.

Legolas: Translation, anyone?
Antira: She had now completely lost the use of the right half of her brain.
Frodo: Could this get ANY dumber?

++“We were fighting the orcs and were killing them by the second. You were doing a great job. Probably in about five minutes you killed about 90 of them.

Antira: (half-crying, half-laughing)
Legolas: You killed NINETY orcs in FIVE minutes?
Frodo: Apparently losing half of your brain made you a god.
Antira: Fuck the continuity stick, I’ll settle for a stick of PLAUSABILITY!
Legolas: Well, it IS a fantasy…
Antira: No, it is SHIT. If Danielle Steele had an IQ of negative three and wrote with her toes, it might look something like this.

++Then you wintointo the trance. You dropped your arrows onto the ground as well as you bow. Aragorn, trying to shoot at an orc that was in front of you, when, he shot. The orc jumped out of the way and it hit you in the side almost inches away from you stomach. He did not want you to be mad at him so he told me not to tell you

Legolas: OH MY GOD.
Frodo: He shot you in the stomach--
Antira: Again with the stomach and the arrows.
Frodo: -- and he didn’t tell you?
Legolas: He didn’t want you to be mad at him!
Frodo: (as Aragorn) Um, Antira…don’t be upset, but I sort of…well, SHOT YOU!
Antira: I feel so sorry for myself right now.

++but, I love you Antira and I had to tell you. It would have just-madetersters worst within a week if you found out.

Legolas: Why within a week?
Frodo: Are you still looking for logic?
Antira: Just-made? Is this some kind of secret punctuation code?