The Corruption and Degredation of Mary Sue

Chapter 2: Into the Chamber of the Beast

The human looked around in horror. This was not the elaborate boudoir of an elven princess. This was... well... some kind of cross between Edgar Allen Poe and a medieval arms market. A sinister looking four-poster bed made of wrought iron dominated the majority of the room, a set of shackles still attached to it. Random clothes were strewn around, and a large wooden board with a crudely drawn smug looking blonde elf bastard had clearly been used to practice throwing things at. This was indicated by several throwing axes stuck deep in the wood and a simple but nasty looking dagger stabbed through the forehead of the low-grade sketch.

Celebelen looked aghast. Kalina smiled at her. "I'm sorry, is something wrong?" she asked sweetly. Celebelen nodded faintly.

"This isn't like what I read about! Elves are meant to be beautiful and godlike! They don't have bedrooms like this!"

"Why not?" demanded Kalina, looking around her chamber. "And what's feeding these bizarre preconceptions?"

"Why, I read all about your world back home! Wise and beautiful elves, industrious dwarves, merry hobbits! And I always thought I looked a lot like a princess of Rohan!" added Celebelen optimistically.

"You sicken me," spat Kalina bluntly. "You've obviously read some biased one-sided historic account of us."

"You don't get mentioned," retorted Celebelen, taking this mild form of sacrilege rather personally.

"I'm a new addition and a bastard. Literally. I don't know my mother since her parents were rather pissed off with Daddy for knocking her up so they foisted me on him and packed my mother off far, far away," said Kalina.

"Oh you poor dear! That must have been so hard for you, growing up," sighed Celebelen, tilting her head to the side and clasping her hands in girlish sympathy for Kalina's plight. "Growing up without your mother, an unwanted and neglected child..."

"... being allowed to get away with murder, having a doting extended family trying to ensure I don't fell neglected for missing out on being mothered, born into a high-powered family, access to large amounts of Shire weed. Yes, life is an utter cunt. It really really is," said Kalina sarcastically. Celebelen looked appalled. "What now?" snapped Kalina.

"You swear so much!!"

"Yes, yes, now shut the fuck up before I get annoyed with you," snapped Kalina, hopping onto her bed. Celebelen's lip quivered and tears began to well in her eyes. Here she was, far far away from home in a land she had always dreamed of being in. Except it wasn't what she expected. So far her experience of elves indicated that they were no less dysfunctional than any other family from her timetime, perhaps even more-so. She was such a distance away from her friends and family, her lovely boyfriend who was a quarterback, and her position as class president at her high school. "Oh, what now," groaned Kalina as a droplet trickled down Celebelen cheek.

"I'm so far away from home!! And it's all so intimidating! I don't know what to do! And you obviously hate me!" Celebelen collapsed into a chair then screeched and found she'd sat on a mace that Kalina had draped her cloak on.

"Don't be ridiculous. I haven't spent nearly long enough around you to formulate a deep intrinsic hatred. Right now I'm just suspicious, because I don't trust people who wear pink and says things like 'you poor dear'. Look. How about we try and find you some food and a room for you to stay in," suggested Kalina as Celebelen began whimpering at the furniture, fearful of the room and its entire contents. The last thing she wanted was for this thing to start bawling at her. That was something she could in no way cope with. The kitchen. That would be neutral ground and Kalina decided she'd probably feel less likely to want to rip the girl's head off once they were out of Kalina's territory.

"Yes... I am hungry," conceded Celebelen, relieved at the prospect of getting out of this hellhole. She quickly rubbed her eyes and followed Kalina back into the hallway, breathing a quiet sigh of relief. That awful girl was horrific! All those horrible killing devices! And Celebelen was almost certain there was still some blood on that dagger of hers. A shudder crept through her shoulders as she demurely trailed after Kalina. After a winding journey towards the depths of the house, they arrived at the kitchen.

Wearing a pair of loose-fitting trousers and a half undone shirt, Legolas stood in the kitchen, making himself a sandwich.

"You're up before midday?" he asked, genuinely shocked at Kalina's appearance.

"I passed out soon after you snuck back to your room. Then bitch-face woke me up, accusing me of having stolen her diary. So I maced her," said Kalina happily.

"Well, she was asking for it. She's your sister. She should know better than to knock on your door before midday, let alone enter without consent," agreed Legolas. "And who are you?" he asked, noticing Celebelen. She was staring at him in amazement, awe-struck at the sight of a young elf prince in her presence.

"She turned up in the garden this morning and I'm making sure she gets fed and housed somewhere," said Kalina, finding a freshly made pot of tea and pouring herself a cup. She added about three or four sugars and a hefty dollop of cream, and proceeded to down it.

"Oh my god!! That's like so fattening!" gasped Celebelen, the gratuitous consumption of that much fat breaking her reverie.

"It's what now?" asked Kalina, confused.

"I think it's a mortal thing," said Legolas.

"Oh... that's right, you lot have gimpy metabolisms," said Kalina. Celebelen glared at her for that remark.

"There's nothing wrong with my metabolism! I just like to take care of my body! I don't fill it with crap like alcohol, drugs, and nicotine. Good health just so happens to be a priority of mine," she snapped, angry. Then suddenly something occurred to her. "Oh yeah. You guys don't get fat or ill, do you?"

"Nope. We're perfect," said Legolas, checking out the human. She wasn't too bad looking as far as human girls went. Nothing too special by elven standards, but then Legolas had a thing for corrupting innocent blondes then generally ignoring them for the next plaything that appeared on the scene. This one looked particularly vulnerable. "So how are you finding it here?" he asked. Celebelen looked slightly taken aback at his civil tone, then smiled shyly at him.

"Everything's... different," she said, stepping towards him.

"So where are you from originally?" asked Legolas.

"She concussed herself and the end result appears to be her presence before you right now. Bread? Cheese?" Kalina
proffered several slices of bread and three varieties of cheese at Celebelen.

"Thank you," she replied, gingerly taking the plate from Kalina in case the psycho decided to attack her with it.

"I know that!" snapped Legolas at Kalina. "I'm asking where...uh... what's your name?"

"Celebelen apparently," snorted Kalina. Legolas looked at her, then started to giggle.

"That's what your parents named you?" he inquired.

"Well, no, but I know enough of your world that I decided to give myself one of your names so you would accept me," explained Celebelen.

"Uhm... okay, fair enough." Legolas looked at Kalina who widened her eyes then rolled them in a gesture designed to convey exasperation and confusion.

"So what's your real name then?" demanded Kalina, her hand casually picking up a rather large bread knife that she used to saw dramatically through a loaf of bread.

"Tallulah," replied the girl. Kalina snickered nastily.

"You're right. Stick to Celebelen. It's easier to spell," said Legolas. He then reminded himself that most girls didn't respond to the nastiness he occasionally exuded from hanging around with Kalina. He couldn't help it. Her bitchiness was contagious. "But seriously. I would like to hear about your past. Shall we go to the veranda?" Legolas proffered his elbow to Celebelen who accepted with a nod and a smile.

"I'll go find clothing," said Kalina, certain she knew what Legolas had in mind. She poured herself another cup of tea then padded off back to her bedroom where she promptly passed out on her bed for a couple of hours before waking up again and finally getting dressed.