Such is life

Billy and Dom finally meet again to talk about their “little problem”.


Disclaimer: All made up.

Author’s notes: I had holidays and thought I’d finally have the time to write some more, but then I had other things to do… If somebody should ask you to make a life-sized man out of wire net run away screaming!! *looks at her hands covered with bloody scratches* It’s no fun!!

22. One soul shared by two bodies


Dom was sitting on a hard wooden chair in a café, tapping his foot nervously on the floor, stirring in his black tea with a spoon in the same rhythm. Sam had asked him to come to the little café, but she was late. Exactly 32 minutes too late. Dom frowned and took his sunglasses off, wiping them clean with the hem of his T-shirt and putting them on again. His eyes were hurting because he hadn’t slept well lately. With a deep sigh Dom combed through his hair with his hand and emptied his cup of tea. He grimaced. The tea was cold.

Dom felt more than saw someone step by the side of his table and assuming it was the waiter he ordered another tea, surprised when he heard a familiar voice answer.

“So that’s why I’m here. You need a personal body slave.”

Dom looked up at Billy. “It’s good to see you,” he simply said. “I’ve missed you.” He fought to keep the trembling out of his voice, his shock to see Billy and not Sam.

“Hi, Dominic.” Billy nodded and surrounded the table, sitting down on the opposite side of Dom, stretching his arms to his side. He was still hung over from the day before, feeling a little sick.

“Ouch.” Dom had flinched when Billy had called him by his full name, but now he flinched even more when he read the slogan on Billy’s T-shirt.

Billy cocked his eyebrows, looking at Dom questioningly. “What?” he asked.

“I don’t mind if you don’t like me,” Dom read aloud. “My target group is intelligent and attractive people.” Dom grimaced. “Ouch. That hurt.”

Billy grinned from one ear to the other. “Oh that… I gather you like my shirt?”

Dom nodded, smiling sadly. I guess I’ve deserved that. Behaving like a total twat and stuff…”

Billy nodded in return. “Yes, you have.”

Dom looked down at the table, picking up tiny sugar crumbles with a wetted finger. “Was it Sam’s idea that you came here?” he asked, still staring at the table.

“Yes. Mad girl came to me and told me to move my Scottish arse to you,” Billy answered. “Perhaps you know yourself why she did that…” he helped.

Dom lifted his head a little, finally meeting Billy’s eyes with his own. “Then I’ll have to thank her for that;” he sighed. There was something strange in Billy’s gaze, something that Dom couldn’t figure out. “I’m sorry about what has happened,” Dom breathed after a while. “I didn’t mean it to happen like that, but…”Dom inhaled deeply. “…but you surprised me and I was confused and when there was Vince I…” Dom shut his mouth. “What I’m trying to say is that I didn’t hurt you intentionally. I never would…” Dom stared nervously at Billy who sat quietly on the other side of the table.

“But yet you did hurt me,” Billy said in a flat voice. “And I’m still aching.”

Feeling a wave of guilt wash all over him, Dom bit his lower lip. “But I was so confused when it happened…”

“It.” Billy spat the word out. “You can’t even say it out loud. It, the kiss.” He took in a shivering breath. “Do you know how much it hurts to confess somebody one’s love and be rejected? And how much more it even hurts when said somebody happens to be your best friend?” Billy’s usually soft green eyes were now looking hard and angry. “You broke my heart, Dominic,” Billy whispered bitterly. “Did you know that?”

Dom flinched. “Billy,” he whimpered. “I really didn’t mean That to happen. I only ever wanted to protect you!” Dom looked deep into Billy’s eyes, an anxious look on his pale face. Why had everything gone so terribly wrong, Dom asked himself.

“From what did you want to protect me?” Billy asked quietly, shutting his eyes. All his muscles were hurting and he terribly needed more alcohol to help forget.

“Myself…” Dom whispered. “I said that I didn’t want to end up hurting you, but apparently I’ve been wrong.” Dom closed his eyes when he felt the first tears form in them. He paused. “I didn’t want to reduce you to something you are not. Mortensen and even Vince were in the end only there to make me forget my pain. I could only do that, because I don’t care about them like I care about you.” Now Dom opened his eyes again and looked directly at Billy. He inhaled deeply. “Never. I care far too much about you to let my pain out on you…”

“But did you ever ask me?” Billy suddenly exclaimed, his anger clearly showing in his words. “Perhaps I wanted to be the one to lessen your pain,” he croaked, fighting the urge to stand up and hit Dom into his face. “What could possibly hurt more than being without you?” Billy whispered and stood up to walk away from the café, wanting to hide the tears that were now streaming down his cheeks.

For a few seconds Dom sat there like frozen, but then he jumped up and ran after Billy, grabbing his friend by his sleeve when he finally reached him. “Billy, wait!” Dom’s whole body was shivering when he fought for the right words to come out. “Please don’t leave me, Billy,” he breathed. “I need you, I…I love you…” Dom croaked weakly, still holding his friend’s arm.

“So you love me?” Billy said softly, his voice thick with tears. “And how can I know that you didn’t just mix up love and friendship? What do you think is love, Dominic?”

Dom stood there staring blankly at his friend. What did Billy mean? What were the right words to make Billy stay?

“Alright,” Billy sighed. “I’ll make it a little easier for you. What is for you the meaning of friendship?” he asked, carefully pulling his arm away from Dom.

“One soul shared by two bodies,” Dom answered without hesitation, frowning as he tried to figure out what goal Billy was trying to achieve.

“Good.” Billy actually smiled, wiping the wetness from his cheeks. “And what is the difference between love and friendship?”

“I don’t know,” Dom replied honestly. “I don’t know…”

“Then,” Billy inhaled deeply. “Then I should give you some time to think about it.” Saying this he turned around and started to walk away from Dom.

“Billy!” Dom cried, his voice sounding shrill. “You cannot just go! Please don’t leave me, I need you so much!” His eyes were filling with tears. “I need you…” he sobbed.

“I don’t think you know what you want,” Billy whispered, sounding terribly sad. “Dominic, I can’t come back to you as long as you don’t know that…” He laughed weakly. “As you said you’re a total mess and I can’t risk being hurt even more…” Billy’s eyes were swimming with tears as he watched Dom’s shaking form, his arms aching to stretch out and hug Dom close to his chest. “I won’t let you break my heart again. I won’t come back to you before you haven’t made up your mind. You have to learn to take control, Dominic. Change whatever you don’t like about your life… Don’t just sit there and mourn over the fact that others don’t change it…”

Billy didn’t look back after he had turned around. He walked straight home before he lay down on his bed, letting the tears flow freely.

Dom didn’t even try to stop Billy. His weak knees gave way and he broke down in the middle of the street, hot tears streaming down his face as sobs were shaking his whole body. He didn’t want to calm down, to stand up. What sense was there in standing up if he had maybe lost Billy forever?


Tbc…


To Scotsrock: Yes, the sentence in the last chap WAS inspired by the Goo Goo Doll's "Iris".
Thanks for everybody's kind reviews so far!