Fated to Love

Chapter Twenty: A Love in trouble


Since the first day after his return, Haldir's arm had regained much of his strength but still it was not completely healed. Today, Haldir had planned for a small picnic by the waterfall pool outside the city perimeter. He and Cassie was to spend this time alone, for he had something special he wanted to ask her.

They rode on a single horse through the woods, trotting along looking at the sights. Cassie was in awe of the beauty of Lorien and made mention of this to Haldir as they rode to their destination.

They reached the pool just as the sun settled high in the afternoon sky.

“Haldir, it is beautiful here.” She said turning in circles and looking at the scenery.

Haldir was off to her left side setting out the basket of food and then motioned for her to help him lay out the blanket. “Come and help me with this blanket,” he said smiling at her.

Cassie walked over to where he was and began to help lay out the blanket and the food. The two began to sift through the basket each filling up the plates. They ate in relative silence, each enjoying the others company. The sun shone brightly on the still waters of the pool. It was a beautiful spring day with the birds sung and the breeze blew. Haldir looked over to Cassie, who was engaged in eating the pie timidly. He watched as she took each bite and thought her quite beautiful sitting there in the sun's rays.

"Cassie," he started sitting down his plate and taking a drink of his wine, "I brought you out here to finish something I started the day of the first attack on you in Imladris." He stopped and looked at her intently. She finished her last bite of pie and set the plate down and looked at him.

"Oh?" she said.

"I did not get to finish what I started. I know I wrote to you and told you how I feel, but there was more to that I wanted to say that day," he said hesitating.

"I know. I wrote you and told you how I feel as well, what else could there have been?" she asked not following fully, but had idea as to where this was going.

Haldir scooted a little closer to her and took her hand in his. He looked up at her with eyes that almost pleaded with her. "Cassie, I love you so much. My heart is heavy and I ache for you when you are not near me,” he paused, “Cassie, I-,” he paused again, “Will you marry me? Bind yourself to me?" he finished. Cassie sat there looking at him. Never had anyone ever said those words to her. She had had boyfriends before, but they had never asked her that before. She was stunned.

She looked at him and then away for a moment. How would she answer? She did love him; she always had even in her world. She felt confused on how to answer him. She looked at him and gave him the only answer she could. "Haldir, how can you ask me that now?" she asked. "I have not known you long?"

Haldir saw her expression and realized she was not going to agree. This made him feel anger and hurt. "Why not?" he said, "I told you that I have felt something for you since the lady showed me you in the mirror before Helms Deep. I know we have not known each other long, but in my heart, I know you are the one that I have waited for all my life."

Cassie stood up and looked down at him. "Haldir, do not get me wrong. When I wrote and told you that my heart belonged to no one else and that I love you. I meant that, but I cannot do this just yet. Can you not see the logic in that?" she asked him. He stood up and came up in front of her. He scowled down at her. His anger and hurt in his eyes.

"No I cannot. Elves feel things more deeply than humans. I know you love me, that you dream of what it would be like with me. I know you feel drawn to me," he said.

She looked up at him and saw the hurt and pain in his eyes. "Haldir, this is not a permanent answer. This is a ‘lets wait and see’ thing," she said assuring him.

This did not sway him. After all they had been through, the separations, the battles, the pain and hurt together, she refused him. This made him angry. "Fine! You do not want me then I will take that as your answer." Haldir went to the blanket and grabbed it and the basket. He was angry and left the clearing. Cassie strayed behind him asking herself where she had gone wrong. He led the horse on through to the city with her lagging behind.

~~~~~~

The next few days were awkward. Haldir continued to do his exercises and Cassie just sat and watched as he did them. He would ignore her like she was not even in the room. Elrond had come several times as did the lady to the talan to help them. The lady and Elrond picked up on the tensions between the two but said nothing. Soon Elrond gave Haldir leave to start practicing his archery to strengthen his arm.

The silence was torture on Cassie. On numerous occasions since the waterfall pool she had tried to break the deafening silence with no success. She then decided on waiting patiently for Haldir to speak but he did not.

Janiel, Rúmil and Orophin became her only comfort. Arwen and Lord Glorfindel as well. They all knew what had transpired between them. They all told her that he would come around. Cassie asked them if her refusing him for now was the right thing and they all agreed that she had a right to adjust to her new life.

Something had to give and quickly. Haldir began to lose his reserve and acted out by throwing things in his room and staying gone from dawn to dusk. Where he went, Cassie did not know. She finally implored for his brothers to follow him and see. She was horrified to find out that he was over exerting his arm on the archery range, taking out his frustrations. It was even rumored that no others wanted to go there while he was there, his outbursts toward them was becoming a problem.

~~~~~

Cassie sat on the ground in one of the Lady's private gardens looking at the flowers. The garden was a sanctuary for her to come think and to cry her eyes out. She thought of the events that had happened to her since her arrive at the gates of Helms Deep and the love that she felt for Haldir. He was a stubborn and arrogant fool to her, not understanding her point of view.

Her thoughts were interrupted when the Lady appeared before her. Cassie looked up with tears in her eyes.

"Lady Cassie, why do you weep, child?" the lady said sitting down next to her.

"It is Haldir. He angry with me and will not speak to me. I fear I may have lost him," she said as a tear fell from her eyes.

"Cassie, you have not lost him. He is only cooling off his heated desires for you. He will come around. Tell me what happened and we will try and figure out what to do to help." The lady said putting an arm around Cassie's shoulders.

Cassie told her of the picnic and how he had asked her to bind herself to him. Also how she had denied him but assured that that was not the final answer. The lady intently listened as she told her on how he reacted and what was said. The lady only smiled in the end and assured her. "Cassie, Haldir has never been one to be completely open about his feelings. He has always held them at bay. He is only wounded, because this is the first time that he is able to feel secure enough to allow someone in. He will soon see that you only mean to adjust to things first before making such a big step. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he loves you, just as I see a great love for him in you. I told you this when I visited you after you were wounded. Be patient little one, if it will make you feel better, go to him and try once more to talk to him."

"My Lady I have tried already and he will not acknowledge me. He goes to the training field daily and overworks himself. I fear for his healing and for him. He will not listen to me," Cassie said looking at the lady.

"He will listen. Whether he shows it or not, he listens. Besides my husband is talking with him now. We do not usually interfere, but felt it necessary in this case. Haldir has become quite a bear to the others that go there. Go to him and try again." The lady said releasing her shoulder and standing up.

Cassie stood in front of the Lady. "I shall try once more, but I do not feel that it will help," she relented.

The lady only smiled at her warmly. "At first it will seem that he does not hear, but he will soon show you that he has when you least expect it," the lady said turning and leaving the garden.

Cassie quickly wiped away her tears with better understanding. She decided to take the chance and go to him. What did she have to lose?

~~~~~

On the Training field......

Haldir stood there and watched as lord Celeborn left. He had made a point to talk to him on the matter dealing with HER. Haldir turned back to the target and raised his bow. His arm was rapidly gaining its strength back. Within a couple weeks it will be like he was never injured. It was still sore, but he was able to shoot again. His thoughts of her made him feel a little angry. He knew that Celeborn was right. Cassie just needed time to adjust, but he wanted to protect her fully and to do so he wanted her bound to him. He still loved her, but she hurt when she rejected him. He turned and re-notched his bow and pointed it to the target again and released the arrow.

~~~~~~

Cassie made her way to the training field gathering her nerves the whole way. She ran it over in her mind what she was going to say to him. Wondered how he was going to act. Her nerves were thoroughly rattled by the time she got there. There was not a soul there so she knew they would have some privacy.

She reached the sidelines and stopped to watch him as he notched the arrow and took aim. He was beautiful standing there looking strong and able. She noticed that quite frequently he would stop with the aiming and rub his sore arm. By now she knew that the muscle would be itching from the stretching and strengthening of it. She watched as he released the arrow again. He looked like he was in a somewhat good mood, so now was a good time to approach him. He was heading to the target to retrieve his arrows. She followed him and stood a small ways behind him.

“Haldir,” she said timidly testing him to see how he would act. Upon hearing his name he tensed up. “Can we please talk?” she asked approaching him slowly.

He looked at her with irritation on his face. “What is it Cassandra? I am a little busy,” he said using her full name curtly. This told her he was still angry but she pushed through the feeling of hopelessness and continued. He continued to gather the arrows.

“Haldir, I am sorry for hurting you. Please understand that I was not rejecting the idea of marrying you. I just wanted to wait a little while,” she said looking at him. His back was to her. “Will you please look at me?” she asked walking right up behind him following his steps closely.

He did not stop but continued. Tears welled up and began to fall like rain on a summer day. “Please look at me. I cannot bear this silence between us any longer. Tell me I have not lost you completely!” she begged sobbing hard. Haldir stopped for a moment and looked at her. His expression was hard and without emotion.

In his mind guilt for not understanding hit him, but his pride was holding him back. His love had scorned him to the bone, and shattered his chance for happiness. Could he forgive her? He said nothing but turned back away from her. He could hear her crying, which tore his heart out but he remained aloof.

He walked back to where he had left his bow on the ground. Cassie stood there watching him through her tears. He truly was a difficult elf. Her heart broke even more. He took his stance again, notched the arrow and aimed. She had enough.

Walking up to him she stood in his line of sight. His expression became irritated. He pursed his lips together in aggravation. “Move! Cassie, I am busy!” he spat.

“No, I will not until you stop and listen to me,” she persisted.

He lowered the bow and looked at her. His angered flared. “Move or I will physically move you myself,” he threatened.

“I will move as soon as you listen to what I have to say,” she told him stubbornly.

He huffed and let out an irritated sigh. “What?” he finally said.

“I love you so much. It tears my heart out that you are acting like this. But I will tell you that my saying no, did not mean No as in never, it meant No as in not now. I want to be with you more than anything but time is all I need,” she said.

Haldir stayed silent. He looked at her and a wave to reach out and hold her was all he wanted to do, but he could not bring himself to do so. This was the first time she had uttered 'I Love you' to him. He stayed and did not act on how he was truly feeling.

She looked at him wondering what he was thinking. His expression was unreadable. She gathered the nerve to approach him more. She was now mere inches from his person. She leaned up and lightly brushed her lips to his. He did not respond. She backed away and looked up at him. His face was emotionless. Tears fell again and she walked away from.

Haldir watched as she retreated from him again. The second time in the last month. He had an urge to go after her but did not. He touched his lips with his fingers. His lips burned where she had kissed him. He looked up and saw she had disappeared. He shook off the feeling and returned to target practice. The rest of the day, his aim was off and he missed his target numerous times. Her face, her lips and how she had cried ate at him.

He thought on what she had said. He was beginning to understand what it was she wanted. He decided that he would talk to her later. To apologize to comfort her and take away her hurt, to protect her from the pain. In doing so it would help him.

He decided that he would wait for the right moment.

tbc