Voices In The Dark

Title: Voices In The Dark

A/N: By this point you should know the drill...
Read as you like, Review as you will.
All are Tolkien's, but with my little twist.
Love those elves! Happiness is!
Silliness!

Thanks to both Linuari and Ki-fors for beta-ing, except you missed palpable!

Chapter 26: Life Begins Once More

It was two more days before Legolas finally awoke. During that time his elvish healing abilities seemed to kick in with full force, as if to make up for all the time spent without recovery. The bruises had faded until they were nearly vanished and the gash across his cheek was merely a small scratch. His stomach wound had completely closed, although it was still quite tender, and the injury from the actual rape had mended, leaving swiftly dwindling scar tissue behind.

Glorfindel was once more at his side when the twilight eyes blinked open, reading a rather large book on warfare during the second age. He had recovered quickly as well, after sleeping for a full day himself. Otherwise, he seemed no worse for his brief trip back to Mandos’ Halls.

Sensing movement he lowered the heavy tome. He watched as the eyes roved over the room, sensing the presence of the others lurking just behind the blue orbs. Legolas then proceeded to gently shift or stretch each limb, as if testing the extent of the remaining injuries. After wincing briefly as his still healing stomach lightly protested the movement, he closed his eyes once more with a sigh.

*It is a start,* Glorfindel thought to himself, placing the book on the table before rising. Luckily Elrond was in his workroom only a few doors down, preparing tinctures and poultices for later use. While there were other healers who could do the job just as well, Elrond tended to find the quiet of the dark, windowless room relaxing, and the simple, mindless tasks a welcome relief from the stresses of leadership.

Glorfindel knocked lightly on the wooden door.

“Yes? What is it?” came the reply from inside.

“Legolas is awake,” Glorfindel called, to which a few clinking sounds could be heard before the door quickly opened. Elrond emerged, shedding a lightweight dark blue robe, his hair tied back in a single long braid. The robe he hung on a hook just inside the door before following the blonde Elda back towards where Legolas rested. Along the way he pulled one of the junior healers aside and requested a bowl of vegetable and fowl broth be brought from the kitchens, as well as some light bread. It had been quite a while since the patient had consumed anything short of water, and Elrond was determined to get Legolas to finally eat something.

They entered the room to find Legolas’s eyes were still closed, although as they moved closer the eyes opened once again.

“Would you care to sit?” Elrond asked, pausing upon reaching the bedside and pouring a cup of water from the pitcher.

Legolas nodded in reply, his throat too dry to manage much more of a response. He tried to push himself into a sitting position, but felt too weak to manage much more than lifting his shoulders off the bed. The contracting of his stomach muscles brought a dull pain. The helpless feeling made him sigh heavily in frustration, to which Elrond chuckled.

“You have been comatose for a week, and visited with Námo and Estê during a part of that time so I hear. Do not worry; your strength will return.”

Legolas’s eyes followed Elrond as moved to sit beside him. With gentle hands the healer reached down and pulled him up while Glorfindel propped up several pillows behind him. Elrond didn’t miss the tenseness in Legolas’s body at his touch or the sudden quickness in breath, and felt a small pang of sorrow despite the fact that the response was anticipated. Estê may have strengthened his soul and eased his mind, but the memories would always be there. The automatic responses and the constant fear had been so ingrained into his psyche, only time would bring full healing. And yet this was still better than he expected, for no sound of protest left Legolas’s lips, nor did he attempt to pull away. Celebrian had never been this calm so soon after her own attack.

Elrond lowered him back onto the rearranged pillows, then handed him the cup of water. He knew the elf would have difficulty with even this task, but was also well aware of how independent he was. Elrond kept his hand under the cup as Legolas guided it to his mouth and drank, so at least some semblance of self-sufficiency was granted.

“Thank you,” Leoglas murmured after lowering the now empty cup.

Elrond nodded with a smile, taking it from him and setting it aside. “Some food is being sent up. But first, I would like to know how you are all feeling?”

Legolas’s brow furrowed slightly, his gaze appearing to loose focus for several moments. “We are well,” he finally answered, twilight eyes now roving once more through the room. “It is hard to believe, despite everything…that he is finally gone. I know he is dead, and Estê assured us he will not return, yet…”

“Give it time,” Elrond said, lightly touching Legolas’s fingers. The younger elf nodded, and then turned his head to look upon Glorfindel. He couldn’t help the smile that touched his lips upon seeing the golden elf sitting there. That had been his first sight upon waking, and had been a welcome relief in itself.

“Elanor says hello,” Legolas said, pleased to see Glorfindel chuckle in response. Yet he wasn’t about to tell him that the small elfling now looked upon him as her hero. That would be too embarrassing. “And we all wish to thank you, for everything.”

“I am sorry I was too late,” Glorfindel said, the words escaping before he could stop them, and Legolas could see the self-blame lurking behind the cobalt eyes. He found it odd, for why should this noble elf blame himself for anything that had happened? After all, hadn’t he found them all within their mind and sought to convince them to live, and hadn’t he been dragged back to Mandos with them? If anything, Legolas felt he should be apologizing.

“I do not understand,” Legolas replied, yet was denied a response as a junior healer walked in, bearing a tray of steaming broth and some slices of freshly baked bread. Upon catching the wafting scent he felt his stomach growl in response. It indeed felt like a week since he had eaten anything, and now he felt ravenous.

He ate everything, feeling more than a bit self-conscious with both of the elders looming over him. Elrond sensed his discomfiture and left, leaving Glorfindel to make sure Legolas ate as much as he could safely stomach. When he was finished Glorfindel set the tray aside before helping Legolas ease back down into a more resting position. Even the little exertions had left him suddenly sleepy.

“I feel as if you are turning into my nursemaid,” Legolas commented with a yawn; the same thought that had run through his head a week earlier.

“Perhaps,” Glorfindel smiled. “But I do not mind.”

Legolas reached out and grasped his hand before eventually nodding off to sleep, the expression on his face reminding the older elf of the night he had drugged his tea to help him sleep. It was a pleasant memory, but it didn’t last as the thought was followed by another incident involving drugs and its terrible outcome. His free hand fisted briefly as guilt pressed in once more.

* * *

Elrond ordered Legolas to remain in bed for several more days, something which all the personalities found trying. At least he was able to return to his own quarters, which provided relief from prying eyes and the well-wishes of his fellow Mirkwood elves. Luckily very little word had gotten out regarding the nature of the incident. Saeldis’s death was ascribed to an accident, and since none saw the body, none were the wiser. Sadly, Saeldis’s off-putting personality didn’t endear him to any of the other elves, so no further investigation was given beyond Elrond, Glorfindel, and Erestor’s word of the facts. The extent of Legolas’s injuries were also kept quiet about, and all assumed he met with an accident while hunting a vicious wild boar; a rumor started and spread by Elrohir, Elladan, and Laurerána.

The three of them spent much of their free time entertaining the bedridden elf. Legolas was initially hesitant with their regard, particularly after he realized they knew everything about what had happened. Yet they took it all in stride, and after several days without even the slightest sign of disgust or ill-placed sympathy, he began to relax into their attentions. They seemed fascinated by this elf with multiple personalities, however they knew better than to make him parade them out like some sort of deformed creature for show. They treated him as any other elf, and when one of the others did decide to appear, they took it in stride. An internal weight that Legolas hadn’t even known existed soon lifted from his heart.

Glorfindel had taken to spending some time in the evenings with Legolas. He would tell them stories before they settled for bed, something which the various spirits looked forwards to, particularly the younger ones. Then he would massage the elf’s back with the oil Elrond had made, intent upon keeping the scar tissue supple that he wouldn’t loose any flexibility when he returned to fighting. After several days he noticed with pleasant surprise that the tissue seemed to be shrinking, as if the scarring was finally beginning to heal as it should. Granted it was a very slow healing, barely noticeable to one who wasn’t familiar with the damage. When he mentioned this to Legolas, he was surprised to see the eyes fill with tears of barely contained joy.

Elrond came to see Legolas often as well. In the mornings he would change the last of the bandages, checking on his health and making sure he hadn’t been overexerting himself. Morning bathing was taken care of, a chore which Legolas found highly embarrassing at first, but soon grew more comfortable with as he gained strength and was better able to take care of himself.

In the afternoons Elrond would return again, this time merely to talk. The other spirits would come out as speak with Elrond about things that were on their minds. Estê had healed them, somehow instilling within each personality a sense of personal fortitude and the willingness to continue on despite the obstacles they were forced to suffer through. They still suffered periods of depression and self-doubt, of memory shock and rage, yet it was nothing so severe that would cause them to fade from grief and shame. Thus Elrond found himself in the position of councilor and arbitrator as well as healer. Elanor was upset because she was stuck inside and she wanted to go outside and play; Fánehua was feeling ostracized for behaving so brutally after the battle with Saeldis; Aenos was trying to reassess his beliefs and role in the group, and was in turn annoying the others. Yet both the easiest and the hardest to deal with were the two ‘new’ personalities.

The youngling, as Elrond and the others called him, rarely appeared. When he did he barely spoke at all. He was a quiet, shy child, although occasionally he would exhibit bursts of energy that were quickly tempered. He was strangely volatile, yet Elrond understood that his personality reflected the treatment Saeldis inflicted upon Legolas in his extreme youth, before the mind split to cope. His concerns were primarily for his ada, whom he wished to be with despite the others telling him that his father was not around.

The other ‘new’ personality rarely appeared either, for knew very little of life and social functions. All the spirits that composed him had been created to deal with pain and suffering, and the majority of his personal memories dealt with such loss. Estê had indeed healed his pain, as well as teaching him the way of properly living, but that was nothing compared to actually experiencing it. So he was content to sit back and observe, to learn what he could from the experiences of others.

* * *

Glorfindel walked into Legolas’s rooms one evening to find him sitting in a chair by the open balcony doors. A soft melody filled the air, a lovely tune beautiful in its simplicity. It took a moment for him to realize it originated from the figure in the chair. He had never heard Legolas sing, and didn’t know the elf had such skill of voice.

As the song trailed off Glorfindel approached. “That was beautiful,” he commented. “I did not realize you could sing so well.”

“Some of us do,” Legolas replied softly. “I did not know either until recently.”

Glorfindel merely smiled at the comment. There had been many such revelations made in the past few days.

“You are not supposed to be out of bed without assistance yet,” He continued. “Elrond’s orders.”

Legolas turned his head to give the former balrog slayer a dry look. “And would you have remained laid out for so long?” His gaze returned to the torch-lit gardens beyond the balcony. “Besides, it was only a short distance. I needed to move.”

“I suppose you are correct,” He conceded. “I would have done the same, or worse.”

There was silence as Glorfindel placed his hands on the back of the chair. Together they stared off into the night, enjoying the cool air and the sound of crickets chirping in the shadows. Finally Legolas spoke, and the tone was all Ravan’s.

“You feel guilt over something. Why?”

Glorfindel frowned, not realizing his remorse was so plain to see. Several more moments of silence ensued before he felt he could answer, and even then, his hesitance showed.

“I feel as if I could have done something more,” He murmured softly. “If I had been quicker, or had done things differently, you might not have been injured so grievously.”

Teal blue eyes turned to look up at him, filled with amusement and understanding. “No, you came as you could. Do not blame yourself when I do not. I would sooner blame the orcs for killing Saeldis’s parents, or fate for placing him in the hands of those who hurt him. Estê told us of Saeldis’s past; that his guardian, his second father, was a cruel elf as well, beset by his own demons. We cannot forgive him, not yet, but we are beginning to understand.

“Yet if I had escorted Saeldis to the healing rooms myself,” Glorfindel pressed, “or immediately set out to assign guards to watch him…”

“How were you to know he would come after us so quickly?” Ravan countered. “We did not, and we knew him well.”

“Then I should have left Saeldis where he lay and set after Mórehua directly.”

“No, you did your duty and looked after the well-being of the more obviously injured party. Mórehua had overreacted once before, how were you to know he had just cause in this instance?”

Glorfindel smiled wryly. “You will have a rebuttal for every argument I make, I am certain.” Ravan merely smiled.

“And what of the others? They are not nearly as rational as you.”

Ravan shrugged, his gaze turning inwards as he conferred with the other pieces of himself. After a period of silence broken only by the sound of laughter emerging from somewhere in the gardens below, Ravan spoke.

“Of this we are all in agreement, and only one fact remains: Saeldis is gone. He is dead, and that single thought is enough to supercede any blame concerning how it happened. We are content with that. Besides, I doubt Elanor would allow us to find fault with you.”

“No,” he continued as Glorfindel shook his head with a smile, “you should hold no guilt. I believe the only way for us to truly heal was for us to die as we did. If it wasn’t for you…we might still be dwelling within the Halls of Waiting.” He reached up and grabbed the older elf’s hand, his long fingers twining through the slightly rougher ones while an expression both curious and tentative crossed his angular face.

“You did this,” Legolas finally whispered, all the personalities shinning through the now twilight eyes as he stared at the joined hands. “And for that we thank you.”


Review Responses:

MorierBlackleaf: I’m glad you like rambling… I’ve gotten very good at it! (grin) In answer to your question, Dr. Dorman used psychoanalysis on Catherine. No hypnosis or regression, which given her history I don’t think would have helped much as her schizophrenia was due to a sort of neglect and loss of self. Then again, what do I know? (smile) He met with Catherine every single day for an hour at a time for years. Many times nothing was said between them, or just a single sentence was spoken by her. From what I gathered, it was partially the assurance that he was there, and cared enough to listen even when she said nothing, which helped her break out of her regressive mindset. It was interesting how she seemed to revert from an adult back to a small child, and it wasn’t until she hit bottom that she was able to grow once more.
Hmmm…good story fodder… ;)

Crookis: Oooh! That WOULD be cute! I can just see two little golden haired elfings running around causing all sorts of trouble… maybe even joining up with Elladan and Elrohir at some point! Hehehe!!
And about the human god thing, it seems to me that after a certain amount of time religions among groups of people tend to change (Just look at Christianity, Islam, and Judaism!) All the stories I’ve heard say that when humans die on Middle Earth, they end up somewhere else that elves have no knowledge of. So who’s to say they don’t have their own caretakers, or gods, to watch over them when they die? Someone they can relate to on human terms. Mythology changes to suit our needs, and I’m a believer in the idea that we create our own reality. So when I die, I’m going to Middle Earth! (grin) Now I think I should hide before the people in white coats come knocking at my door…

Eep: Oh, more high compliments! Thank you! Sorry about your computer. I truly sympathize. I finally broke down and got home internet access myself about two months ago. Before that I was reading and posting at the library, and at my mothers, and at work… There’s nothing quite like trying to quickly copy down AFF.N stories onto a disk while your co-workers are walking by. (“What are you looking at?” “Oh, nothing” (scrolling down furiously) “just looking up fiction on the net… Book information… you know.”) (grin)
But I really appreciate you taking the time to review anyways. You people are so wonderful!!!

Ertia: Whoo-hoo! Thanks for the good word to Santa! (grin) I’m glad that last chapter made up for leaving you hanging, and I hope you had a wonderful holiday! Cheers!

Yanic: I’m happy you liked what I did with Saeldis. I couldn’t help it; I felt sorry for the poor elf, and after several reviews by some who thought I didn’t make him suffer enough, I had to do something to show his reasoning. I’ll admit it, I hate punishing the villains, particularly if they’ve already suffered. Torturing the good guys is much more fun! (evil grin)

Jasmine: Ah, thank you! I can believe I missed that one. Ah words. Would you believe I once worked as an English teacher? You should have seen me earlier with allude and elude. At least the spell checker got that one. I have no excuse for palatable, except that I think I was perhaps thinking of eating something at the time. Mmmm…chocolate… (grin)
But thank you, and I’ll be certain to change it in my other copy. Hmmm… palpable… difficult word to pronounce… I like it… Kinda like sphagnum! :)