Sex, Drugs, and Orcish Theatre
folder
-Multi-Age › General
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
43
Views:
2,038
Reviews:
4
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
-Multi-Age › General
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
43
Views:
2,038
Reviews:
4
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own the Lord of the Rings (and associated) book series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Not Your Typical Apparition of Evil
Chapter 21
Kalina glared but knew there was little she could do at present to get out of this situation. She was also torn. Sauron was evil, a fact that was established by early childhood throuse ase as a maternal threat to errant children. Or elder-sisterly-threat. Kalina had dim memories of being force fed vegetables by Arwen and being told her soul would be claimed and devoured by the
Dark Lord if she didn't stop spitting them at Arwen's new dress.
However, Arwen had neglected to mention Sauron could manifest as an exceedingly attractive male, despite the unnatural appearance and absent digit. And velvet robes really emphasized his fine arse.
In addi, th, there was curiosity. How bad was this... thing? Or was it just something else that was misunderstood by the older generation. And what was up with this theater business the orc she interrogated had simperedut aut as he watched his own dripping eyeball being waved in front of his intact one?
Kalina sat down, and eyed Sauron suspiciously. "So... what's it like, being universally feared?"
"It's great until you get a bunch of irate humans and elves smashing up your army and dismembering your hand. Is that greasy haired human with you really Isildur's heir?"
"He's alright, leave him alone," said Kalina defensively. Admittedly he was useless at times, but that was beside the point. "And why am I here?"
"My amusement."
"Try Haldir. He's vastly more amusing. Especially when you provoke him."
"Oh don't worry. He's part of it too. You see, I've had an exceedingly dull past few millennia and my devoted underlings ded ded to put on a little theatrical performance for me. Touching, really. And in addition, they've captured you and your little friends to help out. You'll be performing a re-enactment of that last fateful battle except THIS TIME I GET TO WIN!!!" Sauron smashed his fist down on the small side table in triumphant glee.
"So what... you had us all abducted so we can act for you?" asked Kalina, wondering how manyes yes you could get away with doing mushrooms in a month before your brain went severely wrong
"Oh no, no, not acting. I get to kill you!!! On stage! In front of my minions! A fantastic piece of propaganda, I like to think. It'll let my troops know I'm not to be fucked with! And as an added bonus I get to harvest your organs to use in unholy rituals to bring me closer to my former strength." Sauron beamed at Kalina. It was quite obvious he was severely disturbed.
"And you've decided to tell me this because?alinalina's voice had taken on a nervous tone.
"Well, I've had a slight change in plan. You intrigue me. So I've decided to keep you."
"I think I'm flattered. However, if you let me go and throw in the less gay of the two blondes you can keep the rest and you can have Arwen. Although I would be obliged if you could give me more of that Mordor tranquilizer since that would shut her up for longer." Kalina never missed a potential opportunity to dispose of Arwen. And this would give Aragorgreagreat chance to prove his worth in a proper Beren and Luthien inspired melodrama. Assuming she was able to get him out alive. "Oh, and spare the human too. He's adorable in his own pathetic way."
"No! Eurgh! She's so... hideously pure and uptight!" Sauron shuddered at the thought of spending a day around the prissy elf.
"Huzzah, we agree on something," said Kalina. "Okay. How about Galadriel? Celeborn would probably secretly thank you."
"No! Look. I'm not interested in them. I'm interested in someone like YOU," said Sauron pointedly. His eyes darted left and right nervously as he proceeded with an explanation. "You see... I've been feared and obeyed for centuries by my minions. And it's all well and good but well... I'm lonely."
"Uh-huh," said Kalina, not entirely certain she wanted to know where this conversation was going.
"Well, it makes sense. I'm universally feared! Nobody quons ons me, nobody wants to spend much time around me which is great for the most part but there's something missing..." At this point Sauron slid off his chair and shuffled over to Kalina on his knees. Kalina stared blankly, unsure as to what the fuck was taking place in front of her. "I need a strong female. Someone who doesn't fear me. Someone willing to hurt me when I deserve it and punish me because I'm so very evil..." Sauron looked up imploringly at Kalina, the menace of eye eyes gone and replaced with something like canine pleading.
"Uhm... let me get this straight... You want to keep me with you to dispense pain when you've been bad?" asked Kalina cautiously. Sauron nodded enthusiastically.
"I need a strong Mistress. And after all, I DESERVE punishment! Letting those filthy humans and elves overrun my beautiful empire..." Sauron descended into preoccupied angry muttering.
Kalina was momentarily stunned. There was no doubt that Sauron was a vicious bastard. Hell, Elrond had reinforced that quite often in disturbingly violent bedtime stories he had told Kalina. And yet here he was, on his knees, pleading with her for the privilege of having her smack him around on a regular basis.
The temptation was overwhelming. Especially if he stayed in his current particular manifestation. Kalina leaned forward and slapped him hard across the face. "CEASE YOUR MUTTERING! I will not have a man-whore liou aou annoying me."
"THANK YOU! Oh, thank you!" gasped Sauron ecstatically, groveling at Kalina's ankles.
Kalina's eyes glittered with the awareness of her power. Before her simpered Sauron himself, willing to do her bidding. Oh, the potential!
"So I take it this is what you meant?" asked Kalina, leaning back in her chair and pushing Sauron's head up with her boot to look her in the eye.
"Precisely, mistress. Please, stay with me. I need discipline! With it I will be stronger! And once I am strong enough I will take over the world! And you will be my queen!"
Kalina glared but knew there was little she could do at present to get out of this situation. She was also torn. Sauron was evil, a fact that was established by early childhood throuse ase as a maternal threat to errant children. Or elder-sisterly-threat. Kalina had dim memories of being force fed vegetables by Arwen and being told her soul would be claimed and devoured by the
Dark Lord if she didn't stop spitting them at Arwen's new dress.
However, Arwen had neglected to mention Sauron could manifest as an exceedingly attractive male, despite the unnatural appearance and absent digit. And velvet robes really emphasized his fine arse.
In addi, th, there was curiosity. How bad was this... thing? Or was it just something else that was misunderstood by the older generation. And what was up with this theater business the orc she interrogated had simperedut aut as he watched his own dripping eyeball being waved in front of his intact one?
Kalina sat down, and eyed Sauron suspiciously. "So... what's it like, being universally feared?"
"It's great until you get a bunch of irate humans and elves smashing up your army and dismembering your hand. Is that greasy haired human with you really Isildur's heir?"
"He's alright, leave him alone," said Kalina defensively. Admittedly he was useless at times, but that was beside the point. "And why am I here?"
"My amusement."
"Try Haldir. He's vastly more amusing. Especially when you provoke him."
"Oh don't worry. He's part of it too. You see, I've had an exceedingly dull past few millennia and my devoted underlings ded ded to put on a little theatrical performance for me. Touching, really. And in addition, they've captured you and your little friends to help out. You'll be performing a re-enactment of that last fateful battle except THIS TIME I GET TO WIN!!!" Sauron smashed his fist down on the small side table in triumphant glee.
"So what... you had us all abducted so we can act for you?" asked Kalina, wondering how manyes yes you could get away with doing mushrooms in a month before your brain went severely wrong
"Oh no, no, not acting. I get to kill you!!! On stage! In front of my minions! A fantastic piece of propaganda, I like to think. It'll let my troops know I'm not to be fucked with! And as an added bonus I get to harvest your organs to use in unholy rituals to bring me closer to my former strength." Sauron beamed at Kalina. It was quite obvious he was severely disturbed.
"And you've decided to tell me this because?alinalina's voice had taken on a nervous tone.
"Well, I've had a slight change in plan. You intrigue me. So I've decided to keep you."
"I think I'm flattered. However, if you let me go and throw in the less gay of the two blondes you can keep the rest and you can have Arwen. Although I would be obliged if you could give me more of that Mordor tranquilizer since that would shut her up for longer." Kalina never missed a potential opportunity to dispose of Arwen. And this would give Aragorgreagreat chance to prove his worth in a proper Beren and Luthien inspired melodrama. Assuming she was able to get him out alive. "Oh, and spare the human too. He's adorable in his own pathetic way."
"No! Eurgh! She's so... hideously pure and uptight!" Sauron shuddered at the thought of spending a day around the prissy elf.
"Huzzah, we agree on something," said Kalina. "Okay. How about Galadriel? Celeborn would probably secretly thank you."
"No! Look. I'm not interested in them. I'm interested in someone like YOU," said Sauron pointedly. His eyes darted left and right nervously as he proceeded with an explanation. "You see... I've been feared and obeyed for centuries by my minions. And it's all well and good but well... I'm lonely."
"Uh-huh," said Kalina, not entirely certain she wanted to know where this conversation was going.
"Well, it makes sense. I'm universally feared! Nobody quons ons me, nobody wants to spend much time around me which is great for the most part but there's something missing..." At this point Sauron slid off his chair and shuffled over to Kalina on his knees. Kalina stared blankly, unsure as to what the fuck was taking place in front of her. "I need a strong female. Someone who doesn't fear me. Someone willing to hurt me when I deserve it and punish me because I'm so very evil..." Sauron looked up imploringly at Kalina, the menace of eye eyes gone and replaced with something like canine pleading.
"Uhm... let me get this straight... You want to keep me with you to dispense pain when you've been bad?" asked Kalina cautiously. Sauron nodded enthusiastically.
"I need a strong Mistress. And after all, I DESERVE punishment! Letting those filthy humans and elves overrun my beautiful empire..." Sauron descended into preoccupied angry muttering.
Kalina was momentarily stunned. There was no doubt that Sauron was a vicious bastard. Hell, Elrond had reinforced that quite often in disturbingly violent bedtime stories he had told Kalina. And yet here he was, on his knees, pleading with her for the privilege of having her smack him around on a regular basis.
The temptation was overwhelming. Especially if he stayed in his current particular manifestation. Kalina leaned forward and slapped him hard across the face. "CEASE YOUR MUTTERING! I will not have a man-whore liou aou annoying me."
"THANK YOU! Oh, thank you!" gasped Sauron ecstatically, groveling at Kalina's ankles.
Kalina's eyes glittered with the awareness of her power. Before her simpered Sauron himself, willing to do her bidding. Oh, the potential!
"So I take it this is what you meant?" asked Kalina, leaning back in her chair and pushing Sauron's head up with her boot to look her in the eye.
"Precisely, mistress. Please, stay with me. I need discipline! With it I will be stronger! And once I am strong enough I will take over the world! And you will be my queen!"