The Corruption and Degredation of Mary Sue

Chapter 23: Hot Elf Sandwich


Kalina moaned lightly as the ranger slowly penetrated her. As hoped, both Aragorn and Legolas were only too pleased to incorporate Kalina into their sordid antics. Aragorn pressed his body close to hers, resisting the urge to thrust deeper inside her while Legolas positioned himself on his knees, hands firmly gripping the human’s hips. As he pushed himself inside Aragorn Kalina let out another gasp as Legolas’s added weight forced the human further inside the young elf. Legolas paused to shift his knees.

“Don’t you dare stop,” hissed Kalina, taking the opportunity to shift her legs to accommodate as much of Aragorn as she could manage. As the human became further sandwiched between the two elves he cried out in a strained voice, trying
desperately not to make too much noise.

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” whispered Legolas, thrusting sharply into Aragorn. In a move to reduce further noise, Kalina pulled Aragorn’s face closer to hers and began to frantically kiss him. She soon abandoned this tactic in favour of lying back and savouring the intense pleasure as Legolas picked up the pace, her hands still around the human’s shoulders, nails digging into his back.

Aragorn, exquisitely pinned between the elves, clung to Kalina and gritted his teeth, desperately fighting the urge to let himself give in to that final ecstatic climax before she did. This was proving to be quite a challenge as Kalina ground her hips rhythmically against his.

This idyllic act of pure physical bliss allowed the threesome to ignore the shrieks that carried through the air from the Homely House. Nor did they notice them draw nearer.



Celebelen ran through the halls, pursued by Glorfindel madly brandishing his spear. Desperate to escape, she threw open a random door and was met with screams of protest.

“DON’T YOU KNOW HOW TO KNOCK!!??” shouted Elrond. He seldom raised his voice, but right now he was receiving some incredibly hot deep-throat action from Helegiell that had just been interrupted. In the background he heard Glorfindel screaming his head off in Sindarin. Celebelen yelped and threw herself onto the bed, landing heavily on Elrond and Helegiell.

“GET OFF ME!” screeched Glorfindel’s niece just before her uncle kicked open the door and hurled his spear. The three of them ducked down on the bed, Celebelen letting out another piercing yelp as the weapon landed in the headboard of Elrond’s bed. With a battle cry, Glorfindel leapt onto the bed, causing its occupants to scatter. Celebelen bolted out of the door as Glorfindel retrieved his spear.

“THE WHORE!! SHE PERSISTS IN HAUNTING ME!” he shouted in Elrond’s face as he cautiously tried to approach Elrond.

“Uncle! You’re scaring me!” said Helegiell, hiding behind Elrond. She had never seen her beloved uncle behaving like this.

“Oh fuck me, he’s having a flashback…” groaned Elrond as Glorfindel finally freed his spear and sped out the door. “Right. Back in a second. Stay here and lock the door!” he ordered Helegiell. He grabbed his sword that propped up against the wall in its scabbard and hurried out. Instead of following Glorfindel, he turned and hurried to Kalina’s room. Knocking first but without waiting for a reply he threw open the door to find Haldir trying on Kalina’s chain mail bra.

“IT’S NOT WHAT YOU THINK!” cried Haldir, grabbing Kalina’s quilt off the bed and covering himself.

“Shut up! I have a crisis on my hands,” snapped Elrond, pushing Haldir out of the way and throwing open Kalina’s closet. He dropped onto his knees and ran the fingers along the wooden boards at the floor of the wardrobe until he found what he was looking for. A plank sprung up and he removed it, revealing a stash of a fair amount of shire weed, a small black box and something covered in black velvet cloth. “Oooh! Old Toby!” said Elrond, helping himself to some of his daughter’s small hoard of drugs. He then grabbed the box and the velvet-wrapped implement and replaced the lid to the hiding place. Sitting on Kalina’s bed and ignoring Haldir’s hurried departure, he unwrapped the fabric. Onto his lap dropped three ebony cylinders that screwed together, and then opened the box he had taken.

Colour-coded tiny darts were strapped into the sides of the box. Elrond grabbed two with a blue dot on them and put one in his pocket and loaded the blow gun. In the background Celebelen was probably still alive, based on the screams he could make out. Once armed, he hurried out of Kalina’s bedroom and towards the gardens where the chase had lead, drawing with it a few onlookers who couldn’t help but notice the half naked human being chased after by a respected elf lord, also mostly naked and brandishing a big weapon.

“STOP RUNNING! YOU WILL ONLY PROLONG YOUR IMMINENT DEATH!!!” bellowed Glorfindel as Celebelen ran blindly through Elrond’s garden, nearly stumbling into three incredibly attractive naked bodies, limbs entwined and clearly all nearing orgasmic euphoria.

“What the fuck? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?” screamed Kalina, becoming aware of Celebelen’s presence and lots of shouting.

“OH MY GOD!” she screamed, realising what she’d just inadvertently run into.

“Glorfindel! Get back here!!!” shouted Elrond’s voice from somewhere not too far away.

“SHIT!” hissed the fornicators as a collective. Snatching up their clothes, the two naked elves and human frantically ran through some bushes to get away from the fray and began to frantically dress. Seconds later, Glorfindel streaked past the oak tree where Kalina had found Aragorn and Legolas kissing and tugging off each others’ clothes before joining in. He was swiftly followed by Elrond, also clad in a dressing gown that had mostly come undone. He paused, grabbed the blow gun and a dart shot out silently in the dark, sinking into Glorfindel’s arse.

“OW!!! Nín tele!!” he screamed, dropping his spear and pulling the dart out of his left cheek. “Elrond! What the fuck was that?!?” he shouted, turning and spotting his old comrade replacing the pipe.

“Oi! My blow gun!” yelled Kalina, only just having struggled back into her dress and looking dishevelled. At this point, Glorfindel collapsed to the ground, unconscious.

“Sorry sweetheart. He was having a flashback and I needed something to bring him down,” said Elrond. “Here you go,” he said, handing back the pipe and the remaining dart.

“And did you take anything ELSE of mine?” demanded Kalina, suspiciously.

“Yes, actually! You’re too young to be smoking that much Shire weed. So I taxed your stash as any concerned parent would do,” replied Elrond.

“Er… Okay…” said Kalina, mildly stunned. Being protective, she’d expected Elrond to reprimand her for her substance abuse. Instead, he seemed more concerned about regulating her intake rather than preventing her from smoking. Either that or he was just pleased to have another source of Shire Weed he didn’t necessarily have to pay for.

“Now help me carry Glorfindel back to his room,” said Elrond cheerfully. “You seem to have a lot of leaves in your hair dear… what have you been up to?”

“Needed some air. Went for a walk,” said Kalina quickly.

“OH MY GOD YOU KILLED HIM!” screamed Celebelen, cowering by a tree and staring in horror at Glorfindel’s fallen body.

“YOU!” hissed Elrond, his returning good nature instantly evaporating. “You’ve caused NOTHING but carnage since you got here!!” he yelled.

“But I didn’t do anything!” protested Celebelen.

“WHAT? BURSTING INTO MY ROOM DURING AN INTIMATE MOMENT? BEING SO BLOODY ANNOYING THAT MY DAUGHTERS ACTUALLY FOUND COMMON GROUND TO HATE YOU ON? DAMAGING MY FLOWER?!?!!?!” screamed Elrond. Kalina cautiously backed away from him. In the bushes Legolas poked his head through to get a better view of the carnage. Kalina turned and made frantic faces at him, indicating that he should stay hidden until Elrond had finished his wrathful outburst.
“I’ve put up with some EXCEPTIONALLY stupid humans in my time but YOU! YOU!!!! YOU DROVE MY FRIEND TO MADNESS AND FORCED ME TO RUN AROUND TRYING TO SHOOT HIM WITH SOME KIND OF ILLEGAL TRANQUILIZER?!” Elrond paused to get his breath back, and managed to somehow get his voice under control. “Right. That’s it. Get your crap together. You’re leaving tomorrow. I don’t give a flying fuck WHERE you go. Just as long as it’s NOT here. NOW GET OUT OF MY FUCKING SIGHT!!”
Stunned, Celebelen mutely fled back to her room, too shocked to cry.

“Daddy?” asked Kalina tentatively.

“Huh? Oh. Sorry abohat.hat. Bloody human was starting to do my head in. Right. Now where were we… Oh yes. How long does this stuff take to wear off?” asked Elrond, as he walked over to Glorfindel.
“Well, when I took down Haldir with something similar he was unconscious for about ten hours, then rather… eccentric for most of the next day or so,” said Kalina. Elrond shrugged.

“Well, we’ll just have to keep his food spiked with sedatives till he gets a grip on reality. Come on dear. Grab his ankles, would you?” The rage dissipating, Elrond had regained his laid back demeanour. He never could spend too long being angry around his kids.

Glad her father had calmed down, Kalina picked up Glorfindel’s ankles while Elrond did his best to hoist the dead weight of the elf lord back towards the house.