When Muses Attack!

~~~

A/N: As many of you already know from reading “Strange Allies” I will be leaving on vacation shortly so I will not be updating for a while.

Sandra – Yes, it has been on my mind for quite some time. Of course, I was trying to find any way out of it I could – I don’t want to hurt Legolas much to His Wickedness’ annoyance. Ah, well. You know, I don’t subscribe to that notion “’tis better to have loved and lost than never loved at all”. Bah! I think a taste of honey is worse than none at all. ;-)

Little looney – oh, thank you, dear! You are the only one who feels any pity for moi. Everyone else thinks I’m crazy for not giving into The Hateful One. I wish I could lock him in a box sometimes. Unfortunately he’s perfect and doesn’t need any tweezers, flat irons or the like. So bogus! But he’ll get his!

~~~

“You have come to a solution,” he purrs sliding into bed next to me.

I grin in satisfaction and move slightly so he can slide one arm under my neck as his other snakes around my waist. He smells incredibly good.

“Uh huh,” I say smugly. “No thanks to you.”

He grunts. “I knew you would find a way to spare your precious Legolas the pain I have suffered,” he sighs wearily.

I snort out a laugh and roll my eyes. The “oh, woe is me” tone of his voice is completely unbelievable.

“Yeah, it’s just terrible the way you’ve suffered thru this entire story, isn’t it?” I reply. My sarcasm, however, is totally lost on him.

“Indeed I have suffered,” he laments sadly. “I think I deserve more ‘hawt’ sex for all of my troubles.”

“My God you are incorrigible!” I groan and roll over to face him. “Is that all you think about?”

His gray eyes open wide and he blinks innocently at me several times. “Can you think of anything more pleasurable?” He murmurs throatily as his fingers move dangerously down my thigh.

Immediately I stop his progress by grabbing his wrist. “Yes, as a matter of fact I can,” I answer. “Starting with ‘saving’ Legolas from the fate you had so hoped he would endure.” I stick my chin out at him defiantly.

“Legolas,” he frowns darkly and pulls his hand away in disgust. “It’s always Legolas! You never do anything for me!”

“What the fuck!” I shout and sit upright next to him. “Just what in the hell do you mean I never do anything for you? What do you call writing day and night, making you ‘look good’, reading the reviews for you, giving you all the ‘hawt’ sex you’ve asked for – what the fuck is THAT if not doing for you?”

Slowly he rises up on one elbow and reaches out for me again, grinning wickedly. I hiss and narrow my eyes at him, pushing his hand away. I’m in no mood for his nonsense.

“Yes, you have ‘saved’ Legolas, much to my,” he pauses and considers his next words carefully. “Annoyance. However, I’m willing to overlook this minor transgression of yours.”

I gape at him incredulously. I’m so confounded by his audacity that I can’t even speak. I just sputter several disjointed swear words at him causing him to chuckle horridly at me.

“’Minor transgression’ my ass!” I jab a finger at him threateningly. “Do not piss me off! You will NOT win!”

“But I have won,” he answers silkily and preens for me, rubbing his hand up and down that perfect torso of his to draw my attention away from his words.

“Bullshit!” I retort, refusing to be distracted. “It ain’t over yet!”

“I have Annowe and she will go to Valinor with me. Legolas will stay behind without her. Legolas loses. I win,” he gloats smugly, drumming those long fingers against his flat belly.

“Oh, ye of little faith!” I narrow my eyes and shake my head sadly at him. “I can always have her return to middle earth and leave your sorry ass in Valinor. How would you like that?”

At his dark look I continue. “Or, better yet maybe she can’t go to Valinor with you. Hmmm? She has to stay behind. Oh, boo hoo!” I mock him.

“This is my story, Mel, you are forgetting!” He growls.

“And these are MY fingers, you are forgetting,” I counter. “Now you’d better straighten your ass up! There’s this thing, called a ‘sequel’ that I can write once you’re gone and this particular story over. Or have you forgotten that?”

He tips his head up and glares at me.

“Yeah. The sequel. Maybe I pacify you and have the both of you go to Valinor – for now. We all know that Legolas and Gimli will arrive there eventually,” I can no longer contain my evil grin. “Maybe you and the Big G oughta hook up for some seriously ‘hawt’ sex later on. Yeah, some ‘hawt’ dwarf sex sounds like fun!”

The temperature in the room suddenly drops several degrees at his frosty glare. “You would not DARE!” He hisses dangerously, sitting up and leaning toward me threateningly.

“Try me,” I challenge him.

Silently I thank my mother for raising me with The Most Intimidating Stare in the Universe because his certainly comes close. I believe if he were corporeal he would actually strangle me. I grin smugly. Serves him right!

I grunt in satisfaction. “Just remember that, cupcake. I can always write a sequel after you’re gone,” I threaten quietly.

“I do not like you so much, I think,” he mutters.

At this admission I throw my head back and laugh uproariously. “How does it feel to be tormented beyond all capacity to cope?” I ask. “You’ve been doing it to me for months.”

“Oh? Well, if I have it is simply because you enjoy it,” he sniffs haughtily.

“You’re on crack!” I exclaim. “I dunno where you come up with these ideas that I like being tormented by you.”

He smiles silkily and I shiver slightly. He’s got that look in his eye again which means trouble for me. My guard is instantly up and I watch him warily.

“What will do you when I am gone, Mel?” He murmurs teasingly. “Who will come to you like I do? Who will provide you with such wonderful memories? Who will show you the way of elves?”

I know better than to answer that question.

“Hmmm, yes. I think you will miss me when I am gone, admit it!” He purrs urgently.

I shrug. “So? It’ll be peaceful around here and I won’t have to keep hiding the computer every time someone comes over because YOU don’t want anyone to see you.”

He grins triumphantly.

The truth is I will miss him – even as hateful and vile as he is I will miss him. He’s been quite entertaining and amusing. Annoying as hell most of the time but if he thinks I’m going to actually ADMIT it, well, he doesn’t know me.

“The real question is will you miss me?” I press my lips together to keep from giggling and try to look innocent. It is very hard.

His smug grin fades slightly and he studies me as if trying to read some covert meaning in my question.

“Well?” I prompt him when he doesn’t answer.

“Are you going to miss me or not?” I demand.

Still he hesitates suspiciously.

“The correct answer to that question would be ‘yes’,” I inform him.

He tosses his chin defiantly at me. “You have served your purpose well,” he sniffs.

“You bitch!” I breathe incredulously, drawing myself up indignantly.

He chuckles horridly and my skin crawls at the sound. “Although I had rather hoped that you would take more advantage of your situation. Especially since my readers have encouraged you to do so on numerous occasions,” he muses.

“You probably put them up to it!” I grunt.

He shrugs indifferently. “Perhaps,” he teases. “Now why don’t you lay back down and go to sleep?”

I sigh heavily. “I know what you want,” I say grudgingly, sliding back down under the covers and snuggling up next to him.

“Come now,” he murmurs throatily against my bare shoulder. “Do you deny that you enjoy it when we can be together physically?”

“I deny nothing!” I say stiffly, again preventing his hand to caress my thigh. “However I would still like to know when you are going to allow me to have my way with you.”

I can hear the smile in his voice as he replies. “Whenever you wish.”

I grin evilly to myself. Little does he know that “my way” with him includes a sound spanking for his bad behavior! I doubt if he would find it quite so amusing or exciting for me to have my way with him – my TRUE way with him!

~~~