Sex, Drugs, and Orcish Theatre
folder
-Multi-Age › General
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
43
Views:
2,017
Reviews:
4
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
-Multi-Age › General
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
43
Views:
2,017
Reviews:
4
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own the Lord of the Rings (and associated) book series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Cock Slap
Chapter 2
Celeborn was irked. Haldir had seemingly vanished since escorting Legolas earlier. Consequently, Galadriel had been getting Celeborn to do all the last minute crap that needed sorting before the feast. Galadriel had disappeared somewhere, much to Celeborn's relief. Without her around to nag him, he could now slip off and find that useless skiving bastard.
Celeborn headed towards Legolas's, grumbling. He was not in a particularly good mood. He had hoped that through his anti-lesbian movement would restrain his sodding nympho of a wife. Except now by all accounts she had been spending time in the barracks, doing anything from strip teases to hot elven gangbang action, depending on whose rumours you listened to.
Still grumbling, Celeborn approached the guesthouse, and then fell silent. From inside came a noise that combined the occasional quiet whimper and something that sounded like meat being slapped around someone's face. This was followed by dialogue.
"Have you had enough? Or do you deserve more, you snivelling gimp?"
"No, don't stop! Please master!"
Celeborn was certain that the first voice belonged to Legolas but couldn't quite make out the second one. He was also unsure about what was going on inside and he was fairly certain he was happier not knowing.
Then he remembered that he was supposed to go and sort out a stack of accounts before making sure that enough wine had been brought in to the glade where the feast was to be held.
'Fuck that,' thought Haldir. 'This is WHY we keep Haldir hanging around. That and sending him on diplomatic missions with to our gayest allies. And anyway Legolas is a depraved bastard and he's probably having more sex than me so it's not like I'll give a shit if he's getting laid... " His thoughts trailed off into a vague hope that whatever Legolas was up to he might extend an invitation.
Celeborn decisively walked towards the door to the guesthouse and knocked on the door without waiting for a reply.
"Legolas, have you seen Hal... OH SWEET ELBERETH!!!" Celeborn retreated with considerable haste, slamming the door shut. There was of course no way he had just walked in to see the prince of Mirkwood dressed in a burgundy silk brocade dressing gown standing in front of a kneeling and naked Haldir. Nor was Legolas in the process of slapping his considerable hardened member against Haldir's face. And Haldir most definitely did not have an expression of humiliated glee.
It was at this point Celeborn realized that his loins were on metaphoric fire. Looking down he cursed the fucker who thought that it was acceptable to dress anything with potentially embarrassing organs in a flimsy robe.
"For fuck's sake Celeborn!" snapped Legolas, throwing open the door. Celeborn yelped and pulled his cloak around him before turning around to face Legolas. He was still wearing the same dressing gown with the benefit of it now being tied around his waist. "Well?"
"I- I- I was looking for Haldir to go sort out some things for me... But if he's busy just send him along later. Only not too long. Galadriel wants things perfect... Oh dear, I'm babbling. I think I'll be off now..."
"Well bloody well wait until I answer before barging in... Unless, of course, you want in on it..." Legolas stepped forward, successfully bushing his thigh against Celeborn's now exceedingly stiff hard-on lurking under his light cloak.
"I'll... see you at the feast... Talk later. And send Haldir to go check on the wine..." Celeborn scurried down the stairs to the ground and wandered off towards some bushes. Legolas turned and headed inside, fairly certain that the vague rustling in the background was Celeborn indulging in some rampant self abuse.
"Oh shit," said Haldir when Legolas returned. "I completely forgot about sorting the wine!" He was in the process of trying to dress himself hastily.
"Don't worry, I somehow think Celeborn has other things on his mind right now..." replied Legolas. "When does thing start, anyway?"
"An hour or so," replied Haldir, trying to find one of his boots.
"Shit. I probably should have a bath... Unless you're certain Celeborn will behead you, I could do with some assistance..."
"Argh! Don't tempt me!! Celeborn has been in a fucking evil mood recently and keeps threatening me with cleaning out latrines," groaned Haldir.
"Urgh. No, you go. The last thing I want is a faecal-coated slave. I'll see you later," said Legolas, kissing Haldir before he hurried off, swearing profusely.
Celeborn was irked. Haldir had seemingly vanished since escorting Legolas earlier. Consequently, Galadriel had been getting Celeborn to do all the last minute crap that needed sorting before the feast. Galadriel had disappeared somewhere, much to Celeborn's relief. Without her around to nag him, he could now slip off and find that useless skiving bastard.
Celeborn headed towards Legolas's, grumbling. He was not in a particularly good mood. He had hoped that through his anti-lesbian movement would restrain his sodding nympho of a wife. Except now by all accounts she had been spending time in the barracks, doing anything from strip teases to hot elven gangbang action, depending on whose rumours you listened to.
Still grumbling, Celeborn approached the guesthouse, and then fell silent. From inside came a noise that combined the occasional quiet whimper and something that sounded like meat being slapped around someone's face. This was followed by dialogue.
"Have you had enough? Or do you deserve more, you snivelling gimp?"
"No, don't stop! Please master!"
Celeborn was certain that the first voice belonged to Legolas but couldn't quite make out the second one. He was also unsure about what was going on inside and he was fairly certain he was happier not knowing.
Then he remembered that he was supposed to go and sort out a stack of accounts before making sure that enough wine had been brought in to the glade where the feast was to be held.
'Fuck that,' thought Haldir. 'This is WHY we keep Haldir hanging around. That and sending him on diplomatic missions with to our gayest allies. And anyway Legolas is a depraved bastard and he's probably having more sex than me so it's not like I'll give a shit if he's getting laid... " His thoughts trailed off into a vague hope that whatever Legolas was up to he might extend an invitation.
Celeborn decisively walked towards the door to the guesthouse and knocked on the door without waiting for a reply.
"Legolas, have you seen Hal... OH SWEET ELBERETH!!!" Celeborn retreated with considerable haste, slamming the door shut. There was of course no way he had just walked in to see the prince of Mirkwood dressed in a burgundy silk brocade dressing gown standing in front of a kneeling and naked Haldir. Nor was Legolas in the process of slapping his considerable hardened member against Haldir's face. And Haldir most definitely did not have an expression of humiliated glee.
It was at this point Celeborn realized that his loins were on metaphoric fire. Looking down he cursed the fucker who thought that it was acceptable to dress anything with potentially embarrassing organs in a flimsy robe.
"For fuck's sake Celeborn!" snapped Legolas, throwing open the door. Celeborn yelped and pulled his cloak around him before turning around to face Legolas. He was still wearing the same dressing gown with the benefit of it now being tied around his waist. "Well?"
"I- I- I was looking for Haldir to go sort out some things for me... But if he's busy just send him along later. Only not too long. Galadriel wants things perfect... Oh dear, I'm babbling. I think I'll be off now..."
"Well bloody well wait until I answer before barging in... Unless, of course, you want in on it..." Legolas stepped forward, successfully bushing his thigh against Celeborn's now exceedingly stiff hard-on lurking under his light cloak.
"I'll... see you at the feast... Talk later. And send Haldir to go check on the wine..." Celeborn scurried down the stairs to the ground and wandered off towards some bushes. Legolas turned and headed inside, fairly certain that the vague rustling in the background was Celeborn indulging in some rampant self abuse.
"Oh shit," said Haldir when Legolas returned. "I completely forgot about sorting the wine!" He was in the process of trying to dress himself hastily.
"Don't worry, I somehow think Celeborn has other things on his mind right now..." replied Legolas. "When does thing start, anyway?"
"An hour or so," replied Haldir, trying to find one of his boots.
"Shit. I probably should have a bath... Unless you're certain Celeborn will behead you, I could do with some assistance..."
"Argh! Don't tempt me!! Celeborn has been in a fucking evil mood recently and keeps threatening me with cleaning out latrines," groaned Haldir.
"Urgh. No, you go. The last thing I want is a faecal-coated slave. I'll see you later," said Legolas, kissing Haldir before he hurried off, swearing profusely.