Unreal

Disclaimer: Nope, we don’t own them. Wish we did. This never happened (well, to the best of our knowledge), it’s just a figment of our twisted little imaginations. And we do hope that you enjoy it. :-D

Orlando stumbled out of the elevator, heading to the penthouse Elijah had rented ten minutes later than he’d planned. He’d lingered too long in the shower, trying to wake himself up. He’d already drank three cups of coffee and he still felt really sluggish.

He wore a pair of dark sunglasses and still the sunlight streaming in through the glass walls bothered his eyes as he paused outside the door. He knocked, then waited.

There was a shriek inside the penthouse, and laughter.

“Coming!” Elijah called out. A few minutes later, he opened the door. In the background, Dom, Sean and Billy were all sitting on Liv.

“Hey! Orli!” Elijah exclaimed happily, then embraced the newcomer. “You’re here!”

“Hi Lij,” Orlando said, smiling as he hugged his friend. “Sorry I’m late. Did Dom and Billy leave any food for me?”

Elijah grinned.

“We saved you a plate. Come on in,” he said.

“Help!” Liv croaked as Billy bounced on her back. Fortunately, the couch she was squashed into was pretty soft.

“You’re gonna hurt her,” Viggo insisted.

“Bah, she’s well padded,” John insisted, dropping into Gimli voice for a moment.

Orlando grinned as he stepped into the room. “Hey everybody.” He moved over to the couch, nudging Billy. “C’mon, you wanker, I wanna give Liv a hug.”

“Why don’t I get a hug?” Billy asked with a pout.

“Yeah! Me too!” Dom protested.

“Now this is getting weird,” Sean said as he got off Liv.

“GETTING weird?” Viggo asked, arching a brow.

Orlando chuckled and gave Billy and Dom each a big squeeze. “Happy now?” he teased.

He smiled shyly at Liv, remembering his dream. Oh gosh, he hoped he wasn’t blushing.

Liv smiled at him in the way only she could as she sat up, then got to her feet and threw her arms around his neck.

“How are you?” she asked, then kissed his cheek. “It’s been a while.”

Sean’s cell phone rang, and he got caught up in a conversation about Powerpuff Girls. What? He had kids. These things were important.

Okay, Orlando was definitely blushing now. He could feel it. “I’m good,” he said, brushing his lips across her cheek as he slid his arms around her waist. Sigh, she felt so nice in his arms.

“How’s. . .uh. . .” He frowned slightly as he tried to remember her husband’s name. . .

“Roy,” Liv reminded him with a bit of a laugh. She leaned away from him a little to look him in the eyes, her plentiful lips parted in a smile. “He’s good. Working on something today, or he’d be here. How’s Kate?”

“Roy, right,” he said sheepishly. “Um. . .Kate and I broke up a month ago.”

He licked his lips nervously, his gaze focused on her lips. It would be so easy to kiss her.

Elijah choked on toffeoffee he’d been sipping. Viggo glanced over at him sharply. Billy and Dom started laughing.

“Why don’t we put out some more food, Elijah?” Viggo suggested, herding Elijah into the kitchen.

“Subtle,” he muttered softly as they headed away.

“Shut up,” Elijah responded, still coughing.

Liv’s smile became a bit nervous.

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that,” she said, then chewed on her bottom lip.

Orlando frowned slightly, getting the feeling that the others knew something he didn’t. “It’s okay, Liv,” he said softly. “Kate and I just weren’t meant to be. We’re both Capricorns. We depressed each other too much.”

He blushed, realizing that they were still embracing. Well, he wasn’t going to pull away first.

The room got really quiet.

“Which one’s Blossom?” Sean asked into the phone. “Wait, I thought that was Buttercup, um. . .”

He looked up when he realized no one else was talking.

Liv cleared her throat and pulled away, looking at the floor.

“Well, good to see you anyway, Orli,” she said softly.

“Yeah,” Orlando said shyly as he shoved his hands into his pockets. “Good to see you too.”

Wee, talk about awkward. He glanced at Dom and Billy. Okay, they could start talking at any time.

Dom and Billy looked at each other, then shrugged and rushed Liv again.

“Sean’s on the phone, you sit on her this time, Orli!” Billy exclaimed.

“Oh for Pete’s sake,” John muttered, then got up and headed into the kitchen too.

“What?” Sean asked over Liv’s shrieking. “Look. . .okay sweetie, go watch cartoons. Yes, everyone’s fine. Love you. Bye bye.”

He hung up the phone.

“God, do you guys MIND!?” he exclaimed, throwing his hands up.

“Sorry, Sean,” Orlando said sheepishly. He hadn't expected Dom and Billy to attack Liv again. Jeez. Dorks.

And wow, he still felt a bit sluggish. Man, serious jet lag.

He rubbed the side of his neck idly. “I’m gonna go see ‘bout getting some food,” he muttered.

“There’s food left?” Billy asked. Sean threw a pillow at him, then grinned despite himself.

Orlando grinned. “That’s what I’m going to find out.”

He pointed a finger at Billy. “Be nice to Liv while I’m gone.”

“Sure, we’ll play Powerpuff girls,” Billy said wickedly.

“Sheesh,” Sean muttered, smirking as he shook his head.

“If I scream, you’ll know they’re lying,” Liv said through the hair that had fallen in her face.

Orlando grinned. “Then I’ll rush in to save you,” he said, winking at Liv.

He shook his head, then headed into the kitchen.

The conversation in the kitchen ended abruptly as he entered. Elijah’s eyes were huge.

“There’s food on the table,” Viggo said, nodding to the table in question, then he frowned. “How’re you doing? You look like shit.”

Orlando raised an eyebrow. What had they been talking about before he came in?

“I’m fine, filthy human,” he said, smirking. “Just tired. Jet lag.”

He headed over to the table, helping himself to the assortment of food.

Viggo smirked.

“Ha ha, there’s no lembas, elf boy,” he said, continuing the old joke, without adding the gay stuff. “Get some sleep. You’re gonna disappoint the screaming kids at the premiere.”

He grabbed an apple and started cutting pieces off of it with a knife, then popping them into his mouth. John nudged Elijah, who seemed really nervous suddenly.

“Yeah, I didn’t sleep so well last night,” Orlando said. “Too fucking hot.”

He glanced at Elijah, frowning. “Okay, so I know you guys were talking about me before I came in. What’s up?”

“We were all saying you looked like shit,” Viggo reiterated, trying to dodge the whole thing.

“Mmmm, cheezies. . .” John said. He didn’t even like cheezies, but this was getting awkward.

“Yeah?” Orlando said. “Then how come Lij’s so nervous?”

He paused a bit to eat some of the eggs he’d spooned onto his plate, then shot Elijah a look. “C’mon, spill it.”

“Why are there cheezies out at breakfast, anyway?” John asked, trying to change the subject.

“Andy eats them,” Viggo said.

“Andy’s here?” John asked, looking confused.

“Stuck in traffic,” Viggo answered.

Elijah hurried out of the room past Orlando and down the hall. He was gonna throw up.

Orlando blinked, watching Elijah race out of the room. He glanced back at Viggo and John. “Okay, does somebody want to tell me what the fuck is going on?” he asked. “And don’t dodge the subject this time.”

Mercifully, Liv shrieked in the other room. Billy and Dom were using her as a bench again.

“AHHHH! Dom farted on me!” Liv exclaimed, laughing.

Orlando glared at Viggo and John. “Saved by L he he muttered. “But I’ll get this out of you later.”

He carried his plate into the living room, throwing egg at Billy and Dom. “Hey, don’t you Yanks know how to treat a lady?”

“Oh god, he did fart on her,” Sean muttered, covering his nose. “You guys are worse than my kids.”

Liv made a face as the egg bounced off Billy’s back and hit her in the face.

“Oh! Good for the skin!” Dom exclaimed.

“You guys are so gross!” Liv insisted, laughing anyway.

Orlandockleckled. “Dom and Billy are proof that some people never grow up,” he joked.

Elijah returned from the bathroom looking a bit pale, then made a face as he caught a whiff of the smell.

“God, what is that?” he asked.

“Dom,” Sean and Liv said at the same time.

“You feeling okay, Lij?” Orlando asked, concerned. “You’re not catching a bug, are you?”

“No no, I’m fine,” Elijah insisted. “Just run down. Too much hobbit stuff. Press and junk.”

“Yeah, it’s crazy this time,” Sean agreed. “How many are we in for this time? Four? How many ‘world premieres’ can there be?”

“Something like that,” Orlando said, shrugging as he ate. “I don’t remember.”

He cast a glance at Liv. Sigh, why did she have to be so beautiful?

Liv was finally allowed to sit up and ran a hand through her hair to get it out of her face. She grinned at Orlando, but her expression became curious when she saw the look on his face. . . well, at least the part of his face she could see.

“Why are you still wearing your sunglasses, Orli?” she asked.

“Huh?” he said, blinking. He raised a hand to touch his eyes and realized she was right. He was a dork.

“Oh, I forgot to take them off,” he muttered, removing them and folding them up, sticking them in a pocket. “My eyes were a little sensitive this morning when I woke up anyway.”

He blinked against the brightness of the room. Wow, apparently they were still sensitive.

The shock on the faces of his co-stars at his appearance was obvious.

“What?” he said, feeling self-conscious. Why were they staring at him like that? Did he have a big zit on the end of his nose or something?

“Orli, have you seen. . .” Elijah began, then trailed off, blinking. He motioned him toward the bathroom.

Orlando frowned. “What’s the problem?” he said, heading into the bathroom and glancing at his reflection in the mirror, curious to know what everyone was so alarmed about.

Elijah flicked on the light in the bathroom, revealing the dark circles under Orlando’s eyes, and the pallor of his skin.

“You look half-dead,” Elijah said, looking concerned.

Orlando blinked. “Bugger,” he said, startled by his reflection. He hesitantly touched his cheek and saw his reflection do the same, confirming that yes, what he saw was real. “Bloody hell, no wonder you guys think I look like shit.”

“What happened to you?”jah jah asked, softly, touching Orlando’s arm.

“I don’t know,” Orlando said honestly, glancing at Elijah. “I don’t even remember falling asleep nig night and then I dreamed about that woman. . .”

He frowned, his hand going to his neck, brushing against the two small wounds. “And I woke up feeling like shit.”

“Woman?” Elijah repeated, blinking. “What woman? Orli, tell me the truth, are you on drugs?”

“What?” Orlando said, frowning. “Lij, you know me better than that.”

He shook his head. “I dreamed about a woman. She was standing at the foot of my bed. She was beautiful. Dark hair. Amazing body. She made love to me.”

“Whoa,” Elijah said, blinking. “I never have dreams like that.”

He looked down quickly. Liar.

Orlando grinned. “It was fantastic,” he said, recalling the dream. He wondered if he should tell Elijah what name he’d called the woman.

Then he remembered the bit of pain he’d felt. “Although. . .most people don’t usually feel pain in their dreams, do they?”

“I don’t think so,” Elijah said, shaking hea head. “Why? What was painful?”

“The woman kissed my neck as I. . .er. . .climaxed,” Orlando said. “I felt a brief moment of pain. I didn’t think anything of it at the time because. . .whoo!. . .what a rush.”

Elijah just blinked. He hated the woman in Orlando’s dream.

“That’s weird,” he said.

Orlando nodded. “It gets weirder,” he said. He moved his hand away from his neck and tilted his head to the side so Elijah could see the wounds on his neck. “Noticed those when I took my shower. They weren’t there yesterday.”

“Uhhhh, those look like bites,” Elijah admitted, blinking. “What the hell did you do?”

“What do you mean?” Orlando asked, looking confused. “I didn’t do anything.”

“Well, you’re telling me that some woman in some dream gave you a bite that you woke up with,” Elijah said. “That’s a pretty realisdreadream.”

Orlando frowned. “You think it wasn’t a dream?” he said. “I mean, when she stripped naked and straddled my hips, I said ‘I must be dreaming’ and she said that yeah, I was.”

His eyebrows furrowed together in puzzlement. “But I don’t remember falling asleep.”

“Um, personal question, but were your sheets, um, you know, when you woke up?” Elijah asked. That was a pretty common occurrence in wet dreams. God, he’d know.

He blushed a bit.

“No,” Orlando said, shaking his head. “I was laying on top of them.”

“Fine, so was the ceiling messy? You know what I mean!” Elijah exclaimed, more frustrated than he should be.

“No,” Orlando said, frowning, looking confused. “Okay, so it wasn’t a dream, obviously.”

“So what was it?” Elijah asked. “Come on Orli. You can tell me.”

Orlando shook his head. “I don’t know, Elijah,” he insisted. “I thought it was a dream. She fucking told me it was a dream. I mean, c’mon, it’s not like I’ve ever had a woman just appear out of thin air at the foot of my bed and then fuck me before.”

“Ooookay, can’t say that’s happened to me either,” Elijah said, backing off. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to piss you off.”

Crap, now he was mad at him! Quick! Pathetic hobbit eyes! Blink blink blink!

Orlando felt one corner of his mouth tug upward in a smile. Elijah had the cutest eyes. And they were so blue. . .why hadn’t he noticed how blue they were before?

“I’m sorry too, Lij. I didn’t mean to snap,” he said. “I’m just. . .I can’t shake this weariness. It’s like I haven’t slept in months, but I have.”

“Yeah, you were just screwing some anonymous woman all last night,” Elijah responded, trying not to sound jealous.

Orlando looked at Elijah strangely for a moment. Was that. . .jealousy he heard in his voice?

“Elijah. . .” he said slowly. “You’re not jealous. . .are you?”

Elijah looked incredibly guilty.

“Why would I be jealous?” he asked, looking down quickly.

“Well. . .because I was screwing a very beautiful woman all night long,” Orlando said, catching the guilt on Elijah’s face. “Are you even seeing any, Li, Lij?”

Wow, hey, his eyes were almost the same shade of blue as Liv’s. . .

“Nah, some tabloid took pictures of me grabbing this German girl’s butt a while back,” Elijah said, scratching his neck nervously, still looking at the floor. “I kind of got gun shy after that.”

“Oh,” Orlando said. “Fucking paparazzi. Can’t they just leave us alone?”

He glanced at his reflection in the mirror, groaning. “Fuck, what am I gonna do, Lij? The fans are gonna run from me in terror. I look like something out of a nightmare.”

“Um, make up and really big sunglasses?” Elijah offered with a shrug.

Orlando smiled. “Lij, you’re a genius,” he said, giving him a big hug. “What would I do without you?”

Elijah sighed as he returned the embrace, melting into Orlando’s arms. Time could just stop now. Thanks.

“I missed you,” he said softly before he could stop himself.

“Missed you too,” Orlando said, smiling, totally oblivious to the subtext of Elijah’s words.

A chorus of “Oooooooooooooooh!” came from down the hall. Guess who?

“Hey guys! Hold off on the gay until the cameras are around!” Dom exclaimed, with a grin.

“Guys can hug and not be gay!” Elijah exclaimed, pulling away quickly.

“Yeah, but saying it’s gay is funnier,” Billy insisted.

“And it always makes Lij blush,” Dom agreed.

“Everything makes Lij blush!” Sean called from the other room.

Orlando cleared his throat, blushing a bit himself. “Ha ha, very funny, guys,” he said, sticking his tongue out at Dom and Billy.

He glanced at Elijah hesitantly. Should he tell the others about his so-called ‘dream’?

“You guys can drop character ANY time now,” Viggo said, leaning against the doorway to the kitchen.

“No way!” Billy exclaimed. Of course, he and Dom dropped into the super duper gay ‘I’ll take care of you’ riff, hugging and otherwise carrying on. Viggo rolled his eyes.

“And you say I’m mental,” he said to Elijah.

Elijah grinned in spite of himself. “You are mental. They’re just dorks.”

“Ah, but they’re highly entertaining,” Orlando said, grinning.

He fidgeted, figuring he should probably at least tell Viggo what had happened. Maybe the older man would know something Elijah and he didn’t. At least he knew Viggo would take it seriously and not crack jokes.

“You find everything entertaining,” Elijah pointed out.

“God you guys, we’re going to have to sit through that movie enough as is,” Liv said, climbing up onto the arm of the couch.

“Yeah, but there’s gonna be a lot more crying in this movie,” Orlando said. “Bring lots of tissue. And don’t wear mascara, Liv. Raccoon eyes suck.”

;He covered his mouth with his hand to stifle a yawn, then flopped down on the couch beside Liv.

“Oh god, yes. I hate it when my mascara runs,” Viggo lisped, then smirked. Billy and Dom stopped their horseplay, stared at the older man, then started laughing.

“Well I’ll be damned, that shut them up for five seconds,” Sean marveled.

“Oh you’re such a grouch,” Liv said, swatting at him.

Elijah grinned in spite of himself.

Orlando cracked up laughing. God, he hadn’t realized how much he’d missed his castmates. “We need to get together more often, you guys,” he said. “I’ve really missed this.”

“You’re the one that’s impossible to nail down,” Elijah said. Of course, Billy pounced on that one.

“Yeah Orli! We ALL wanna nail ya! OH MY GOD HE HAS SUCH GORGEOUS EYES!”

He collapsed on the ground. Dom cracked up.

“Speak for yourself. I’m married,” Sean insisted.

“Me too!” Liv chimed in playfully.

Viggo just rolled his eyes: Billy worked really hard at being stupid.

“God, why does everything turn into a gay thing with those guys?” Elijah muttered.

Orlando tried really hard not to flinch. Like he needed any reminding that Liv was married.

“You can nail me anytime, Billy,” he said flirtatiously as he batted his eyelashes playfully. “You know which room I’m staying in, stud.”

He grinned at Elijah. “It’s an obsession, mate.”

Elijah frowned. No fair! He was flirting with Billy.

“That’s it, you’re on your own now,” Viggo said, giving up. He went back into the kitchen.

Liv turned on the TV and started flipping channels, then yawned. The jet lag was hitting all of them pretty hard.

Orlando frowned, watching Viggo head back into the kitchen. What did he mean by his comment? Who was on their own? Huh?

He was so confused.

He leaned his head back against the couch, slumping down and stretching his legs out. He wanted nothing more than to curl up in bed and go to sleep. He yawned, rubbing his neck.

“Yeah, so. . .” he said awkwardly.

“Gosh, I need a nap,” Liv admitted, stretching. Dom peeked over the back of the couch to try to see down her shirt.

“Naps wouldn’t be a bad idea,” Elijah admitted. “Twenty-one hour flights are brutal.”

“Naps are a very good idea,” Orlando muttered. “Heeeey, does this penthouse have one of those really big beds that, like, twelve people can sleep in at once?”

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeah, snuggle with Liv! Who cared that she was married? Ol’ what’s-his-name wasn’t there and it was just snuggling, right? What was the harm?

“Puppy pile on the couch!” Dom exclaimed, leaping over the back of it and landing next to Liv.

“Well, I’m going to go wander around town for a bit,” Viggo announced as he headed out of the kitchen toward the front door. “I’m going stir crazy. John’s asleep in the kitchen, by the way. Try to keep it down.”

The phone rang, and Billy grabbed it.

“Hello?” he said. “Hey Miranda! Did you just get in?! Oh, Ian was on the same flight?! Cool! Well, we’re all up in the penthouse if you wanna come hang out. . . Oh. Yeah. Yeah, we’re kinda crashing too. At least Orli and Liv are.”

He looked up. “Miranda says hi, guys.”

Sean stifled a yawn as well. “Hi.”

"Hi!" Orlando called, forgetting John was asleep in the kitchen. He winced as he remembered.

“Oops. . .” he whispered, looking sheepish.

“Tell her she’s invited to join our puppy pile on the couch,” he said as he kicked off his shoes and stretched out across Dom and Liv. Oh look, his head was conveniently in her lap.

“Comfy?” Liv asked, giggling. She brushed some of Orlando’s hair away from his face.

“Mmm, very,” he muttered sleepily, smiling up at her. “You don’t mind, do you?”

“Hey Viggo! Wait up!” Elijah called out suddenly, hurrying for the door.

“You’re going out, Lij?” Sean asked.

“Yeah, uh, I think Viggo’s gonna check out this art exhibit I wanted to see,” Elijah said quickly.

“Okay, well, if things are breaking up, I’m gonna go take a nap,” Sean announced, heading out the door behind Elijah. “See you guys later.”

Orlando raised his head, glancing at Elijah curiously. Since when had he been interested in the same art exhibits as Viggo?

“See you guys later,” he said.

“They’ve been hanging out a lot,” Billy said, sitting on the arm of the couch. “Hey, how come Orli gets your lap, Liv?”

“Because he can behave,” Liv rndednded, then grinned, chewing on her lower lip.

“‘Cause she likes me better than yoooooooooooou,” Orlando said in a little kid’s voice as he stuck his tongue out at Billy. Yowza, he must be really tired.

He sighed, scrubbing his hand over his face. “Okay, so do one of you want to tell me what the fuck is going on? Because I feel like I’m missing a page of the script. What’s up with Lij?”

“I don’t know. He was fine before you got here,” Dom insisted, then pokedOrlaOrlando’s hip, since it was right in front of him.

Orlando frowned, then glanced at Liv, then Billy. “Either of you know anything?”

“I don’t know, maybe he’s upset that he busted his ass on these movies harder than any of us, but you’re the one that’s getting all the attention,” Billy suggested.

“That doesn’t sound like Lij,” Liv said, making a perplexed face.

Orlando shook his head. “No, there’s something else bothering him,” he muttered. “Viggo knows. He’s got to. When I went into the kitchen earlier, whatever conversation they’d been having stopped. Then Elijah got really nervous when I asked what they’d been saying about me and that’s when he ran to the bathroom.”

He sighed, letting his head drop back into Liv’s lap. “I dunno. I’m too tired for puzzles.”

He rubbed his neck idly, closing his eyes.

“Yeah, there’s plenty of time for awkward situations tonight,” Dom agreed.

Liv yawned again.

“I’m tired, guys,” she admitted.

“Shall we move this puppy pile to the bedroom, where it’s a little more comfortable?” Orlando suggested.

Liv glanced down at him indecisively for a moment. If it were anyone else, she’d be suspicious.

Dom and Billy looked at each other.

“That’s my cue to leave,” Billy said, getting up quickly. Dom wriggled out from under Orlando’s legs.

Liv looked around quickly, now a little nervous. Now SHE was the one who felt like she was missing a page of the script.

Orlando rolled his eyes. “Fine, be that way,” he said. “You’ll miss out on the opportunity to snuggle with the one and only Orli. Besides, it’s not like I’m gonna molest ya. Too tired.”

As if to prove his point, he gave a mighty yawn, then stood up and stumbled toward the hall.

The look on Liv’s face was one of pure confusion. What had just happened?

God, why did her life have to be so DRAMATIC!

There came a loud thump from down the hall.

“Ow,” Orlando mumbled. The wall had attacked him! He glanced over his shoulder. Had they seen it?! It had just gotten right in his path.

Either that or he was waaaaaaaaaaaay more tired than he thought.
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