Sex, Drugs, and Orcish Theatre
folder
-Multi-Age › General
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
43
Views:
2,042
Reviews:
4
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
-Multi-Age › General
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
43
Views:
2,042
Reviews:
4
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own the Lord of the Rings (and associated) book series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
To the Fight
Chapter 26
Sauron returned about an hour later. Upon his arrival he tossed Kalina a bag. "Would you mind wearing this? Only I really want to do this with style."
Legolas, back on the floor tried to peer over Kalina's shoulder as she opened the bag and emptied its contents. It consisted of a chain mail bra and a black leather skirt with rather sharp spikes lining the hem and waistband.
"I'VE BEEN AFTER ONE FOR YEARS!!!" Kalina leapt off the couch and threw herself at Sauron, nearly knocking him over with the force. "Daddy would never let me get one. He said they w't 't practical as they leave you open to disemboweling but that's not the point," raved Kalina. Legolas was eyeing the chain mail bra with blatant lust written across his face.
"Well if I'm going to be marrying a vicious little elven she-bitch then I'm going with the great cliché of scantily clad vixens in armor and leather," said Sauron, lovingly pushing Kalina's hair back and staring into her eyes. She seemed somewhat oblivious to this, still giddy with glee over a sudden new addition to her wardrobe. Legolas did notice and was filled with a strong urge to grab an empty wine bottle, smash it, and get into a brawl. Or better still, get a pair of shears and shave a checkerboard into his head. Yes... nobody was allowed to have prettier hair than him or try to keep Kalina exclusively for himself. That was far too much like monopolizing a natural resource.
Kalina scampered off to get changed, leaving Sauron alone to glare at Legolas. He truly loathed blondes, particularly blonde males. They... threatened him. He couldn't explain why. Possibly it had something to do with the fact that he secretly wanted to be blonde but knew he couldn't carry it off. Plus he had a sneaking suspicion the wretched elf liked Kalina's abuse which was not on. After all, he was Sauron. He loathed the idea of his precious and vindictive woman inflicting pain on another masochist.
Sauron continued to stare at Legolas with pure hatred. The prince, not wanting to risk yet another hair disaster, kept his eyes down, quietly plotting the perfect barnet assassination. Kalina swiftly returned and threw the black silk robe she had been wearing earlier a Legolas. "I'll need something to wear once I'm drenched in mud," she snapped as he looked up at her, momentarily puzzled.
"You look amazing," said Sauron, all menace evaporating.
"Of course I do. It's why Arwen hates me so much. Well, partly. Anyway lead memud mud wars!!! Legolas, follow." Kalina allowed Sauron to escort her on his elbow out of the living quarters and through the network of tunnels until they reached a massive hall. The floors sloped upwards from the center, leaving a central ring in which a large vat of mud had been placed. Beside it was a rather confused and worried looking Galadriel, tied and guarded by two orcs.
"You're letting Haldir and Aragorn watch?" asked Kalina, spotting their faces in the front row of the gathering audience.
"Absolutely! It's important that those upstart elvish and mortal bastards know where they stand!"
"Ahem, pointy ears?" Kalina kicked Sauron in the ankle, hard.
"Ow!! Excepting you, mistress that I cherish," amended Sauron.
"And enough with the sappiness. I thought you were meant to be evil. You sound like Haldir on laughing gas after receiving a blow job from a cheap syphilitic hooker," she snapped.
"I can't help it... I really do cherish you! It's only been a short while, I know, but you are everything I have ever dreamed of in a woman!" said Sauron, grasping Kalina's shoulders.
"That's great except your minions are staring at us and I have to kick Arwen's granny's arse," said Kalina. Sauron was getting clingy and Kalina found that creepy. You'd think a being of exceedingly potent malignancy would have better things to do except obsess over a mildly bad tempered young elf.
"Of course. This way," said Sauron, recovering his aura of menace and striding towards the center of the pseudo-amphitheatre
Sauron returned about an hour later. Upon his arrival he tossed Kalina a bag. "Would you mind wearing this? Only I really want to do this with style."
Legolas, back on the floor tried to peer over Kalina's shoulder as she opened the bag and emptied its contents. It consisted of a chain mail bra and a black leather skirt with rather sharp spikes lining the hem and waistband.
"I'VE BEEN AFTER ONE FOR YEARS!!!" Kalina leapt off the couch and threw herself at Sauron, nearly knocking him over with the force. "Daddy would never let me get one. He said they w't 't practical as they leave you open to disemboweling but that's not the point," raved Kalina. Legolas was eyeing the chain mail bra with blatant lust written across his face.
"Well if I'm going to be marrying a vicious little elven she-bitch then I'm going with the great cliché of scantily clad vixens in armor and leather," said Sauron, lovingly pushing Kalina's hair back and staring into her eyes. She seemed somewhat oblivious to this, still giddy with glee over a sudden new addition to her wardrobe. Legolas did notice and was filled with a strong urge to grab an empty wine bottle, smash it, and get into a brawl. Or better still, get a pair of shears and shave a checkerboard into his head. Yes... nobody was allowed to have prettier hair than him or try to keep Kalina exclusively for himself. That was far too much like monopolizing a natural resource.
Kalina scampered off to get changed, leaving Sauron alone to glare at Legolas. He truly loathed blondes, particularly blonde males. They... threatened him. He couldn't explain why. Possibly it had something to do with the fact that he secretly wanted to be blonde but knew he couldn't carry it off. Plus he had a sneaking suspicion the wretched elf liked Kalina's abuse which was not on. After all, he was Sauron. He loathed the idea of his precious and vindictive woman inflicting pain on another masochist.
Sauron continued to stare at Legolas with pure hatred. The prince, not wanting to risk yet another hair disaster, kept his eyes down, quietly plotting the perfect barnet assassination. Kalina swiftly returned and threw the black silk robe she had been wearing earlier a Legolas. "I'll need something to wear once I'm drenched in mud," she snapped as he looked up at her, momentarily puzzled.
"You look amazing," said Sauron, all menace evaporating.
"Of course I do. It's why Arwen hates me so much. Well, partly. Anyway lead memud mud wars!!! Legolas, follow." Kalina allowed Sauron to escort her on his elbow out of the living quarters and through the network of tunnels until they reached a massive hall. The floors sloped upwards from the center, leaving a central ring in which a large vat of mud had been placed. Beside it was a rather confused and worried looking Galadriel, tied and guarded by two orcs.
"You're letting Haldir and Aragorn watch?" asked Kalina, spotting their faces in the front row of the gathering audience.
"Absolutely! It's important that those upstart elvish and mortal bastards know where they stand!"
"Ahem, pointy ears?" Kalina kicked Sauron in the ankle, hard.
"Ow!! Excepting you, mistress that I cherish," amended Sauron.
"And enough with the sappiness. I thought you were meant to be evil. You sound like Haldir on laughing gas after receiving a blow job from a cheap syphilitic hooker," she snapped.
"I can't help it... I really do cherish you! It's only been a short while, I know, but you are everything I have ever dreamed of in a woman!" said Sauron, grasping Kalina's shoulders.
"That's great except your minions are staring at us and I have to kick Arwen's granny's arse," said Kalina. Sauron was getting clingy and Kalina found that creepy. You'd think a being of exceedingly potent malignancy would have better things to do except obsess over a mildly bad tempered young elf.
"Of course. This way," said Sauron, recovering his aura of menace and striding towards the center of the pseudo-amphitheatre