Love Story

Pairing: SB/OB mostly. SB/KU and OB/secret person

Rating: I dunno, R maybe.

Summary: See part 1

Notes: This is for Tamsin and her preoccupation with Orli puking in the toilet bowl. Thank you for putting that image in my mind. Argh… lol! And yeah, I don’t know exactly when Orli shaved his head. But I’ll just mess around with it for a while, ok?

Beta-Readers: Tamsin and Haleth

Feedback: Yes yes! Please! the more reviews, the faster i'll put up my sequel.

Notes: Single quotation marks depicts thoughts. '...'


Love Story Part 2 out of 2
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I remembered every detail of that night. Remembered looking at Sean, kneeling before Karl, naked and sweaty. Remembered looking at Karl. Remembered looking at his jeans pooling at his feet while Sean tongued Karl’s erection; Sean’s tongue sliding up and down the rigid length. Remembered watching. Just watching. Karl’s hips pumping into Sean’s mouth, Karl’s head tossed back and his lips parted in a silent cry of pleasure.

I stood there still, as if in a trance like some fucking voyeur getting a kick out of watching his lover screw another guy. Stood there as Karl drew out his cock, hard, wet and glistening with pre-cum, from Sean’s mouth. Watched that closed expression on Sean’s face. Watched Sean being pushed onto the bed. Watched Sean not resisting, his eyes fluttering close as he allowed Karl to fuck him. Heard him gave a choked groan as Karl’s hair-roughened belly rubbed against his cock.

And I knew then that he had forgotten me. In just a single moment, a new chapter of my Love Story was written, its plot been taken into a totally different, most unpredictable path – and my world came crashing down on my head.

So I reacted in the only way I knew how.

I ran.

I ran back to my room, stumbling in the dark towards my bathroom and threw up what little was left of the dinner. It seemed to go on forever. The retching. The shaking. And I puked until I had nothing left to throw up. Nothing left to eject from my body. Nothing.

Jesus, but it hurts. Nothing. All that we had shared was reduced to that. Nothing. All the love he claimed he had for me. They were all nothing to him. He didn’t love me. And something in me shattered then, the pain too unbearable to describe. Too unbearable to bear. I was in pieces and no one was here to pick me up. Sean wasn’t here to pick up the pieces. Sean wasn’t here because he was with Karl.

So I lay right where I was, in the bathroom. Lost in the darkness that enveloped me. Lost because I not longer had my star to guide me and I had shattered into a million pieces, tiny pieces of me lost in the space of time. Disappearing into that emptiness of space.

My star was gone. Sean was gone. I had lost him. To Karl. I felt sick r dow down to the very pit of my stomach. I wanted to die then. To fade away into nothingness. To disappear into thin air, as if I had never existed. But mostly I wanted to forget what I had seen. Sean and Karl. Fucking in the very bed where Sean had whispered those four words into my ear.

‘I love you, Orli.’

And all I could do then was to lie there on the cold floor for a long time. Seconds dragging into minutes and minutes bleeding into hours until finally I heard the door knob turn and Senteentered my room. I heard him curse when he saw that I wasn’t in bed. Heard the flick of the light switch then winced as the light seemed to stab right into my eyes.

“Jesus, Orli! What are you doing?” he cried, his voice tight with strain. I hated him then. I hated him when he knelt by my side, trying to take me into his arms. Hated him with every fibre of my being because he stank of Karl. Polluted our love, my caresses and his skin with Karl.

“Fuck off!” I said. I pushed him away and fled to the far corner of the bathroom, crawling on my hands and knees like some fucking lowlife.

‘Go away, Sean. Go away before I beg you stay,’ I thought, fighting him off as he tried to hold me. As he tried to comfort me. God help me, but I couldn’t bring myself to touch him. Couldn’t bring myself to erase the memory of Karl fucking Sean. Of Sean just lying upon the bed, eyes closed, accepting the fuck. Couldn’t erase the very thought of Sean coming in Karl’s arms.

“Damn it, Orli. What’s wrong with you?” he snapped, grabbing hold of my shoulders. Shaking me now. Shaking me so hard I thought my fucking head was going to fall off.

“Don’t touch me,” I snarled. Anger. Anger was good. Anger made you forget that you were betrayed. That you were made a fool of. Lied to.

I ed hed him then. Put my whole weight behind my hands and shoved him backwards. Saw him fell, the back of his head hitting the bathtub. Felt my blood run cold. And despite everything that I’d seen – despite everything that he had done to me – I rushed to his side, cradled him in my arms a lay lay there, dazed and in pain.

“Christ, I’m sorry, Sean. So sorry,” I whispered, chest heaving and heart banging away. I think I cried then. I can’t really remember. Or was it Sean who cried? It probably doesn’t matter. And it didn’t matter then.

“Orli,” he murmured, struggling to stand up. And he looked right at me – right into my eyes. And he knew. Just knew by looking into my eyes that I knew. That I had seen him. Seen him and Karl. Together. I saw his eyes lowering to hide his shame. Heard him swallow. Watched him look away.

“Orli,” he said again, closing his eyes now. Shaking. Sean was shaking now. Shaking so hard I could hear his breath rattling in his chest.

“I can forget it, Sean. Please. Just don’t leave,” I whispered back, disoriented from the sudden turn my emotions had taken. A moment of fright, the cold fear of watching myself hurt Sean as much as he had hurt me, was all it took to make me want him again

And then, I felt him slipping away behind a mask. Saw the shadow passing across his face. Felt that damning distance that he put between us even as he was lying in my arms.

I clung to him. Unwilling to let him go.

“Please. Don’t leave. Stay. Please,” I begged. I fucking begged him that night. All my pride and dignity forgotten. Just wanted him to stay. Wanted him to choose me over Karl.

I would have done anything for him. Will still do anything for him, come to think about it. All I wanted was for him to stop seeing Karl. To stay with me and love me as much as I loved him.

But Sean looked away. Didn’t say a word.

And when he did speak again, it was as if he had physically reached into my heart and crushed it with his bare hands.

He cupped my face, looked at me in the eye again. And I looked back into those sad green depths. There was so much pain. So much sorrow… and so many secrets. And in that instant we became strangers. Just like that.

“You will be okay, Orlando,” he began, his voice shaking, belying the calm tones he used. So cold. So distant.

And just tha that, I seemed to hear the unspoken words beneath that sentence.

‘I don’t love you the way you think I do.’

“Why Sean?” I asked and said nothing more. Tears do that to you. Choke you. Rob you of words. And I was crying so hard I couldn’t speak. Couldn’t say a word.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” he said, his voice hushed and his eyes clenched shut. He pressed his forehead against mine, stroking my face now.

He struggled to stand up and then pulled me with him. Led me towards the bed and pushed me onto the mattress. I lay there, wondering if he would stay. Hoping with all my heart that he would. But he sat at the edge of the bed, his back turned towards me as he cradled his head between his hands, fingers gripping onto his own hair, knuckles bleeding white.

There was silence between us. And then…

“I can’t,” he choked out. “I can’t, Orli. Can’t do this anymore.”

“Stay, Sean. Please,” I said then. Kept saying it over an over. Crawled up towards him. Wrapped my arms around him. Pressed my cheek against those strong, tense shoulders. Turned him around to face me. And the look on his face… Jesus…. the look on his face was a blank, nothing written upon in. No tenderness, no concern.

No love.

Nothing.

“I have to go,” he said simply, the expression in his eyes closed and shuttered.

“Don’t do this, Sean,” I said as my vision blurred, my entire world turned upside down. And I realized one thing – that our love had been nothing but an illusion.

“I have to. Karl…” he said. He bit his lips to stop from saying more and was silent. But I understood. He had made his choice.

And so I let go of him. Allowed the distance between us to grow. Allowed the coldness to seep through my bones and manifest itself upon my face. Allowed that very name to destroy what we had together.

Sean stood up. Turned to look at me.

“You’ll find someone else Orlando,” he murmured. His eyes totally devoid of emotions now. And I stared back at him.

“Maybe I will.”

With that he walked away and closed the door behind him. Closed the door on our relationship. And when he walked away, he didn’t even look back and for that I was grateful because he didn’t see me cry. Didn’t see me fall apart all over again.

‘You’ll find someone else, Orlando.’

‘Maybe I will,’ my heart said, ‘but it wouldn’t be the same.’

**********

I was a dead man. Only going through the motions of everyday life, because I was dead. Dead because I couldn’t think, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat. I wasn’t alive, merely existed, running through the motions of my life, lost and alone. Because Sean had left me.

The pain. Jesus Christ. You will never know its extent. The pain drove through my heart until I couldn’t breathe. And just when I thought that I had gotten over Sean, I’d see Karl pressing a secret kiss upon Sean's lips and it’d make me feel all over again.

I watched them from a distance. Saw Karl grew bolder each day. Watched him walking proudly next to Sean. Holding his hand. Brushing against his thighs. And I ached inside. Because I realized that I could never do that to Sean ever again.

Sean didn’t come to my room again after that night. He didn’t even go to his room. I d rud rumours of them sleeping in Karl’s apartment. Heard the hobbits laughing and speaking in innuendoes whenever Sean arrived on the set looking tired and Karl equally so. I heard Ian suggesting that Sean and Karl should lay off one another for a while so that they wouldn’t be so exhausted when they needed to work.

With that, I hurt all over again – because Sean hadn’t been proud enough of me to tell the others of our relationship.

I wondered what it was that I did wrong. Was I too unattractive? Too passive? Did he like to be taken the way Karl took him? Did Karl love him more than I loved Sean? Did Sean love Karl more then he had loved me? Had Sean ever loved me at all? Even for a minute? For a second?

Slowly, I grew mad. Shaved my fucking hair off because there was no Sean to run his fingers through it. Flirted with everyone of the cast because there was no Sean to flirt with. Got high on whatever I could because there was no Sean to get high on. Can you feel it? Can you feel what I feel? My pain, my anger and my loneliness? I know you can and I know that you are the only real friend that I have ever had. That I ever will have.

I called him on his cell phone every night. Desperate to talk to him. Needing to hear his voice. But he never answered. Never spoke to me. Not even to say hello. But you were there for me. Helped me pick up the pieces of my life.

So I allowed you to take me that one night and several nights after that. Allowed you to make love to me like Sean used to. And I needed it. Craved for it even. I needed to be touched, to be told how beautiful I looked as Legolas – as Orli. I needed to be told the things that Sean once told me. If only for a minute. If only for a second.

And I loved you for it. Loved you for being my friend. And yet… yet when you left in the morning to get on the set, I was lonesome again. I started to remember all those nights when Sean held me in his arms. Remembered the wet sexy kisses Sean pressed upon my neck when he woke up next to me, his cock hard and ready to lose himself in me. And the emptiness just overwhelmed me. Choked me. I couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t face the emptiness of my bed all alone.

I crept out of my room that morning and walked down the corridor. I knew Sean wasn’t in there. I knew that he was with Karl. That he belonged to Karl and Karl belonged to him. But I couldn’t help it. I broke into his room and stood in the middle of it. Closed my eyes and let memories whisper to me. Let memories wash over me, cleansing me of all the bitterness that I carried in my very soul.

“I love you, Orli,” whispered the shadows.

“No regrets?” breathed the wind.

“Don’t leave,” cried the sun rays.

I went straight to his cupboard, took out his favourite black sweater and curled up on the bed, burying my face into Sean’s scent. I tried to remember what Sean smelt like after a shower. How Sean smelled like after making love to me. Jesus. I thought that if I couldn’t touch him, couldn’t hear his voice, couldn’t even bear to look at him, couldn’t taste him, all that was left was just that. His smell. And that was enough for me. Just to be able to smell him.

And I just stayed where I was, refusing to move. Refusing to do anything but lose myself in the memories of Sean. Lose myself in his scent. Lose myself in the memories of something that had been but somehow never was. And against all odds, I fell asleep.

I must have slept for a long time. It had been days since I had last gotten real rest and when I woke up, it was dark. And I felt him. Felt that loathsome presence in the corner of the room. Sensed that smile upon his face. And I sat up, hiding Sean’s sweater behind my back and turned towards Karl who was sitting quietly on a chair, just looking at me. Watching me sleep in the very bed where he’d fucked Sean.

“How are you, Orlando?” he asked conversationally.

“Where’s Sean, Karl?”

“You still haven’t got it, have you?”

“Where’s Sean, damn it!”

“Have you ever wondered how he feels like beneath you?”

“Where’s Sean!”

“But you never did fuck him did you? Because he’s the one always doing the fucking…”

“Fuck you!”

I flew at him. Wanted to hurt him as much as he hurt me. Rained blows upon him. Or attempted to. I was weak and he easily held me off. Laughed in my face. He was strong. He grabbed my arm and twisted it around my back, holding me captive until I stopped trying to hit him. I lay on the floor, my cheek pressed against the carpet. Too tired now. I just wanted to go back to Sean’s bed and dream again.

“He doesn’t want you anymore, Orlando. He never did. Why can’t you just accept that?” Karl said, his voice suddenly hushed, lacing with something akin to pity.

A pause.

“You should just give it up. There’s someone else who wants you. Probably had you already, if I can trust what people are telling me. So why don’t you just give Sean up?” he said.

“I love him, Karl.” I croaked out, utterly miserable now. Let Sean go, I thought. Just let him go. Because you can have anyone you want while I only wanted Sean. Just Sean. Jesus, I didn’t ask for much. I just wanted Sean. Only him.

“And I love him too.”

“Sex is not love, Karl!”

“Karl?”

I looked up and saw Sean at the doorway, his face pale as he looked at me being pinned to the floor. And for that moment, I just stared at him. Hungrily looked at that face that I loved so much. Memorizing his features. Loving every inch of his face, even those tiny crinkles at the corners of his eyes that show up whenever he smiled.

But Sean wasn’t smiling then. He looked positively shocked and even frightened. He strode into the room, straight to his dresser and took an envelope out from the drawer. His eyes met Karl’s and Karl’s met his. And I looked at the exchange, feeling like the outsider that I was.

“Let him go, Karl,” Sean said, his voice flat and his eyes narrowed.

Karl did as he was told and I scrambled back to the bed, bumping against furniture in the dark and grabbed the sweater on the bed, hugging it to my chest. I watched Karl leaning towards Sean, kissing him on the lips while Sean stood still and stiff as a rod. And then it struck me. Hard.

Something was wrong. Something was wrong in the way Sean just stood there and let Karl kiss him like that. Because when I kissed Sean, he had always kissed back. And somehow I knew then that Sean wasn’t in love with Karl. I could feel it in my heart. In my very skin and bones.

“You don’t love him, Sean. I know. I can see it,” I said, my voice quiet, hands fisting into the material of the sweater now.

Karl started towards me, hand rising to strike me. Sean held him back, eyes snapping with anger as he glared into Karl’s face.

“Let him go, Karl. You’ve got me, haven’t you? It’s what you want.”

“You don’t love him, Sean!”

“Let’s get out of here, Karl. Leave him be.”

“You don’t love him! Why are you doing this?!”

“It’s not the deal, Karl. He wasn’t part of the deal. Now back off.”

Karl hesitated and I looked upon them, bewildered.

I didn’t understand it. Days and nights after that, I still couldn’t not understand it. But I knew at that moment when I saw them leaving the room together… I knew when I saw Sean pause for the barest of an instance, for a moment, for a second… saw him turn around and look at me… into my eyes… I knew that he doesn’t love Karl. That he still loved me.

I know it now. I know it and I regret not fighting hard enough to make him stay with me. I am regretting it, every day that I allowed Karl to somehow take Sean away from me. I know it, Vig and I need you to help me get him back. Help me get Sean back.

He’ll be leaving tomorrow. Going back to Eng. Le. Leaving all of us. And I don’t want him to leave without telling me that somehow, in some way, he still loves me.

Help me, Viggo. Help me talk to him. I can't, because Karl is always with him, watching me like an overgrown bird of prey. Help me complete my Love Story. Help me write the ending for us. Tell him that Orli – his Orli – recorded this message, asking you to ask him to come back to me.

Tell him that before leaving, all he have to do is to whisper in my ear those four words that create a whole knew world for me. For us.

And I will wait for the day that we would meet and be together once more as we had been before.

The End

To be continued in the sequel “When tomorrow comes”... hear Sean's side of the story!