Sex, Drugs, and Orcish Theatre
folder
-Multi-Age › General
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
43
Views:
2,039
Reviews:
4
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
-Multi-Age › General
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
43
Views:
2,039
Reviews:
4
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own the Lord of the Rings (and associated) book series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Bad Hair Day and Kalina's Very Own Pony
Chapter 23
"Oi! You! Master wants to see you!" The door to Legolas's cell swung open and flickering torchlight filled the small dank cell.
"Piss off. I'm not going anywhere!" Legolas was in a truly awful mood. When they had been thrown into the cells Haldir had yet again thrown a hissy fit, shrieking about the state of the cells. Evidently he'd never seen the inside of an orc-run prison but as far as Legolas could tell the hygiene standards of this particular place of incarceration was no worse than most prisons. Possibly danker and a bit stinkier but that's what you got with orcs. But of course that was no comfort to Haldir who continued to shriek until the door to his cell was opened and a bucket of water was thrown in his face. This only increased his histrionics to more of a tantrum causing the orcs great amusement. In the hope of cashing in on more free entertainment, their guards had repeated the act on the other three prisoners.
Legolas was more or less dry enough by now but his hair had been wet. And now it had dried without the hours of conditioning and grooming and fussing usually necessary to get it in the perfect condition that so many weak females had thrown themselves at him over. The end result was something like a blonde afro as the damp from the dungeon had only enhanced its natural frizz. Legolas was not a happy elf. In fact he was verging on Haldir's levels of sulking, except with slightly more dignity.
Ignoring Legolas's profanities, two orcs shuffled in and grabbed an arm each and dragged him forcefully out of his cell and past the three cells occupying Haldir, Galadriel and Aragorn.
"HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH!!! OH THAT'S PRICELESS! THAT'S ALMOST WORTH DYING FOR!!!" shrieked Haldir, ysteysterics. He was still feeling slightly unbalanced and the lack of food and abuse had seemingly brought back some of the side effects of the earlier poison dart attack.
"Fuck off," snapped Legolas. "Can I please get a helmet off of you? I don't care how rank it is, just GIVE ME A FUCKING HELMET!!" yelled Legolas at one of his captors.
"Hahah!! Fluffy headed elf is angry!!!" chortled one of the orcs.
"Here, we'll cut your hair!" offered the other, brandishing a sword in front of Legolas's nose.
"NOOOOOOOO!!! DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TOOK ME TO GROW IT OUT?"
The first orc began to run his hand through Legolas's hair, playing with the curls. Legolas whimpered, horrifind fnd feeling violated. It was his HAIR! NOBODY touched his hair unless they were willing to do obscene things to him and treat him like a god. And Kalina if her hands were clean. But he couldn't do anything right now to prevent these orcs from violating his precious precious hair. He believed he could now relate to Haldir and his nasty experience in the stream.
Legolas was intermittently groped and fondled in-between being dragged back to the room where they had encountered Sauron. The door opened by itself and Legolas was brusquely shoved into the chamber. He landed face down on a plush black carpet and looked up and saw Kalina. He instantly cowered and covered his head to the best of his ability with his arms.
"DON'T LOOK AT ME! I'M HIDEOUS!!!!" he wailed.
"Shut up. You're here to serve me!" snarled Kalina. Legolas looup cup cautiously, and then really wished he hadn't. Kalina was sitting sidesaddle on what appeared to be Sauron wearing a saddle, harness and tail. She was wearing a lot of black leather riding gear that didn't look very practical but certainly was flattering and brandishing a riding crop. It only took the horrified elf seconds to realize how exactly the tail was attached to the Dark Lord. He was fairly certain that as long as he didn't look up again everything would go back to normal and this would just turn out to be some hideous flashback from the massive dose of shrooms.
Kalina continued. "You see, Sauron has asked me to be his queen. And it is only fitting that I consign you to servitude. After all, you're such a pretty elf lord." She laughed maniacally.
"Anything! Anything! All I ask in exchange is a bottle of conditioner!" pleaded Legolas, still curled up on the floor.
Kalina stood up and whipped Sauron across the arse with a riding crop. "You've been a good pony. Now go get dressed and sort out this wrestling thing. I want the respect and fear that I deserve!" Sauron, bit in mouth, issued a muffled submissive response and moved on all fours to an adjoining room. A minute later he returned, dressed again in his black robe.
"I shall see that it is all organized, mistress... What are you staring at elf?" snapped Sauron as Legolas once more hazarded a glance upwards.
"Nothing," said Legolas, quickly averting his gaze. Sauron reached down and grabbed Legolas and pinned him against a wall.
"Nothing, my MASTER. She is to be my queen and you are her servant. Therefore you belong to me now. You are merely yet another of my wretched minions, damned to servitude. Address us properly and I assure you your existence will be much less painful," hissed Sauron. He let go of Legolas who slumped to the floor in terror. The confusion and fear and misery over his hair was too much for him to deal with.
"Yes, my Master," said Legolas blankly, staring hopelessly at Sauron.
"Good." Sauron turned, smirking. It was a good day. He had finally found a woman who could make him happy and the extent of her sadistic fun was already evident in the short time they had spent together. In fact, Sauron was feeling a little confused but in a good way. He'd never had much faith in any form of affection, but there was something about Kalina that made him feel new and unfamiliar feelings brewing in his black heart. He was dimly aware of the fact that he'd happily send an army to slaughter anyone who even looked at her wrong. She made him feel dirty, cheap, and filthy. And there was also the wonderful propaganda advantage of having converted Elrond's own daughter to his side.
Life was suddenly so sweet. He grabbed Kalina and kissed her passionately. "If it's alright with you I have business to attend to. All of the adjoining chambers are yours to move freely in."
"Sounds good. I may take a bath," replied Kalina, returning the kiss and running a hand through Sauron's hair. Legolas was able to glower slightly at this, envious Sauron's hair was currently everything his wasn't. And longer. And Sauron kept looking at Kalina in a way Legolas didn't like, supernatural villain or not.
"Dinner together?" inquired Sauron. The saccharine tones of his voice grated on Legolas's primal nerves.
"Of course. Now go. I'll see you later," said Kalina, pushing Sauron towards the door. The door opened and Sauron departed with a dramatic swish of his robes. "Get up and let's go sort your hair out," said Kalina, becoming a lot less menacing all of a sudden. She offered Legolas a hand and helped him up.
"Oi! You! Master wants to see you!" The door to Legolas's cell swung open and flickering torchlight filled the small dank cell.
"Piss off. I'm not going anywhere!" Legolas was in a truly awful mood. When they had been thrown into the cells Haldir had yet again thrown a hissy fit, shrieking about the state of the cells. Evidently he'd never seen the inside of an orc-run prison but as far as Legolas could tell the hygiene standards of this particular place of incarceration was no worse than most prisons. Possibly danker and a bit stinkier but that's what you got with orcs. But of course that was no comfort to Haldir who continued to shriek until the door to his cell was opened and a bucket of water was thrown in his face. This only increased his histrionics to more of a tantrum causing the orcs great amusement. In the hope of cashing in on more free entertainment, their guards had repeated the act on the other three prisoners.
Legolas was more or less dry enough by now but his hair had been wet. And now it had dried without the hours of conditioning and grooming and fussing usually necessary to get it in the perfect condition that so many weak females had thrown themselves at him over. The end result was something like a blonde afro as the damp from the dungeon had only enhanced its natural frizz. Legolas was not a happy elf. In fact he was verging on Haldir's levels of sulking, except with slightly more dignity.
Ignoring Legolas's profanities, two orcs shuffled in and grabbed an arm each and dragged him forcefully out of his cell and past the three cells occupying Haldir, Galadriel and Aragorn.
"HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH!!! OH THAT'S PRICELESS! THAT'S ALMOST WORTH DYING FOR!!!" shrieked Haldir, ysteysterics. He was still feeling slightly unbalanced and the lack of food and abuse had seemingly brought back some of the side effects of the earlier poison dart attack.
"Fuck off," snapped Legolas. "Can I please get a helmet off of you? I don't care how rank it is, just GIVE ME A FUCKING HELMET!!" yelled Legolas at one of his captors.
"Hahah!! Fluffy headed elf is angry!!!" chortled one of the orcs.
"Here, we'll cut your hair!" offered the other, brandishing a sword in front of Legolas's nose.
"NOOOOOOOO!!! DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TOOK ME TO GROW IT OUT?"
The first orc began to run his hand through Legolas's hair, playing with the curls. Legolas whimpered, horrifind fnd feeling violated. It was his HAIR! NOBODY touched his hair unless they were willing to do obscene things to him and treat him like a god. And Kalina if her hands were clean. But he couldn't do anything right now to prevent these orcs from violating his precious precious hair. He believed he could now relate to Haldir and his nasty experience in the stream.
Legolas was intermittently groped and fondled in-between being dragged back to the room where they had encountered Sauron. The door opened by itself and Legolas was brusquely shoved into the chamber. He landed face down on a plush black carpet and looked up and saw Kalina. He instantly cowered and covered his head to the best of his ability with his arms.
"DON'T LOOK AT ME! I'M HIDEOUS!!!!" he wailed.
"Shut up. You're here to serve me!" snarled Kalina. Legolas looup cup cautiously, and then really wished he hadn't. Kalina was sitting sidesaddle on what appeared to be Sauron wearing a saddle, harness and tail. She was wearing a lot of black leather riding gear that didn't look very practical but certainly was flattering and brandishing a riding crop. It only took the horrified elf seconds to realize how exactly the tail was attached to the Dark Lord. He was fairly certain that as long as he didn't look up again everything would go back to normal and this would just turn out to be some hideous flashback from the massive dose of shrooms.
Kalina continued. "You see, Sauron has asked me to be his queen. And it is only fitting that I consign you to servitude. After all, you're such a pretty elf lord." She laughed maniacally.
"Anything! Anything! All I ask in exchange is a bottle of conditioner!" pleaded Legolas, still curled up on the floor.
Kalina stood up and whipped Sauron across the arse with a riding crop. "You've been a good pony. Now go get dressed and sort out this wrestling thing. I want the respect and fear that I deserve!" Sauron, bit in mouth, issued a muffled submissive response and moved on all fours to an adjoining room. A minute later he returned, dressed again in his black robe.
"I shall see that it is all organized, mistress... What are you staring at elf?" snapped Sauron as Legolas once more hazarded a glance upwards.
"Nothing," said Legolas, quickly averting his gaze. Sauron reached down and grabbed Legolas and pinned him against a wall.
"Nothing, my MASTER. She is to be my queen and you are her servant. Therefore you belong to me now. You are merely yet another of my wretched minions, damned to servitude. Address us properly and I assure you your existence will be much less painful," hissed Sauron. He let go of Legolas who slumped to the floor in terror. The confusion and fear and misery over his hair was too much for him to deal with.
"Yes, my Master," said Legolas blankly, staring hopelessly at Sauron.
"Good." Sauron turned, smirking. It was a good day. He had finally found a woman who could make him happy and the extent of her sadistic fun was already evident in the short time they had spent together. In fact, Sauron was feeling a little confused but in a good way. He'd never had much faith in any form of affection, but there was something about Kalina that made him feel new and unfamiliar feelings brewing in his black heart. He was dimly aware of the fact that he'd happily send an army to slaughter anyone who even looked at her wrong. She made him feel dirty, cheap, and filthy. And there was also the wonderful propaganda advantage of having converted Elrond's own daughter to his side.
Life was suddenly so sweet. He grabbed Kalina and kissed her passionately. "If it's alright with you I have business to attend to. All of the adjoining chambers are yours to move freely in."
"Sounds good. I may take a bath," replied Kalina, returning the kiss and running a hand through Sauron's hair. Legolas was able to glower slightly at this, envious Sauron's hair was currently everything his wasn't. And longer. And Sauron kept looking at Kalina in a way Legolas didn't like, supernatural villain or not.
"Dinner together?" inquired Sauron. The saccharine tones of his voice grated on Legolas's primal nerves.
"Of course. Now go. I'll see you later," said Kalina, pushing Sauron towards the door. The door opened and Sauron departed with a dramatic swish of his robes. "Get up and let's go sort your hair out," said Kalina, becoming a lot less menacing all of a sudden. She offered Legolas a hand and helped him up.