Against all odds

Chapter twenty five Confusing feelings

When Elrond came back to his rooms he halted his tracks. The sight of Erestor, sitting crossed legged on the floor, surrounded by all the books Linyenwaer had brought was a lovely sight. It made his heart beat faster.
Silently he stepped inside, closed the door and walked in on his counsellor. He knew Erestor must be aware of his presence, but the advisor did little to acknowledge him.
Acting normal he spoke up. “That was too close. Legolas was about to decapitate Glorfindel when I arrived at the stables. I have no doubt that…” He stopped mid-sentence when Erestor looked up, his eyes wet with tears he’s shed during Elrond’s absence. Elrond immediately lowered himself and pulled the upset elf close.

Erestor sagged against him. How he wished he had not gone ahead with this research. The book he had been holding close to his chest, like cradling baby, fell from his grip. The open pages drew Elrond’s attention. Immediately he knew what had happened and he tightened his hold, letting Erestor know he wasn’t alone in this. /So it’s true. Poor Erestor./ He had hoped Linyenwaer had made a mistake.

When Erestor was calming down Elrond pulled back. “Would you like to talk about it?” Erestor lowered his eyes and shrug his shoulders. “I don’t know. It’s so long ago. I’d forgotten it, but now… I’d rather forget.”
Elrond shook his head. Touching Erestors chin he gently lifted the other’s head to level it with his own. “It’s your past Erestor and is part of you. You might wish to forget, but you won’t succeed. And why would you want to forget your parents?”
Erestor’s eyes flashed in anger. Hederedered how Elrond could possibly know everything. But then he remembered Linyenwaer had told him. “Who would believe me? You perhaps, but who else? They’d declare me nuts.”
“I am not saying you should tell the world, it’s up to you whether or not others know. But you should not forget either. And you have us to talk to. You’re not alone.”
Erestor managed a weak smile and he lovingly cupped Elrond’s face. “I know. I’ll always have you. But if I tell you I would also have to tell the twins and I’m not sure I want them to know.”

Elrond nodded. He understood. To the three of them Elladan and Elrohir would always be little elflings, who needed protection and guidance. But Erestor needed their support. “You don’t have a choice, Erestor. You can’t forget.” Seeing Erestor’s glance he quickly continued; “Aye, you might be able to block the memory, as you have for so long, but it will come back and when it does it will strike harder than it did this time. And,” he doubted if he should add this but the link told Elrond Erestor was already trying to forget, which prompted the words out. “you can’t let them die forever.”

Erestor looked at him as if he was daft. “Man carit quet? Firnëntë yá loar.” He allowed Elrond to guide him to the balcony where the Half-elf answered him. “One truly dies if one is forgotten. Aye, that day was tragic and I can relate to your desire to forget. But that would mean you forget them as well. And they deserve better, don’t you think? There’s so much joy to counter that fateful day, Erestor. Focus upon that.”
New tears came into Erestor’s eyes. “How can I? They no longer exist. Nothing does.”
“You could relate us all with your knowledge and memories, Erestor. But that’s just an option. All I am saying is that you shouldn’t forget them. Úvala te fírë.”

Erestor glanced out. He had some thinking to do. “Elrond, I’m going for a walk, near the water, it soothes my mind. If I don’t forget the time I’ll be back before dinner.”
Elrond inclined his head, understanding Erestor’s need to be temporarily alone. He blessed the Valar for the strengthened bond, for otherwise he would have been reluctant to let Erestor leave. But now he was confident the bond would tell him if anything was amiss. Elrond watched Erestor walk away and turned, intending to give some attention to business. /When everything is back to normal I will have to do something to thank Glorfindel. He’s been working for three lately./

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Elladan lay on his bed. After finding out the patrol had already left he had gone to his room. He was trying to sort out his feelings but he just couldn’t. He didn’t understand them.
Well, he understood them all right, he was no elfling, nor was he an innocent at the field of love. He knew perfectly well he had felt something more than friendship towards Lindir earlier. It just confused him as it came so sudden. He had never before felt this way towards the kind elf. He yelled in frustration and threw his pillows in the air.

Without warning the door flew open and revealed a worried Glorfindel, who had his sword drawn. He had come here to talk and had his fist raised to knock on the door but the sounds he heard led him to believe something was wrong. Seeing Elladan was not being attacked he re-sheeted his sword. He smiled as gravity made the pillows descend towards the bed in high speed.
Elladan made irritated noses as his own pillows suddenly attacked him. He glared at the grinning lord. “What?!”
Glorfindel smiled. “My, we are grumpy today? What’s wrong?” Seeing two ripples in Elladan’s forehead he knew it was serious. Serious enough for Elladan to fret about it. He sat himself down besides the boy. The look in Elladan’s eyes told him the other was eato tto tell but unsure of his reaction. /Of course. He fears I will march strait to Elrond. Or send him to the kitchens./ “You can tell me. I promise I won’t interrupt, nor punish you, if that’s what you fear. Or would you rather talk to Elrond?”

Elladan smiled when he realised Glorfindel was back to his cheerful self. He would never understand those moods of his. “Nay, that’s alright. You and Erestor raised us too you know. Both Elrohir and myself look upon you as we do our father.”
Glorfindel accepted the hug Elladan gave him. “Thank you, pen-neth. I am sorry for acting so harsh on you sometimes, but you’ll always be little in my eyes. Little and looking for trouble. And Apsontë scolded me earlier. She made me promise not to send anyone in the kitchens again, least of all you. Tell me, are you really that clumsy?”
Elladan laughed. “Only in the kitchens.” Glorfindel laughed too and the tension that had risen between them now was gone completely. “Will you tell me what is wrong?”

Elladan shrugged. “It’s nothing really. Do you know what it feels like to be in love?”
Glorfindel looked stunned. “Elladan, though I look upon you as a child, that does not mean I think you to be that naïve.” Elladan immediately realised the miscommunication. “No, no, that’s not it. Please, I’ve bedded many. Both male and female. But now I feel myself attracted to a friend. I’ve known him my whole life and never before felt anything like this. Not towards him, anyway.”
Glorfindel nodded. “Aha, and now you’re unsure on how to proceed. You can’t ignore the feeling, but you’re afraid of his reaction.” He smiled when Elladan looked at him hopeful. “I think it better to ask your father, Elladan. He can relate better to your feelings and be able to give you some solid advice. All I can offer you is two shoulders and a listening ear.”
Elladan snorted. “Some help you are.”
Glorfindel rose and extended his hand. “Want me to join you?” He decided to drag Elladan to Elrond, if Elladan refused, which he didn’t.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Legolas and Elrohir had arrived at a small stream, a small side-river of the Bruinen which streamed through the entire valley and even next to the house. But at the spot where they were now it was wide and good for a safe swim, even in winter.
Elrohir had told Linyenwaer to enjoy himself while they did the same. At the moment both elves sat on the riverbank, listening to the water’s sounds.

It reminded Legolas of the waves on a beach, but more constant, like the same wave hit the same spot every single second, even before the previous wave had vanished. He preferred it to the beach. Suddenly he noticed Elrohir’s intense stare and turned his head to lock eyes with the Peredhel.
Elrohir smiled but seemed insecure about how to voice his thoughts. A little shadow had crept back into his eyes and Legolas noticed. /Is this my fault?/ After some thought he knew how to do away with that.
“If you tell me your thoughts I’ll tell you mine.” When Elrohir cocked his head, awaiting Legolas’ admission, he continued. “I was thinking maybe you could teach me some Quenya. As you know it needs to brushed up. Would you?”
Elrohir laughed. “Aye, I would.”

Legolas smiled and instantly Elrohir felt his heart flutter. /What’s wrong with me?/ “So what were you thinking, Elrohir?” “I was just trying to figure you out.” Legolas’ eyes widened. He did not know what Elrohir meant. Why would the Peredhel need to figure him out? Elrohir explained. “I mean, you’re happy here and yet you were very determined to leave. And I could have understood if it was about a rejection, but since that’s not the case I just don’t understand.”
Legolas’ eyes darkened in hate. “I’d rather not talk about it.”

He stood and started throwing stones in the water, pretending they were Elladan. It was not like him to harbour resentment or to be rancorous, but truth was the elder twin had hurt him deep. And if Glorfindel hadn’t been in the stables he might have hurt Elrohir even more.
The more Legolas thought about it, the more angered he became. The stones flew faster and harder over the surface.
He heard Elrohir calling his name questioningly but he ignored it, he could not face him right now and was content throwing the ‘Elladan-faced’ stones with all force. But when Elrohir joined him and gently touched his shoulders a wave went through them both.

Legolas turned abruptly and glared at Elrohir. /Why must you have your brother’s face?/ “What?!” It came out more spiteful than he had intended.
Elrohir shrank and had to force himself to stay. “Will you not talk about it? Please?”
Legolas turned back to the water. “What’s to talk about? I needed to go. I still do, but I will not go against your father’s order. If only Glorfindel hadn’t been there”
“Then you’d be dead now. I thought we were friends at the very least. But you obviously don’t trust me. Tell me, -friend-, was all this kindness just an act?” Without waiting for an answer he turned and ran away.

End chapter 25
TBC

Translations:
“Man carit quet? Firnëntë yá loar means What are you saying? They died ages ago.
Úvala te fírë. Means Don’t condemn them to death