Sex, Drugs, and Orcish Theatre
folder
-Multi-Age › General
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
43
Views:
2,037
Reviews:
4
Recommended:
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Currently Reading:
0
Category:
-Multi-Age › General
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
43
Views:
2,037
Reviews:
4
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own the Lord of the Rings (and associated) book series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Manifestation of Sauron
Chapter 20
"Uhm... this way?" suggested Aragorn, pointing left.
"I think so..." said Haldir uncertainly.
"Damn. We're lost already," sighed Legolas.
"Are not! Left it is!!" declared Aragorn, wanting to seem competent and worthy of leadership. He herded them down the corridor until they came to a door.
"Do you remember walking through any doors?" Kalina asked. Aside from being high earlier, she had been too intent on her wrath at being captured to pay much attention to their surroundings.
"Of course we did!" snapped Aragorn, pushing the door open. It creaked as it swung inwards and revealed a dark but beautifully furnished living room. "Or maybe not," Aragorn amended, looking appreciatively at the elegantly carved high backed ebony chairs that surrounded a massive fireplace.
"I have a bad feeling about this," said Legolas.
"As you should." The voice echoed around the room. The party looked at each other nervously then swore profusely as a collective as a blinding light flashed in front of them and something manifested. From the illumination stepped a creature that looked like a male elf except his skin was jet black as if scorched through intense heat. His eyes flickered, a strange flame red color. He was clad in a black velvet robe with red embroidery around the sleeves and hem in strange arcane symbols. His hair was an even deeper black than his skin, if that was possible, and he appeared perfect by every standard of elven beauty.
Perfect, except for his left hand, which appeared to be missing the ring finger.
"Oh shit," groaned Galadriel, recognizing the eyes.
"My Lady. It's been far too long," said the being, bowing politely.
"Uhm... who are you?" asked Aragorn. Haldir kicked him, looking furious.
"He's the reason you're running around ie wie wilderness instead of sitting on a throne with a bevy of vixens at your beck and whim!!! HE'S MORE EVIL THAN HER!!!" shouted Haldir, pointing at Kalina.
"What, that's Sauron? Nobody told me he was attractive," said Kalina, checking out the Dark Lord. "All you hear about is what a fucking cunt he's been."
"Oh you WOULD find him hot, wouldn't you but then you ARE pure evil and thirty-six years old," sneered Haldir.
"FOR THE LAST TIME I AM NOT EVIL YOU PUDDLE OF REPRODUCTIVE JUICES!!" screamed Kalina, leaping at Haldir and throttling him.
"Aghk!!! Elp!!! Can't breathe!!" gasped Haldir, trying to fend off Kalina.
"Do you mind?" snapped Sauron angrily. "I was in the process of making a dramatic appearance and you ruined it! Bloody elves!!! Now I remember why I hate you all so very much." Legolas quickly grabbed Kalina around the waist and wrenched her away from Haldir.
urt urt him after we get out of this alive," he whispered.
"Right, like I'm going to listen to some has-been evil lord who got his ass kicked and his finger chopped off BY A MORTAL," taunted Kalina.
"Kalina, I love you dearly, but shut the fuck up," hissed Aragorn as Sauron approached Kalina, glowering at her.
"You're new," he said. The other elves in the party were old enough and important enough for Sauron to have either met or known of. Kalina returned the glare, unblinking. The other backed away nervously. Sure, Sauron had been on the receiving end of a brutal ass kicking coalition but that only meant he was now pissed off and out for revenge. "Who are you?"
"What's it to you?" demanded Kalina, feeling somewhat nervous. It had nothing to do with the fact that a being of pure evil was within arms reach and glaring at her. In fact, it was more a sensation of schoolgirl giddiness resulting from the fact that a very attractive older male had noticed her.
"Kalina... answer the ancient evil nicely... please?" whimpered Haldir, clinging to Aragorn, scared.
"Fine. I'm Kalina daughter of Elrond Half-Elven and some random slapper he hooked up with who left me with Elrond when she got packed up to some Valinoriahab hab center by her irate parents who want nothing to do with me. Which suits me fine."
"Should have guessed. Your father was the most violent fucking bastard... DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE DID TO MY MIGHTY MIGHTY ARMY OF DARKNESS?!?!!?" shouted Sauron in Kalina's face.
"Oi!" Kalina kicked Sauron in the shin. He barked a profanity in the black tongue and grabbed his leg and hopped around. "If you're going to shout in my face I'll thank you not to spit! And it's not my fauf Daf Daddy helped kick your ass. I wasn't even born then."
"Fucking bitch!!! Right. That's it. GUARDS!!!" Sauron shouted. Within minutes a dozen orcs came running into the room. "Take them to the solitary confinement cells! This one stays with me," ordered the Dark Lord, grabbing Kalina's shoulder. She feigned another kick at Sauron's shin, then as he moved to block it she rammed her head into his gut.
"Get your deformed bloody hand off of me!" she yelled as her friends were dragged off. Sauron raised an arm and the door slammed behind the orcs and silenced Haldir's string of hysterical profanities. With surprising courtesy, Sauron backed off and waved one arm towards the door. The sound of several locks clicking into place could be heard.
"I assure you that there is no way out of here so I suggest you cooperate," warned Sauron, seating himself on one of the chairs. "Sit."
"Uhm... this way?" suggested Aragorn, pointing left.
"I think so..." said Haldir uncertainly.
"Damn. We're lost already," sighed Legolas.
"Are not! Left it is!!" declared Aragorn, wanting to seem competent and worthy of leadership. He herded them down the corridor until they came to a door.
"Do you remember walking through any doors?" Kalina asked. Aside from being high earlier, she had been too intent on her wrath at being captured to pay much attention to their surroundings.
"Of course we did!" snapped Aragorn, pushing the door open. It creaked as it swung inwards and revealed a dark but beautifully furnished living room. "Or maybe not," Aragorn amended, looking appreciatively at the elegantly carved high backed ebony chairs that surrounded a massive fireplace.
"I have a bad feeling about this," said Legolas.
"As you should." The voice echoed around the room. The party looked at each other nervously then swore profusely as a collective as a blinding light flashed in front of them and something manifested. From the illumination stepped a creature that looked like a male elf except his skin was jet black as if scorched through intense heat. His eyes flickered, a strange flame red color. He was clad in a black velvet robe with red embroidery around the sleeves and hem in strange arcane symbols. His hair was an even deeper black than his skin, if that was possible, and he appeared perfect by every standard of elven beauty.
Perfect, except for his left hand, which appeared to be missing the ring finger.
"Oh shit," groaned Galadriel, recognizing the eyes.
"My Lady. It's been far too long," said the being, bowing politely.
"Uhm... who are you?" asked Aragorn. Haldir kicked him, looking furious.
"He's the reason you're running around ie wie wilderness instead of sitting on a throne with a bevy of vixens at your beck and whim!!! HE'S MORE EVIL THAN HER!!!" shouted Haldir, pointing at Kalina.
"What, that's Sauron? Nobody told me he was attractive," said Kalina, checking out the Dark Lord. "All you hear about is what a fucking cunt he's been."
"Oh you WOULD find him hot, wouldn't you but then you ARE pure evil and thirty-six years old," sneered Haldir.
"FOR THE LAST TIME I AM NOT EVIL YOU PUDDLE OF REPRODUCTIVE JUICES!!" screamed Kalina, leaping at Haldir and throttling him.
"Aghk!!! Elp!!! Can't breathe!!" gasped Haldir, trying to fend off Kalina.
"Do you mind?" snapped Sauron angrily. "I was in the process of making a dramatic appearance and you ruined it! Bloody elves!!! Now I remember why I hate you all so very much." Legolas quickly grabbed Kalina around the waist and wrenched her away from Haldir.
urt urt him after we get out of this alive," he whispered.
"Right, like I'm going to listen to some has-been evil lord who got his ass kicked and his finger chopped off BY A MORTAL," taunted Kalina.
"Kalina, I love you dearly, but shut the fuck up," hissed Aragorn as Sauron approached Kalina, glowering at her.
"You're new," he said. The other elves in the party were old enough and important enough for Sauron to have either met or known of. Kalina returned the glare, unblinking. The other backed away nervously. Sure, Sauron had been on the receiving end of a brutal ass kicking coalition but that only meant he was now pissed off and out for revenge. "Who are you?"
"What's it to you?" demanded Kalina, feeling somewhat nervous. It had nothing to do with the fact that a being of pure evil was within arms reach and glaring at her. In fact, it was more a sensation of schoolgirl giddiness resulting from the fact that a very attractive older male had noticed her.
"Kalina... answer the ancient evil nicely... please?" whimpered Haldir, clinging to Aragorn, scared.
"Fine. I'm Kalina daughter of Elrond Half-Elven and some random slapper he hooked up with who left me with Elrond when she got packed up to some Valinoriahab hab center by her irate parents who want nothing to do with me. Which suits me fine."
"Should have guessed. Your father was the most violent fucking bastard... DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE DID TO MY MIGHTY MIGHTY ARMY OF DARKNESS?!?!!?" shouted Sauron in Kalina's face.
"Oi!" Kalina kicked Sauron in the shin. He barked a profanity in the black tongue and grabbed his leg and hopped around. "If you're going to shout in my face I'll thank you not to spit! And it's not my fauf Daf Daddy helped kick your ass. I wasn't even born then."
"Fucking bitch!!! Right. That's it. GUARDS!!!" Sauron shouted. Within minutes a dozen orcs came running into the room. "Take them to the solitary confinement cells! This one stays with me," ordered the Dark Lord, grabbing Kalina's shoulder. She feigned another kick at Sauron's shin, then as he moved to block it she rammed her head into his gut.
"Get your deformed bloody hand off of me!" she yelled as her friends were dragged off. Sauron raised an arm and the door slammed behind the orcs and silenced Haldir's string of hysterical profanities. With surprising courtesy, Sauron backed off and waved one arm towards the door. The sound of several locks clicking into place could be heard.
"I assure you that there is no way out of here so I suggest you cooperate," warned Sauron, seating himself on one of the chairs. "Sit."