Such is life

Dom’s in denial. I’ll have to knock some sense into his thick skull…

Disclaimer: It’s a big, big lie that has formed in my head and nowhere else…

Author’s notes: Feedback? Please!

20. Some nuts are harder to crack than others

“Yeah?”

“Sam, do you have some time? I need to talk.”

“Dom?” Samantha sounded excited. “I(s that you, bro? Of course I have time! Do you want me to…”

“I’ll pick you up in 5 minutes,” Dom interrupted his younger sister. “Take your money with you. I thought we could do some shopping while we talk…”


^*^


“Is this one new?” Samantha asked, tugging at the sleeve of Dom’s light brown jacket while balancing her melting ice-cream in her other hand. “I like it. It suits you…”

Dom nodded absent-mindedly. “yeah, I bought it at that little shop next to the post office.” He stared down at his feet, licking at his white chocolate ice-cream. “How’s mum?” he finally asked. “And Lij?”

“We’re fine,” Samantha answered. “But we all miss you. Especially Lij, cause he doesn’t understand why his big brother isn’t coming back to us…” She looked up at Dom, a concerned look in her eyes. “But how are you?”

Dom shrugged his shoulders, smiling weakly. “I’m coping. Most of the times I feel terribly out of place. Like I don’t belong here anymore… It’s like I’m totally exhausted – mentally. In the mornings I drag myself out of bed and all day I’m waiting for the time to go back there…” Dom tried to swallow the hard lump that was forming in his throat. “but actually that isn’t what I wanted to talk about with you…”

Samantha frowned. “Even more problems than that?”

Dom combed his hand through his hair in a nervous gesture. “If you knew… It’s Billy…”

Sam nodded, searching her handbag for her cigarettes and a lighter. “Don’t tell mum or dad!” she warned Dom, arching her eyebrows in surprise when instead of scolding her he asked her for a cigarette. “You smoke?”

Dom nearly smiled at the unbelieving sound of her voice. “And I drink. But only when things are really fucked up.” He blew the smoke into the air. “Bad habits die last.”

“And I thought I was the bad child…” Sam sighed. “So what’s wrong with you and Billy?” she asked after lighting her cigarette as well. “You two had a fight?”

Dom shook his head. “That’s what dad thinks, but no. Actually Billy confessed me that he’s in love with me…”

“Oh.” Samantha drew at her cigarette. “And you don’t love him back or what?”

Dom snorted. “If it was just that easy, because… I’m a total mess at most times and I don’t know how I feel anymore.” A bitter smile formed on Dom’s lips. “Billy knows that. He went away, said he needed some time to think…” Dom inhaled deeply, cursing himself for the thousands time for his own stupidity. “And instead of following him and holding him back, I stayed and spent my weekend screwing another bloke.”

“Ouch.” Sam grimaced. “Not good at all…” She looked up at Dom who nodded, extinguishing his cigarette on the ground. “And I guess Billy knows about that.” It was no question.

“He was there when Vincent came to visit me.” Dom tried the sudden tiredness out of his eyes. “I think I’ve fucked things up this time,” he groaned, walking a few steps to sit down on a wooden bench.

“Why did you do it then?” Samantha asked, following her brother to the bench. “Do you care about that guy, …that Vincent?”

Dom stared down at the ground, folding his hands between his opened knees. “he was there when I needed him, but no. It was nothing. I care about him as a friend, but he’s not even half as important as Billy is…” Dom let his gaze travel over the grey ground, finally focussing on a little group of pigeons fighting for a piece of bread. “As for the reasons…” Dom inhaled slowly. “Sometimes I just need the pain. I need to bleed to prove myself that I’m still alive… I couldn’t take that from Billy.”

He struggled to explain when he saw that Samantha frowned at the word “pain”. “Um…what I mean is that I like things…um…rough,” a blush crept all over Dom’s face as he had never shared such intimate details of his sex life with his younger sister before. “You know in bed…to be taken until I forget about all the pain inside of me.” Dom cleared his throat. “To be fucked into oblivion so to day,” he finished weakly.

“Oh. My. God.” Sam stared at Dom with wide eyes. “My big brother’s a fucking gay slut!”

A little smile tugged at the corner of Dom’s mouth at the shocked expression on her face. “Have I ever claimed to be something else?” he asked playfully. “Well at least I don’t pretend I’m in love with them. Vince, Mortensen… Just friends!” Dom looked at Samantha who was growing paler and paler. “Aren’t you alright, Sam?”

She shook her head, her voice sounding oddly shrill as she started to speak again. “You fucked VIGGO MORTENSEN?!” she nearly screamed, the people surrounding them turning around to see what had happened.

“Shhhh…” Dom tried to shush his sister. “If you go on screaming like that everybody from here to fucking New Zealand will now about that!” he whispered, glaring at his sister after he had checked that nobody he knew had heard Samantha’s words.

“I need another cigarette!” Sam mumbled, searching in her handbag with shaky hands.

“Sam!” Dom exclaimed, looking at his sister helplessly. “What about my problem? Billy! What do you think I should do about him? He’s refusing all contact to me…”

Samantha sighed, chewing on her lower lip. “It’s as easy as that she replied after a moment of thinking. “Do you love Billy?”

“Yes,” Dom answered without hesitation. “But why does that make things any easier? I knew that much before…”

Sam rolled her eyes. “I mean do you love him merely as a friend or does your love go deeper than friendship?”

“I don’t know…” Dom stammered. “He’s my best friend and we work so well together. Like two halves of a whole…” Dom trailed off when he realized what he had just said. “I miss him so much,” he whispered, burying his head in his hands. “Without Billy there’s something missing in my life…”

“Ha!” Sam exclaimed triumphantly, putting an arm around Dom’s shoulders. “See, there’s your answer!”

Dom looked at her, frowning as he still doubted Sam’s words. “And that’s love?”

Sam looked as if she wanted to search something preferably hard to hit her head on. “Yes, stupid! What did you think?” she groaned.

Dom took Sam’s cigarette from her hand and drew on it, inhaling the smoke deeply. “Well if I’m in love with Billy – and I’m not saying I am! – then it won’t change too much, cause Billy has deserved something better than a suicidal, depressed, angst-ridden, needy excuse of a boyfriend…” Dom mumbled in a flat voice, flinching when Sam started to hit her head against his shoulder. “What’s wrong?” he asked cluelessly, staring at her with eyes wide opened.

“Nothing really,” she muttered and stood up. “Sorry, but I have to get going…” A smile appeared on her lips. “I have a date…”

Dom tried to smile when he saw the happy sparkle in Sam’s eyes. “The man with the wild hair and even wilder drumsticks?”

Sam laughed. “Guitar!” She bent down to kiss Dom on the top of his head. “I’ll tell the wild man as you call him to eat you for breakfast if you don’t go to Billy and tell him about your feelings for him!” she threatened good-mindedly. She was just about to walk away when she stopped and turned around again. “Jesus! I nearly forgot about the good news! Mum has finally enough of Michael. We’ll be moving out within the next five days!”

Dom didn’t say anything, but a wide smile spread on his lips. The siblings knew what this would mean for them. “How could you forget about something like that?” he laughed.

Sam shrugged her shoulders. “You know me! If my head wasn’t connected to the rest of my body I would always forget it!” She waved at Dom. “Bye, big brother!”

“Bye!” Dom waved back. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” he teased his younger sister.

Sam snorted. “If I got that right you just allowed me to let myself be bound down spread-eagled on a bed and be fucked by a much older man…” She arched her brows, an evil grin upon her lips. “You’ve lost your position as my moral big brother. You would like that, I bet…”

Dom blushed a very lovely shade of crimson. Not able to say anything he watched Sam walk away. After some moments he stood up as well and started to walk into the direction where he had left his car. Perhaps he was even more confused than before.

A/N: If somebody out there has something hard to knock some sense into Dom, please let me know. *sighs* Dom’s a hard nut to crack at times…