The Corruption and Degredation of Mary Sue

Chapter 24: Normality?

Kalina didn’t actually get any rest until around mid-morning. After assisting Elrond in removing Glorfindel, she had returned to her room to find Legolas and Aragorn waiting. Although fully intent on picking up where they had left off, Kalina couldn’t resist the urge to force the two of them to simper and beg for a good forty-five minutes before she finally undressed.

By the time the rampant fornication was ove was was almost dawn. Not wanting to miss seeing Celebelen’s departure, Legolas and Kalina acquired a vat of coffee and continued drinking it until Elrond awoke. Aragorn had fully intended on staying awake, but had fallen asleep by the time the two elves returned with coffee. They left him sleeping until Kalina heard her father’s footsteps in the hallway.

“Up, you,” she said, unceremoniously prodding Aragorn in the lower back. He mumbled then huddled down deeper into Kalina’s duvet. She responded by grabbing the quilt and yanking it and the man onto the floor.

“Owww,” whinged Aragorn, hitting his knee rather hard. “What was that for?”

“To wake you up. Put some clothes on. Daddy’s awake and probably making sure the human gets her wretched arse out of here,” said Kalina mercilessly.

“Oh yeah,” he said, his sluggish brain slowly kicking into action. He sat up and pulled his clothes over and began dressing hastily as Kalina and Legolas glowered expectantly at him, casually lurking near the door. As soon as the human was decent, the three of them slipped out and hurried towards the front of the house.

Celebelen stood miserably as Elrond handed her a small bag of dried fruit and bread. The Lord of Imladris would feel bad if the irritating bitch starved straight away. If she started getting hungry too soon there was a chance she would crawl back to Rivendell.

“Do I get a map?” she asked.

“WHAT? A MAP?!” screamed Elrond, suddenly infuriated. “Look. I’ve had enough random visitors as it is these past few centuries!! This is meant to be a SECRET valley!! A QUIET REFUGE!! Without any idiotic interruptions!!! If I gave the likes of you a map you’d just copy it out for your friends who want to come and SEE THE ELVES and gawp at us like we’re majestic zoo exhibits. Or worse still, you’ll overrun the place with blonde whores and… well… LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO GLORFINDEL!! HE’S GOING TO BE PUMPED FULL OF TRANQUILISERS FOR THE NEXT TWO DAYS TO MAKE SURE HE DOESN’T FREAK OUT AGAIN!! Map my arse!! Now fuck off!” With that Elrond strode off, pausing only to talk to Kalina.

“You’re up early.”

“No… up extremely late,” she replied watching Celebelen start scurrying away westwards.

“Well, that thing is gone. Maybe I can get some fucking peace around here,” said Elrond, absently kissing his daughter on the head and wandering back to his room. It was far too nice a day not to spend it having sex with an exceedingly attractive and eager elf of considerably fewer centuries.

As soon as Elrond had wandered off, Kalina suddenly started to run after Celebelen, clutching something in her pocket.

“Oi! Filth!” she called. The hapless human turned to regard her. Despite her unkempt appearance, Kalina still managed to stride imperiously over to Celebelen and handed her a small leather purse. “Ration it.” With that she turned, leaving Celebelen to gasp with glee at the sight of a whole bag full of shining crystals of crack.

“Thank you so much, Kalina!!” cried Celebelen, now firmly believing that Kalina really DID like her after all.

“Fuck off,” snapped Kalina, not bothering to even look Celebelen’s way as she leisurely returned to her home.

“What was that about?” asked Aragorn. Legolas smacked him.

“Obviously she’s keeping the strumpet hooked on hideous drugs. That way ensuring she’ll be even more likely to stumble over a cliff and die and have her bones picked clean by wolves and ravens,” said Legolas.

“Yeah, more or less,” agreed Kalina. “Now piss off. I’m going to bed. Alone.” With that, the elf meandered back to her room and collapsed on her bed without bothering to undress.

Peace and quiet reigned in Rivendell for the entire time Kalina remained asleep, but that was normal. It took an entire two and a half weeks before things began to get somewhat manic.

nd wnd was trying to relax with a quiet pipe of weed in the company of a now-recovered Glorfindel. In the background came the sounds of a vague scuffle that seemed to be escalating.

“What the fuck are they doing now,” he groaned. He opened the blinds he had shut to keep out the glaring midday sun to protect his sensitive pupils and glared at the cause of the disturbance.

Elladan and Elrohir had brought back an orc head that they had kept out in the sun to dry. The twins, Kalina, and Aragorn were currently involved in a violent game that seemed to involve trying to keep hold of the orc’s head while the other three individuals tried to beat you into submission and wrench it away. In addition, Arwen, Legolas, and Haldir had taken on the roles of exceedingly noisy spectators.

“NOT AGAIN! They’re going to fuck up the grass!! Don’t smoke that until I get back!” ordered Elrond as Glorfindel continued to pack weed into the pipe they were sharing.

“Aw!” Glorfindel’s whining desisted as Elrond raised a stern, uncompromising eyebrow, before departing to save his lawn from his offspring’s brutal sport.

Elrohir was currently pinned to the ground by Aragorn with his brother and Kalina both simultaneously trying to fend each other off and wrench the festering head from his hands.

“Stop that!” ordered Elrond in commanding tones. His children and Aragorn quickly unhanded the head and each other. The wretched object rolled away and came to a stop near Elrond’s feet, the face leering up at him morbidly. “Honestly. Go do something productive! I don’t know! Go kill something for dinner! Yes! Do that!” With that, Elrond picked up the head and glared at it, before absently tucking it under his arm and walking off with it.

“Awww!” groaned the twins and Kalina.

“Well that WAS rather vile,” said Arwen, despite the fact she had found herself getting somewhat hot and agitated watching Aragorn be all manly and violent and getting filthy.

“Oh come on, it’s not like it was even bleeding,” retorted Kalina, annoyed an afternoon of blood-sport had been denied.

“Yeah. It’s no different than leather when you think about it,” said Aragorn persuasively. Arwen narrowed her eyes at him. He decided to abandon this line of argument and shuffled over to his fiancé.

“Now what?” grumbled Elrohir. His brother shrugged.

“Take Ada’s advice? Go kill something for dinner?” suggested Elladan.

“Ooh! And maybe we can find that human’s carcass!!” came Kalina’s gleeful contribution to this conversation. “I’ll go get my stuff!!”

“You coming, blondie?” asked Elrohir, baiting Legolas. Standing on the sidelines and keeping his pristine hair free of mud and potential violence resulting in split ends, the elf glared at Elrond’s second son.

“Don’t underestimate him,” warned Kalina, pausing on her way to her room to gather an assortment of killing implements. “He’s vicious when irked.”

“Handbags at dawn?” suggested Elladan, wiping dirt off his shirt. Kalina raised a warning eyebrow that went totally unheeded by her siblings.

“Well, if you’re including Haldir…” began Arwen. Her siblings looked on in approval as both Legolas and Haldir glowered at. Sh. She giggled uncertainly as Kalina smiled wickedly at her. Arwen was coming along in leaps and bounds these past few weeks.

“I’ll have you know that I am a MIGHTY warrior and hunter, along with my multitude of other divine skills that I’d be more than willing to share with you,” said Haldir seedily, then quickly regretted it as Elladan and Elrohir glowered at him and simultaneously took a menacing step towards him. Arwen shot him a filthy look, then suddenly punched him in the stomach before stalking off indoors, looking pleased with herself as Haldir clutched his gut, gasping and astounded that Arwen, the most civil of Elrond’s brood had just assaulted HIM. And now everyone was smirking at him. “WHAT?!” he snapped as Arwen’s departure was momentarily hindered by a suddenly affectionate Kalina, hugging her sister and offering her advice on future assaults in low tones.

“Oh nothing,” said Aragorn, relishing the spectacle. ‘Feisty Arwen… if this continues…’ Aragorn decided to leave the thought unfinished until he got some privacy long enough to drop his trousers and feverishly wank over the thought of Arwen adopting a few more of Kalina’s tendencies. Even the vague concept resulted in a suspect stirring in his loins. “I’m coming too,” he said, then began to turn a rather embarrassing red colour as his brain alerted him to his own innuendo. Nobody else seemed aware of it as the ranger fumbled through another couple of excuses and scurried off to his chambers under the guise of retrieving his hunting gear.

“Right, Legolas! Let us show these upstart Peredhil-spawn just how skilled we are,” snorted Haldir, grabbing his blonde ally’s arm and half dragging him back indoors.

“I thought you hated skulking about in the wilderness,” said Legolas.

“Yes, but those two need to learn their place!” snapped Haldir.

“Haldir… this is THEIR territory, their home. They’ve got the upper hand here,” whispered Legolas, slightly fearful. Kalina’s sadism he knew firsthand and loved. But those two were not only depressingly straight (or at least blondes didn’t seem to do it for them) but just as menacing and NOT in a twisted and affectionate way.

“That’s not the point! Come along!” ordered Haldir, his indignity firing him up.

Legolas sighed. He had a nasty suspicion that he was going to end up regretting this little hunting trip.