Sex, Drugs, and Orcish Theatre

Chapter 27

Haldir and Aragorn had their hands bound and were sitting between two orcs keeping a watchful eye on their charges. They had been given a front row seat but had no idea what was going on. First Legolas had been dragged off, then Galadriel. Then they'd been whisked off herth nth no explanation other than 'The Master has something to show us and wants you there.'

"Why is Galadriel wearing skimpy underwear?" asked Aragorn.

"If I knew anything do you think I'd keep it to myself?" snapped Haldir. "Although she's still pretty damned hot."

"Mmm..." Aragorn agreed, staring quite blatantly at her shapely rear.

"Oh great. Here comes Mr. I'm Soooo Evil and Scary RAARGh," mocked Haldir as Sauron appeared. One of the orcs rammed the butt of his spear into Haldir's lower back as a warning.

"Hey! It's Kalina! And she's almost naked!" said Aragorn, forgetting his hands were tied and trying to point.

Haldir's head snapped around quickly upon the word 'naked'.

"Ooh. Chain mail bra. How original," sneered Haldir. His derisiveness didn't stop him from staring quite blatantly at Kalina's small build and shapely breasts. He hated to admit it but chain mail really suited her cleavage. It was a shame she was a psychotic whore.

"How come she's not tied up?" asked Aragorn.

"How the fuck should I know?" Haldir had been indulging in some dark and twisted fantasy involving inflicting lots of pain on Kalina until she became his mindless willing slave. No more would she mock him! Then the vapid little human spoke and burst his happy bubble. And now the fucking orc had just stabbed him in the kidneys again!

"Quiet!!" shouted the orc as a horn sounded and the crowd of orcs and the occasional troll hushed. Sauron stepped forward and raised his arm. The horn quieted to a silence.

"Minions! I have gathered you here to bear witness! I have chosen to take a wife!" He paused dramatically.

Grim realization crept over Haldir's mind. "I KNEW SHE WAS EVIL!!!!!" he screamed. This time he got two spear butts in the back of his head as a warning.

Sauron, irritated over his dramatics being interrupted, hissed menacingly at Haldir's direction, and then continued. "I present to you Kalina, an elf with a heart as black as my own!! An abomination of her kind!!!"

"Abomination?" Kalina asked Legolas in a quiet voice. He shrugged.

"I'd say high spirited?" he suggested diplomatically.

"And tonight Kalina shall prove her worth to you as the bride of your ruler! Bare handed she will fight one of her own kind to submission in this pool of viscous mud!" Sauron's speech haden oen on that of a circus ringmaster. He pulled Kalina gently forward to endure the horrified gaze of Haldir and Aragorn. She avoided eye contact with them and instead focused on the accusing looks of suspicion the orcs were doling out. That was only to be expected, seeing as their leader had just declared he was getting married to one of their hated enemy.

"Right. Get in," said Sauron to Kalina. She gracefully scrambled into the mud which came up to about mid-thigh and watched as Galadriel was unceremoniously thrown in at the other end of the mud ring. An orc referee was sat on the edge.

"Right! Rules! Whoever gets the opponent's head held under the mud for ten seconds three times wins!" barked he referee. Sauron had moved on and up a platform complete with throne to provide him with the optimum view befitting a lord of his stature.

The orc barked at the two elf women and instructed them to move to the center. Galadriel crept towards Kalina, grimacing at the texture of the mud against her flesh. "What the hell is going on? And what is your father going to say?" hissed Galadriel as soon as she was close enough.

"Shh!! Look, it's all part of an exceptionally cunning ruse to win Sauron's trust and rescue us. Trust me. I have it all under control. Now I suggest you fight back but not too hard so I don't have to hurt you. YAAAAAAAARRRGHHH!!" The referee orc blew a whistle, indicating the fight had started. Kalina leaped at Galadriel, tackling her around the waist and causing her to fly backwards into the mud. Galadriel screeched as Kalina swiftly pinned Galadriel's shoulders down, forcing her head under. Kalina swiftly moved forward, placing her weight on Galadriel's chest to keep her pinned as the orc counted to ten. Kalina stood up and pulled a mud drenchear-nar-naked Galadriel to her feet.

"I told you to fight back!" snapped Kalina.

"Well you could have given me a minute to get ready!" retorted Galadriel.

"Well this time at least try to show some kind of backbone. Honestly. You're supposed to be this scary powerful Lady of the Wood but you're useless in a fight," snapped Kalina, moving back to the starting position.

"Oh? Is that a fact you upstart little slut?"

"HAH! Slut am I? I'm not the one who's MARRIED and running after younger models," growled Kalina, hunkering down and looking feral.

"Oh I know all about you and Aragorn. It's been burning at the top of his mind for hours. I bet your sister is going to love to hear about that," hissed Galadriel, trying to smear mud out of her eyes.

"And I'll tell Celeborn that you were in the middle of an orcish spit-roast and had to forcibly drag you away because you were loving it that much. And who is he more likely to believe, his whore of a wife or Elrond's little girl, hmm?"

"That's it. You're going DOWN!!" screamed Galadriel as the bell rang. She lunged at Kalina who tried to dodge but forgot to take the mud into account. She lurched sideways and fell into the mud. Galadriel reached out and tried to get Kalina in a headlock and drag her to her feet. With one free hand, Kalina grabbed hold of a fistful of Galadriel's mud-caked hair and yanked.
Hard.

"BITCH!!!" shrieked Galadriel, grabbing hold of Kalina's hair with one hand and attempting to slap her with the other, nails aimed at Kalina's cheek.

'Hang on... this isn't on. I'm fighting like a girl!' Armed with the horror of the predicament, Kalina grasped Galadriel's wrist before it connected and in a swift motion twisted the Lady's arm and pinned it behind her back. She then gave the back of Galadriel's left knee a solid shove, forcing her to stumble forward. This gave Kalina enough of an advantage to fully push Galadriel down and again submerge her head.

" tim time I'll make you bleed," promised Galadriel, not bothering to wipe the mud dribbling down her face.

"Hah! This time I'm standing still to give you a fair chance," said Kalina standing with arms open, grinning at her adversary. Galadriel charged and then stopped, lashed out and ripped off Kalina's chain mail bra.

"OI!!! That's new!!" screamed Kalina, her girly tendencies taking hold. With feline reflexes she lashed out and rendered Galadriel equally unclad. Galadriel squealed and covered her breasts with her arms. Kalina, totally unashamed threw back her head and laughed, then picked up a handful of mud and threw it at Galadriel. This snapped her out of her shamed horror and reasserted her wrath. She leapt fluidly at Kalina who was still laughing and knocked her flat on her back. Kalina latched onto Galadriel and pulled her down with her.

The crowd was now quite into the match and gasped in dismay as both sets of breasts disappeared into the mud. They soon re-emerged, attached to both contestants who were grappling furiously and shouting lots of obscenities in Quenya.

"Wow... this is the sort of thing I dream about but never expected to see," sighed Aragorn as Kalina locked both of Galadriel's arms behind her back and turned her in the direction of the audience. Galadriel threw her weight backwards and toppled Kalina onto her back and the two disappeared under the mud again.

"I know," agreed Haldir. He still hadn't taken his eyes of Kalina's cleavage although he'd sooner have his fingernails extracted than admit it, although he'd been quite pleased to watch Galadriel try to take her one. It was about time someone tried to put that bitchy succubus whore in her place.

"You know... it's not until she's next to a younger model that you really begin to notice how old Galadriel actually looks... by comparison, anyway," Aragorn added. It was subtle but he'd spent enough time around elves to be able to estimate approximate age through appearance.

"Shit! Kalina's just ripped off Galadriel's panties!" exclaimed Haldir.

"Damn! Too much mud to make anything out," grumbled the orc next to him. He then realized he was talking to an elf and flicked Haldir's ear.

"Was that necessary?" demanded Haldir.

"Shut it, elf-boy. Else I'm dragging you out of here and ramming the bottom of my spear up yer arse," snarled the orc. Haldir swiftly shut up and concentrated on the flying mud and bosoms.

"Uppity spunky red-head!" snarled Galadriel. She and Kalina had backed off and were now circling each other.

"OI! I will NOT be typecast as one of those sparky redheaded twats who swans around living out some wretched fantasy because their own life is too dull to contend with! And furthermore IT'S DARK AUBURN! Like mahogany," sniffed Kalina, indignant. Anyone who had known her for a time knew better than to accuse her of being ginger. It usually enraged her. In fact, Kalina was enraged now as she lowered her head and charged, head-butting Galadriel in the gut. Anger and adrenalin enhanced the force of the blow and Galadriel was thrown back about a meter, winded. She slowly sank into the mud as Kalina bodily threw herself on top
of her.

"I win!" she said cheerfully before single handedly holding Galadriel's neck under the mud. The crowd began to count to ten. They got to seven when suddenly a mud drenched hand shot out of the water and managed to grab hold of Kalina's throat and sink its nails into it. "WHORE!!" screamed Kalina, but still didn't release her grip until the ten seconds were up. Then she released Galadriel's neck and scanned the mud pit to see if she could spot her chain mail bra anywhere, ignoring the raucous cheers in the background.