Fateful Circle

Fateful3


PART 3
 
Naked we lay in the hold of the swanship, close as in the womb. We were both equally aroused, and our fingers and tongues explored the plains and valleys, the hillocks and mounds, the clefts and ridges of the other's body, until at last they reached the stone-hard pillars rising from our loins, and we grasped them with our hands, moaning with pleasure, while the vessel around us creaked and rocked.
 
'And now, brother?' I murmured, for I thought we had reached the uttermost edge of our experience.
By way of answer, I felt Ambarussa move, disentangling himself, slipping from my grasp, his hot skin brushing against mine, his hair caressing my hip, until I felt one of his legs being draped across my shoulder, while his mouth closed around my erect member as if he would swallow it. And I in my turn found his erection and took it in my mouth. Now there was indeed but one Ambarussa, a ring without beginning or end.
 
I sucked his shaft as if I was feeding, as he did mine, without feeling anymore where one body ended and the other began, or which groans were whose. The tension rose, the heat spread, and the ache became unbearable until we came simultaneously, with muffled cries, drinking ourselves by drinking each other, a single gush, one Ambarussa.
 
Afterwards we lay silent in the gloomy hold for an indeterminate period of time, still clinging to ourselves by holding one another, refusing to fall apart.
But we had to, I told myself while the salt sweat on our bodies cooled. We had to go ashore, lest our father and brothers start wondering - if they were not already doing so.
 
So at last I let go of Ambarussa to grope for my clothes.
'No,' he said in a stricken voice. 'Don't leave.'
'We can't stay,' I objected, 'or Father and our brothers will -'
'Who cares about them,' he interrupted me, his arm around my waist to pull me back into his embrace. 'They are doomed. And we will become like them if we join them on these shores of death and decay. Let us sail back together to beg forgiveness of the Valar, and to console our bereaved mother, who no doubt counts all her sons as dead after the Curse of Mandos. Think of her agony.'
 
I disengaged myself. 'But we have no chance. Father will surely chase and catch us. And if we should escape him, don't you fear the judgment of the Valar? They know all. They will even know our shameful act and call us repulsive. They will condemn us. What if they decide to part us forever? Come ashore.' I began to dress.
 
'Never,' Ambarussa said stubbornly. 'Shameful is no more shameful than we think it is, but if we will be judged, we will be judged, whether soon, or ages hence. I'd rather wish it to be soon. I still trust the Valar. Mad I was to come along, mad to swear Father's oath. And now I ever hear Mother's voice lamenting while I walk the path of my dreams. Stay here, remain my other half, or we shall truly be ripped apart and be despicable, as we are not when we are one.'
 
We had never been in two minds before. He is mad indeed - he is raving, I suddenly thought with a shock, wondering whether my brother was ntirely sane, whether our incestuous lovemaking had not been an act of madness from his side all along. If that were the case he had remained innocent, while I bore all the guilt. I shuddered, and shying away from the thought I fastened my belt and pulled on my boots. 'I'm leaving. Do as you please, though I trust you will see reason before long, and join me and the others.'
 
'No, no!' he wailed, pounding his fist against the wood of the hull. 'Ambarussa! We were never meant to be two! You can't go from me!'
But I could, and I did. With his cries in my ears, I climbed from the hold onto the deck of the ships, looking up at the stars flickering overhead. They seemed cold, distant and indifferent, not the sparks of beauty, joy and hope for which our race has named itself (1).
 
When I reached the southern bank of the firth, waving at my brother Makalaurë(2) from a distance and hoping he would tell the others he had seen me, I slipped away into a copse of trees. I did not want to run into my father or speak to any of my older brothers right away. Still trembling, I sat down against a tree, hoping fervently that Ambarussa would abandon this foolish plan to sail back to Valinor alone, for if he would succeed, he would truly cut us in half.
 
I was determined to ponder his words and acts once more to see if I could detect where it had all gone wrong. But exhausted as I was, my thoughts ran circles in my mind, and soon a dream engulfed me. I heard a voice wailing, and for a moment I thought it was Mother's voice. Then I knew it was that of Uinen, the Lady of the sea. Once more the salty waves raged against me because I had become a slayer of my own kin, and I was wrecked and tumbled into the water to drown in the deep.
 
But this time it was blood that filled my lungs.
 
 
To be continued. Sorry if's going from bad to worse.
 
(1)Unnecessary note, most likely, but Eldar, Elves, means 'People of the Stars' (2)Maglor