Pen-Estel

Thank you for your feedback, Nim! I'm glad you enjoyed submissive!Elrond - we had lots of fun writing that scene! *g*
Elladan should know better, but he wasn't really thinking... :/

ElenadiVita: Yes, it's certainly not how Legolas had imagined it to happen... *shakes her head at Elladan*


Chapter Twenty-Four

Elrond just barely suppressed a sigh when Erestor started on a new line of arguments designed to make his other counsellors realise the folly of insisting they raise their production of wheat by at least twenty percent for next year's harvest.

Erestor was making a valid point, and Elrond agreed with him... His counsellors argued that they could use the surplus to trade with nearby edain settlements, but there was not much that could be gained for Imladris by that. Their trade as it was now already brought them all they desired, for Imladris - built as a safe haven in wartime - had been built with an eye towards self-sufficiency.

Yet even though the discussion was an important one, and Elrond agreed with Erestor's words, he still wished the advisor would just stop talking.

Now that Legolas' time was growing nearer, Elrond found himself strangely nervous and unsettled every time he was apart from the youth. He looked over to where Glorfindel was sitting. His seneschal was not even bothering to hide how bored he was, but then he had never got along with Erestor. Elrond wondered if Glorfindel was really as bored as he pretended to be, or if he was just trying to hide how worried he was. For certainly, even if he had not come near Legolas again during the last weeks, or months even, he had to be worried.

No matter what Elrond might sometimes wish for, in his heart he knew that Glorfindel loved Legolas, and that this was the way it should be.

And he also remembered how Glorfindel had suffered then, during Gîl's birth, when there was nothing he could do to help Legolas - it had been very close, and Elrond shuddered involuntarily when he thought of how they had almost lost Legolas then.

Maybe that had been the first time Glorfindel had realised that he had come to love the youth...

Elrond closed his eyes briefly, sending a quick prayer to the Valar that it would no take a similar experience to make Glorfindel find it in him to forgive Legolas.

Even if the child was his, Legolas had already made his choice. I won’t give him up for you.

Elrond opened his eyes again, feeling weary all of a sudden. "Let us continue this discussion tomorrow," he declared. "I think we all could do with an additional night to sleep about this decision."

They all knew that this was not true, but as he was their Lord, his counsellors were polite enough not to show it as they slowly filed out of the room.

Elrond made his way back to his rooms quickly. None of them had attended at dinner today, having had refreshments brought to them, and he was sure Legolas would be feeling lonely by now. The pregnancy was not as dangerous this time, since Legolas was stronger, and yet the youth’s mood seemed to be constantly fluctuating. It wasn’t good for him to be left alone for long periods of time.

To his surprise, Legolas was not waiting for him. It felt strange… and Elrond was uncharacteristically restless until he realised that he was feeling disappointment. He checked the time, and reasoned that Legolas must still be with Gîl. Perhaps he was having trouble getting his son to sleep?

The time passed as Elrond worked, and by the time the Lord deemed he had done enough letter-writing, he was shocked at how late it was. And still Legolas was not here. Elrond frowned in indecision. Should he intrude? Suppose he and Glorfindel had found some kind of resolution? Legolas really did love Glorfindel. Still… it was disquieting to be without him.

Elrond rose from his seat and walked to the door. He hesitated. What if he disturbed them and they were sleeping? It was already so very late. He looked behind him at his bed and his room, empty of Legolas, and walked through the door, heading for Glorfindel’s quarters.

It took a good few minutes for Elrond to knock at Glorfindel’s door. He had many arguments with himself, and reasoned that he just wanted to know that Legolas was here – safe with Glorfindel. Although where else he should be Elrond wasn’t certain. The mood towards him in Imladris had changed considerably over the last few months, and there was no one here now who wished Legolas harm.

The door opened so quickly that Elrond almost staggered back, and he found himself confronted by a half-naked Glorfindel.

“What is it?” he demanded immediately, the lines of strain on his face giving way for sudden concern. “Is it Legolas? Has it begun?” Elrond knew where that strain came from. Glorfindel needed Legolas more than either of them knew. Ever since he had taken the Prince as a lover Elrond knew that Glorfindel had found some measure of peace. But then the questions disquieted him.

“He isn’t here?” Elrond asked, already looking around as if he would see Legolas in the corridor behind him. “But I thought he must be with you.” Glorfindel shook his head and left the door wide open as he went to pull on a tunic. Elrond peered into the room, seeing the bed with its rumpled sheets – empty.

“No – he has not even come to bring Gîl to bed, like he usually does! That was why I was worried that it might have started...” Glorfindel fell silent, looking helplessly back into his room – where the bed was empty.

“But, if he is not with Gîl, and he is not with you – then where is he?” Glorfindel demanded, and Elrond sighed. Then he brightened when a sudden thought struck him, and he laughed in shaky relief. When Legolas was not with either of them lately, where was he to be found?

“Of course!” he said aloud. Legolas must be in the library! Perhaps he had simply lost track of the time. In his heart, Elrond knew it was far too late for that to be the case, but he refused to think further until he knew for certain Legolas was not there. He wanted to believe it so much.

“Well?” Glorfindel demanded impatiently, seeing that Elrond had thought of something he hadn’t, and it annoyed him because it concerned Legolas. If anyone should have ideas for his whereabouts, then it should be him. But perhaps it was his own fault that he didn’t know. Hadn’t he pushed the youth away from him lately?

“I think he is probably in the library,” Elrond replied, and Glorfindel closed his eyes thankfully. Yes! Now that he thought of it Legolas had been spending a lot of time there, learning languages. It was something he should have remembered, and he wanted to glare at Elrond for thinking of it before him – but there wasn’t time.

They made their way hastily to the library, an uneasy silence falling between them as they both tried hard to believe that they would find Legolas there. But it was so, so late. Too late. And they both knew it.

When they entered the library, at first it looked empty, but there was one elf working patiently at a desk by candlelight. Erestor. He looked up at the disturbance as though Elrond and Glorfindel regularly interrupted his work in the deep of night.

“What can I do for you?” he asked mildly.

Erestor was working, but not for Imladris. He was an advisor to Elrond, but in his spare time he liked nothing better than to learn – and the library at night was a kind of wonderful playground to him. So many times he would be at work, engrossed in some history, or a philosophical journal, and he would only look up when the sky outside the window was a deep blue with the coming morning.

He also wrote for himself, and it was this work Elrond and Glorfindel disturbed when they burst in upon him. He tried to distance his mind now from the thoughts he had been attempting to put into words, completely unaware of how coldly deliberate he appeared.

“Have you seen Legolas?” Glorfindel demanded, just as Elrond was about to speak. Erestor frowned. He hadn’t… Now he thought about it, it was strange that Legolas hadn’t been in here after the meeting. He had made great progress, and it was wonderful to have such an eager student, even if the incentive was something he didn’t want to contemplate.

“Not since yesterday,” Erestor said with a frown, understanding that Legolas must be missing. His quick mind leapt from one thing to another, and he wondered just how long Legolas had been missing. After all, the three of them had been too busy to take note of him all day. Had he been in here at all today?

Erestor got up and strode over to the bookcase where he knew the books Legolas desired to read were located. He couldn’t be sure they had been disturbed. They were in the same order as he left them, but Legolas was very careful about these things. As he looked he became aware of a change in the atmosphere. Now there was more than fear and worry in the air, and he looked to Elrond and Glorfindel for the cause of it.

“If you had never interfered with us, this would never have happened!” Glorfindel burst out in an angry whisper without looking in Elrond’s direction. Then, as if to intimidate, he stopped leaning on the desk before him and stood up, looking straight at the Lord.

“Me?” Elrond barked out harshly, surprised into reacting by the unexpected attack. He shook his head, remembering all the times Legolas had talked of Glorfindel. “It is you who has pushed him away. He would never have left you… not even for me.” Glorfindel continued to glower at him, and he smiled. “But when you insist on being so idiotic – your loss is my gain.”

Glorfindel only scowled. “If I lose him, I will kill you,” he vowed coldly, and Elrond narrowed his eyes.

“If you lose him, it will be your own fault,” he replied. All of this was done in harsh whispers that carried more easily through the empty room than shouts would have, and Erestor watched them argue in distaste.

“If you are quite finished,” he cut in smoothly. Both of them turned to look at him. “I don’t believe Legolas has been in here at all today. Which means he could have been missing for far longer than we think,” he said with a sigh. But where could he have gone? Erestor didn’t know enough about Legolas’ habits outside the library to make any kind of guess. That would be up to Elrond and Glorfindel, and neither of them looked like they were about to do anything constructive. For a moment, Erestor felt angry on Legolas’ behalf. They were both of them so blind!

“While you were on your way here, did either of you perhaps wonder exactly what it is Legolas does in the library?” He raised an eyebrow, and waited for an answer.

“He comes to learn languages,” Glorfindel stated flatly, obviously not interested in wherever this was going. Oh, he soon would be, Erestor thought with a little bit of spite. Really! It was about time they both knew.

“You?” Erestor asked, looking at Elrond now. The Lord looked uncomfortable, as if he knew that Erestor was about to unleash something on them.

“He comes to learn,” Elrond said, and then cleared his throat. “It’s understandable. He wasn’t given much of an education by his father.” But as an explanation it wasn’t enough, and Erestor saw that Elrond realised that perhaps for the first time.

“So both of you know he comes here ‘to learn’? Did neither of you wonder what his reason for doing so might be? He comes here to learn, when he knows that I dislike him, when he knows that he will be ridiculed should anyone find out why he comes here.” Still, the two of them looked clueless, and with a sigh Erestor went back to the Westron books, picking out one in particular which he handed to Elrond.

Elrond looked at the book. He knew it well. It was one on pregnancy in human females. But why would Legolas want to read this? Didn’t he trust Elrond to do the right things for him? He looked back at Erestor in some confusion.

“I don’t understand,” he said shaking his head. Erestor helpfully turned the pages in the book to a certain part of it, and Elrond closed his eyes against it.

“What?” Glorfindel managed at last, having been watching the exchange closely. “What is it he is trying to learn?” Elrond now looked so guilty, Glorfindel thought he would kill someone if he didn’t find out. Was it something Elrond had done to him?

“He is trying to learn how to prevent pregnancy,” Elrond said gravely, and Glorfindel found that at long last, he had nothing to say. He thought of his dreams, which was a family that Gîl was only the beginning of, and something inside him hurt.

“And who can blame him?” Erestor noted. “For his first pregnancy, he was cast out of his home, and he came here to beg for mercy, which was granted him, when he begged.” Erestor looked briefly at Elrond then, for it was Elrond who had allowed Legolas to be treated so poorly in the beginning. “For being abused and falling pregnant again, he was once again rejected by someone he loves.” Now he looked accusingly at Glorfindel.

Erestor had no love for Legolas. If the same had happened to him, he would rather have died than come here, child or no child. But there were wrongs on all sides in this, and he saw with some satisfaction that Elrond and Glorfindel finally realised it.

“Now, when he is in danger, you stand here arguing between yourselves over which of you has hurt him the most!” Erestor shook his head in disbelief and then left them to it. He would continue his work in the morning.

Left alone, Elrond and Glorfindel looked at each other. “Can you think of anywhere else he might be?” Glorfindel asked, conceding that Elrond probably knew more of Legolas than he did.

“I do not know,” he admitted, biting his lip. “I thought – I thought he had returned to you, but if he hasn’t.... Glorfindel, it won’t be long now. What if he was outside, taking a walk, and it started then? I can think of no other reason! He has been gone for hours now!”

Glorfindel began walking purposefully to the door. “We will search for him – I will wake my patrol, and take those that are on duty for tonight as well.”

“And I will come with you, too,” Elrond said, silencing Glorfindel’s protest with one look. He was still the Lord of Imladris – and after all, Glorfindel knew what was at stake. He could not stay back any more than Glorfindel could.

“Very well,” Glorfindel acceded after a moment. “If he is really somewhere out there, already in labour, then I guess he will have need of a healer.”

“Wait for me. I will come to the stables.” Without another word Elrond hurried towards his rooms to change into riding attire, all the time thinking about what might have happened to Legolas. Nothing could have happened in the gardens – there was no ravine, no river he could have fallen into. But why had he not returned then? Even if the contractions had started in the garden, he should have been able to return before they got too strong!

Elrond quickly put on a simple tunic and a pair of leggings before he hurried on towards the stable, with only one quick stop to throw what healing supplies he might need into a bag. When he finally reached the stable, he found Glorfindel and his patrol already mounted, with Elrond’s own bay hunter saddled for him.

“We will start with the gardens,” Glorfindel explained as soon as Elrond had joined them. “Let us hope that we will find him there. If not... we will have to widen the search.”

Elrond nodded, and then they were off, combing through Imladris’ spacious gardens. Despite their earlier fight, he still found himself riding next to Glorfindel, and although he did not like to admit it even to himself, he knew that the reason was that he did not want Glorfindel to be the first to find Legolas.

No matter how Legolas would decide in the end, for now, Elrond had just as much right as Glorfindel to be here, if not even more so. At least he had never rejected Legolas so cruelly! And if the child would turn out to be his...

Elrond frowned. He would never abandon Legolas. Even if Glorfindel would take Legolas back despite it, he would not just give him up, not if there was a child.

And if the child wasn’t his – would he have to helplessly watch then while Legolas returned to Glorfindel to find the happiness he deserved with his family? Elrond closed his eyes for a short moment. If that were the case, there would be nothing he could do. In the end, it was Legolas’ decision – and how could he be angry about that when they had taken all choice away from him again and again? It was time that Legolas took his life into his own hands.

Still, realising that did not mean that it didn’t hurt. Elrond sighed, then looked away when Glorfindel gave him a sharp look, pretending to be searching the gardens for Legolas. There was nothing here – nothing that would tell them what had happened to the youth. It was as he had known all along. If Legolas had been this close, he would have returned once the contractions started.

That left just two other possibilities. Either Legolas had been farther away when it began, although he should not have been able to walk that far on his own – or it was not the start of labour, but something else that had happened to him.

Elrond liked neither of the two possibilities.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now that the first wave had passed, the pains had calmed a little, and Legolas could think and speak to Elladan. He was extremely relieved about that. He didn’t even want to imagine what Elladan would do in his fear if the pain had continued so intensely. Probably leave him alone here. Legolas shuddered as he imagined himself crying and screaming alone in the cave. For the first time it occurred to him that he was in terrible danger without Elrond to watch over what was happening to him.

Would he survive? Legolas looked uncertainly at Elladan, who was pacing about agitatedly, and knew he couldn’t afford to be this afraid.

“Sit down beside the fire,” Legolas said softly, calmly. “Beside me,” he added. It was going to be clear now what he could expect from Elladan – all other thoughts of being at Elladan’s mercy were long gone now in the face of this emergency – and when Elladan did indeed come and sit beside him, Legolas smiled in relief and gratitude.

For a moment neither of them said anything. Elladan looked angry still, and Legolas thought it prudent to stay silent. But after a while, he caught Elladan looking at him curiously. Or rather, looking at his belly.

“Does it hurt now?” he asked, and Legolas shook his head. He had sat up again, but he still faced the fire.

“Not really. It comes and goes.” Elladan looked troubled then.

“Is it supposed to hurt that much?” Legolas involuntarily closed his eyes and swallowed, remembering how it had been last time. He shivered as if cold, and jumped in alarm when he felt a heaviness on his shoulders. He opened his eyes to find that Elladan had draped one of the animal skins over him, and he nodded his thanks.

“It will be worse than that,” he prophesied, afraid of how he would bear it again without Elrond, without Glorfindel. But at his words, Elladan paled and made as if to stand up. “Don’t leave me alone!” Legolas pleaded immediately, unable to keep it in.

“Legolas,” Elladan said hesitantly. It sounded strange, and Legolas realised it was the first time Elladan had called him by name. “I can go and get help.” He looked thoroughly chastened now. “My father…” But Legolas shook his head.

“Please… don’t leave. I don’t want to go through it alone.” In fact, Legolas feared more than anything that if Elladan left here – it wouldn’t be to go back for Elrond. He would flee, and come back in a few days ready to deny having seen Legolas since his last visit home weeks ago.

“I...” Elladan slowly shook his head, still pale. Then he dared another look at Legolas’ belly. “How does it even work?” he asked and swallowed. “The last time – did ada cut you open?”

“No!” Legolas exclaimed, his eyes wide with fear. Then he forced himself to calm down again – he could not risk frightening Elladan, not even if he felt more afraid now than ever before.

“No – the Valar took care of that. It will be like it would be for a woman. There will be an opening, but...” Legolas took a deep breath, trying to find some strength within himself. “It will take time to form. And it will hurt,” he said simply, hoping that his words would not scare Elladan away after all. He could barely contemplate going through this without Glorfindel’s strength, without Elrond’s help – but if Elladan were to leave him as well...

“Please don’t leave me,” he begged again. “I promise, it will be just like any other birth – just don’t leave me alone here, please!”

“But I don’t have any experience with this!” Elladan protested, still looking very pale. “I can dress battle wounds, splint broken limbs – but I am no midwife, Legolas! Really, I think it would be best if I were to return and get help for you!”

Legolas whimpered, unable to answer when a new wave of pain gripped him. He tried to breathe through it, but it was so strong... It hurt so much!

When the pain finally receded, he found himself lying on his side again, gasping for breath and trying not to sob, because no matter how strong the pain would get, he couldn’t allow himself to scare Elladan.

“No, please don’t leave!” he begged again when he finally had his breath back. “It’s so strong already, I don’t think there will be much time – and your father told me that it would go faster this time.”

It was true, Elrond had said that it would be both easier and faster, as this wouldn’t be the first time he gave birth, and he had become so much stronger – but Legolas knew that it wasn’t the real reason why the pain had come so suddenly, so strongly.

This wasn’t at all like the first time he had given birth, and the chagrined dismay in Elladan’s eyes told him that he as well knew what Legolas did not say – that this time, he had been abducted.

Elladan looked at Legolas for a moment longer, and then turned away, walking to stand at the mouth of the cave, looking out. The threatened storm had passed over them, but it was quickly becoming dark now, as if the clouds had taken the sun away with them. It wasn’t his fault! He resented Legolas’ pleading because he was going to have to ignore it. He wasn’t going to stay here and oversee this disgusting… thing. Elladan refused to think of it as a birth.

A soft whimper from behind him made him turn his head, and he saw Legolas differently at last. He was trembling on the bed of animal furs, breathing fast and shallow while he cradled his swollen belly. Elladan had seen warriors scream for less than what was clearly happening to Legolas. It was obvious that Legolas was trying not to cry out, or to make a sound at all. Why?

As if Legolas had spoken to him in answer to his thoughts, something emerged from his mind. Because it was private. Because Legolas didn’t want him, Elladan, to see how badly it hurt. It was a kind of pride. The revelation soon gained status in his mind as an epiphany, as he continued to see Legolas clearly for the first time. His hatred fell away, and he saw that Legolas was not the one at fault here. The one at fault was him. The people at fault were everyone Legolas had been in contact with from Imladris – including his own father.

The idea that his father had contributed to Legolas’ misery now was almost too much, and for a moment Elladan scowled, willing to retreat back into his prejudice if it meant he didn’t have to think such things about his own family. Legolas didn’t see it. He had his eyes closed now in concentration, trying not to voice the agony. Elladan saw that clearly, as it was something he had seen in others when they had been on the receiving end of savagery from orcs and uruk-hai. Resistance to pain.

No – he couldn’t deny that he was seeing resistance in front of him, and he walked back over to Legolas slowly. He wouldn’t be abandoning Legolas to his fate. It would be murder, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to live with that on his conscience. Another thing that was clear was that he had caused this present danger to Legolas. It was the fear that had started this, Elladan was certain of it, and the knowing made him want to make amends – to make Legolas smile.

“I won’t leave,” he promised, although his heart shrank at what might be required of him. “What can I do?” He noted that the pain was over for a little while, as Legolas was once more looking around him, and he assisted Legolas to sit again, making a pile of blankets so that Legolas could rest against them easily.

“Thank you,” Legolas replied with a sad smile, but then he frowned, as though he would cry. He didn’t – but Elladan knew he wanted to.

“What is it?” When Legolas looked at him then, Elladan was afraid again. He wanted to plead with Legolas not to speak, but he had asked, and he knew he deserved every bit of guilt and fear he was experiencing.

“I’m afraid,” Legolas said softly, his voice threatening to break. Elladan was about to reassure him when Legolas carried on. “I don’t want the child to suffer, Elladan. It feels different this time, and I don’t know why.” Elladan hadn’t even thought of it, and more guilt descended on him as he heard Legolas’ fears. Fear not for himself, but for someone else. Perhaps a brother or sister of his. “I don’t want the child to die,” Legolas confessed then.

“We need my father,” Elladan said, wishing he had not been so reckless. If Legolas died here – if the child did – it would be on his conscience, and deservedly so. Once more Elladan wanted to run away. “Don’t worry. I’m not going to leave you,” he reassured quickly when Legolas reached out to take his hand. “I just wish…” He sighed heavily. “I’m so sorry.”

To his surprise, Legolas didn’t say anything in return. There was no recrimination. No blame. He only nodded and squeezed Elladan’s hand, this time in understanding.

“I’m sorry too. Elladan, you have to know. I didn’t want to –” He stopped and bit his lip, as if he realised what he was about to say, and Elladan shook his head.

“Don’t talk about it now. I may have been wrong all this time, deliberately wrong, but I don’t know. Nothing changes the fact that I have treated you unfairly.” To his surprise, he heard tears in his voice, and he swallowed, trying to bring himself under control. It helped to remember his earlier thoughts. It was time he talked to his father about Legolas, instead of assuming he knew what was going on. “I’m so sorry,” he said again, and again Legolas nodded, this time the smile reached his eyes, and Elladan felt good for the first time in hours.

“Legolas, I cannot do this,“ Elladan then said, raising his hand to forestall Legolas’ protest. “I am not going to abandon you here – but you must realise that I’m not equipped to deal with a birth, and neither are you. We need my father, and as I cannot leave you here, I see only one solution.”

“You want me to ride?” Legolas said weakly, paling at the thought. Did Elladan not know how much strength it cost him already to not give voice to his pain here, with soft furs and a fire to warm him? How would he be able to bear the contractions on a horse?

“You must, Legolas,” Elladan replied calmly, although Legolas could see in his eyes that he was just as frightened. “We will go slowly, and stop whenever the pain gets too much – but we cannot stay here. Even if they are searching for you by now, they will not find us here in time.”

Legolas trembled. His instincts made him want to remain here in the cave, where he and his child would be safe – but the comfort of the cave would not help them if there were problems. The only one who could help them was Elrond.

And Glorfindel. Glorfindel would keep him safe… Glorfindel would make certain that nothing happened to him.

“Yes,” Legolas said softly, “you are right. We need to return. There should be enough time even if we go slowly...”

He took Elladan’s hand and let himself be helped up, feeling strangely weak as if the pain had taken all of his strength with it. Elladan took a thick, woollen blanket and wrapped it around his body, and then led him to the entrance of the cave, keeping one hand on his arm as if to make certain that he did not fall.

Legolas smiled despite their situation at this sudden show of concern, but then the pain returned and he clutched at his belly, only held up now by Elladan’s arms.

“Sit down, Legolas – just sit here, and don’t move. I will get the horse, it will only take a moment!”

Legolas dimly realised that Elladan was squeezing his hand as if to reassure him before he let go. “I will be back in a moment, I promise!” Elladan said helplessly, and then he was gone, and Legolas was alone with the pain.