Cinderella of the BumpNGrind

EOWYN: *returns and sit on edge of chaise longue*

ARWEN: What took you so long?

EOWYN: I, uh, had to go to the bathroom.

ARWEN: *lifts Eowyn's skirt* Had to shave your legs huh? I appreciate the effort.

EOWYN: What! No, I...

ARWEN: Mmm, smooth. Let's keep reading, m'kay?

++Aryante: A Cinderella Story
By: Midnight Rose
A/N: Hey im back! Im so soryr for not updating. ++

ARWEN: We're even sorrier that you did.

++I guess you could say I was lazy. Please forgive me! Also... i like to thank Destinygurl who inspired me to stop being so lazy and work on it. Thanks again Girl! I will read some of your stories!
Okay: This is going to be Ayrante's P.O.V now... Kay?++

EOWYN: And the reason for this is...

ARWEN: Haven't you learned anything from the boys? Don't question the author. Especially one who can't spell her character's name consistently.

++Chapter 2: Aryante's home ++

EOWYN: Hey ma! Aryante's home! She's got a basket full of day dreaming too!

++I walked down the rode with that elf still in mind. ++

ARWEN: Mirkwood public transport is confusing. She's not sure if she walked or rode.

++'Who does he remind me of?' I thought. I walked up to a little cottage that had a straw roof, and the rest was made of
wood. It was surrounded by a small little garden filled with flowers and ts. ts. I took a deep breath and walked in the door and shut it behid me. ++

EOWYN: Does this girl usually just go wandering into random cottages?

ARWEN: Yeah, she's a hooker, remember? Probably door-knocking for extra work.

EOWYN: Ding dong, ding dong calling!

++"Stepmother!" I called
though the house. "Im back."
"Aryante, is that you?" Cried a voice back. ++

EOWYN: What's a voice back?

ARWEN: Whatever's got favourable odds.

EOWYN: *stares blankly*

ARWEN: C'mon, you have horses in Rohan. Don't tell me you didn't get that.

EOWYN: *stares blankly*

++I smiled. That was the voice of my favorite stepsister. Seerefea Rose, ran down the stairs to Aryante and took her basket. ++

ARWEN: See Reefer Rose, cohabitant of Marhash's ganga commune in India. *Nod to Legolas finds love and loses a mitten*

++She had long blonde hair, green eyes and wore a green grown. ++

EOWYN: How nice, she wears natural fibres.

ARWEN: Doesn't even turn them into cloth, just wraps vines around herself in the mornings.

++"How was the market?"
"It was fine," I replied. I looked around. "Where is your mother and your sister?"

"Sleeping." She looked at me. "Aryi, are you all right? You seemed dazed." I shook my head.++

ARWEN: What kind of nickname is Aryi? It doesn't exactly glide off the tongue.

EOWYN: Aryante could be shortened to Ary, Yante, A-Bomb...

ARWEN: Hooker...

EOWYN: Hey You...

++"Sorry, just thinking."

"About what?"

"This elf I met in the market."

"An elf?" I nodded. ++

ARWEN: I know this hasn't been covered, but I assumed that as this story takes place in Mirkwood all the characters would be elves. What is Hey You if she's not an elf?

EOWYN: Maybe she's a cave troll who was adopted at birth.

ARWEN: But Seerefea also seems surprised that Hey You met an elf.

EOWYN: Maybe this is an AU in which Mirkwood has been taken over by cave trolls.

ARWEN: Could be. Let's keep reading and find out.

EOWYN: Do we have to?

ARWEN: *puts down book* There are other things we could do. Did you moisturise after shaving? These feel really nice.

EOWYN: Uh, book. Please.

ARWEN: I'll teach you to say please. But I'll read out a bit more first.

++She opened her mouth and was about to say something, when a shriek came from up stairs. Seerefea and I ran up the stairs into the bedrooms to see
what it was. It was Ethelewen, my other stepsister. There was a squirrel on her bed it had it's head in it's hand, shaking. ++

ARWEN: Kairi Dark/ Midnight Rose tries so hard with those cheeky apostrophes, but misses the mark time after time.

EOWYN: She can't keep her POV straight either. And what kind of name is Ethel Ewan? Is she the offspring of that I Love Lucy character and Mr McGregor?

ARWEN: Y'know I heard he's in the next film.

++"Aryante!" demanded Ethelewen."Get rid of that filthy rodent!" I ran to her bed and picked up the squirrel. I pet it to tell it that I was not going to hurt it. I looked over at
Seerefea and she giggled. "What is so funny Seerefea?!" Seerefea turned around to look at her sister who was on her bed.

"You got scared by a squirrel! A harmless squirrel!" she yelled in between laughs. ++

EOWYN: They're a very vocal family aren't they?

++"Aryante!" looked to the other side of the room and there I saw my step mother, Vana. She walked up to me and gave me her death glare. ++

ARWEN: Argh! Not the death glare! I thought that was outlawed after Sauron was defeated!

++I held the squirrel to my chest and covered it's head. "Take that thing and kill it!"

"No!" I cried back. "It's just a squirrel! It means no harm!" Vana's hand met with my face. My head turned and there was a red hand print on my cheek. ++

ARWEN: If Kairi Dark/ Midnight Rose had written 'Vana slapped me' I could be certain of what just happened. But there is a chance that Vana's hand met with Aryante's face and discussed the political climate in the Middle East.

EOWYN: And then Aryante's head turned, betraying its affair with Vana's hand, because that shade of red is exactly the same as Vana's hand's lipstick. Palmstick.

ARWEN: It's possible.

EOWYN: Anything is.

ARWEN: I'm glad you're open-minded.

EOWYN: Story please.

ARWEN: *growls* There you go using that word again...

++"That will teach you to disobey orders! Now go downstairs and kill it!" She went over to Ethelewen and comforted her. Seerefea gave me an 'im so sorry' look. ++

EOWYN: The antidote to the death glare.

++I shook my head and ran down the stairs. I could hear Seerefea yelling at her Mom, about me. She always did stick up for me. ++

ARWEN: (as Seerefea) You know hooker cave trolls bring in a lot of money from a certain type of fetishist! if you treat her bad she'll leave and then Ethel Ewan and I will have to go turn tricks!

++I walked to the back door and walked into the back yard. It wasn't much, just a few trees here and there. I kneeled down and brought my hands to the ground. The squirrel
jumped out of my hands and looked up at me. It gave a little chip. ++

EOWYN: Chips? I'm hungry.

ARWEN: *eyes closed* Could repeat that last bit so I can imagine it in a different context? OWYNOWYN: *stares blankly*

++"No, I am fine this is nothing," the squirrel chirped sadly. I shook my head, "No! It was not your fault! I should have never disobey her orders." I gave it a little push. "Now
go on, go be with your family" it nodded and ran off. ++

ARWEN: Dr Doolittle is in the house!

EOWYN: *sings* if I could walk with the animals, talk with the animals!

ARWEN: *sings* I want to fuck you like an animal!

EOWYN: *blushes*

++I walked over to our stables and went to the last stall. There was a horse that had a black coat and yellow eyes. I petted it's nose and it gave a small neigh and rubbed her cheek with my red one. ++

EOWYN: (as horse) You slutty cheek! You've been seeing Vana's hand, haven't you? HAVEN'T YOU!

++"Oh don't worry about this. It's nothing." It gave a louder neigh that sounded mad. "No! There's nothing you can do Midnight. Your already on thin ice with Vana." She looked down and neigh. "Don't worry, I promise you, we will be out of here." I gave it one more pet and went back inside to the house. ++

ARWEN: AHA! All the pieces are starting to fall into place. I know what's wrong with this story. It was written by a horse.

EOWYN: Zuh?

ARWEN: The author's name, or one of her names, is Midnight Rose. This horse is called Midnight and it belongs to the Rose family. The horse wrote this story!

EOWYN: So... the horse has Megan locked in a gimp trunk in the basement?

ARWEN: Like I said, anything's possible.

++**Mirkwood Palece**++

ARWEN: I know it well. It's the shanty hut that stands in the shadow of Mirkwood Palace.

++"My Lord! Where have u been?" asked Kaane. "If your parents find out they will be furious."
"I went out to the market. It was great Kaane!" replied Legolas. "I was just an elf, no one treated me like a prince." ++

EOWYN: Despite elves being so rare in Mirkwood since the cave trolls took over.

++"Now, now we must hurry. Your mother and father and want meet you." ++

EOWYN: Maybe Legolas was adopted too? And raised by the cave troll king and queen of Mirkwood? And today for the first time he meets his biological parents.

ARWEN: Is Kaane another prince, or is he just a citizen?

++Kaane helped Legolas change and he went to meet his mother and father in the throne room. He got to the throne and there he saw his father, King Thruiadil, along with his mother, Queen Celebmoth. ++

EOWYN: Are those their real names?

ARWEN: I don't know, I haven't got the books with me. But that is an interesting arrangement of vowels in 'Thruiadil'. I thought Tolkien was a linguistics professor or something.

EOWYN: *giggles* Celebmoth sounds rude.

ARWEN: You think celibacy is ridiculous? Me too.

EOWYN: Read a bit more.

++"You called for me?" asked Legolas.
"Yes, we did," replied his mother. "Legolas, as you know it is almost time for your father and I to head to the Grey Heavens. ++

ARWEN: Slightly north of the Grey Havens.

++Don't you think you should be finding a wife soon?" Legolas groaned.
"Why must we always go over this? When I do marry... I want it to be for love," replied legolas.++

EOWYN: Someone had a video marathon featuring Lord of the Rings and Ever After...

++"Whatever you say dear but, "she got up form her seat and walked over to her son. ++

ARWEN: She was still on her seat because she hadn't been reading Megan's stories, which would have had her off the edge of her seat.

++"But forgot to tell you, I am having a few friends over and they just so happenedly are going to bring there daughters. Surly you would join us and find the maiden of your dreams." ++

ARWEN: Ooo, there's a new phrase! 'They just so happenedly'. See how educational this is, Eowyn?

EOWYN: I'm learning a lot.

ARWEN: And we've only just begun.

EOWYN: I thought this story only had three chapters?

ARWEN: I didn't mean the story.

++"Oh mother! Not another one of your balls!"++

ARWEN: (as Rocky Horror audience) How many balls have you got mother?

EOWYN: (as mother) I've got two...

ARWEN: (as Rocky Horror audience) I've got three!

EOWYN: Do you think Rocky Horror references are relevant in an LOTR MST?

ARWEN: I heard one of the boys do it just today. Trust me.

++"Yes! The invite is already out. You must go to this ball! What would the kingdom say if the prince didn't show up for his own ball?"
"You probably don't want me to interfere-" started Kaaane. He was helping the servants decorate for the ball.++

EOWYN: And drinking heavily, and slurring the spelling of his own name.

++"Probably!" cried The queen and the prince.
"But let me say this, if Legolas goes to this ball tonight, and he doesn't find his love, then he can-" Legolas smiled as he just got the idea.
"Mother I will promise you to come to this ball but, if I don't find her, you will let me find her on my own." She was about to protest when she sighed.
"Very well. If you do not find her tonight, you can look on your own" Legolas hugged his mother and ran off.
"You always did let him get his ways." Said the king coming being his wife.++

ARWEN: I've read plenty of fanfics with people coming together, but never coming being.

++"Oh hush." was her reply
"Do you think he will find his love?" asked the king.
"I am sure of it." Replied his wife. He held out his hand to her and she took it. They walked off.
O Yea! Go Me! I did it! I iwll keep updating sooner! ++

EOWYN: Was that part of the narration? And as this chapter was from Aryante's point of view, surely this is an odd thing for her to say?

ARWEN: I want to know how she magically knew everything that was going on in Mirkwood Palece. The point of first person narration is that the reader only knows what the narrator knows.

EOWYN: Maybe she has a palantir?

ARWEN: Well it is an AU.

EOWYN: We think.

ARWEN: I'm getting tired of all this thinking and talking. Describe to me how you rub lotion into your legs after moisturising.

EOWYN: Hang on, this next chapter's a short one. Can we just do this next bit?

ARWEN: *sigh* And then?

EOWYN: And then we'll, uh, take a break?

ARWEN: Good girl. I knew you'd come round. You read out this next bit, I've got something else to do with my lips.

++Ch3
Okay: I have to say this. Should i continue the story? I mean i hvae been getting alot of reviews about whatt i do bad in. Okay so admit it. Im not good when it comes to knowning about Mirkwood and elfs. But i do my best because i love to write. And im not taking this as a bady. But some of them are right. I do mess up on alot of things. But tell me... should i conutine? It seems very story i wite, somethinf goes wrong. And i am getting sick and tried about saying how bad my writing is. I wnat to impress all of u. But iwth the reveiws im getting, it doesnt seem like im doing a good job. Please! Let me know!
Midnight Rose
P.S: Im sorry if this story isnt good. All my stoires are bad. So im thinking of just not writing my stories anymore. I ll delet all the ones i have. What do u think? And oh yea, im saying this becuase i understand that i dont good.. but i wnat to know what peolpe think about it. ++

EOWYN: I actually have nothing to say about that.

ARWEN : I don't think it needs any commentary at all.

EOWYN: It's beyond MSTing.

ARWEN: Break time?

EOWYN: Well, if you promise not to tell the boys...

ARWEN: Cross my heart and hope to die.

EOWYN: But you're immortal.

ARWEN: *pashes Eowyn to shut her up*