To Travel With Wings

When the morning sun cast its light into Silnar’s room she was already awake to greet the day. She spent much time in her bath and made certain to dress with special care. Silnar sat before her mirror, brush in hand, when Ingewan, her lady in waiting appeared.

“My lady you look very becoming this morning. To what occasion do you dress so?”

“I have decided to join the rest of Imladris for breakfast, Ingewan. No longer shall I sit within the walls of my room awaiting my death.”

“It does my heart glad to see you ready to step forward into life, my lady. I shall fix your hair in a style fitting for a queen.”

Silnar laughed merrily and handed Ingewan her brush. “I go only to breakfast, Ingewan, and no queen am I. A simple style shall suffice.”

Ingewan ed, ed, but she had never attempted a task with simplicity in mind. Instead, she brushed Silnar’s hair until it shone like the bright fires of Feanor, and she braided strands of her hair which she threaded with ribbons of lightest blue. Upon her ears, Ingewan pinned sapphires, gifts of the Lord Cirdan of the Havens. She also set upon her head the circlet of Gil-galad that was studded with sapphires as well. Isildur, Anarion, and Elendil’s gifts she left for another time.

Silnar sighed, but was rather pleased with what Ingewan wrought, and said so. She knew, however, the stir she would cause. Perhaps it was for the best, though. The Lady of Lindon did nothing timidly.

Ingewan smiled widely and escorted Silnar to the dining hall for the Lady was still weak and prone to loosing the strength of her legs. Today, however, Silnar walked proudly and strongly and needed no assistance.

“Leave me to enter alone, Ingewan, for I wish not to rely forever on the help of others.” She paused, then added softly, “I thank you, though, for your assistance and patience with one as quick tempered as I.”

Ingewan nodded and smiled once more before departing for she had already dined that morning and had other business to attend. Silnar took a deep breath for it had been many months since she had been in the presence of others.

Feeling ready to face the Elves of Imladris, Silnar opened the great doors that led to the dining room and entered into silence. The room was only half full, but all activity stopped when they felt the grace of the Lady of Lindon. Silnar paused, only for a second, before raising her head and striding towards Elrond’s table.

Elrond stood, unsure of how to receive Silnar. She was not yet fully healed and thus should have remained in her rooms, but he had no wish to embarrass her, even though he held feelings that were not kind.

Silnar curtsied deeply to Elrond. “I wished to come and thank you, Lord of Imladris, for the care that you have bestowed upon me. Without the grace of your healing powers I would surely have perished…several times.”

The crowd of Elves was pleased to hear Silnar’s words, though some were surprised, for they had served Elrond and Gil-galad in the Last Alliance and they knew of the contention between the two elves.

Silnar looked up at Elrond from under her eyes, awaiting his command to rise. He nodded to her and offered his hand which she accepted. Inside she sighed, glad that it had gone well. Silnar was no fool and she knew of the terrible feelings Elrond harbored for her and her past deeds.

Elrond helped her to a seat on his left side. In front of her sat Glorfindel wholed led softly at her. He was not surprised by her actions, but was surprised that Elrond had received them so well. Glorfindel was astonished that Elrond had not thought them a charade of how Silnar truly felt. Maybe he did, but was too well mannered to retort. Whatever the case, Glorfindel was pleased to see Silnar again. She was beautiful in the morning and the raiment of Gil-galad and Cirdan complimented her.

“It is a pleasure to dine with you this morning, Lady Silnar,” Glorfindel murmured. “The morning sun does bow at your beauty.”

Elrond shot Glorfindel a sour glance, having heard his words, and rolled his eyes. Silnar smiled coyly at Glorfindel but answered, “I d tha that Arian would appreciate such words, my lord.”

Glorfindel smiled winningly and said, “I fear not Arian. She is tethered to her sun and can do naught to me.”

“Quite arrogant of you to think yourself free from someone the Valar honor.”

About to retort, Glorfindel opened his mouth, but was stilled by Elrond’s raised hand. “Please, continue this quaint conversation elsewhere. I do not wish to be subjected to the courtship between the both of you.”

Silnar blushed prettily and turned her head to her food. Glorfindel smiled mockingly at Elrond, but did not speak again. Elrond was glad for the silence, but he did not touch the rest of his food, instead he contemplated the lady before him and wondered about her, as he often did.

From the day that he had first seen her, lying still amongst the rocks of the ocean, Elrond had thought her beautiful and knew he could fall in love with such an elf, for it seemed impossible to him that one of such beauty could be anything but wondrous. He was wrong; however, for the lady elf had been long in the company of Maedhros, indeed she was long his lover, though he did not seek her hand in marriage. It was an insult she did not deem to worry about, and he knew that she had sought Dior in friendship, for she was not always in the shadow of Maedhros, but had leave to wander as she willed.

Anger burned in Elrond’s heart. She had stood by and allowed the slaying of Dior and his family. She had searched long in the woods with Maedhros, but that did not assuage the anger in his heart. It did not repent her of the sin of idleness. He wondered if Dior had cried for her help before his death, for intervention, at least on the behalf of his family.

Elrond stirred from his memories to find that most of the elves had departed and he was alone except for Silnar who had been watching him. He turned his gaze to her, but she did not waver.

“You do not like me, Peredhil.”

“How astute of you, my lady.”

Silnar placed her chin into her hand and watched his face. “You hold the likeness of Elwing.”

Elrond started at the mention of his mother and narrowed his eyes. Silnar spoke before he could set her down.

“She did not like me either. I did not know Earendil, but I met with Idril and Tuor, before they left. They were not bothered by my relationship with Maedhros.”

“Perhaps my mother knew of the role you played in her father’s death and the loss of her mother and brothers.”

Silnar looked upon Elrond with sudden pity. “You believe that I had a role in their untimely deaths? How twisted these tales become. I was not with Maedhros when he and Maglor invaded Dior and his house. I came afterwards for there was warning in my heart, but I arrived too late. Before me, Maedhros repented of his great sin, but who am I to give him pardon? Instead, I helped him scour the woods for the children and Nimloth, but we found them not. And yet, I must share in his deed, though no part did I play.”

Elrond was silent, digesting the information. “Then why did you remain with one who would kill one you called friend? In that you share his deeds if you would ignore them and carry on with him.”

“I do not know Elrond,” Silnar began slowly, “If you have ever felt the kind of great love that I bore for Maedhros. I am not keen to all the history of your long life. In Maedhros, I loved what he hid so often, the spirit of his mother, Nerdanel. There were rare times that it surfaced, and I yearned that it would come forth more often. In my foolishness, I believed that my love for him was stronger then the oath he bore, but I was wrong, and I paid for my arrogance.

“It was my love for the compassion and wisdom he hid deep that kept me by his side. Yes, by his side to the very bitter end of his life,” Silnar’s words drifted off and her eyes faded as if she was reliving some distant memory far off.

A few moments passed, and Silnar returned. She smiled sadly at Elrond’s stony face and stood. “I do not wish for your forgiveness or friendship, just your understanding. There was much in Maedhros that few saw. It was this that drew me to him, like a moth to flame. And I was burned, but I live on.” She stopped and thought. “I love him still, Peredhil, and I will always love him.”

Silnar slowly walked away and Elrond watched her until her slight form disappeared around the corner. He sat in his wide chair and pondered all that she had said. Perhaps there was some truth in her tale that he needed to consider.