Sex, Drugs, and Orcish Theatre
folder
-Multi-Age › General
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
43
Views:
2,035
Reviews:
4
Recommended:
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Currently Reading:
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Category:
-Multi-Age › General
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
43
Views:
2,035
Reviews:
4
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own the Lord of the Rings (and associated) book series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Captivity
Chapter 17
Much to Haldir and Aragorn's amazement, Kalina and Legolas returned on their own within the hour, both manic eyed and grinning. Legolas was clearly vastly highern Kan Kalina but the state of her pupils indicated she too was focusing somewhere past the usual bounds of normality.
"Great. JUST what we need," groaned Haldir, looking at the state of the pair. In addition to the vapid grins, both had managed to pick up a fair bit of undergrowth in their hair. "Neither of them can walk straight. I should just get you to shoot me now... YES, I know you'll volunteer but I'm being dramatic you irritating harlot!" Haldir pre-empted Kalina, still capable of formulating threats directed at Haldir even when she found his head was slowly melting.
"Well, they seem calmer," said Aragorn, trying to speed things along. He'd pretty much packed things up single-handedly. He was also brandishing Haldir's luggage at him in none-too-subtle a fashion. "Right. Shall we make a move? Now?" he asked, looking pointedly at Haldir. He snatched his belongings from Aragorn and moved away, muttering under his breath. Trying to contain their smiles, Legolas and Kalina absently complied, too lost in their own little bubbles of psychotropic bliss to pay much attention. Despite limited attention spans they were coherent enough to follow Aragorn.
"Admit it, human, you've got us lost!" Haldir was not in a good mood. They had been walking for two hours and seemed to be getting nowhere. Much to his further annoyance, Kalina hadn't given him cause once to shout at her. This was making him nervous. And Legolas appeared to be lost in some kind of fluffy pink cloud, nearly catatonic.
"Shhh... Someone might hear us and you'll give off bad vibes," warned Aragorn, glancing concernedly at the drug-addled pair. Haldir glared at Kalina who was far more aware than Legolas. She was still grinning except the manic glint re-sparked back in her eyes when she noticed Ha loo looking her way. Haldir decided to look away. Legolas whimpered briefly, clung to Kalina, then seemed to calm down, occasionally shooting nervous glances at Haldir. They had managed to reach roughly the region where Aragorn seemed certain the orcs had probably come from.
Aragorn scanned the ground and noticed a small set of indentations in the ground leading to a rock trail that began to climb up a nearby cliff. He squatted down and examined them closely, certain they had been made by orcs.
"Aragorn!!" whined Haldir. There was a certain panic to his voice. Aragorn, trying to concentrate, waved a dismissive hand in Haldir's direction without looking and continued to stare at the footprints trying to decide where they had originally come from. His concentration was finally broken by a vicious snarl from Kalina and something screaming. Aragorn's head snapped around in time to see Haldir and Legolas being dragged off by orcs. Two had made the futile mistake of trying to grab hold of Kalina, but weren't quick enough to stop her from grabbing her dagger and stabbing the larger of the two orcs in the thigh, then wrenching the weapon out with suitable brutality and slashing the other orc in the face.
"TRY PAYING SOME FUCKING ATTENTION!!!" shouted Kalina at Aragorn, grabbing the orc whose face she had injured and quickly slitting his throat. The other was screaming in agony from the wound in his leg as Kalina lifted a leg and kicked him in the gut, using the dead orc as a body shield. "Finish him!!" she barked, before running after Haldir and Legolas and their captors. Aragorn complied and hurried after Kalina and almost ran into her as she stopped, bristling against a small horde of about thirty orcs that were waiting in the trees.
"Two more! Get them!!" ordered the orc captain.
"Oh shit," sighed Kalina, before launching into a lethal but still futile onslaught. She managed to fatally injure three orcs before she was finally grabbed and hoisted unceremoniously over the shoulder of an orc and had her dagger ripped from her hand by another. This didn't stop her from kicking furiously and managing to smack another pair of orcs in the head before her legs were restrained. Still wriggling, she felt her legs being bound with coils of rope while another orc grabbed both her wrists in one grotesquely hairy hand and chain them together " "Another female elf! The Master will be pleased," gloated the captain. "And what is this? A human!" Kalina twisted her neck around and was able to see that Aragorn was also captured. Legolas and Haldir were trussed up, gagged, and unceremoniously dumped by a tree. Legolas was clearly distraught with drug-addled fear, while Haldir was glaring at Aragorn, clearly blaming him for the ambush. Another orc approached Kalina with a rag clearly capable of being used as some sort of biological weapon and gagged her with it.
"Never said anything about humans, Kuntasz," snarled one of the grunts. He looked at Aragorn with bloodthirsty glee.
"The Master said to expect foolhardy heroes to rescue the Lady and to take them all! You want to kill the human then have to explain to our Master you fucked up? Rather you than me, Bowb," snarled Captain Kuntasz. Bowb muttered something in Orcish, then kicked Aragorn in the back so he fell. Another orc grabbed him and hoisted him up. "Right, maggots! We return!" Kuntasz turned and led his company towards a narrow trail leading to the base of the Misty Mountains.
Much to Haldir and Aragorn's amazement, Kalina and Legolas returned on their own within the hour, both manic eyed and grinning. Legolas was clearly vastly highern Kan Kalina but the state of her pupils indicated she too was focusing somewhere past the usual bounds of normality.
"Great. JUST what we need," groaned Haldir, looking at the state of the pair. In addition to the vapid grins, both had managed to pick up a fair bit of undergrowth in their hair. "Neither of them can walk straight. I should just get you to shoot me now... YES, I know you'll volunteer but I'm being dramatic you irritating harlot!" Haldir pre-empted Kalina, still capable of formulating threats directed at Haldir even when she found his head was slowly melting.
"Well, they seem calmer," said Aragorn, trying to speed things along. He'd pretty much packed things up single-handedly. He was also brandishing Haldir's luggage at him in none-too-subtle a fashion. "Right. Shall we make a move? Now?" he asked, looking pointedly at Haldir. He snatched his belongings from Aragorn and moved away, muttering under his breath. Trying to contain their smiles, Legolas and Kalina absently complied, too lost in their own little bubbles of psychotropic bliss to pay much attention. Despite limited attention spans they were coherent enough to follow Aragorn.
"Admit it, human, you've got us lost!" Haldir was not in a good mood. They had been walking for two hours and seemed to be getting nowhere. Much to his further annoyance, Kalina hadn't given him cause once to shout at her. This was making him nervous. And Legolas appeared to be lost in some kind of fluffy pink cloud, nearly catatonic.
"Shhh... Someone might hear us and you'll give off bad vibes," warned Aragorn, glancing concernedly at the drug-addled pair. Haldir glared at Kalina who was far more aware than Legolas. She was still grinning except the manic glint re-sparked back in her eyes when she noticed Ha loo looking her way. Haldir decided to look away. Legolas whimpered briefly, clung to Kalina, then seemed to calm down, occasionally shooting nervous glances at Haldir. They had managed to reach roughly the region where Aragorn seemed certain the orcs had probably come from.
Aragorn scanned the ground and noticed a small set of indentations in the ground leading to a rock trail that began to climb up a nearby cliff. He squatted down and examined them closely, certain they had been made by orcs.
"Aragorn!!" whined Haldir. There was a certain panic to his voice. Aragorn, trying to concentrate, waved a dismissive hand in Haldir's direction without looking and continued to stare at the footprints trying to decide where they had originally come from. His concentration was finally broken by a vicious snarl from Kalina and something screaming. Aragorn's head snapped around in time to see Haldir and Legolas being dragged off by orcs. Two had made the futile mistake of trying to grab hold of Kalina, but weren't quick enough to stop her from grabbing her dagger and stabbing the larger of the two orcs in the thigh, then wrenching the weapon out with suitable brutality and slashing the other orc in the face.
"TRY PAYING SOME FUCKING ATTENTION!!!" shouted Kalina at Aragorn, grabbing the orc whose face she had injured and quickly slitting his throat. The other was screaming in agony from the wound in his leg as Kalina lifted a leg and kicked him in the gut, using the dead orc as a body shield. "Finish him!!" she barked, before running after Haldir and Legolas and their captors. Aragorn complied and hurried after Kalina and almost ran into her as she stopped, bristling against a small horde of about thirty orcs that were waiting in the trees.
"Two more! Get them!!" ordered the orc captain.
"Oh shit," sighed Kalina, before launching into a lethal but still futile onslaught. She managed to fatally injure three orcs before she was finally grabbed and hoisted unceremoniously over the shoulder of an orc and had her dagger ripped from her hand by another. This didn't stop her from kicking furiously and managing to smack another pair of orcs in the head before her legs were restrained. Still wriggling, she felt her legs being bound with coils of rope while another orc grabbed both her wrists in one grotesquely hairy hand and chain them together " "Another female elf! The Master will be pleased," gloated the captain. "And what is this? A human!" Kalina twisted her neck around and was able to see that Aragorn was also captured. Legolas and Haldir were trussed up, gagged, and unceremoniously dumped by a tree. Legolas was clearly distraught with drug-addled fear, while Haldir was glaring at Aragorn, clearly blaming him for the ambush. Another orc approached Kalina with a rag clearly capable of being used as some sort of biological weapon and gagged her with it.
"Never said anything about humans, Kuntasz," snarled one of the grunts. He looked at Aragorn with bloodthirsty glee.
"The Master said to expect foolhardy heroes to rescue the Lady and to take them all! You want to kill the human then have to explain to our Master you fucked up? Rather you than me, Bowb," snarled Captain Kuntasz. Bowb muttered something in Orcish, then kicked Aragorn in the back so he fell. Another orc grabbed him and hoisted him up. "Right, maggots! We return!" Kuntasz turned and led his company towards a narrow trail leading to the base of the Misty Mountains.