The Lesson of Dangle and Dance

"My Lord !!!! Is everything alright?" A rather concerned voice
shouted through the closed door of the royal talan followed by the
rattle of the door latch.

"Lord Celeborn! Do you need assistance?"

Celeborn looked down at his state of undress and then over to his
wife who was standing stark naked on the bed with her face flushed
and fists raised.

"By the Valar Gal what do you think you are doing?" Celeborn got up
from the bed and threw the pillows that she had beat him with back
onto the pallet.

"I think I could ask you the same question" came the grumbled reply
from above.

"My Lord!!!!!" The guard at the door escalated in his concern and
began to pound on the doorframe.

" We are fine," shouted a very exasperated Celeborn falling into the
nearest chair and eying his Queen with a questioning glare.

"I thought it was quite obvious what I was doing...." he continued
when he had gathered his composure. " In fact as I recall, you were
quite enjoying what I was doing....until you started beating me
senseless with the pillows and screaming for all of Lorien and half
of Mirkwood to hear."


Haldir was confused. At first he was furious, but now he was
definitely confused. Celeborn did not find it all odd that he was
bedding his Captain of the Guards, and why in all Arda would he call
him Gal. The Elf surely had some very disturbing sexual tendencies.

Padding to the edge of the bed, but keeping a wide berth of the
glowering Lord, Haldir stepped down onto the floor and bent to
retrieve a discarded robe in which to cover himself. As he moved
forward, the hair he had kept tucked behind his ear swept forward in
a tumble of flaxen froth puddling on the tile at his feet. With a
gasp, the Galadrhim eyed the flowing tresses with alarm and bolting
upright placed both hands to his chest. Where once powerful muscles
rippled, pert mounds of creamy flesh had somehow appeared. Closing
his eyes tightly Haldir let his hand trail down his belly, praying to
every available deity that he would not discover a most vital part
missing.

In the agonizing moment of discovery, Haldir winced and fell to his
knees. He was robbed!

Celeborn watched with concern as his wifemed med to take inventory of
her body parts with disappointing results. Perhaps she had just
enjoyed herself too much last night and was overtired.

" Meleth," he cooed, coming to sit next to her on the floor. " I
cannot say that I fully understand your anguish, but I do know that a
warm bath and some soothing tea might make a world of difference"

Haldir looked up at Celeborn with disbelief. If the old coot thought
that a warm soak was somehow compensation for a missing penis than he
certainly had a lot to learn.

With a stroke of his wife's hair, the Lord of Lorien sighed and
snatched up a robe. Tying it tightly around his waist he unlatched
the door, and looking both ways, slipped silently into the corridor.
He did not want to have to explain this one to anyone.


"Orc Balls Haldir!" bellowed Rumil pushing aside the curtain that
separated their sleeping chambers. " Is there a spider in your bed or
what????"

The younger Galadrhim was forever finding every opportunity to annoy
his elder brother and early morning shrieks of terror seemed like the
perfect moment.
Rumil stopped short at the sight of the mighty March Warden of Lorien
flat on his back gripping his erection with white knuckled ferocity.

"Impressive," he drolled before turning on his heel with nary a batt
of his eyes. ' Though I do think you had best let go before you pass
out."

Rumil let the curtain drop and was stopped by Orophin who peeked his
head from his room with concern.

"Is he all right?" The middle brother rubbed at his eyes as he stood
naked in the doorway.

"Oh yes," replied Rumil with a smirk. " A spider........a
biiiiiiiiiig spider..."

Rumil indicated with his hands an arachnid the size of his pinkie
nail.

As soon as her heart stopped pounding, Galadriel let go of herself
and pulled the covers up to her chin. For what seemed like an
eternity she sat with her knees to her chest trying to wait until she
woke up. This whole thing was obviously a dream, a very vivid,
horrible, confusing dream.

Looking around the room she guessed that she was in Haldir's talan,
and well the fact that Rumil had come into the room sort of added
credence to that astute deduction.
Galadriel's face suddenly pinked at the realization. Rumil had seen
her naked!
Pinching her arm hard enough to cause a welt the Elf Queen dared to
peek beneath the covers. It was still there,,,,,,eyeing her like a
swaying serpent.

In a panic she grabbed at the first thing she could get her hand on.
Slung over the headboard was Haldir's scimitar. Snatching it from the
scabbard, Galadriel lifted the edge of the sheet with the tip of the
sword. In the reflected surface she caught a glimpse of her image in
the polished metal. At first she dismissed the visage as a trick of
the light, but on second and third and even fourth look she realized
that it was not Galadriel, Queen of Light, Lady of the Wood and Wife
of Celeborn that blinked back at her, but a rather disheveled and
pink faced Haldir of Lorien.!!!

Leaping from the bed she scrambled around looking for something to
wear. If she was in the March Warden's body....then who was in hers?
She could only fathom a guess.

Pulling on a pair of worn soft breeches, Galadriel stuffed the still
bobbing appendage into the tight leather and attempted to lace them
up. The sooner she gave this thing back to it owner the better for it
definitely had a mind of its own.

Not bothering with a tunic, partially for the novelty of being able
to do so and partly due to the fact that none could be found,
Galadriel headed straight for the one place she had never thought to
look for Haldir, .....Celeborn's bed.

TBC......