How I Saved Middle Earth

Author Notes:

Hairy – Gimli

Blondie/Gorgeous – Legolas

Scruffy – Aragorn

Beater – term of affection used for an old, well-worn
vehicle

********

It had been another one of those days at
work. You know what I mean, the kind that
makes you just want to bang your head on the wall and drool incessantly.style="mso-spacerun: yes"> To top it all off, it was dark and foggy
when I finally left the office.

“Shit,” I grumbled.
No happy hour for me. Figures.

On the way home, a stupid deer decided it wanted to be a
hood ornament. I swerved to avoid it
and ended up careening off the side of the road and into a ditch.style="mso-spacerun: yes"> Luckily, I was wearing a seatbelt but my
head hit the steering wheel and I blacked out for a few minutes.style="mso-spacerun: yes"> (No airbag).

Shaking, shaking.
Someone was shaking my shoulder.
My forehead ached where it struck the steering wheel.style="mso-spacerun: yes"> I moaned and sat back in the seat trying to
open my eyes.

“What happened?” A male voice asked me.

“Deer,” I mumbled and put my hands on my head trying to
contain the ache.

“Deer?” He asked.

“Yeah, stupid thing ran right out in front of me,” I said,
taking a mental inventory of my physical condition. Nothing seemed to be permanently damaged and I was thankful for
that.

“You call the cops?” I asked, looking at him for the first
time. Damn, he was gorgeous! (Oh, no,
the sun was coming up! How long had I
been here?)

“Cops?” he repeated, looking at me like I was some sort of
alien.

“Yeah, the cops, the police, you know, the sheriff?” I
snapped irritably. (What a dumbass!).

“No cops,” he said.

That was good, anyway.

“Can you help me get my truck back on the road?” I asked and
opened the door to step out and survey the damage to my truck.

Standing next to him was a really hairy midget and it
startled me to see him there. He had
been invisible over the truck door and I almost stepped on him as I got out.

“Sorry, dude,” I said to the hairy guy who eyed me
suspiciously and gave me a wide berth.
I was a bit unsteady on my feet yet.

I looked over my poor old beater. It certainly had been in worse situations.style="mso-spacerun: yes"> Aside from a few new scratches and dents it
seemed to be in good working order. I
checked under the hood to make sure.

The guy and the midget watched me in fascination and jumped
back when I slammed the hood of the truck shut.

“Looks like everything is ok,” I said.style="mso-spacerun: yes"> “Can you guys help me push it back to the
road?”

“Road?” Gorgeous repeated.
Figures. He couldn’t be gorgeous
AND have a brain! That’d be too much
to ask for. What a waste! (Had to be
either stupid or gay with looks like that.
I could have gotten past the weird ear thing but I just don’t do dumb.)

I looked at the hairy guy.
“I take it you’re the brains in this operation?” I asked him.style="mso-spacerun: yes">

He said nothing so I did what any self-reliant independent
girl would do. I put the truck in
neutral and tried to push it myself.

The hairy guy finally got the idea and helped me push the
truck while Blondie wandered off into the nearby woods.

Hairy was surprisingly strong and after a few minutes of
pushing, we got the truck out of the ditch and back on flat ground.style="mso-spacerun: yes">

“Thanks,” I said a bit breathlessly and leaned against the
hood.

I looked around and didn’t recognize anything.style="mso-spacerun: yes"> There wasn’t even a road.style="mso-spacerun: yes"> What the hell happened?style="mso-spacerun: yes"> I wondered and looked down at the hairy
guy. He was just standing there looking
at me with a mixture of curiosity and wonder.