Pan ned annan (all in time)
chap 4 & 5
Elrohir had strayed in the garden for long. He felt like everything was falling apart. The sun was setting, and he found himself near the memorial to Elladan that his father had raised. Elrohir curled up at the stones foot. "Forgive me," he whispered to the earth beneath him. He wished Elladan were here, then everything would have been so different. If only they had reached Caras Galadon. If only he had confessed his feelings earlier. If only...
When he had fallen asleep he did not know, but when he opened his eyes, he found himself in a grey room, and there.. There sat Elladan, looking absolutely tranquil. Elrohir's heart sang at the vision. He reached out for his brother, but Elladan just looked up at him, and silver tears ran over his cheeks. /oh my love, why are you crying?/ Elrohir thought. And then he heard Elladan's voice, soft and reassuring, as if they were on their bed, sharing a secret. "The halls of waiting is no place for you my love, you should be singing, dancing and playing under the trees of middle earth."
Elrohir opened his eyes in surprise /can you see my mind?/
Elladan just smiled, and Elrohir started to cry, he felt the warm wetness on his skin. /I tried to do as you asked of me, Elladan, but I do not wish to linger in middle earth anymore/ Elladan moved closer without moving. He took Elrohir's hand and placed it on his cheek. "Ada needs both your sword and love, Estel's life will depend on you, and Legolas will call for you in his hour of need. Do not give in, there is much for you to do still." Elladan said and kissed Elrohir's fingertips with lips, not cold.
This feeling still lingered in Elrohir's body when he woke. His fingertips tingled from Elladan's touch. Elrohir sat up slowly, and then he kissed his own fingertips. Hoping that he would be able to taste some of Elladan. But he could only feel himself. "Please Elladan, I just want to leave," he whispered. But this apparently was not the will of his twin.
So he staggered to his feet, confused and dazed, and made his way to his chambers. Vaguely wondering if he should knock on Legolas's door. But decided not to. After all he was had every right to be angry. But every inch of him wanted to, needed to be held and comforted. But there was no one to give it to him. He slammed his fist into a wall on his way. Then he ventured towards his chambers and his bed.
He had wanted to sleep, but he found no rest, the shadows danced on the wall, reflecting the flame from his candle. They all leave you, do they not? A little voice said inside him. First nana, then Elladan and now Legolas. Did all of them not swear to stay with you to the end? Elrohir snarled and shoved the covers aside and walked out to pour some cold water in his face. To try to drown out that venomous little voice.
As he entered the bathroom, he noticed the face in the mirror. And bit his lip. He reached out a shaking hand towards his mirror image. "Why can you not see what it is you ask of me?" he whispered to the dark room, as he let his fingertips run over the cold mirror.
Elrohir rested his head against the mirror, and cried while his hand clawed at the glass. Why did he feel so? Had he unknowingly begun to return Legolas feelings? But how could that be? His soul belonged to Elladan.
Chapter 5 - Holding my breath
Legolas had not found any rest that night either. And he had welcomed dawn with a sad face. He dressed slowly, he wished nothing less than to leave. Elrohir had been right. He was a liar, he had promised to stay, to be his anchor. But the wrath of Thranduil could bring war upon them, and to choose between his sire and his duty, and his beloved and his heart, was just not possible. The blond elf sighed, and swung his bow over his shoulder. He heard a light tap on the door. And for a second his heart fluttered in joy /Elrohir! You came/ but when the door was opened, Glorfindel stuck his head in and smiled at the Sinda.
"Are you ready, we're waiting for you Prince Legolas" he said softly without that otherwise stern streak. Legolas nodded and obediently followed the Elda out into the corridor that led to the courtyard.
Two horses waited there. "We, my Lord Glorfindel, but I see only you and I." Legolas said surprised, and looked on the taller elder elf.
Glorfindel chuckled. "We, my prince, me and the horses".
Legolas's lips curled into a little smile. And then he turned to look at the windows to Elrohir's chambers. Glorfindel noticed the sadness and gently squeezed the younger elf's shoulder, "If you wish to leave something behind for him, I will see to it that he gets it, my prince." He said sounding equally sad.
At first Legolas had been confused. "Thank you milord" he finally whispered and with a swift move cut off a strand of his hair. Glorfindel watched as the young elf braided the little piece of hair. And then handed it to Glorfindel. "Please milord, see to it he gets this token from me." Legolas said and looked away from the eldas azure blue worried eyes.
"I swear I will sweet prince"
Glorfindel gently and carefully wrapped his fingers around the little braid. "Load your belongings onto the horse my prince, I will return shortly," the elda whispered before he hurried off. Legolas looked after him, but then turned to pack his horse.
He was almost done when the Elda returned. "Are you ready?" he asked in a thick voice.
Legolas looked wondering at the golden elf. Why was he so emotional? Was it not he that caused the grief and sorrow behind them? The young elf nodded and smiled a puzzled smile, before mounting his horse.
When they finally rode out of the courtyard, Legolas felt his heart would burst. Why had Elrohir not come? - He knew the answer to that. He was not Elladan!
Glorfindel kept quiet until they reached the borders of Imladris, then suddenly he whispered, "Do not burden your mind too much penneth, you only did what you thought right. And I believe that you love for him is true. He just does not see your dilemma."
Legolas sighed with relief, Glorfindel understood him - understood his choice.
Elrohir had watched the two blond elves riding out of the courtyard in the morning light.
He furiously wiped his tears away. And gritted his teeth. He would never grieve for that oathbreaker, that liar that... that..
Elrohir tried to drown his sadness with anger. But he knew this was a lie. He would grieve for Legolas, he would miss him gravely, and eagerly await his return, or word from him.
He turned around and bumped into Elrond, who had been watching him standing in the doorframe of his balcony. "Ada?" Elrohir gasped. And Elrond smiled at his son. "My sweet child," the elven lord said with pain in his voice, and took his son's hands. "Your grandmother asked if you would come to Lorien, to keep Arwen company." He said quietly.
Elrohir was baffled, "I miss my dear sister much. But I did not know she longed after my presence so much she would have grandmother send word."
Elrond caressed Elrohir's knuckles with his thumb to somewhat calm the boy. "She is your sister," he stated coolly, "she asks that you ride soon".
Elrohir nodded, "I will ride tomorrow, if that is soon enough." With that he pulled his hands free of his father's. He could not resist the feeling he was unwanted here - perhaps he reminded ada too much of Elladan? Or… It didn't really matter, for now he would ride to see Arwen, whom he had not seen since the spring. And he had to admit that he missed her dearly.
"Then I will go and prepare a letter for the Lord and Lady." Elrond said and pulled his hands into his sleeves. Elrohir just smiled, turned and left.
_TBC-
Thanks to my beta Joey *hugs* what is left of iffy stuff is my fault