In the Garden

Title: In the Garden, Chapter 23
Author: Sorsha
Fandom/Pairing: Elrond/OFC, others implied
Rating: R
Warning: AU (Story set several hundred years after ROTK in Aman); Het.
Feedback: Constructive feedback appreciated.
Archive: AFF; FF
Acknowledgements: Thanks to Lady Victoria for betaing this fic.
Disclaimer: Anything you recognize belongs to Prof. Tolkien. A quick check of my bank account should prove I’m not making anything off of writing my stories. Sigh!
Summary: Life in the Blessed Land has not been so blessed for Elrond. Can the happiness that has long eluded him be found in the words of a red-bound journal, the help of his scheming friends, and the granting of a wish that none thought possible?

A/N - A cheap plug for a story --- I'm posting a prequel to this story called 'The Long Way Home'. It's posted here at AFF and at Fanfiction.net.

Chapter 23 --- Facing the Past

“Elrond… may I speak with you for a moment, penneth?” (young one)

Turning from his nervous pacing near the edge of the glade, the peredhel walked swiftly over to join his distant grandmother. “Where is she, Naneth’ra? They cannot still be talking after this long! I feel her distress, so tell me now or I will go and find her for myself!”

Sighing, the Maia laid a gentle hand on his arm. “She is in the healing pavilion, ion. We took her there to allow the Lady to heal injuries she suffered in a fall.” (son)

“Injuries? Fall?” Without waiting to hear more, Elrond turned and ran in the direction of the pavilion on the far side of the lake.

“Elrond… wait! I need to tell you what has happened!”

“I will discover this for myself! I knew I should not have left her. She had no time to prepare to confront him! If he has hurt her, I will save him the bother of fading and send him to Mandos myself!” he shouted over his shoulder, his anger and worry driving him forward.

“Aunt… what has happened to Meril?” Celeborn demanded, preparing to follow Elrond to the pavilion.

“Meril did quite well… until she sought an answer she was not ready to hear. She has held a private fear inside her heart for many years and confronted Haldir in such a way that he stumbled and confirmed it as fact. At her prodding, he gave her the information she requested of him. She left soon after that… bidding him to heal for she did not place the principle blame for this offense on his shoulders. We followed her, hoping she would return here, but she soon fled into the woods and, in her blind grief, tripped and fell. Her left ankle and right forearm were broken in the fall. I took her to my Lady to be healed of all her wounds,” she replied, her own distress evident in her voice.

A grim faced Gildor paused at her side long enough to ask, “Will you tell us what Haldir confirmed, my lady? Was it as terrible as I suspect it must have been to illicit such a response?”

“Indeed it was. She must now face the complete betrayal of her twin and her younger brother’s complicity in this. She will need the love and support of us all if she is to overcome this blow.”

-----

“Meril?”

“She is asleep, Elrond. We gave her a draught to take away her pain and allow her to sleep. She will not wake until she is recovered enough to deal with what she has learned. I will advance her physical healing so that she will be strong enough to face her heartache.”

Turning to face the Vala, he bowed. “My lady… what happened to cause this?”

“Haldir did not injure her, if that is what you wish to know, but her talk with him was what caused her flee into the woods where she tripped and fell. She broke her arm and ankle in the fall.” Moving to stand beside the bed, Estë gently brushed a strand of soft white-gold hair away from the elleth’s forehead, healing at a touch a large bruise near her hairline. “These injures are not my concern for they are easily healed.”

Sighing, she rested her hand on the elleth’s head and let her soothing presence comfort her patient. “Meril has learned something… or, more correctly, confirmed something she was not yet ready to hear and this knowledge devastated her spirit. She caught Haldir off guard and he confirmed her fears without meaning to do so. I had to place him in a healing sleep, for his guilt over this is greater than he is currently able to bear.”

Clinching his teeth to contain his building worry and frustration, he gritted out, “What did he do?”

Looking back to note the arrival of the rest of their family and friends, she replied, “He is not without fault in this, but it was the betrayal of another that has wounded Meril so grievously. Sit all of you and I will tell you what happened.”

-----

Meril slowly became aware of the grey mist that had settled over her mind and heart. When or how this had happened, she could not say; she only knew she floated in a grey world, filled with grey light and no memories. A thin, angry voice whispered to her heart that she was forgetting something… something important, but the grey light soothed her spirit and urged her to rest for now. The grey deepened to silver and warmth caressed her senses. There was comfort and love within the silver light… and she slept.

-----

“How is she Ada? Is she awake yet?”

“Nay, ion. The Lady plans to leave her in a healing sleep until her broken bones have healed and she is ready to face this latest blow. She does not want to add the stress of physical pain to her other burdens. Remembering will be stress enough,” Elrond mused, his own emotions held in check by the need to lend her his strength. Her small hand was cradled between his and he periodically let small doses of his healing energy supplement the natural healing of her body. (son)

Studying his father, Elrohir asked, “Does the Lady know you are using your healing powers to help her recover?”

Sending his son a quelling glare, he nodded. “I am not unfamiliar with healing, Elrohir. I asked to be sure it would not complicate her treatment. The Lady herself has told me I may do this.”

Laying a supportive hand on his father’s shoulder, the younger peredhel soothed, “Well I know your skills, Ada. Under normal circumstances I would never think to question them, but these days are hardly normal. Then too, neither of us has knowledge of the healing ways of the Valar. I had to ask; you would not have approved had I not.”

Reaching up to pat the hand on his shoulder before returning his to their silent support of Meril, Elrond sighed. “You are right. How are the others doing?”

“Most are trying to sleep. Lord Irmo has informed Mithrandir and Naneth’ra Melian that a summons has been sent for Meril’s family to attend them here in Lorien. Her Naneth will have a fit and blame Meril for this,” he stated. “She has an obsession with controlling her family… keeping them under her rule and out of the view of the rest of Aman. A summons from the Valar cannot fail to draw attention and speculation.”

Taking a seat next to the bed opposite his father, Elrohir silently studied his friend. “I have never understood why, but Lady Elulos always seemed to favor the other two over Meril… perhaps, because they are very like their naneth. Meril is different from the other two.”

Looking over at his son, Elrond asked, “How do you mean, ion?” (son)

“When she was younger, Meril was quite adventurous with a mischievous sense of humor. She was never wild or did anything that was improper… rather she sparkled with life in a way that made her stand out from the other two.” Thinking back over the centuries, he observed, “Her mother was always calling her to task for some alleged misconduct and seemed to want to break her spirit… make her submit to her will. Whenever something happened to displease her naneth, Meril bore the brunt of her anger, never the others. Her father never stood up for her and her mother always succeeded in having her way. Himiel and I have often lamented how quiet and unsure of herself Meril eventually became. I think that is why Meril blinded herself to Haldir’s behavior for so long… to make her mother happy.”

“This explains something that has been bothering me. I have wondered why she immediately assumes she is to blame and becomes distressed whenever there is a problem… that day in the park when we encountered your Nana and Haldir, for example. I had not realized how difficult Meril’s home life has been. This, coupled with Haldir’s betrayal… she has much to overcome if she is to heal.” Making a metal note to discuss this matter further once Meril was better, Elrond asked, “Meril has made mention of a coming confrontation with her Naneth, but has not said why. Do you by chance know the reason? She does not need any additional strain to plague her recovery.”

“I have heard her say this too, but I have hesitated to ask what she meant. I will ask Himiel and her brothers if they know,” his son offered.

“That will not be necessary, meldir.” (friend)

-----

Looking up to see their old friend and counselor enter the room, Elrond asked, “Erestor, what do you know of this?”

“I… we overheard a conversation between Meril and Gildor as we traveled here,” he replied, stopping by the bed.

Laying a gentle hand one her uninjured arm, he confided, “It seems her Naneth has been pressuring her to ‘find a nice, acceptable elf to marry’ and ‘draw no further attention’ to her family. Further, Elulos has been making comments that led Meril to believe she will soon forbid her to keep the company of our family, fearing her involvement with us will cause gossip.”

Elrond felt his heart skip a beat at the news they might soon be denied her company. Before he could speak, his son commented, “This does not surprise me. She insisted Meril not be seen in public with Himiel after Elladan and I fought with Haldir. According to Him, she felt Meril needed to distance herself from those whose behavior invited un-welcomed comment. I now wonder what her mother already knew of Haldir and Naneth’s affair… it never occurred to me to question this before. In any case, Meril only overcame her mother’s objections by pointing out that people would talk if she abandoned her friendship with Haldir’s siblings.”

“Apparently, her mother has long tried to control every aspect of her family’s life, hoping to prevent any unwanted attention being drawn their way. Meril was left adrift in the years before she was to marry Haldir because she felt she had no one to ask for counsel.” Glancing over at Elrond, Erestor continued. “Her parents dismissed her worries as bridal jitters, reminding her instead of her duty to her family. She felt it was inappropriate to discuss her concerns with Galadriel and Celeborn… or Himiel, and we now know she had worries about her siblings’ loyalty. She was alone and had no one to whom she could confide her fears. Had she…”

Patting her arm in silent support, he concluded, “Gildor has offered her a place in his home if it comes to her mother forbidding her association with us. He feels most deeply their failure to see how worried and scared she was, a sentiment shared by the rest of us that heard their conversation. That will not happen a second time.”

Feeling his heart begin to unclench, Elrond asked, “She indicated she would do this… leave her home rather than quite our company?”

Sending a reassuring smile in his friend’s direction, Erestor nodded his head. “Indeed, she did. Meril seemed quite relieved and encouraged to by his offer. This matter is the coming confrontation she has mentioned. I would have shared this information with you sooner had not other matters demanded your full attention. Had I suspected her worries, I would have told you immediately and perhaps we might have avoided this sad situation.”

“You had no way of knowing… indeed, you had no reason to have suspected such a thing, so do not torture yourself with that possibility. We must help her deal with this the best we can. Her family might not be willing or able to see their guilt in this,” he observed.

Concentrating on sending healing pulses into her sleeping form, Elrond let this new information filter through the other knowledge he had gathered about the elleth. “I can understand the Lady’s comments more fully having this information. While Haldir is responsible for much harm to her, her family… the betrayal by her sister will be the hardest blow for her to accept. I recall discussing her twin with her once and she implied her sister had not known of Haldir’s conduct. If this worry had indeed plagued her for many years, she had to tell herself that even if she had private doubts. I cannot imagine my twin betraying me thus.”

“I too have been blessed in my twin, for Elladan is a part of me. I cannot imagine his betraying me in the most trivial of ways. What Minuial did defies my understanding,” Elrohir observed.

“Mine as well, brother. I noticed that Min seemed to have withdrawn from Meril sometime in the years before Naneth sailed, but I thought it had to do with her living in the Havens most of that time, thus straining their bond,” Elladan added from the doorway. “Gildor has learned that her family was together in Valimar when the summons came. They are expected to arrive late tomorrow. Lord Finrod is among their numbers.”

“It would seem we have yet more days of heartache to survive, ion nin.” (my son)

-----

Night had fallen when the exhausted party of elves rode into the glade the following day. Meril still slept under the care of Lady Estë, her great-aunt and Elrond keeping a worried vigil by her bedside. Finarfin led the party that met the newest arrivals.

“My son… I see you and your daughter’s family have arrived. I hope the journey was uneventful.”

“Ada, we are well.” Swinging down from his horse, his oldest son moved to embrace the Noldorian king. “Can you tell us why we have been called to Lorien?”

“Your granddaughter has been seriously injured and is under the Lady’s care. I would think it only right that the Valar call you to her bedside,” the Noldor replied, his tightly controlled anger making his tone formal and stiff.

“Meril… what is wrong with my daughter, Adar’ra? I knew it was a mistake to allow her to come here. The family of the Peredhil were bound to bring her to grief…” Elulos began.

“Silence! Meril was injured in a fall she took fleeing from the grief brought to her by her own kin! The House of Elrond has been her friend and has stood with her in this difficult time!” Gildor interjected. “Forgive me Adar’ra, but I cannot stand by and let her pass blame to others when the guilty stand before us!”

“Gildor… have you taken leave of your reason? How dare you speak to my wife thus!” Cúron exclaimed, swinging down from his horse to move to lift his wife from her mount. The rest of his family dismounted around them.

“Gildor speaks only the truth. The actions of her siblings are to blame for her injures… actions that have shamed our family. You have been called to answer for your conduct and to help save my great-granddaughter from the grief you have placed upon her heart,” Finarfin declared.

“Ada… of what do you speak?” Finrod demanded, his disquiet clear on his face.

“Ask your granddaughter.”

“I would is she was here, but…”

“Nay, not Meril. Ask her twin. Ask her brother.”

Stunned grey eyes turned to seek Minuial’s swimming blue ones. Before either could speak, Elulos again attempted to take control. “Ada… we should not air any dirty linens before the world. I have every confidence in Minuial. It would not do to embarrass Meril further by resolving any complaints she has made before… others not of our family. Let us find our lodgings and there we can correct any misunderstanding Meril has caused in the privacy of our talans.”

“While you may control your own home in such a fashion, the Gardens of Lorien are not under your rule. You were called here to assist us in healing your daughter. If you have no wish to do this, you are free to leave.”

The new arrivals stood in numb shock as the other elves around the glade dropped to their knees in respect as the Valar glided into their midst. Finrod was the first to realize their error and hastily knelt, his hand waving to his kin to do likewise. “My lord… my lady, please forgive us. We failed to acknowledge your arrival and we ask your forgiveness.”

Hearing her father’s words, Elulos gave a squeak of distress and fell down beside him, quickly followed by her family. “Forgive us.”

Waving away her apologies, Estë, her voice firm and commanding, asked, “Why would you assume this matter is of Meril’s making? I assure you it is not. I also assure you my husband knows your thoughts and has shared them with me. We know the entire sad business. As for keeping it behind closed doors, that will not happen either. Those around this glade have taken Meril into their hearts and they will gladly do all they can to help her rebuild her life… her trust.”

Only Meril’s father and grandfather looked confused by the Vala’s words. “My lady… I do not understand…”

The Vala’s expression softened fractionally. “This too we know. Your mistake was in putting your wife’s desires above your child’s welfare, Cúron, even when your wife’s desires were selfish and irrational. Having had the pleasure of coming to know Meril, I believe she will yet forgive you and attempt to rebuild your relationship. Lord Finrod, she holds you in high regard and love; that has not changed. As for the rest of you… the future remains to be seen. ”

Raising his head, Cúron hesitantly met her gaze. “May I ask… of what you speak?”

Sighing, she shook her head. “Your family has failed Meril in many ways. While the confirmation of one event began this crisis, the number of things that contributed to it and added to her grief is overwhelming.”

His confusion deepening, Cúron gave his wife an uneasy glance. Hazarding a guess, he asked, “Do you refer to our failure to go to her ourselves the night… the night we learned of Haldir’s betrayal? We have told her we regret that and have asked her forgiveness for this, my lady. If she says we have not…”

“While your disregard of her welfare that night was inexcusable… as is your immediate assumption that Meril is somehow to blame for our summons, that particular failure is not the incident to which my wife refers,” Irmo interjected, speaking for the first time. “I believe Lord Finarfin asked a question that has yet to be answered. Now would be a good time, I judge.”

“My lord, I beg your indulgence to allow us to move to another setting to discuss this further. Sadly, Meril has a history of making poor choices and of disrupting the peace of her family’s lives. I am sure this is the case yet again. If you will….” Elulos began.

“You knew! The Valar have mercy… you knew!” Gildor cried, a sudden glimpse of his twin’s thoughts filling his voice with anger. “You helped hide Min’s betrayal and then failed to help Meril when she came to you with doubts… doubts you knew were justified. I did not tie the pieces together until now, but you are uneasy and I can sense your thoughts! Even if you wanted to protect Min by covering for her conduct, you owed it to Meril to encourage her to listen to her fears and call off the betrothal, but no… you were more concerned with the possible scandal that would cause and left her to be broken before Aman!”

His voice trembling with shock and anger at his twin’s behavior, Gildor continued. “I have heard you blame her for the scandal… and you had the means at your disposal to have helped her to avoid all of that! When it all fell apart for her, you childishly clung to her father in the safety of your home and sent your son to help her face the public ridicule Haldir’s conduct brought upon her! She was there on that stage, exposed and alone, and you hid at home rather than come to her aid!”

Wide-eyed with shock, Finrod stared at his son. “Finish this, ion. What betrayal?” (son)

“Mine Adar’ra.”

Turning, he found his younger granddaughter standing before him, tears streaming down her face. “We all failed her, but I worst of all. I fooled myself into thinking I loved Haldir. My jealousy ate at my spirit until I could not bear that he had chosen my twin over me. I was so sure I would be a better wife for him and I convinced myself his delays in marrying her meant he did not really love her, but had chosen her as she was the older sister. I resolved to take him away from her and have him for myself. I went to his talan… intent upon offering what I assumed my twin had denied him.”

“I thought his passionate response meant he loved and wanted me too. I saw my goal within my reach… then he called her name, declaring his love for her.” Dropping her head, she continued. “He never wanted me… he loved and wanted Meril, but had not claimed her because he did not want to tie her to a bond he was incapable of keeping. I was simply a substitute that looked like her. He was willing to take what I offered, but never intended to leave her for me. He was willing to use me… and I had made that possible in my blind jealousy. I betrayed us both that night.”

Shuddering at the memory, she continued. “Before I could flee in shame, Celebrian stepped out of the bedchambers. She had been waiting to surprise Haldir and had been listening to us. She was livid with his ‘betrayal’ of her… not that he was with me; that she found amusing. She considered it a betrayal that he had called Meril’s name in a moment of passion, saying he loved her. Celebrian turned on me and, when she was done telling me about all of his infidelities, she threatened to expose what I had done if I ever told anyone that she had been there.”

“I ran out in a panic. Haldir followed… I think he was afraid I might do something rash… perhaps kill myself. Sael found us arguing and heard just enough to think we had been having an affair,” she concluded.

Her brother had moved to stand behind her, resting his hands on her trembling shoulders. “I agreed to say nothing if they promised me their affair was over. I misunderstood most of what had happened and made the situation worse by not dragging them both to Ada that very moment.”

Unable to meet his father’s stunned gaze, he stared at the ground. “I wrote to Uncle Cirdan, accepting his offer of a position in his court. I left soon after, taking Min with me. I thought it best to get her away from Lorien. I did not want her to harm herself anymore than she already had or take her grief out on Meril, for her state of mind was uncertain. I swear I did not know about Celebrian or the others. I knew exposing him would devastate Meril and ruin Min… embarrass my parents and our aunt and uncle… I let myself be convinced to remain quiet.”

“There is more is there not, Minuial? You need to finish this,” Estë insisted.

“Will you help Meril recover from this, my lady? I would give anything to be able to undo what I did!” she cried.

The Vala held her devastated gaze for a moment before she answered. “Wrongs, once done, cannot be undone. Your betrayal will stay between you for the rest of time. We must work to help her move beyond her grief so that she can reclaim her life. The best you can hope is that she may one day forgive you, but she will never trust you as she once did. You have lost the right to expect that. Finish your story, Minuial.”

Sobbing, the elleth fell to her knees, her face buried in her hands. After several minutes, she whispered, “While in the Havens, I met Anwakal and accepted his betrothal. I had confessed to him what I had done because I truly love him and knew he deserved to know the truth about my past. While I was still… a virgin, I knew I had damaged my spirit that fateful night. He urged me to confess so that I might alert Meril to Haldir’s character. I felt so guilty and I agreed.”

“I decided to tell Nana first… I wanted her to be prepared when it all became public.” Looking up, she admitted, “I let her talk me out of telling Meril. She said it would be bad for the morale of our warriors if I exposed Haldir to public scorn with the specter of war looming. This was but a few months after Celebrian was attacked and had sailed. Naneth said we could not dishonor her memory and humiliate the leaders of Lorien. When we arrived here in Aman, Naneth told me she had spoken to Haldir and he promised her he loved Meril… would honor their vows. I had already betrayed my twin and I wanted to believe he would still make her happy. He did love her… just not enough to resist Celebrian.”

-----

*When will you allow her to wake, beloved?*

Standing in the shadows of the elleth’s chamber, the Vala studied the four elves clustered around the bed. Himiel had arrived soon after the scene in the glade to inform the other two of what had transpired. She had remained to lend her strength and comfort to her lady and her future father-in-law.

The two ellith sat together, hands clasped, as they silently watched Meril sleep. Their worry and distress marked both faces with shadows and faint lines. Across the bed from them, Elrond kept his vigil, his hands still cradling Meril’s to offer comfort and to allow him to share periodic doses of his healing energy.

*I think it best if we let her sleep for now. We have much to sort out that she need not witness. I have no concern we will be able to help her twin and brother… her father, but her mother’s betrayal is as yet unknown to Meril. She is better off sleeping without pain while that is addressed,* she replied.

*Allowing Elrond to aid her thus is only strengthening their bond, but you know this. Meril knows it is him… she sees the light of his healing energy as silver, the silver she sees when she looks into his eyes. What if our brethren do not grant his petition? Their bond now only needs formal vows and consummation to be complete.*

Smiling, Este nodded. *Aye, it does. You said but recently that your answer would hinge on the existence of a bond between Celebrian and Elrond. We both know, without any doubt, no such bond ever formed between them. Their marriage was without love or bond… made and consummated to aid his people survive until their duty to Middle-earth was complete. We both know how we shall vote when the question is called. Indeed, I plan to become their champion and help him convince our kin to grant his petition, my husband.*

Reaching out to pull his wife back against his chest, Irmo pressed a kiss to the top of her head. *Then, they shall then have two champions, beloved.*

-----

A/N - *passes a Kleenex to MarzBar* Sorry! Very soon, our elves will be called to swim in the lake… I promise! Thanks for reading!

A/N – Thanks Zelha! Betrayal by anyone you love is bad, but I agree, the betrayal of her twin will be hard for Meril to take. Still, I have hope! Thanks for reading!

A/N – Hi Jenn! Well, you got your wish… Min is in Lorien and has admitted her betrayal. Hopefully, this will help Meril recover. More soon. Thanks for reading!