the trouble with love

Chapter forty-three Admission and hiding

Elladan groaned as he felt his rubs being nudged. Reluctantly he opened his eyes, smiling when he saw Elvil’s face hovering above him. “You’d better have a good reason for waking me up.”
Elvil grinned. “I couldn’t sleep. I hope Mithrandir comes back soon. Or even Thranduil. I’d feel a lot safer with magic around me.” Elladan frowned and pointed to the medallion. “And what’s that?” Then he shook his head. “Why do things have to be so confusing?” Elvil shrugged, unable to answer the question.

Elladan smiled at him. “Look, from what you’ve told us, you are a reborn. So you are safe. Whoever your enemy was, he has no reason to kill you again. You’re a new elf.”
Elvil smiled. “Only with a lot more memory. But I’d rather not remember. Elladan?” “Mmm?” “Do you think Mithrandir would help in taking that away from me?”
Elladan frowned. “Why? You were always complaining about being too young. Now you are older and you don’t want to be??”
Elvil nodded. “No. I am used to hanging out with Elnihir, but now that I remember everything I am too old to do that. It would make the two of us unhappy. I mean, he’s always been my big brother, sort of, and now I am the elder. It feels wrong.”

Elladan nodded understandingly. “I don’t think it’s possible though. Besides, even if it was I’d rather had you didn’t.” Seeing Elvil’s stunned expression he grinned. “It would only result in you running away again.” /From me./
For a second Elvil looked puzzled, but then he remembered what Elladan was talking about. “But if I hadn’t run away this would have happened.”
“So now you say it’s a good thing?” Elvil nodded. “Now we know. And you’ve changed.” Seeing Elladan’s eyebrows raise he cuddled closer. “You’ve opened up and you’re starting to heal.” “I’m not sick.”
“No, but you are ailing. Ever since she left.” Elvil made sure not to mention her name. “In time you will sense elves again.”

Not liking the direction this conversation was headed Elladan quickly changed it. “But why did you ran?” Elvil laid his head on Elladan’s chest and sighed, unsure if he should answer. “A lot of reasons. I talk if you talk.” Elladan knew a bribe when he saw one and shook his head.

He remained silent for a while but eventually curiosity got the better of him and he sighed defeated. “All right. You first.”
Elvil closed his eyes. “I don’t really know how to say this, where to start.” “Anywhere will be good.”
Elvil grinned at the words. “All right. I’ve always felt weird, like I didn’t fit in. I knew I was different. I had the feeling I wasn’t really accepted here. I know realise how silly that was, but I didn’t see it then. It was my hair; it was colourless and I hated it. All the elves I know have coloured hair and I don’t.”

Elladan gently shook him. “But you’re hair does have colour!! And it shines at night, like the moon and the stars, only brighter.”
“But I hated it. It made me realise I was different. It told me that no one would really like me or love me. That’s why I’ve demanded it.” He shrugged. “Sorry, Elladan.”
Elladan grinned. “Don’t be; you’ve always been demanding. Even as a baby. You wouldn’t stop crying until I was holding you, you know.”
Elvil giggled and nodded to himself. /So it started early./ “But that’s not the real reason I fled. I was scared. Elnihir had just told me about sex and awakening.”

He drew in a big breath. Even though he had his memory back, including that one future-telling dream, he was nervous to say it. “He described the way I felt.”
Elladan felt his heart ache. /He’s in love? Who?/ Jealousy flared in his eyes but he forced himself to cool down, needing to hear it.
“Towards you.” Those two words were liberating to Elladan and he gasped. His hold fell away in shock.

“You loved me?” His head was reeling as he finally found the missing piece. He now fully understood why Elvil had ran away. Elvil raised his head and nodded. “Aye, loved, love and always will.” His smile was knowing. “And even if you do not return it now, I know in time you will. And I can wait.”
Elladan shook his head in disbelief. “But how? What? Why?” He was having a hard time controlling himself.
Elvil smiled. “When I was younger, in my other life that is, I had the power of premonition. They came as dreams. One of them was an image of the future; my future. That’s why I wasn’t afraid that day, not for myself. I knew I would survive for I had seen it. Or actually I saw myself with you.”
Elladan’s eyes widened as he took this in. Elvil smiled, glad he didn’t tell him the whole truth. It would scare Elladan away. For in that dream he and Elladan were married.

Elladan remained silent, thoughts and information reeling in his mind. When he finally spoke it was with fear and hesitation. “Then why do you want to forget?” Elvil shrugged. “The confusion, I think.”
Elladan shook his head. “I think you should talk to Glorfindel. After all, he’s a reborn too, sort of. He can help you sort your thoughts and memories.” Elvil grinned. “What if I start drinking too?” Elladan shook his head determined. “I won’t allow it.”

For a while it was silent but then Elvil spoke. “I can try, I suppose, but Elladan…I… Do you…” Elladan smiled at his flustered face and placed a finger on the lips. “I don’t know pen-neth nín. I don’t know what I feel. I’ve blocked them out for so long its’ hard to grasp my feelings now. But I definitely feel something for you.”
Elvil saw the insecurity in his eyes and read the pain and fear in them as well. “I will do my best never to hurt you, Elladan.”

Elladan smiled ruefully. “One thing I don’t understand though: why are you in love with me? I mean you are a reborn, so your age is still the same and it doesn’t include your previous life. I think.”
Elvil shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe the magic did that. I don’t know Elladan. What I am wondering is whether I have to wait 25 years or not.” Seeing Elladan’s eyes widen he grinned. “If I would kiss you now it could be that you’re kissing a minor, which makes it illegal.” “And that’s not counting the fact that we’re legally brothers. Father is your foster.” Elvil laughed and reclaimed his little nest.

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Orophin sighed blissfully as he relaxed in the bath. He almost forgot where he was, but he decided to hurry; he wanted to be ready by the time Elrohir came back. Because of that decision he was dressed again quickly, feeling a little dirty in his travel attire, but his clothes hadn’t arrived yet.

Elrohir found him like that, standing in the window, anxious to touch anything, lest he leave a stain. “Phin, help me before I drop it. And why haven’t you bathed yet?” He smiled warmly at his friend who hurried to help. Sniffing the air his mile widened. He could smell the fragrance of roses coming from Orophin, who shrugged his shoulders. “I bathed, but my clothes aren’t here yet. Do you really think this is wise. Maybe Haldir..”
Elrohir didn’t let him finish. “Haldir needs some time alone. If necessary I’ll ask Erestor to keep him under eye.” He grinned, realising Orophin might know something about the ‘Lóriën counsellor. “Say, Phin?”

Orophin flinched. He knew that tone; it meant trouble. And usually for him. “Yes?” The caution he felt rode the air, making Elrohir laugh. “No trouble, Phin. Promise. But do you know grandpa’s chief counsellor?”
“Thrilmaldur? Aye, I know him. We even met on some occasions. Why?”
Elrohir smiled mischievously. “Because we think he and Erestor are in love. And we want to do something.”
“We?”

Elrohir snorted. Of course Orophin had picked that one word out and wanted an answer there instead of asking what they wanted to do. “Me, Daiz and ata’da.”
Orophin laughed warmly. “Celeborn is plotting again. Our two counsellors better watch their backs. But why is Daiz involved? He’s from Mirkwood.”
Elrohir’s smile saddened. “Because of Sealbeth and his lover. They had trouble and we wanted to help. His lover’s from Mirkwood.” Orophin nodded. “I remember Thranduil ordering him to take a prolonged vacation here. Sealbeth?”

Elrohir nodded. “Aye. A lot is amiss with Sealbeth and I wish I knew how to help. So many elves are hurting Phin, you don’t have a clue.” Orophin smiled ruefully. “Many keep their pain hidden, trying to find a way themselves, when should be asking for help instead.” “Or maybe they’re scared to do that.”

“Maybe. But what else is wrong? How are the little ones?”
“All right, for now. And then there’s ata and Melpomean. And Glorfindel and Ecthelion. And Rumil. And Haldir. “ Orophin shook his head. “You’re getting confused. Haldir doesn’t have a problem, he is one!” They both laughed openly.

During the talk Elrohir had walked to his wardrobe and had searched its contends for something suitable for Orophin and now he victoriously retrieved a burgundy robe with tunic and pants. “Knew I had something. Here, you can wear that. And it’s your colour too.”
Orophin gently turned it down. “Those are yours. I’d rather wait for my own clothes as you don’t allow me to leave.”
“Why, Phin, don’t you want to spend time with me? Or are you only obeying father’s order?” Orophin smiled. “Of course I do. Like you, spending time with you, but I, eh, what would people say if they know I’m staying in your room?”
Elrohir shrugged. “Don’t know, don’t care. Come on, you’d look good in them. Your clothes aren’t coming till tomorrow anyway. Haldir is already asleep, most likely, and I told them not to disturb his sleep and to wait till morn if he was sleeping. Now, come on. You’d really look good in them. Or do you prefer wearing that?”

Orophin sighed defeated and closed his eyes as he extended his arm, letting Elrohir drape the clothes over it. “All right, but I’m sure I’d look horrible in them.” He turned to go back to the bathroom but Elrohir pulled him back. “I still have to take a bath myself, or I would feel dirty near you. You change here whilst I take a quick bath. Be right back.” Before Orophin could protest the twin had entered and closed the door behind him, leaving Orophin perplexed.

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Melpomean blinked his eyes as a sound woke him up. A quick look at Legolas told him the blond was still asleep. /So it’s still safe, isn’t it?/ He knew Legolas would wake up if something was wrong. He thought he had heard a noise but now he doubted his own mind. /It could have been another nightmare./ He sighed longingly, wishing Elrond were here to hold him. He felt safe then.

About to close his eyes and go back to sleep a shape entered his sight and he gasped as he flared upright immediately, ready to defend the others. He swung his arm at the intruder. “Ouch!”
Melpomean’s eyes widened when he identified Elrond and, realising he had just hit him, he reddened in embarrassment.

Elrond smiled at him, knowing the blow wasn’t meant for him. “I am sorry to startle you, beloved, I thought you were asleep.” He whispered, unwilling to wake anyone else.
Melpomean nodded meekly and lowered his head. “It’s all right, my lord. I didn’t mean to.” He stopped mid sentence when Elrond’s arms grasped his shoulders tight, forcing him to look at the other. “The name is Elrond. In meetings I will condone the lord-title from you, but not privately. And I know you didn’t mean to. Why did you lower your eyes?”
Melpomean smiled a ghost of a smile. “I didn’t know it was you when I lashed out. I thought it was an intruder but it was you and… and I got embarrassed.”
Elrond smiled at him. “There’s no reason to be embarrassed for protecting others. I missed you but I couldn’t come straight away. That one’s magic is strong and Ecthelion and I had a hard time facing him. We both needed a bath. I send him to inform Glorfindel. Galadriel thinks he’s Ecthelion of Gondolin, Glorfindel’s lover.”
Melpomean gasped when he heard that. Then he nodded. “So that’s why he drinks. I knew it had to be something form those days but I never would have guessed.”

Elrond had seated himself on the bed, pulling his beloved close to him. “What do you think?”
Melpomean closed his eyes in thought and his lips protruded a bit. “It is possible, but than he choose not to remember, otherwise he would have his memory by now. So we have to hope Glorfindel will recognize him and that Ecthelion will fall in love with him all over again. You might have to meddle.”
Elrond grinned. “My favourite passing of time. Second favourite actually.” Seeing Melpomean’s questioning look he smiled, pressing a kiss on his head. “Nothing can beat spending time with you.” He looked dotingly when the other blushed.

“Now, I do believe we might wake someone if we continue talking. Do you want to stay here or go somewhere else?” He could read the answer in Melpomean’s eyes and so he knew the whispered answer was a lie. “You know I’ve always been able to tell if you’re lying. So you’re coming with me.” He gave no room for arguments but just lifted the other in his arms.

He walked towards the door out onto the corridor. “Close the door will you? I’ve got my hands full.” As Melpomean did as he was told Elrond looked over his shoulder. “Pleasant dreams Legolas. Take care of them.” The blond nodded his assurance. Their voices had woken him up.

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Melpomean was glad they were in Elrond’s rooms. He had been petrified someone might have seen them. What would people have thought: seeing Elrond carry an uninjured elf to his rooms? Elrond made things comfortable for him on the bed and then told him he would change.

Normally Elrond would retire into the bathroom, but this time he had other plans and changed his clothes at his wardrobe, standing with his back to the bed. The mirror told him how Melpomean’s eyes kept flashing towards his shape, resulting in reddening cheeks, and back to the air, the linen, the floor, the door, anywhere away from the wardrobe.

Deciding to do away with Melpomean’s anxiety he talked. “So you think I might have to meddle between our two blonds? Will you help me?”
Melpomean nodded before quickly voicing his agreement. “If you wish.” Elrond smiled a bitter smile. The words showed they had a long way to go. “Not if -I- wish, but if -you- wish. So you had no idea why our Balrog slayer was drinking?” Melpomean shook his head. “Nay, I didn’t. I am grateful you told me, my..” Hearing a grumble from the wardrobe he swallowed the rest. “Sorry, Elrond.” “Better, much better. Anything else you’d like to know?”

Elrond had finished changing and approached the bed, smiling when he saw the desire hidden in Melpomean. /I can’t wait till the time you’re ready./ He forced himself to stay focused and sit down calmly. In answer to his question he saw Melpomean nod and he raised an eyebrow.

Melpomean swallowed, knowing he might be bold. “Please don’t think me forward, but why do -you- drink so much?”
Elrond looked baffled. He hadn’t expected that. “Did Thranduil talk to you?” He didn’t understand how else Melpomean could know. He always made sure he wouldn’t be disturbed and the only one who had seen him in that state had been the Mirkwood king, even if he hadn’t touched a bottle yet.
“Thranduil?” Jealousy seeped into the word and Elrond hurried to soothe him. He hurriedly laid down, pulling his beloved close. “Aye, Thranduil. He’s the only one who knows. Or so I thought. He came to my study one evening and I was already under the influence.” He didn’t mention he hadn’t opened a bottle yet. He would not worry Melpomean. Not when he held the solution to his problem in his arms.

Melpomean sighed. “He’s not the one who cleared up your room one night. Your papers, which were everywhere. The bottles, broken glass, tapestries on the floor, you rolled up in one of them holding the last bottle in your hand.”
Elrond looked at him in wonder, thoughts going crazy inside his mind. “It was you?” All Melpomean could do was nod.
Elrond smiled. “But I woke up in bed. You put me there and cleaned up.” Slowly he started to remember more of that night. “And you bandaged my head. I woke up with them. I’m surprised the twins hadn’t noticed. I still wore them when Glorfindel came with that awful concoction of his. Worked though.”
Cocking his head a little he took in Melpomean. “What did you use? They weren’t white.” Melpomean shrugged. “My robes.” Elrond nodded. “So that’s why the cloth looked familiar.”

He grinned. “Funny I managed to attack myself with the tapestries. More effective than a sword. Good thing it wasn’t a candelabra.” He felt Melpomean stiffen at those words. “Love?”
Melpomean closed his eyes. “It was a candle holder. The tapestry you were in was all rolled up and I thought you were a thief and…” Understanding dawned on Elrond. “You tried to defend yourself. What am I saying: you didn’t try. You succeeded.” He planted a loving kiss on the hair, showing he held no grudge.

“I hope I wasn’t too much trouble on you? I remember a beautiful dream.” Suddenly his eyes widened as he realised the simple truth. “That was you!”
Melpomean looked afraid. Hadn’t they already established that fact.
“You held me and sang to me.” Seeing Melpomean nod he pulled the other as close as possible. “Do you have any idea how lovely that song is? How enchanting your voice? I thought you were a Vala.” Not caring about Melpomean’s reaction he kissed him on the mouth, allowing all his passion, love and desire to show.

At first Melpomean was too shocked to act but slowly the movement entered his brain and he opened his mouth, melting in Elrond’s arms. Nothing had ever felt so good as that moment and he moaned his pleasure, drawing a chuckle from Elrond.

Only lack of air made him stop the kiss. “I didn’t think it possible, love, but my passion for you has just deepened. To think it was you.” He caressed Melpomean, who looked a little different. /Maybe he’s starting to believe in me?/

“I never gave you an answer, did I?”
Melpomean smiled a true smile. “No, you didn’t. You sidetracked galloped away as usual.”
The eyebrows went up but there was a happy look over Elrond’s features. “Well, I drank because I was drowning in my past. In my problems. Celebrían; Arwen. I just never realised how badly that had affected me till some years ago. Even in Valinor I was busy; more than I’ve been here afterwards. I had too much time to think. To remember my failures.”

Melpomean shook his head. “Nay, you mustn’t say that. Celebrían and Arwen failed themselves. Both mother and daughter had chosen not to fight but to give up. They are Galadriel’s children.”
That remark made Elrond frown. “Granted Arwen had her mother’s features and Galadriel probably spoiled her, but..”
Melpomean shook his head. “Aye, she did, both of them. But Elladan and Elrohir have been spoiled as well, but they are like you: fighters. They didn’t give in to despair but lashed out instead. Arwen and Celebrían and Galadriel as well do not have that strength. They do not have the courage to face loneliness and pain. You and your sons do.” He brushed away some tears that had come from Elrond’s eyes.

After a while Elrond delivered another kiss to his lover. “Thank you for those words. But why do you think Galadriel weak? She one of the strongest people I know.”
Melpomean nodded. “Only because of Celeborn. His powers and strength are flowing into her as well. Had she had a union with any other elf, she would not have been strong enough to bear a ring of power. She would not have developed into the elf she is today. And the mirror would not be.”
Elrond cocked his head. Melpomean had used the present tense. “You know?” Melpomean nodded. “Anyone who cares to think about it will find it wasn’t the ring that brought the mirror to life but Galadriel herself.” “And you wonder why I wish for your advice?”

He smiled and settled them both for the night. “I love you, Melpomean. Never forget that. May my presence keep the nightmares at bay.” “It will. And I hope I can free you as well.” More tears made it down Elrond’s eyes. /I don’t know what, but something happened to change you. The road now has an end in sight./ He kissed him lovingly and tender. “You are my guiding beacon, my safety line. I’m lost without you.”

And in each otherrms rms both elves did some healing.

End chapter 43
TBC