Such is life

Sam tries to clean up the mess her big brother Dom has left behind and decides to have a talk with poor Billy.


Disclaimer: Not true! Although Sam’s just the amount of mixture between evil and helpful that younger sisters sometimes can be…

Author’s notes: I changed my tactic! Since both Billy and Dom are incredibly thickheaded, I decided to let Sam kick both their lovely asses and knock some sense into them!
Dedicated to both of my younger sisters. Being the oldest of three siblings can be annoying as hell at times, but who cares… ;P


21. Obsession

Dom.

Dom. Dom. Dom. Dom. Dom.

Billy groaned, burying his face in the palms of his hands. Apparently Dom was all he could think of, no matter how hard he tried not to. Even alcohol wouldn’t ban the image of his best friend from his mind. Billy looked down at the empty vodka bottles on the ground, smiling bitterly. What a waste of money!

Billy let himself fall back on his bed, the room swaying around him. Fuck. Not only one, but 1…2…3…4…many Dom’s were dancing in front of his eyes.

Billy had lied to his parents, told them he was ill and so he was allowed to stay home while his parents were on a business trip to some country Billy had forgotten the name of and while Billy was supposed to be at boarding school.

It had all gone so terribly wrong. When Billy had kissed Dom he had been totally sure that the other man would kiss him back. Billy could still feel Dom’s soft lips under his, the fresh taste of chewing gum and underneath pure addicting Dom.

Billy’s shoulders shook when he remembered how he had thought that Dom loved him the way Billy loved Dom. Billy didn’t gift his heart easily to anybody, but Dom… It was as if they were natural extensions of each other rather than friends. How could Billy have been so wrong about Dom?

Sometimes Billy thought Dom had created a shallow minded creature to protect himself that stepped into Dom’s place when too many feelings were involved. The creature didn’t want Billy’s love, it didn’t want any feelings at all. Dom had said that he cared about Billy more than Billy could possibly imagine and that he only pushed Billy back, because he had to. //Because he doesn’t want to hurt me…//

The ache in Billy’s head was increasing. It was all so difficult, Dom was so difficult. Billy couldn’t imagine that being used by Dom could possibly hurt more than being without him, because Billy would’ve gladly taken the pain if it just erased the emptiness in his heart Dom had left behind that was growing ever since Billy had walked away from his friend.

Billy’s fingers were twitching to call Dom, to beg him to come back, but he feared Dom’s reaction too much. //What if he doesn’t want me to come back? He has Vince now. He doesn’t need me anymore…//

Billy’s thoughts were interrupted by the doorbell ringing. Billy didn’t want to get up to open the door, but the bell kept ringing and ringing and so he finally stumbled to the door, walking made difficult by the mass of alcohol in his blood.

“What?” he asked harshly as he ripped open the door, freezing when he saw a familiar face. “Sam…” Billy breathed, burying his fingers into the wooden doorframe as he was afraid to fall. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

“I’m here to clean up the mess my thickheaded brother left behind,” Sam replied, letting her gaze travel over Billy’s unkempt, unwashed and obviously drunk figure. She forced her way through the door, pulling Billy inside with her. Sam wrinkled her nose and hurried off to open some windows to air the house. “Jesus, Billy!” she cursed. “Have you been bathing in that stuff or what? No,” she corrected herself. “Obviously not!”

“What are you doing here?” Billy repeated perplexedly, slumping down heavily on the sofa in the living room.

“I’m here to help you,” Sam sighed, sitting down next to Billy. “But it looks like we need to sober you up before we can talk.” She clapped her hands authorically. “You. Cold shower. I’ll make you some strong coffee…”

“C…cold shower?” Billy stammered, his eyes flying open, but in the end he didn’t dare to refuse Sam’s orders. The little girl could be frightening at times. He took his time washing the dirt from his body, deciding that body temperature was cold enough. Afterwards he clad himself in clean clothes and walked down the stairs to Sam who had already brewed the coffee.

“Here,” she said, offering Billy a cup. “Drink it.”

Billy wrinkled his nose. Even the smell of the coffee was strong enough to make him feel terribly sober. He downed the horrible brew in one long gulp, grimacing when he had finally forced it down his throat. “Fuck!” he coughed, his throat burning.

Sam grinned. “Sober enough to talk or do you want another cup?”

Billy shuddered. “No, thanks.”

“Alright,” Sam sighed, folding her hands behind her head. “Back to business… I talked to Dom yesterday and…”

Billy cocked his eyebrows, not knowing what to think of Sam’s visit. Why was she here and not Dom? What had Billy done to deserve a little teenage girl sitting on his sofa, telling him what to do? Billy tried to focus on Sam’s words again.

“…and he really misses you. He said his life feels empty without you,” Sam finished.

Billy’s heart missed a beat. “He hurt me,” he finally confessed. “I told him that I love him and instead of loving me back he first breaks down crying as if the world was ending and then the next moment he runs off with another bloke.” Billy groaned deeply, burying his head in his hands, his voice sounding muffled when he continued to speak. “I know it’s been difficult for him after his…suicide attempt, but it’s not like everything has changed! My feelings for him are still the same…” Billy’s voice broke and he fought against the tears that threatened to spill. “It just took me to nearly lose him to realize how much I love him…”

Sam put her hand on Billy’s arm in a comforting gesture. “And I know that he loves you back,” she said softly. “He’s just terribly afraid, cause he fears that by investing feelings he will get hurt.” She smiled at the surprised look in Billy’s face. “And with you he can’t hide those feelings…”

Billy shook his head in denial. “But if it is like that, why didn’t he simply tell me he’s afraid?”

Sam groaned. “Because he’s still denying that he’s in love with you!” she exclaimed. “You know Dom! He can be pretty thickheaded at times! Plus he’s terribly shy when it comes to speaking about his feelings. His real feelings,” she added.

Billy snorted, pinching the bridge of his nose. “How come you know that he’s in love with me if he doesn’t know it himself?” he asked in a flat voice.

“Remember when he used to tease you that he would end up marrying you one day?” Sam asked.

Billy nodded. How could he have forgotten those happy days?

Sam smiled. “Well, you know that Dom’s eyes are like an open book. I looked into them and there was no joke…”

“but if you’re wrong?” Billy still didn’t want to believe her words. “What if he only misses me as a friend and I can’t give him that anymore?” he sighed, his voice sounding terribly tired. “What if I want to kiss him and be kissed back by him in the same fashion? What if I want to fuck him silly until all memories of Vincent and Mortensen are erased and there’s only me?” Billy laughed, the sound even fake to his own ears. “But I guess I’ll never know if I don’t give him a second chance…” he mumbled, immediately regretting his decision. What if Dom would push him away a second time?

Tbc…