An Elf's Rose

CHAPTER 21


Summer hit L.A. like a ton of bricks that year – record temps and heavy smog. Rose celebrated her nineteenth birthday that July with a huge beach party at a private Malibu club that Sean’s dad belonged to. She invited everyone from the dojo, her new friends from Loyola, and old friends from St. Joe’s, and of course Sean, Marc and Karyn. It lasted all day with volleyball games and sunning and surfing and eating; and well into the night, with guitars and a sing-a-long around a huge bonfire, throats lubricated with the passing of a bottle of wine around the circle, and birthday cake.

Everyone wished her a happy birthday with a hug and a kiss, and some lingered longer than others. Thomas was one of those, though he knew he’d lost her to Sean -- he’d seen the looks they were giving each other – but he was glad she was finally happy again and over that other guy. That jerk had made her miserable for months. He’d known from the beginning that a hot looking guy like that was nothing but trouble. He himself had gotten the courage before the school year was out and told her how he felt about her and she nearly cried.

“I don’t want to lose you as a friend,” she’d told him, her beautiful dark eyes filling with tears. “But I can’t be anything more than that for you.”

He understood, and took it philosophically. He’d wanted to be more than a friend to her, but at least he hadn’t lost her friendship by revealing his feelings. On the bright side, he still got to look at her on a regular basis – and, man, she was something to look at. Aikido had given her slender body muscle definition and she carried herself with confidence and grace. She had let her hair grow long, and spending lots of time with Sean at the beach had given her a golden tan which accentuated her white smile and startling eyes. She was a knock-out. Sean was one lucky guy.

~~~

Rose walked around floating several inches off the ground. She’d finished her freshman year with a 4.0, was entering her fourth level class in Aikido under the tutelage of the master himself, she felt like she was finally entering adulthood and leaving childish things behind, and most importantly, Sean had declared himself to her. He’d wanted to get her a ring, have her move into his condo with him, but she’d told him not yet. There was plenty of time for that. Plenty of time for them to get to know each other better.

“Let’s not rush things,” she’d told him. “I want to concentrate on finishing school. Besides, I can’t live with you. That would be sinful.”

Sean had growled, impatient to get her into his bed, but she was adamant about waiting. “For what?” he’d asked, peeved.

She’d looked at him with those unfathomable eyes. “I have to be ready.”

Sean looked away, hiding his anguish, knowing why. She wants to make sure he’s not coming back.

~~~

Orli sat slumped in a chair in the director’s office, chewing on a cuticle, listening to the man talk.

“—do you see what I mean, my boy? There’s just not anything else we can do for you. It’s up to you now to begin living your life. We must push you out of the nest, so to speak, to force you to fly.”

Orli said nothing. He a g a gnawing fear in his gut.

“I understand that this has been a safe haven for you. But you don’t need us anymore, son. Consider yourself one of our success stories.”

“Where will I go?” he whispered.

“Well…isn’t your father in California?”

“There’s nothing for me there.”

You made sure of that, didn’t you, fool.

“We’ve all got to pick up the pieces of our lives, Orlando. It’s easiest to start from where you know.”

Orli was silent through dinner, barely eating, and sat staring at the wall in the rec room afterwards. Not even Kieran could elicit a smile.

One of the male nurses brought in a handful of envelopes. “Mail call!” he yelled. No one paid any attention.

“Bloom! Letter from the States!” Orli didn’t move. Kieran sighed and went to get if for him. He returned and sat on the arm of the sofa.

“It’s from Sean Christensen,” Kieran read. “In Manhattan Beach, California.”

“I know where he bloody lives,” Orli said roughly, holding his hand out.

Kieran smiled and placed the letter tenderly in his open palm.

Orli ripped it open and unfolded the letter. A photograph fell out. He picked it up and stared at it for a while. It was a picture of Sean with his arm possessively around Rose, sng ong on a beach somewhere. They were surrounded by a bunch of people, some of whom he recognized, grinning like loons into the camera, a big cake with candles on it in front of them.


“Hey Butthead,

“Stop being such a schmuck and write, will ya? Unless, of course, you’ve got a good excuse like they’ve got you in a straight jacket or a padded cell and the only pencil shaped object they’ll let you handle is your own dick.”

Orli grunted in amusement. “Fuck you, wanker.”

“Anyway, I’m not writing this letter to harangue you, but to tell you thanks, man. A big Thanks. If it hadn’t been for you, I wouldn’t have ever met Rose. And if you hadn’t let her go, she and I wouldn’t have gotten together. Well, maybe -- maybe not. But we’ve hit it off, we’re an item, so to speak. It’s really serious, man. I am IN LOVE. Crazy but true. She is just THE BEST. She wants to wait till she finishes school to get married, but hey, she’s worth the wait. Maybe we’ll even invite you.

Love,

Sean

P.S.: Maude’s doing fine too.”


Orli read the letter several times, but the words never changed. He started trembling all over, uncollabllably. Kieran became alarmed.

“Orli? What’s wrong? Bad news?” he asked, putting his hand on his forearm. Orli shot up and ran out of the rec room. Kieran picked up the letter and photo and heard the door slam to the WC in the corridor. He walked out of the rec room, ignoring everyone’s stares. He reached the WC and knocked. “Orli?”

Orli thought he was dying, the pain in his chest was so intense. He gasped and moaned, gagged and choked, holding to the toilet rim in a white-knuckled grip.

~~~

Kieran knew Orli loved this girl. She was the reason he finally started talking in group a few months before. He couldn’t remember what exactly triggered it, but Orli was talking about her and weeping, saying how she deserved someone better that him, someone who was whole and undamaged. How he didn’t think he could ever love her properly because he had been so twisted inside.

It finally all came out, how this horrible man had physically and mentally tortured Orli for months, humiliating and degrading him by making his own body betray him to shameful pleasure in blood and pain. He was made to believe, in his innocence, that this brutality was all there was to be found in the joining of bodies. He had never known love and laughter in a woman’s – or man’s – bed. Only lust and completion.

Kieran looked at the girl in the photo, the shape of her face and her brown curls so like his own. He made a decision.

~~~

Orli had been put to bed with a large dose of Valium. The doctors clucked in dismay at the turn of events caused by the letter. They had all read it and discussed the possible setback the young man might experience. Kieran watched and listened as they talked standing around his bed.

Much later it was lights out and Kieran snuck down the corridor to Orli’s room. He opened the door quietly and slipped in.

~~~

Orli was dreaming of Rose. It was dark and he couldn’t really see her but he felt her weight on him like a caress. They were laying on the chaise in his room in the house in Brentwood and she was kissing him passionately. His hands were weakly clutched in her hair and hers in his and he realized his hair was long again. She broke the kiss and her hands roved up and down his body and he felt nearly paralyzed with lust. He could barely keep his hands on her. It’s the Valium, he thought incoherently. She was licking and biting his lips and she moved downward, mouthing and nipping at the skin of his throat, making him pant and moan in pleasure. She found a sensitive nipple and sucked hard, causing him to harden painfully, arching his back to get closer to her. She switched sides, sucking and biting, tweaking the other with her fingertips. Jesus, where has she been learning this? He thought of Sean, but put the man’s face resolutely out of his mind. She was with him now. She continued downward, her tongue snaking it’s way down his torso, across the tense muscles of his belly. She stopped for a moment to slowly circle his dragon tattoo and then continued. When she put her mouth on his erection, he reared up, crying out. He couldn’t see her face, her hair fell over her brow and it was very dark. The hands he placed on her head trembled.

“Rosie,” he whispered. “Oh god, Rosie.” She was doing an amazing job for someone who’d never done it and he felt a prickle of jealousy. Better not think about it, mate. You haven’t seen her for a while, you know.

He started to feel that surging sensation in his balls and pulled her away roughly from him. “I want to be inside you,” he whispered hoarsely, trying to make it last as long as possible. She moved up his body, kissing and licking him along the way. She positioned herself above his groin, grabbed him tightly and impaled herself.

“Oh God!” Orli moaned, throwing his head back. He gasped and panted, trying to control his body. He took hold of her hips with his weak dream-grip and steadied her as his hips pounded upward. He could hear her whimpers and moans of pleasure and could see her stroking herself in the darkness, body arched backwards, her hand on his thigh to support herself. He couldn’t hold back any longer and exploded inside her.

~~~

He slowly woke to daylight, holding a slender body in his arms. The soft brown curls tickled his nose and he brushed them away with his hand.

Orli froze, a creeping horror slithering up his spine. He looked around his room at the manor and yanked the body away from himself. Kieran blinked sleepily at him and smiled.”Jes”Jesus!” Orli yelled, jumping from the bed as if it were filled with hot coals. He pressed his back and hands against the far wall, breathing heavily and erratically, eyes wide with shock.

“I knew you could do it,” Kieran said softsittsitting up. “I knew you could without thinking of him. You didn’t think of him once, did you?”

Orli could not speak. He made odd choking sounds, his mouth opening and closing like a landed fish. Oh god oh god oh god! What have I done? Did I hurt him? Please don’t let me have hurt him! he thought desperately.

Kieran lowered his long lashes and whispered diffidently, “You don’t know what you’ve done for me, Orli. You’ve made the world a safe place for me again. Showed me I could be strong and still trust. I just wanted to give you something back. Something I knew I could do and that I knew would help you.” He pursed his lips coyly, looking up again. “You don’t hate me, do you?”

Orli slid down the wall, bowed his head between his knees and sobbed. Sobbed with relief and shame and gratitude. He felt Kieran’s small hands on his face, pulling it up to look at him.

“Don’t be sad any more. Now you can go and claim your lady. You know you can love her now, in the best way you can.”

Orli looked at the boy, eyes overflowing with tears and saw only love shining back. He reached out with his arms and the boy fell into the embrace, hugging back tightly.

“I love you, Orli,” he said softly. “I’m going to miss you.”

“I love you too, little one.” Orli replied and kissed his mouth gently. “Thank you.”

~~~

That Labor Day weekend, Manhattan Beach hosted a huge carnival on the pier, with rides, games, live music and lots of sun and surf. Rose and Sean had been on every ride, even the silly kiddy ones, eaten cotton candy, knocked down the pins in one of the arcade games which won Sean a giant blue and white panda bear.

“This damn thing is bigger that Maude,” Sean laughed, perching it on his shoulders like a huge baby. It was nearing twilight and the street lights were going on, sparking his sandy blond hair with gold. She pulled down his head and kissed him thoroughly, surprising him. “Wow. What’s that for?”

“Let’s go back to your place. I’m done with this crowd,” she told him, pressing her body to his. Sean flushed and licked his lips. He gave no complaint.

Rose had made her deon eon earlier that week. He wanted to marry her and he was willing to wait for her. But was she willing to wait any longer? She wanted to erase the last vestiges of the memories of another’s kisses and hands on her body, wanted to replace the pain and wanting with love and desire. She wanted to make Sean hers completely, and wanted him to take her and make her forget herself.

They walked the few blocks to his condo in silence. He made love to her hand with his finger as as they walked. She stroked the silky inside of his elbow and he shuddered. As they neared his building, he turned to her and cupped her face. Rose melted at the look in his eyes and he bent his head down to gently kiss her.

“You won’t regret it, baby,” he whispered. “I promise you it’s going to be great.”

“You don’t have to promise anything. I trust you.”

He took her hand again and as they neared the door to his place they could hear Maude going crazy, whining, barking and scratching at the door from inside.

“What the hell?” Sean said, walking faster. The condo had a small enclosed patio overhung with plants and trees, making a nice private place to sit outside and enjoy the cool weather without being visible to passers-by. Rose had made Sean buy a small bistro set so he could sit out there and smoke and not fill up the condo with it while she was there. They both entered the walled patio, Sean with keys in one hand, panda in the otherightightly freaked out with Maude’s behavior. At the same moment, they both looked over to the man sitting in one of the chairs.

“ -- the fuck!?” Sean breathed.

“Hullo,” Orlando said.

Maude was going insane, throwing herself at the door with such force, it made the windows rattle. Everyone ignored it.

Sean grew beet red in the face. “Well, don’t you have impeccable timing. What the mother fuckinll all are you doing here?”

Orlando said nothing, but shifted his eyes to Rose, who stood like a statue.

Maude had resorted to whining and snorting and sniffing under the door.

She walked up to Orlando and smacked him across the cheek with all her strength, which was considerable, making his head rock back. “You fucking BASTARD!” she hissed, resorting to foul language, she was so enraged. “You have the gall to come waltzing into my life again like nothing ever happened?”

Orlando’s chest heaved with emotion, a fiery red mark on his cheek. “I love you,” he whispered.

“YOU LEFT ME,” she screamed making him flinch violently. A long arm snaked past and and grabbed Orlando by the shirt front, pulling him savagely up out of the chair.

“You’re outta here,” Sean said peremptorily, and punched him in the mouth. Orlando staggered backwards and fell on the path. Maude began barking and snarling, throwing herself at the door again. Sean walked up to him casually and yanked him up again, throwing another punch. Blood flew from Orlando’s face and he promptly fell down. Sean kicked him hard in the stomach and he groaned, trying to crawl away.

“Stop it!” Rose yelled, grabbing Sean’s arm. “Stop it! Are you trying to kill him?!”

Sean looked at her with a bewildered expression, bloodlust having overtaken him. “What?”

s nos not fighting back you idiot! You’re going to kill him!”

Rose went to Orlando and turned him over on his back. He was wheezing and gulping for air. His lip was split and blood was running freely down from his nose. “Orlando, what are you doing? Why are you letting him do this?” she asked, tears streaming down her face.

“I would do the same,” he gasped. He looked at her with immense pain in those storm-cloud eyes. “I love you, Rose. I am a fool.”

She turned away from both of them and wept into her hands. “You’re killing me. You are both KILLING ME!” she sobbed.

Both men moved toward her but it was Sean who reached her first. He gathered her up in his arms and carried her to the door. He clumsily inserted the key and opened it and was nearly bowled over by Maude who made a bee-line for Orlando.

“Christ!” Sean muttered. “You can have your damn dog back, but not the girl.”

He entered the condo and slammed the door shut.

~~~

Maude was hysterically happy to see him, licking his bloody face and jumping around like a jack-in-the-box. He lay crouched face down on the grass, recovering from his beating, protecting himself from Maude’s attentions. He heard a voice asking, “Are you ok? Do you need me to call a doctor? Or the cops maybe?”

He looked up to see a man and woman, pushing a baby stroller, the infant’s wide blue stare peeking from behind the bonnet.

“No. No, I’m ok. Really,” he added, when they looked dubious. “I’ve been worse, believe me.”

“You’re sure? I mean that guy really knocked the stuffing out of you.”

“Yeah, he did. But I’m ok. Honest.” He smiled at them with bloody teeth. “Nothing broken.” .

“Look, if you’re sure…we live over there in number 24. If you need help, just come on over, all right?’

“Thank you. You’re very kind.” Orlando slowly stood up, staggering a bit. He held his stomach with one hand and carefully straightened up all the way. “See? Good as new.”

“Huh,” the man grunted, eyeing him doubtfully. “You’re going to have a hell of a bruise.”

“Bruises . I. It’s my heart I’m worried about.”

~~~

He knocked on the door to the condo, Maude at his heels, wagging her tail frantically. Sean opened it, looked at him briefly and walked away, saying nothing. Rose sat curled up in a corner of the sofa, a sweater around her shoulders. She had been crying, her hand clutching a handkerchief. She followed him with reddened eyes as he entered and took a chair opposite. He’d hastily wiped his bloody face with the front tails of his shirt and it hadn’t made much of an improvement. He looked like he’d been butchering an animal. Sean paced back and forth behind him, rubbing his hands through his hair.

“Rose,” Orli began, and cleared his throat. “I’m so sorry I’ve put you through this. I – I was messed up. I couldn’t think straight when I – I left. I just wanted to get away from the pain. I wanted to run.” He looked down at his hands clasped tightly in his lap. “I was a coward and a fool. But at the same time it was good I went. I think I’m – recovered. And when I got Sean’s letter, it brought me back to my senses.”

Rose looked at Sean. “You wrote him a letter – about us?”

Sean leaned against the doorjamb to the hallway, head against his forearm. “Jesus. That’s gotta be the biggest mistake of my entire life.” He suddenly rounded on Orli, tears in his eyes. “You fuckin’ left her, asshole. Left us both. You broke both our hearts. We loved you and you just walked away without a by-your-leave. Why don’t you just walk away right now leavleave us in peace. We’ve picked up the broken pieces and started a new life without you. In fact, everything was going just great till you showed up.” He turned away and tried to swallow his sobs.

Orli tried to keep breathing past the constriction in his throat and looked up at Rose. She was still looking at him, dark eyes filled with pain. Pain he had put there. Would there be no end to the pain? The pain he would cause others and the pain he would continually feel?

He felt hot tears spill from his lids to burn tracks down his cheeks. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered. “If I could undo it all, I would.”

“It can’t be undone, Orlando. There is no Mount Doom to cast the evil into. And I will never forget. You told me yourself to never forget.” Rose put a hand to the locket at her throat and finally turned away from him.

Orli took a shuddering breath. He got up slowly. “Good-by then, sweet Hobbit. My love goes with you always. Never forget that.” He turned and walked out the door. Maude trailed after him for a moment thookeooked back towards Sean and Rose. She whined as Orli disappeared into the dark then turned back to the sofa and placed her head on Rose’s knee.

~~~

Orli didn’t remember the drive home, amazed he got there in one piece. His father didn’t ask him anything, seeing the look in his eyes and the tear tracks making runnels through the dried blood on his cheeks, as well as the bloody shirt. He went straight to his room and collapsed on the bed, letting the wracking sobs shudder through his entire body.

Oh God, please let this end. Hell must be better than this pain. Why did I come back? How could I have thought she might want me back? What have I done to deserve all this? What kind of horrible person am I?

Orli wept in despair for a long time, oblivious to the small slender form that stood in the doorway, watching with a rancorous pity.