The Music in My Heart
folder
Lord of the Rings Movies › Slash - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
75
Views:
3,780
Reviews:
11
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Lord of the Rings Movies › Slash - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
75
Views:
3,780
Reviews:
11
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own the Lord of the Rings book series and movie series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Chapter 28 A Talk by the River
Title: The Music in My Heart, Chapter 28 (betaed)
Author: Sorsha
Fandom/Pairing: Elrond/OFC, Glorfindel/Haldir, Elladan/OFC, Elrohir/Legolas, others implied
Rating:.NC-17 for future chapters
Warning: AU (Story set 770 years after ROTK); Slash and het.
Feedback: This is my first fanfic, so constructive feedback appreciated.
Archive:
Acknowledgements: Many thanks to Alex Cat for her help in betaing this fic. Thanks also to Lady Victoria for her comments and support.
Disclaimer: Any of the residents of Middle-earth and Aman that you recognize belong to Prof. Tolkien’s estate. The same is true about Middle-earth and Aman. I’m only visiting and admiring the “views”.
Summary: Sauron may be gone, but his legacy of evil still lingers. As Middle-earth faces the threat of another dark lord, a party of elves departs Aman on a mission for the Valar, a mission of mercy long delayed.
Chapter 28 --- A Talk by the River
“Life is the only real counselor;
wisdom unfiltered through personal experience
does not become a part of the moral tissue.”
Edith Wharton
*****
Seere sat staring at her plate lost in her thoughts, her food largely untouched. The warm sun and gentle breeze stirring through the glade had done nothing to lift her spirits. Guilt weighted at her fëa and the sharp pain of Ermehtar’s betrayal cut deep. The wound had been inflicted over forty years earlier, but sheer force of will had kept the damage from showing.
Now all of her family --- her father, Celeborn, and the twins most especially, knew she had failed, failed them all. She had not prevented the death of a cherished friend and the treason of another. Elrond now knew she was not the untouched maiden he supposed; he now knew that she was soiled and dirty.
/I was more concerned with saving my honor than preventing a tragedy. We might have been able to save Ermehtar had they known. It might not have been too late to pull him back from the dark that has taken his fëa. I was a coward and I lived a lie. Roitar is dead along with that man because of that and Elrohir nearly died as well. How they can endure my presence is beyond my understanding! They cannot forgive me! I lost all right to ask for their forgiveness. Nor can I forgive myself or expect to be trusted ever again!/
Lost in her pain, she did not immediately realize that Elrond had moved to sit beside her or that her father had moved to join Celeborn across the glade. Glancing up, but not quite making eye contact with the elf lord, she shifted uncomfortably knowing he was watching her closely, knowing the others were as well. Seere lifted her wine glass to take a sip, but her shaking hands refused to cooperate.
The rich red wine poured over the front of her white dress and ran down her hand. The sight of the blood red stain, the blood red droplets dripping from her hand sent uncontrollable tremors racing through her body. /Blood! The blood on my hands, the blood on my soul is now showing for all to see!/
With a strangled cry, she pushed to her feet, ignoring the pain in her healing ankle and ran away from the glade, away from the shocked faces of her family and friends, away from her overwhelming sense of failure and guilt.
*****
Elrond reached to catch the wine glass that tumbled from her trembling fingers, but was too late to prevent it spilling down the front of her dress. He grabbed a linen napkin lying near her feet intending to offer it to her to wipe the wine from her hand, but froze as a soul-wrenching cry slipped from her lips. He raised worried eyes to study her face. His reaction gave her time enough to struggle to her feet and run away.
Startled by her abrupt departure, he hesitated for a few seconds before he jumped to his feet and ran after her. Across the glade, Celeborn placed a restraining hand on Erestor’s arm and murmured, “Let Elrond go after her. He was able to get her to talk about this once; hopefully, he will again, mellon nin. Trust him. He would never harm Seere… or you.” (my friend)
Falling back to the ground, Erestor stared after his wounded child as he sent a prayer to the Valar that the healer would be able to help her resolve the pain that consumed her fëa. The prayer was repeated in the hearts of the rest of his family. Silence descended on the glade as they waited to see if the healing skills of the Lord of Imladris were equal to this task.
*****
Seere ran blindly, looking for a place to hide and escape the disappointment, the disgust she knew she would find in the eyes of those she loved. The instinct that drove her the night of the storm did so again and she soon found herself huddled on the hidden ledge by the great falls. It was some time before she realized she was not alone, that Elrond was sitting by her side. She dropped her face into her hands unable to raise her tear-filled eyes and see the judgment in his.
Elrond’s heart broke for the pain that radiated from the elleth’s wounded fëa. Without hesitation, he reached for Seere and pulled her into his arms. Frantic hands grabbed at the back of his tunic as her arms wound around him. Desperate for comfort, Seere buried her face against his chest.
Her entire body shook with the force of her grief as racking sobs tore from her throat. For the first time since the morning she awoke in the Healing House, for the first time since the night of Ermehtar’s attack forty years earlier, she faced what had happened. Repressed fear and pain poured out against his chest as she finally began to grieve for all that had been lost and all that had been taken from her. Elrond breathed a sigh of relief and drew her close.
*****
Elrond felt the emotional storm begin to wan. Her sobs had eased to quiet tears and she sagged weakly against his chest, exhausted. Slowly, so as not to alarm her, he shifted them away from the edge of the falls so he could rest his back against the solid bulk of the cliff wall. Elrond pulled Seere onto his lap, guiding her head to rest against the hollow of his throat. Once they were both comfortably settled, he resumed his gentle caresses along her back and through her tussled hair.
Hearing her sigh, he looked down to find her studying the wine stain that covered the front of her dress. “Tis a lovely dress, pen vuil. Perhaps they will be able to get the stain out for you. It would be a shame for you to lose it.” (dear one)
“It matters not if they can remove the stain, for I will never wear this dress again. It will always remind me of what I have done, of how badly I failed,” came the lifeless answer.
Frowning at her response, Elrond asked, “What do you think you have done that is so horrible, Lirimaer?” (lovely one)
“I have failed us all, my lord. Surely you can see that?”
Slipping his hand from the silk of her hair, Elrond lifted her chin so that she was forced to meet his eyes. “Nay, Seere. I see nothing of the sort. Ermehtar failed us all, but he failed you most of all. His crimes are not yours.”
“I have my own crimes to answer for, my lord. I let my fears …my pride keep me from telling anyone …about what had happened … and… I begged Roitar…I did not want him to tell either… and it cost him his life!” Sobs broke her voice and left it little more than a choked whisper.
Pulling her back against him in a gentle embrace, Elrond shook his head before placing a kiss on the crown of her head. “That is not true, Seere, you were wronged. He hurt you and would have committed an even greater wrong upon you if he had not been stopped.”
Feeling her begin to shake, Elrond again forced her eyes to meet his. “Listen well, pen vuil. You did nothing wrong. You made the best choice you could at the time with the information available to you then. The only crimes committed that night were against you… not by you.” (dear one)
“Afterwards, you chose to give someone you thought a friend the benefit of a second chance. That is admirable.” The fingers cupping her chin shifted to gather the unbound hair that hid her eyes and tucked it behind a delicately pointed ear. “Roitar honored your request because he respected it. If he had thought Ermehtar capable of treason and murder, he would have come forward without delay, regardless of his promise to you. That was his duty and he would have honored it before any promise he made to you. He swore an oath to protect this valley from all that would threaten it long before you were born. He would not have overlooked any threat to our security, even if it meant exposing your secret.”
Seeing a small spark of hope enter her eyes, he knew he had her attention. “Be honest with me Seere. Did you ever think he was a threat to any other than yourself? Did you ever think your silence was possibly endangering more than your own safety?”
Seere stared up into Elrond’s eyes and struggled to make sense of his question. “But he betrayed…”
“Nay. That is not what I asked. Before that night in the dungeons, did you have any indication he was allied with the spies for Lhach?” Seeing her shake her head no, he continued. “Did you think he was capable of murdering either Elrohir or Roitar… of murdering anyone for that matter?”
“Nay, of course not. But…” Her mind was spinning as she considered the import of his words. “I should have told Ada or Celeborn what he did. If I had…”
“Aye, you should have told them, but not for the reasons you are thinking. You should have told them so they could help protect you from someone who had behaved in an unforgivable manner towards you. No one has the right to force anyone or demand they give them love. Rape kills the fëa and that is as unpardonable a sin as murder. Love and its physical expression must be freely and willing given. It is a joyous thing, never accept less, Seere.” Elrond smiled gently at the blush that spread up her cheeks.
“You can not take the blame for what happened in the dungeons either. Those were Ermehtar’s actions as well. Roitar knew as well as you did what happened forty years ago and it still made no difference,” he pointed out. “Your family and friends do not blame you for what happened, Seere. They love you and are grieved that you were hurt and they did not know. The twins feel they let you down by failing to protect you properly. Your Ada and Celeborn feel the same way.”
He was quiet for a long time as he let her consider what he had said. Slowly, he felt some of the tension drain from her body and her head drooped against him chest as exhaustion claimed her form.
Resting his head against the top of hers, he cautiously broached the final issue he needed to discuss with her. “Seere, what Ermehtar did in no way diminishes who you are or how we see you.”
Feeling her body stiffen in response to his comment, he asked, “Did you think it did, Lirimaer?”
When she did not answer, he again shifted his hand to lift her chin so that their eyes could meet. “Do you, Seere?”
A few tears slipped from her swimming eyes and trailed down her cheeks. A small, hesitant voice whispered, “I feel so dirty, so unclean. I can still feel his hands pawing at me and tearing at my clothes… I can still taste the blood from my torn lips! I cannot imagine how you can stand to be so near me!”
Gentle fingers wiped the tears from her face. “Seere, he has damaged his own fëa by his actions then and now, but not yours. Your fëa is as pure and bright as any I have ever encountered.”
A teasing grin came to his face. “I must confess, I quite enjoy having you near me, pen vuil! You are lovely and kind and very intelligent. You laugh at my jokes even when nobody else does. Such a companion is a gift I do not plan to give up willingly.” (dear one)
A shy smile crept across her face as she ducked her head to hide both it and the blush his words inspired. As she did, she became aware of the fact she was sitting in his lap, cuddled to his chest. Her blush deepened by several shades.
Chuckling at her reaction, he offered, “Perhaps it is time for us to return to our family. I expect your Ada is quite worried about you.” Seeing her nod her head in agreement, he slowly let his arms drop from around her. Easing her to his side, he rolled to his feet and extended his hand to help her to hers.
“There are two further points I wish to make before we rejoin our picnic. First, you need to take pride in how you have fought back these last forty years, Seere. Many would have hidden away and been too afraid to face their attacker. You kept your head up and even met him on the training ground, sword in hand. You also took your place at the Council table even though it meant facing him daily. That took courage and self-discipline. He did not defeat you, Seere. He did not win,” Elrond stressed.
“And my other point is… you are not alone. You have family and friends that love you. Let us help you in this and in all things, pen vuil, as you so willingly help each of us.” Smiling down into her eyes, he asked, “Agreed?” (dear one)
Keeping her hand tucked in his, he studied her tear-ravaged face for a moment after receiving her nod of agreement. Remembering the napkin he had stuffed into the pocket of his tunic earlier, he pulled it back out and stepped over to the falls. He held the napkin under the flow of the cool water long enough to completely soak it. Turning back to Seere, he gently tilted her face and let the cool cloth caress, sooth the tear-swollen flesh around her eyes.
Their eyes met and held. Long minutes passed before Elrond ended their silent communication and moved to lead the way back to their family. Both knew something had changed in that moment and they smiled.
“So, tell me pen vuil. I have been wondering… how is it we ended up sheltered under the pavilion steps the night of the storm?” (dear one)
*****.
A/N: I'd love to hear what you think! Please review!
Author: Sorsha
Fandom/Pairing: Elrond/OFC, Glorfindel/Haldir, Elladan/OFC, Elrohir/Legolas, others implied
Rating:.NC-17 for future chapters
Warning: AU (Story set 770 years after ROTK); Slash and het.
Feedback: This is my first fanfic, so constructive feedback appreciated.
Archive:
Acknowledgements: Many thanks to Alex Cat for her help in betaing this fic. Thanks also to Lady Victoria for her comments and support.
Disclaimer: Any of the residents of Middle-earth and Aman that you recognize belong to Prof. Tolkien’s estate. The same is true about Middle-earth and Aman. I’m only visiting and admiring the “views”.
Summary: Sauron may be gone, but his legacy of evil still lingers. As Middle-earth faces the threat of another dark lord, a party of elves departs Aman on a mission for the Valar, a mission of mercy long delayed.
Chapter 28 --- A Talk by the River
“Life is the only real counselor;
wisdom unfiltered through personal experience
does not become a part of the moral tissue.”
Edith Wharton
*****
Seere sat staring at her plate lost in her thoughts, her food largely untouched. The warm sun and gentle breeze stirring through the glade had done nothing to lift her spirits. Guilt weighted at her fëa and the sharp pain of Ermehtar’s betrayal cut deep. The wound had been inflicted over forty years earlier, but sheer force of will had kept the damage from showing.
Now all of her family --- her father, Celeborn, and the twins most especially, knew she had failed, failed them all. She had not prevented the death of a cherished friend and the treason of another. Elrond now knew she was not the untouched maiden he supposed; he now knew that she was soiled and dirty.
/I was more concerned with saving my honor than preventing a tragedy. We might have been able to save Ermehtar had they known. It might not have been too late to pull him back from the dark that has taken his fëa. I was a coward and I lived a lie. Roitar is dead along with that man because of that and Elrohir nearly died as well. How they can endure my presence is beyond my understanding! They cannot forgive me! I lost all right to ask for their forgiveness. Nor can I forgive myself or expect to be trusted ever again!/
Lost in her pain, she did not immediately realize that Elrond had moved to sit beside her or that her father had moved to join Celeborn across the glade. Glancing up, but not quite making eye contact with the elf lord, she shifted uncomfortably knowing he was watching her closely, knowing the others were as well. Seere lifted her wine glass to take a sip, but her shaking hands refused to cooperate.
The rich red wine poured over the front of her white dress and ran down her hand. The sight of the blood red stain, the blood red droplets dripping from her hand sent uncontrollable tremors racing through her body. /Blood! The blood on my hands, the blood on my soul is now showing for all to see!/
With a strangled cry, she pushed to her feet, ignoring the pain in her healing ankle and ran away from the glade, away from the shocked faces of her family and friends, away from her overwhelming sense of failure and guilt.
*****
Elrond reached to catch the wine glass that tumbled from her trembling fingers, but was too late to prevent it spilling down the front of her dress. He grabbed a linen napkin lying near her feet intending to offer it to her to wipe the wine from her hand, but froze as a soul-wrenching cry slipped from her lips. He raised worried eyes to study her face. His reaction gave her time enough to struggle to her feet and run away.
Startled by her abrupt departure, he hesitated for a few seconds before he jumped to his feet and ran after her. Across the glade, Celeborn placed a restraining hand on Erestor’s arm and murmured, “Let Elrond go after her. He was able to get her to talk about this once; hopefully, he will again, mellon nin. Trust him. He would never harm Seere… or you.” (my friend)
Falling back to the ground, Erestor stared after his wounded child as he sent a prayer to the Valar that the healer would be able to help her resolve the pain that consumed her fëa. The prayer was repeated in the hearts of the rest of his family. Silence descended on the glade as they waited to see if the healing skills of the Lord of Imladris were equal to this task.
*****
Seere ran blindly, looking for a place to hide and escape the disappointment, the disgust she knew she would find in the eyes of those she loved. The instinct that drove her the night of the storm did so again and she soon found herself huddled on the hidden ledge by the great falls. It was some time before she realized she was not alone, that Elrond was sitting by her side. She dropped her face into her hands unable to raise her tear-filled eyes and see the judgment in his.
Elrond’s heart broke for the pain that radiated from the elleth’s wounded fëa. Without hesitation, he reached for Seere and pulled her into his arms. Frantic hands grabbed at the back of his tunic as her arms wound around him. Desperate for comfort, Seere buried her face against his chest.
Her entire body shook with the force of her grief as racking sobs tore from her throat. For the first time since the morning she awoke in the Healing House, for the first time since the night of Ermehtar’s attack forty years earlier, she faced what had happened. Repressed fear and pain poured out against his chest as she finally began to grieve for all that had been lost and all that had been taken from her. Elrond breathed a sigh of relief and drew her close.
*****
Elrond felt the emotional storm begin to wan. Her sobs had eased to quiet tears and she sagged weakly against his chest, exhausted. Slowly, so as not to alarm her, he shifted them away from the edge of the falls so he could rest his back against the solid bulk of the cliff wall. Elrond pulled Seere onto his lap, guiding her head to rest against the hollow of his throat. Once they were both comfortably settled, he resumed his gentle caresses along her back and through her tussled hair.
Hearing her sigh, he looked down to find her studying the wine stain that covered the front of her dress. “Tis a lovely dress, pen vuil. Perhaps they will be able to get the stain out for you. It would be a shame for you to lose it.” (dear one)
“It matters not if they can remove the stain, for I will never wear this dress again. It will always remind me of what I have done, of how badly I failed,” came the lifeless answer.
Frowning at her response, Elrond asked, “What do you think you have done that is so horrible, Lirimaer?” (lovely one)
“I have failed us all, my lord. Surely you can see that?”
Slipping his hand from the silk of her hair, Elrond lifted her chin so that she was forced to meet his eyes. “Nay, Seere. I see nothing of the sort. Ermehtar failed us all, but he failed you most of all. His crimes are not yours.”
“I have my own crimes to answer for, my lord. I let my fears …my pride keep me from telling anyone …about what had happened … and… I begged Roitar…I did not want him to tell either… and it cost him his life!” Sobs broke her voice and left it little more than a choked whisper.
Pulling her back against him in a gentle embrace, Elrond shook his head before placing a kiss on the crown of her head. “That is not true, Seere, you were wronged. He hurt you and would have committed an even greater wrong upon you if he had not been stopped.”
Feeling her begin to shake, Elrond again forced her eyes to meet his. “Listen well, pen vuil. You did nothing wrong. You made the best choice you could at the time with the information available to you then. The only crimes committed that night were against you… not by you.” (dear one)
“Afterwards, you chose to give someone you thought a friend the benefit of a second chance. That is admirable.” The fingers cupping her chin shifted to gather the unbound hair that hid her eyes and tucked it behind a delicately pointed ear. “Roitar honored your request because he respected it. If he had thought Ermehtar capable of treason and murder, he would have come forward without delay, regardless of his promise to you. That was his duty and he would have honored it before any promise he made to you. He swore an oath to protect this valley from all that would threaten it long before you were born. He would not have overlooked any threat to our security, even if it meant exposing your secret.”
Seeing a small spark of hope enter her eyes, he knew he had her attention. “Be honest with me Seere. Did you ever think he was a threat to any other than yourself? Did you ever think your silence was possibly endangering more than your own safety?”
Seere stared up into Elrond’s eyes and struggled to make sense of his question. “But he betrayed…”
“Nay. That is not what I asked. Before that night in the dungeons, did you have any indication he was allied with the spies for Lhach?” Seeing her shake her head no, he continued. “Did you think he was capable of murdering either Elrohir or Roitar… of murdering anyone for that matter?”
“Nay, of course not. But…” Her mind was spinning as she considered the import of his words. “I should have told Ada or Celeborn what he did. If I had…”
“Aye, you should have told them, but not for the reasons you are thinking. You should have told them so they could help protect you from someone who had behaved in an unforgivable manner towards you. No one has the right to force anyone or demand they give them love. Rape kills the fëa and that is as unpardonable a sin as murder. Love and its physical expression must be freely and willing given. It is a joyous thing, never accept less, Seere.” Elrond smiled gently at the blush that spread up her cheeks.
“You can not take the blame for what happened in the dungeons either. Those were Ermehtar’s actions as well. Roitar knew as well as you did what happened forty years ago and it still made no difference,” he pointed out. “Your family and friends do not blame you for what happened, Seere. They love you and are grieved that you were hurt and they did not know. The twins feel they let you down by failing to protect you properly. Your Ada and Celeborn feel the same way.”
He was quiet for a long time as he let her consider what he had said. Slowly, he felt some of the tension drain from her body and her head drooped against him chest as exhaustion claimed her form.
Resting his head against the top of hers, he cautiously broached the final issue he needed to discuss with her. “Seere, what Ermehtar did in no way diminishes who you are or how we see you.”
Feeling her body stiffen in response to his comment, he asked, “Did you think it did, Lirimaer?”
When she did not answer, he again shifted his hand to lift her chin so that their eyes could meet. “Do you, Seere?”
A few tears slipped from her swimming eyes and trailed down her cheeks. A small, hesitant voice whispered, “I feel so dirty, so unclean. I can still feel his hands pawing at me and tearing at my clothes… I can still taste the blood from my torn lips! I cannot imagine how you can stand to be so near me!”
Gentle fingers wiped the tears from her face. “Seere, he has damaged his own fëa by his actions then and now, but not yours. Your fëa is as pure and bright as any I have ever encountered.”
A teasing grin came to his face. “I must confess, I quite enjoy having you near me, pen vuil! You are lovely and kind and very intelligent. You laugh at my jokes even when nobody else does. Such a companion is a gift I do not plan to give up willingly.” (dear one)
A shy smile crept across her face as she ducked her head to hide both it and the blush his words inspired. As she did, she became aware of the fact she was sitting in his lap, cuddled to his chest. Her blush deepened by several shades.
Chuckling at her reaction, he offered, “Perhaps it is time for us to return to our family. I expect your Ada is quite worried about you.” Seeing her nod her head in agreement, he slowly let his arms drop from around her. Easing her to his side, he rolled to his feet and extended his hand to help her to hers.
“There are two further points I wish to make before we rejoin our picnic. First, you need to take pride in how you have fought back these last forty years, Seere. Many would have hidden away and been too afraid to face their attacker. You kept your head up and even met him on the training ground, sword in hand. You also took your place at the Council table even though it meant facing him daily. That took courage and self-discipline. He did not defeat you, Seere. He did not win,” Elrond stressed.
“And my other point is… you are not alone. You have family and friends that love you. Let us help you in this and in all things, pen vuil, as you so willingly help each of us.” Smiling down into her eyes, he asked, “Agreed?” (dear one)
Keeping her hand tucked in his, he studied her tear-ravaged face for a moment after receiving her nod of agreement. Remembering the napkin he had stuffed into the pocket of his tunic earlier, he pulled it back out and stepped over to the falls. He held the napkin under the flow of the cool water long enough to completely soak it. Turning back to Seere, he gently tilted her face and let the cool cloth caress, sooth the tear-swollen flesh around her eyes.
Their eyes met and held. Long minutes passed before Elrond ended their silent communication and moved to lead the way back to their family. Both knew something had changed in that moment and they smiled.
“So, tell me pen vuil. I have been wondering… how is it we ended up sheltered under the pavilion steps the night of the storm?” (dear one)
*****.
A/N: I'd love to hear what you think! Please review!