The Corruption and Degredation of Mary Sue
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-Multi-Age › General
Rating:
Adult ++
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Currently Reading:
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Category:
-Multi-Age › General
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
42
Views:
1,633
Reviews:
46
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own the Lord of the Rings (and associated) book series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Of Elves and Terrorists
Chapter 26: Of Elves and Terrorists
“So where are we?” demanded Saddam.
“If you’d shut up and let me read this map in peace I could tell you,” replied Osama quietly. They appeared to be just h ofh of Imladris. The army of vile creatures they had been loaned had made good time and were camped further south to avoid suspicion. A small group of scouts had been left camped nearby.
Bin Laden looked around and up at the sky, then glanced at the map. He looked again at his surroundings, eyeing the rocky landscape and trees. He then noticed three figures standing on the path leading to this clearing.
“Travellers!” he called out. “I beseech you for assista”
”
“Who the fuck are they?” said Saddam, poking the cleric. Bin Laden snorted in indignant discomfort as the three hooded figures approached.
“Who are you and why do you travel so close to our father’s land?” demanded one of them, stepping forward.
“We are travellers seeking Imladris. We have a proposal to make to your Lord,” said Bin Laden.
“What proposal?” demanded the shortest of the arrivals, pushing the hood backrevereveal an exotic and undeniably beautiful female with strangely shaped ears and an unearthly quality to her. The other tow figures let down their hoods in kind, revealing a familial similarity to their features, clearly brothers to the female.
“Wow! It’s a houri!” cried Saddam excitedly.
“I’m sorry. What did you just call me?” asked Kalina sweetly, resting her hand casually on her dagger (at her brother’s request she’d put away her weapons before approaching the two men).
“So… you allow your women to speak and dress like you?” said Bin Laden, frowning at the violations of the strict tenets of his faith, even if he was no longer in his land.
“Why? What’s it to you?” snapped Kalina, getting more agitated by the second. Elrohir grabbed an arm and pulled her close to him, giving her a stern look.
“Answer my sister’s question,” ordered Elladan coldly.
“We seek rights to a resource that lies unused in your land. I wish to pose an offer to your father,” said Osama.
The three elves glanced at each other then descended into Sindarin.
“In garo û estel ned ti,”* muttered Kalina, glaring at them.
“Ennas no baur an teneri ada,”* replied Elladan.
“Tegi ti an ada?”* suggested Elrohir. Kalina shrugged and looked to Elladan who nodded.
“Hebin i tûg abonnen o nin egor im dag-e,”* snorted Kalina, accepting her brother’s decision.
“You may travel with us,” said Elladan graciously to the two humans. Elrohir whistled, signalling for Legolas, Haldir and Aragorn to move in.
“We thank you for your kindness,” said Osama, bowing his head and glaring at Saddam to do the same. The dictator bobbed his head, smiling lecherously at Kalina who pulled up her hood and stalked back towards Legolas who had reappeared.
“If the fat one comes near me, hurt him violently,” whispered Kalina into the elf’s ear before gently running her tongue up it. Legolas shivered.
“Willingly, Mistress,” he replied, sliding an affectionate arm around her waist. Kalina glowered smugly back at the fatter of the two strangers.
“What are your names?” asked Elrohir civilly.
“I am Osama bin Laden and this is Saddam Hussein,” replied the cleric courteously. Appreciating the respect, Elrohir nodded.
“I am Elrohir and this is my twin, Elladan and our sister Kalina. We are the children of Elrond Half-Elven, Lord of Imladris. With us travel Aragorn, a friend to our kin, and Legolas and Haldir, of Mirkwood and Lothlorien respectively,” replied Elrohir with equal courtesy.
“What do they want?” demanded Haldir of Elladan.
“To strike some kind of deal for a resource with our father. I don’t know whether to trust them or not, and they seem to be intent on conversing with him rather than us. So we’re bringing them to Rivendell and letting Ada deal with it,” he replied.
“The fat bugger seems to be infatuated with your sister,” replied Haldir, smirking at the unsubtle grin on Saddam’s face as he viewed Kalina from the back.
“I’m not too bothered. He does anything stupid, he’ll soon regret it and will probably be lamenting a few digits,” said Elladan confidently.
“Follow us,” instructed Elrohir, leading the two humans north towards Rivendell.
“So… what’s with the ears?” asked Saddam, lingering and walking alongside Kalina and Legolas.
“We’re elves. We look different from your short-live ilk,” replied Kalina brusquely.
“Leave the female alone,” warned Osama. “She is distracting us from our mission.”
“How exactly am I doing that?” demanded Kalina. Her hand began to twitch towards her dagger. Recognising the symptoms of imminent hostility, Legolas slipped his hand into Kalina’s and began gingerly brushing his fingertips against hers, diverting her attention to him.
“Go away. You’re irritating her and that doesn’t bode well for your health,” hissed Legolas at the Arabs.
“Yes. It’s not proper to talk to a woman without the permission of her man which he has surely not given,” reprimanded Bin Laden.
“Permission? What the fuck?” Such blatant sexism dragged Kalina back from her brief distraction Legolas had provided.
“You mean you are so decadent you let your women run wild?” said Bin Laden. His fundamentalist mentality was getting the better of him.
“Kalina’s an exception,” snorted Haldir, eavesdropping and poking his nose in. “The rest are your usual manipulative bitches but she’s got a particularly nasty streak,” he said confidently to the dictator.
“Is that so?” Saddam’s eyes gleamed at the thought of the outlandish woman subdued by HE, the GREAT Iraqi ruler.
“And I’m not a fucking woman. Elf, yes. Female, definitely. And there’s some other random heritage in there too, but mostly ELF, damn you,” snarled Kalina, getting fed up of these cunts talking as if she wasn’t there. “As for decadence, well obviously! Have you got a better suggestion how I spend my time?”
“You could devote yourself to Allah,” suggested bin Laden.
“Are you deliberately trying to piss me off or is this just what things are like where you come from? And where the fuck ARE you from?” Kalina was getting more and more agitated by the minute.
“Muinthel, car-ú dag-ti,”* warned Elladan.
“What was that?” demanded Saddam suspiciously as Kalina grumbled but heeded her siblings. Elrohir stood up the trail waiting for her in a bid to keep her calm and distracted. The twins seemed to be amongst the few people who could get Kalina to do what she was told (from time to time anyway).
“For your own sakes, I’d stay away from her if I were you,” suggested Legolas.
After that, the journey continued in relative silence, broken only by Saddam occasionajabbjabbering at Osama about how great his new state would be.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*I have no trust in them
* There is need to tell father
* Bring them to him?
* Keep the fat one from me or he will be slain
* Sister, do not slay them
“So where are we?” demanded Saddam.
“If you’d shut up and let me read this map in peace I could tell you,” replied Osama quietly. They appeared to be just h ofh of Imladris. The army of vile creatures they had been loaned had made good time and were camped further south to avoid suspicion. A small group of scouts had been left camped nearby.
Bin Laden looked around and up at the sky, then glanced at the map. He looked again at his surroundings, eyeing the rocky landscape and trees. He then noticed three figures standing on the path leading to this clearing.
“Travellers!” he called out. “I beseech you for assista”
”
“Who the fuck are they?” said Saddam, poking the cleric. Bin Laden snorted in indignant discomfort as the three hooded figures approached.
“Who are you and why do you travel so close to our father’s land?” demanded one of them, stepping forward.
“We are travellers seeking Imladris. We have a proposal to make to your Lord,” said Bin Laden.
“What proposal?” demanded the shortest of the arrivals, pushing the hood backrevereveal an exotic and undeniably beautiful female with strangely shaped ears and an unearthly quality to her. The other tow figures let down their hoods in kind, revealing a familial similarity to their features, clearly brothers to the female.
“Wow! It’s a houri!” cried Saddam excitedly.
“I’m sorry. What did you just call me?” asked Kalina sweetly, resting her hand casually on her dagger (at her brother’s request she’d put away her weapons before approaching the two men).
“So… you allow your women to speak and dress like you?” said Bin Laden, frowning at the violations of the strict tenets of his faith, even if he was no longer in his land.
“Why? What’s it to you?” snapped Kalina, getting more agitated by the second. Elrohir grabbed an arm and pulled her close to him, giving her a stern look.
“Answer my sister’s question,” ordered Elladan coldly.
“We seek rights to a resource that lies unused in your land. I wish to pose an offer to your father,” said Osama.
The three elves glanced at each other then descended into Sindarin.
“In garo û estel ned ti,”* muttered Kalina, glaring at them.
“Ennas no baur an teneri ada,”* replied Elladan.
“Tegi ti an ada?”* suggested Elrohir. Kalina shrugged and looked to Elladan who nodded.
“Hebin i tûg abonnen o nin egor im dag-e,”* snorted Kalina, accepting her brother’s decision.
“You may travel with us,” said Elladan graciously to the two humans. Elrohir whistled, signalling for Legolas, Haldir and Aragorn to move in.
“We thank you for your kindness,” said Osama, bowing his head and glaring at Saddam to do the same. The dictator bobbed his head, smiling lecherously at Kalina who pulled up her hood and stalked back towards Legolas who had reappeared.
“If the fat one comes near me, hurt him violently,” whispered Kalina into the elf’s ear before gently running her tongue up it. Legolas shivered.
“Willingly, Mistress,” he replied, sliding an affectionate arm around her waist. Kalina glowered smugly back at the fatter of the two strangers.
“What are your names?” asked Elrohir civilly.
“I am Osama bin Laden and this is Saddam Hussein,” replied the cleric courteously. Appreciating the respect, Elrohir nodded.
“I am Elrohir and this is my twin, Elladan and our sister Kalina. We are the children of Elrond Half-Elven, Lord of Imladris. With us travel Aragorn, a friend to our kin, and Legolas and Haldir, of Mirkwood and Lothlorien respectively,” replied Elrohir with equal courtesy.
“What do they want?” demanded Haldir of Elladan.
“To strike some kind of deal for a resource with our father. I don’t know whether to trust them or not, and they seem to be intent on conversing with him rather than us. So we’re bringing them to Rivendell and letting Ada deal with it,” he replied.
“The fat bugger seems to be infatuated with your sister,” replied Haldir, smirking at the unsubtle grin on Saddam’s face as he viewed Kalina from the back.
“I’m not too bothered. He does anything stupid, he’ll soon regret it and will probably be lamenting a few digits,” said Elladan confidently.
“Follow us,” instructed Elrohir, leading the two humans north towards Rivendell.
“So… what’s with the ears?” asked Saddam, lingering and walking alongside Kalina and Legolas.
“We’re elves. We look different from your short-live ilk,” replied Kalina brusquely.
“Leave the female alone,” warned Osama. “She is distracting us from our mission.”
“How exactly am I doing that?” demanded Kalina. Her hand began to twitch towards her dagger. Recognising the symptoms of imminent hostility, Legolas slipped his hand into Kalina’s and began gingerly brushing his fingertips against hers, diverting her attention to him.
“Go away. You’re irritating her and that doesn’t bode well for your health,” hissed Legolas at the Arabs.
“Yes. It’s not proper to talk to a woman without the permission of her man which he has surely not given,” reprimanded Bin Laden.
“Permission? What the fuck?” Such blatant sexism dragged Kalina back from her brief distraction Legolas had provided.
“You mean you are so decadent you let your women run wild?” said Bin Laden. His fundamentalist mentality was getting the better of him.
“Kalina’s an exception,” snorted Haldir, eavesdropping and poking his nose in. “The rest are your usual manipulative bitches but she’s got a particularly nasty streak,” he said confidently to the dictator.
“Is that so?” Saddam’s eyes gleamed at the thought of the outlandish woman subdued by HE, the GREAT Iraqi ruler.
“And I’m not a fucking woman. Elf, yes. Female, definitely. And there’s some other random heritage in there too, but mostly ELF, damn you,” snarled Kalina, getting fed up of these cunts talking as if she wasn’t there. “As for decadence, well obviously! Have you got a better suggestion how I spend my time?”
“You could devote yourself to Allah,” suggested bin Laden.
“Are you deliberately trying to piss me off or is this just what things are like where you come from? And where the fuck ARE you from?” Kalina was getting more and more agitated by the minute.
“Muinthel, car-ú dag-ti,”* warned Elladan.
“What was that?” demanded Saddam suspiciously as Kalina grumbled but heeded her siblings. Elrohir stood up the trail waiting for her in a bid to keep her calm and distracted. The twins seemed to be amongst the few people who could get Kalina to do what she was told (from time to time anyway).
“For your own sakes, I’d stay away from her if I were you,” suggested Legolas.
After that, the journey continued in relative silence, broken only by Saddam occasionajabbjabbering at Osama about how great his new state would be.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*I have no trust in them
* There is need to tell father
* Bring them to him?
* Keep the fat one from me or he will be slain
* Sister, do not slay them