To Fly Again
folder
-Multi-Age › General
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
3
Views:
1,668
Reviews:
22
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
-Multi-Age › General
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
3
Views:
1,668
Reviews:
22
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own the Lord of the Rings (and associated) book series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Memories
Rating: NC-17 - angst ; slash & rape in the future
Pairing: Haldir/Legolas, Elrond/Thranduil, later Elrond/Glorfindel
Disclaimer: I'm still here, still pining for Haldir, although I know he's not mine. He belongs to Tolkien, as well as the others. I don't earn money with this fic & I don't mean to. I only cast a look into the dark side of my mind & I'm showing you what was buried in it.
Notes : Thank you all for the reviews, you couldn't know how much they had meant to me. As usual, let me know what do you think of this one... and sorry if it took me ages. I had a slight writer's block but now it's over.
Don't waste your time in flames : it's AU , it's OOC, it's slash and I clearly marked it . If this is not your cup of tea, say bye & hit the back button .
I think it would be safe to say that this is my first shot & I'm not a native speaker- so be nice please!
Thoughts are in / / , emphasis are in * *
Dedication : As usual to my baby, Efrem ... this is a present for our 4^ . Thank you for your patience, for all those years.
To Laina, because she's the most wonderful beta in the world and to a bunch of friends who kicked my ass almost everyday for this. Here it is & it's for you . Enjoy.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
And I need you now tonight, and I need you more than ever
And if you'll only hold me tight, we'll be holding on forever
And we'll only be making it right, 'cause we'll never be wrong
Togethercan can take it to the end of the line
I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark
I really need you tonight
Bonnie Tyler - "Total Eclipse of the Earth"
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
~*~
/.....Forgive me, love....I failed you ....I failed.... Amin hiraetha......./
~*~
Silver rays of light entered the room by the windowpane. They fell everywhere like a liquid, metallic fire illuminating the chamber.... all over the wooden furniture, over the floor and also over the motionless Elf that was laying on the bed.
One of his muscular arms was bent beneath the head, almost cradling it, while the other rested on his stomach. The ash-blonde mane which flowed free past down the shoulders was spread on the pillow like a silver cascade under the moonlight, and the deep blue eyes were closed.
....A perfect vision of beauty and peace....if not for the trails of tears that stained both his cheeks.
Haldir sighed deeply and turned over, leaning the face against the soft silk of the sheets : many images came into his mind, as he recalled the events of the day.
The delegation from Lothlorien had reached Imladris early that morning : they had traveled for a long while to attend at the Council that would take place in Lord Elrond's house.
As the Captain of the Lorien Guards, Haldir was obviously chosen to escort the Lord and the Lady of the Wood during the trip, along with his brothers and some of the other Galadhrim .
A great honor for him, of course .... but if his heart sang with joy, there would be another, hidden reason : a certain person would be there as well.
His love.
His reason to be.
His Princeling.
Legolas.
~*~
He could not think straight.
Hate, pain and despair haunted the prince's mind and he shook his head in a desperate attempt to get rid of them. If he could, he would realize the last menace of Thranduil was a cruel trick and nothing more, but the pain he felt was striking him so deeply that he had fallen in his father's trap.
Legolas slowly rose from the chair and drew near the window.
Oh, how many time he had looked at the sky tonight..... First with bliss and happiness, then with despair.....
With eyes full of unshed tears he gazed at the stars, searching for a thin ray of light among the darkness, searching for something that could help him to find peace.
.... There was Menelvagor.... it shone directly in front of him, and Borgil.... oh, it seemed even brighter than before.....but not even the vision of the Swordsman of the Sky was able to ease his grief, or to fill his devastated heart with hope.
The Swordsman; an embodiment of the guardians of the world ... how ironic. Legolas had always thought about Haldir when he saw the constellation with its red star in the midnight sky, and those were moments of pure ecstasy.
But not tonight.
Tonight the simple memory of his lover seemed able to tear Legolas' heart in two, because he felt he had betrayed him in the worse way.
/Haldir...forgive me....forgive me..../
But how could he ask such a thing to the blond Galadhrim ? How could he even dare to think about it ? Not after what he said, giving his acceptance at the marriage with Arwen.
/ "You lost him ...... you lost him and you have to live with it, forever"/ . An icy voice started to whisper inside him, sharp as a knife.
/ "....Or do you think he will accept *this* ? To see you with another ? He will not, and you know it...you know about his pride"/
/NO!/
Legolas opened his mouth to scream, but he found that he could not. The desperate cry resounded through his mind only.
/No.No.No.No./
He covered his face with a hand, while with the other he grabbed the silver ring, holding it with all his strength. Right now, it was the only connection he had with the real world.
~*~
/...Legolas.../
Haldir smiled slightly, turning his ring with fingers. It seemed as if it was made by the very light of Ithil; a small, white circle of fire in his hand.
This was the most precious thing he had : a symbol of their love, a real sign of their vow .
Something he could hold during the long lonely nights he spent in Lothlorien patrolling its borders, something he could use to remember the fair features of Legolas when minutes seemed like years and the nostalgia pricked his heart deeply.
How many time did he read their names inside ? How many times did he wear it when he was alone, dreaming to do the same freely, to show it to everyone ?
Too many to be counted.
But he always had to hide it, because he knew about the consequences he might have : his brothers were aware of his secret, of course, and perhaps Galadriel too... but that was all.
A Galadhrim was not worthy of a prince, and no matter if Haldir was the captain of the march wardens of Lothlorien : his rank was far below Legolas', and he should not even dare to cast a look at him.
But together, they had dared to do worst : they had swore love to each other, binding themselves with a vow.
They knew - Haldir knew - that soon they would have to pay the price for this, although he could not imagine how hard it would be.
~*~
With his ring still in his hand, clutching at it as if his life would depend on it, the young prince sat on his bed.
He could not endure to look at the stars anymore, since they brought him ailing memories only...memories of a past that had been gone, perhaps forever.
A part of him would like to leave this room, to run away from the sorrow and search comfort in Haldir's arms. But in the other hand, he knew that he could not. Not because Thranduil's warning, but because he could not bear to face him.
Not now.
Haldir would want to know. And he....
The image of his lover filled Legolas' mind against his will. The prince was able to see how the Galadhrim's eyes would fill with pain and how deeply it would hurt him.
Leaving a scar within him that could not be healed.
But the worst was that Legolas knew Haldir would reject him for that, disappearing from his life. Their vow was already broken, after all.
/No./
The young elf shut the eyes tightly, covering his face with both hands. Gods, how it hurt...
/You have to tell him. You know that./
Again his own conscience was tormenting him, striking him with the truth. But how ? How could he ? Elves could die of grief and this could kill Haldir.
/Yes. It could./
Legolas bent over : the pain was almost physical now, as if someone had pierced his heart with an arrow.
/Not now. Not now. Tomorrow./ He thought, barely aware of the darkness that was surrounding him. Not realizing that this would be the biggest mistake of his life.
~*~
Slowly, painfully slowly, the tall elf turned his head. The reflex of the fire was creating an enchanting game of shadows and lights all over his features, making him look even more beautiful and dangerous .....but his emerald eyes were cold. No fire in Arda would have been strong enough to warm them.
"Go." A whisper, barely audible . "Go and teach him about respect."
Tbc....
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
A/N : As much as I hate to read cliffhangers, as much I love to use them when I'm in my writing mood. Forgive me, I know I'm a evil bitch.....but this girl just wants to have fun ;)
Dictionary : http://www.grey-company.org/Circle/language/intro.htm
Amin hiraetha = I'm sorry
Pairing: Haldir/Legolas, Elrond/Thranduil, later Elrond/Glorfindel
Disclaimer: I'm still here, still pining for Haldir, although I know he's not mine. He belongs to Tolkien, as well as the others. I don't earn money with this fic & I don't mean to. I only cast a look into the dark side of my mind & I'm showing you what was buried in it.
Notes : Thank you all for the reviews, you couldn't know how much they had meant to me. As usual, let me know what do you think of this one... and sorry if it took me ages. I had a slight writer's block but now it's over.
Don't waste your time in flames : it's AU , it's OOC, it's slash and I clearly marked it . If this is not your cup of tea, say bye & hit the back button .
I think it would be safe to say that this is my first shot & I'm not a native speaker- so be nice please!
Thoughts are in / / , emphasis are in * *
Dedication : As usual to my baby, Efrem ... this is a present for our 4^ . Thank you for your patience, for all those years.
To Laina, because she's the most wonderful beta in the world and to a bunch of friends who kicked my ass almost everyday for this. Here it is & it's for you . Enjoy.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
And I need you now tonight, and I need you more than ever
And if you'll only hold me tight, we'll be holding on forever
And we'll only be making it right, 'cause we'll never be wrong
Togethercan can take it to the end of the line
I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark
I really need you tonight
Bonnie Tyler - "Total Eclipse of the Earth"
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
~*~
/.....Forgive me, love....I failed you ....I failed.... Amin hiraetha......./
~*~
Silver rays of light entered the room by the windowpane. They fell everywhere like a liquid, metallic fire illuminating the chamber.... all over the wooden furniture, over the floor and also over the motionless Elf that was laying on the bed.
One of his muscular arms was bent beneath the head, almost cradling it, while the other rested on his stomach. The ash-blonde mane which flowed free past down the shoulders was spread on the pillow like a silver cascade under the moonlight, and the deep blue eyes were closed.
....A perfect vision of beauty and peace....if not for the trails of tears that stained both his cheeks.
Haldir sighed deeply and turned over, leaning the face against the soft silk of the sheets : many images came into his mind, as he recalled the events of the day.
The delegation from Lothlorien had reached Imladris early that morning : they had traveled for a long while to attend at the Council that would take place in Lord Elrond's house.
As the Captain of the Lorien Guards, Haldir was obviously chosen to escort the Lord and the Lady of the Wood during the trip, along with his brothers and some of the other Galadhrim .
A great honor for him, of course .... but if his heart sang with joy, there would be another, hidden reason : a certain person would be there as well.
His love.
His reason to be.
His Princeling.
Legolas.
~*~
He could not think straight.
Hate, pain and despair haunted the prince's mind and he shook his head in a desperate attempt to get rid of them. If he could, he would realize the last menace of Thranduil was a cruel trick and nothing more, but the pain he felt was striking him so deeply that he had fallen in his father's trap.
Legolas slowly rose from the chair and drew near the window.
Oh, how many time he had looked at the sky tonight..... First with bliss and happiness, then with despair.....
With eyes full of unshed tears he gazed at the stars, searching for a thin ray of light among the darkness, searching for something that could help him to find peace.
.... There was Menelvagor.... it shone directly in front of him, and Borgil.... oh, it seemed even brighter than before.....but not even the vision of the Swordsman of the Sky was able to ease his grief, or to fill his devastated heart with hope.
The Swordsman; an embodiment of the guardians of the world ... how ironic. Legolas had always thought about Haldir when he saw the constellation with its red star in the midnight sky, and those were moments of pure ecstasy.
But not tonight.
Tonight the simple memory of his lover seemed able to tear Legolas' heart in two, because he felt he had betrayed him in the worse way.
/Haldir...forgive me....forgive me..../
But how could he ask such a thing to the blond Galadhrim ? How could he even dare to think about it ? Not after what he said, giving his acceptance at the marriage with Arwen.
/ "You lost him ...... you lost him and you have to live with it, forever"/ . An icy voice started to whisper inside him, sharp as a knife.
/ "....Or do you think he will accept *this* ? To see you with another ? He will not, and you know it...you know about his pride"/
/NO!/
Legolas opened his mouth to scream, but he found that he could not. The desperate cry resounded through his mind only.
/No.No.No.No./
He covered his face with a hand, while with the other he grabbed the silver ring, holding it with all his strength. Right now, it was the only connection he had with the real world.
~*~
/...Legolas.../
Haldir smiled slightly, turning his ring with fingers. It seemed as if it was made by the very light of Ithil; a small, white circle of fire in his hand.
This was the most precious thing he had : a symbol of their love, a real sign of their vow .
Something he could hold during the long lonely nights he spent in Lothlorien patrolling its borders, something he could use to remember the fair features of Legolas when minutes seemed like years and the nostalgia pricked his heart deeply.
How many time did he read their names inside ? How many times did he wear it when he was alone, dreaming to do the same freely, to show it to everyone ?
Too many to be counted.
But he always had to hide it, because he knew about the consequences he might have : his brothers were aware of his secret, of course, and perhaps Galadriel too... but that was all.
A Galadhrim was not worthy of a prince, and no matter if Haldir was the captain of the march wardens of Lothlorien : his rank was far below Legolas', and he should not even dare to cast a look at him.
But together, they had dared to do worst : they had swore love to each other, binding themselves with a vow.
They knew - Haldir knew - that soon they would have to pay the price for this, although he could not imagine how hard it would be.
~*~
With his ring still in his hand, clutching at it as if his life would depend on it, the young prince sat on his bed.
He could not endure to look at the stars anymore, since they brought him ailing memories only...memories of a past that had been gone, perhaps forever.
A part of him would like to leave this room, to run away from the sorrow and search comfort in Haldir's arms. But in the other hand, he knew that he could not. Not because Thranduil's warning, but because he could not bear to face him.
Not now.
Haldir would want to know. And he....
The image of his lover filled Legolas' mind against his will. The prince was able to see how the Galadhrim's eyes would fill with pain and how deeply it would hurt him.
Leaving a scar within him that could not be healed.
But the worst was that Legolas knew Haldir would reject him for that, disappearing from his life. Their vow was already broken, after all.
/No./
The young elf shut the eyes tightly, covering his face with both hands. Gods, how it hurt...
/You have to tell him. You know that./
Again his own conscience was tormenting him, striking him with the truth. But how ? How could he ? Elves could die of grief and this could kill Haldir.
/Yes. It could./
Legolas bent over : the pain was almost physical now, as if someone had pierced his heart with an arrow.
/Not now. Not now. Tomorrow./ He thought, barely aware of the darkness that was surrounding him. Not realizing that this would be the biggest mistake of his life.
~*~
Slowly, painfully slowly, the tall elf turned his head. The reflex of the fire was creating an enchanting game of shadows and lights all over his features, making him look even more beautiful and dangerous .....but his emerald eyes were cold. No fire in Arda would have been strong enough to warm them.
"Go." A whisper, barely audible . "Go and teach him about respect."
Tbc....
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
A/N : As much as I hate to read cliffhangers, as much I love to use them when I'm in my writing mood. Forgive me, I know I'm a evil bitch.....but this girl just wants to have fun ;)
Dictionary : http://www.grey-company.org/Circle/language/intro.htm
Amin hiraetha = I'm sorry