The Corruption and Degredation of Mary Sue

Chapter 20: Driven into The Arms of an Elf

With Arwen away to bed, Aragorn was starting to get tanked up on an assortment of booze and was smoking a pipe filled with Shire weed. He couldn’t help notice that Kalina was looking exceptionally foxy in her dress and also seemed to be getting on well with Arwen. That was a good sign. Hopefully if the two of them began to spend more time together, some of Kalina’s total lack of inhibition would rub off on her half-sister maybmaybe, just maybe, she’d be willing to indulge in some hot elven pre-marital sex.

Lost in these thoughts, Aragorn failed to notice a less high and more drunk Celebelen approach him.

“Hey there,” she said, her words practically oozing blatant a non-too subtle yearning for his body.

“Uhm… why are you talking to me?” asked Aragorn.

“Because you’re on your own,” purred Celebelen, moving in closer.

“Not for long,” said Aragorn, looking around to find Kalina who had seemingly disappeared. He spotted Haldir who was busy chatting up some random elf maid and quite obviously leering down her cleavage, oblivious to the ranger’s desperate attempts at eye contact or choosing to let him suffer.

“Well, duh! I’m here!” said Celebelen cheerily. “Shall we go for a walk?” she asked. “It’s a beautiful night.”

“Uhm…” Aragorn looked around. Everyone he knew was preoccupied with getting drunk or trying to pull. It occurred to him that there MIGHT be people outside who could help him get out of this hideous situation without making a huge scene. “Yes! Walk! Lets!” said Aragorn, slightly suddenly. He helped himself to a bottle of wine and allowed Celebelen to lead him outside into the garden.

“Aren’t the stars beautiful?” she sighed, trying to press up against the ranger. He tactfully edged away and wondered briefly if anyone would notice if he killed her and disposed of her body in Elrond’s secret garden. The plants would probably appreciate the fertilizer, but then if he upset any of the seedlings the elf lord had just planted then he’d probably join the wretched human in the dirt.

“I dunno. They look like stars to me,” said Aragorn. Admittedly he could get quite sappy about pretty starlit nights, but that was with Arwen who brought out his gooey romantic side.

Celebelen pouted briefly, then snatched at the bottle of wine Aragorn had. He held it above his head.

“Mine!” he snapped, lowering the bottle and clutching it selfishly to his breast.

“But it’s polite to share,” said Celebelen coyly, hoping the ranger got her attempt at a double-entendre.

“Oh fine,” said Aragorn, wanting to shut her up as they wandered through the gardens. In the distance he spotted
someone light a match. He began to head over in that direction and to his relief found Legolas sitting under a tree smoking a joint.

“Thank fuck it’s you!” gasped the elf. “Kalina’s brothers are evil!! They made me give them all the weed I had on me, then started talking casually about what they did to this human they encountered once who had tried chatting up Kalina while they were off on some orc-killing spree. Let’s just say that an unhealthy love of disembowelment seems to run in that family,” muttered Legolas.

“Hi Legolas!” said Celebelen, stepping out from behind Aragorn.

“Maer aduial, uanui adaneth,”* replied Legolas politely. Aragorn tried not to laugh.

“I love it when you speak elvish,” slurred Celebelen, the wine clearly hitting her.

“Of course you do,” replied Aragorn absently, sitting down next to Legolas. “She won’t leave me alone!” he whispered desperately into the elf’s ear. Legolas glanced sidelong at the ranger, a slightly wicked glint emerging in his blue eyes as Celebelen dropped onto the ground in front of them and giggled as she landed in an ungainly fashion.

“You know…” said Celebelen vaguely, trying to focus on the two males as they sat next to each other. “If he was a girl you’d make SUCH a cute couple!” She vaguely gestured at Legolas with the wine bottle. Indignant at such an accusation, Aragorn snatched the bottle away from Celebelen and downed a large amount before passing it on to the elf.

“Well actually…” began Legolas. Aragorn looked at him, momentarily frantic before calming down. Aragorn allowed the elf to slip his slender hand into the human’s own and snuggle a bit closer.

“It’s sort of a big secret, you see,” said Aragorn, playing along with this. He leaned and put his head on the elf’s shoulder and sighed in a mixture of relief and mock romance.

Celebelen’s jaw fell open at this blatant display of male affection. “You mean you’re QUEER?!” she gasped.

“Well, yes, if that’s what you want to call it,” said Legolas. “You see, I USED to be into females, but well… when you’re immortal and attractive you get tired of all the girls throwing themselves at you.”

“Yeah. I’m in the same position and have lots of sympathy from Elrond and his family. Arwen and I have an understanding,” lied Aragorn, kissing Legolas on the cheek softly. The elf reached up and caressed the ranger’s face before returning the kiss on the human’s lips with seemingly genuine affection.

A look of horror crept across Celebelen’s face. Was SHE responsible for driving these exceptionally hot guys to homosexuality? She had never been around ‘gays’ before and even though she liked to think of herself as tolerant, she couldn’t help feeling creeped out. The feeling intensified as Aragorn and Legolas became more enthusiastic in their affection, with plenty of fondling going on between the two of them.

“I think I’m going to go back to the party,” said Celebelen uncertainly. She looked longingly at the bottle of wine which was still half full but was currently wedged between Legolas and Aragorn and decided it was best to abandon it and find another source of booze. Scurrying off into the darkness, she fished out her vial of crack and pipe from her cleavage (if Kalina could carry things around in her cleavage then Celebelen HAD to do it too) and lit up.

“Thank you,” breathed Aragorn gratefully into Legolas’s ear as soon as the wench was out of earshot.

“Anytime,” said Legolas, who’d been meaning to get it off with the human for quite a while but hadn’t found the time or opportunity to do so. He continued to let his hands wander over Aragorn, slowly slipping them inside his shirt.

“Uhm…” said Aragorn, a little unsure. “You don’t have to keep this up if you don’t want to, I think she’s gone.”

“Oh, but I want to,” whispered Legolas, using the same smouldering look that worked so well on fangirls.

“Really?” Aragorn was genuinely flattered.

“Well you ARE an exceptionally pretty human,” said Legolas, smoothing back Aragorn’s hair and toying with his stubble. “And I’ve been wanting to have my way with you for some time now,” he added.

Aragorn was flattered but felt mildly uncertain. However, before he could protest he felt the elf push him backwards onto the soft grass and start undoing his trousers.

“This is all well and good but shouldn’t we… oooh… uhm… go somewhere… Oooh that’s nice… er… private… oh Elendil! Don’t stop! Don’t STOP!!” Aragorn’s words trailed off into gasps of pleasure as the elf brazenly pulled down the human’s trousers, grasping the shaft of his member and flicking his exquisite tongue over the head before finally wrapping his lips around the sizeable human phallus. As Aragorn began to utter a series of incoherent groans, the elf paused briefly.

“I will, of course, expect some kind of physical payment for all this,” he cautioned.

“Anything you want!” gasped Aragorn, desperate for Legolas to continue sucking him off.

“Well, if you’re certain…” replied Legolas, a deviant smirk on his perfect lips evident in the light illumination of the moon and stars.

“Fuck yes!!” moaned Aragorn, desperate for the elf to continue.

Still smirking, Legolas lowered his head and began to work on pleasuring the heir of Elendil.

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Translation: Good evening, hideous human (specifically second race)