Awakenings

Part 17.

Erestor, without thinking threw himself into Glorfindel’s arms, clinging tightly. Glorfindel was knocked onto his back on he sofa with a chuckle. Erestor grinned sheepishly at his suddenly childish behaviour but none the less did not release his hold. He lay atop of Glorfindel smiling down with tears in his eyes.

“You were talking about me? You’re beginning to remember me?”
“I remember talking about you aye, knowing for a moment who you were, well It’s a start at least wouldn’t you say?”
“I most certainly do! Oh Glorfindel… you….you don’t know how happy this makes me.” He finished in a whisper and with a tremor in his voice.
“Do not weep sweet Erestor…” He whispered back as he wiped away a stray tear. “This is the biggest… the most important of all past memories that has returned to me yet. And I am sure I will remember more in time.”
“So what were you saying about me?” Erestor smiled curiously, for this was something even he was unaware of, he knew not what it was Glorfindel had told Ecthelion.

Glorfindel grinned and made himself more comfortable, gently running his hands up the advisors back in encouragement to stay put when Erestor made to shift his slighter weight off of the warrior.

“I remember, telling him how smart you were. That he would like you and that there were none as sharp witted as you.”
“Really?” Erestor’s smile was so sweet and dazzling that the warrior laughed aloud.
“Surely, I had told you so back then?”
“Well yes but….I never knew what it was the two of you spoke of when alone or…”

Glorfindel frowned as a shadow seemed to pass over Erestor’s face, but before he could comment on it, it was gone. Erestor was now settling himself more comfortably atop of him, smiling down with an almost dreamy excited expression.

“What else?”
“Well, that is all we said but…what I remember is more of a feeling than specific words or actions.”
“A feeling? What feeling?”
“I remember, feeling…I adored you so much. We truly were best friends weren’t we?”

Erestor swallowed hard and nodded yes, his chin trembling as he took a shuddering breath.

“I simply remember, in that moment caring so much….you were so precious to me.”
“Were?” Erestor whispered almost sadly.
“And still are…” Glorfindel reached up to gently caress Erestor’s cheek, wiping away any tears. “My memories of you may only just be returning, but you are precious to me even without them. Erestor you are my anchor here, and though you were once a stranger to me I haven fallen for you none the less. I do not doubt that once I remember you I will simply love you all the more.”

And Erestor crumbled, years of heartache and sadness expelled itself in that moment. Glorfindel leaned up so as to hold Erestor close in his arms. Erestor clung for dear life as cried in earnest into Glorfindel’s shoulder as the blond rubbed his back soothingly, speaking softly and reassuringly into his ear.

“I..I missed you so much! It was so hard, I…I w-wanted to die …B-but the promise and…It hurt so much Glorfindel!” He sobbed and hiccupped.

Shocked at just how much Erestor had been keeping to himself he could only hold Erestor closer, continuing to whisper sweet nothings into his ear.

“Erestor, I am back, I will not leave you again.”

Eventually Erestor managed to stop his tears, leaning his head against Glorfindel’s shoulder. “I’m sorry…” He laughed humourlessly, obviously embarrassed for the soaking through Glorfindel’s tunic with his tears. “I guess that’d been building up for a while now.”

“Hush now, do not apologise. Do you feel a little better?” He pulled back only slightly to look him in the eye. His eyes were large and shimmering, red rimed and still filled with tears which he valiantly blinked away.

“Aye, I do.”
“Good.”

Glorfindel continued to gently stroke the damp cheeks of the elf that still sat upon him. He watched transfixed as Erestor caught his large hand that brushed the side of his face and turned to deliver and sweet kiss to its palm. He smiled as Erestor proceeded to kiss each finger tip, giving his little finger two for what he presumed to be in consolation for being the littlest. When their eyes met again he watched as Erestor swallowed nervously and slowly leaned in to touch their lips together. Glorfindel eagerly leaned up as far as he could to meet Erestor but was denied his kiss as they were so rudely but accidentally interrupted.

“Oh! I…I’m so sorry I’ll just…” A young she elf who had had been carrying a small pile of books in her arms had walked in upon the private moment. Glorfindel was ready to near scream at her in frustration before remembering that they were in a library, and that it was not at all her fault. They both grinned as she dropped one of her books and hastily picked it up again, only to drop another. Eventually with much fumbling and apologies she excused herself, avoiding eye contact at all costs and flushing at intruding upon what had obviously been a private moment.

When alone again they tuned to each other and laughed. When eventually their chuckles had ceased Glorfindel took a breath and leaned in again for his kiss. But Erestor pulled away, gently pressing his hands on the warriors chest.

“I need to go splash some water on my face I think, and you need to get back down to the training grounds .And a library is no place for such behaviour.”

Erestor laughed as Glorfindel sighed and threw an arm over his face as he lay back down. Standing again Erestor held out a hand and pulled Glorfindel to his feet.

“Tonight, usual time?” Erestor asked.
“Of course, my chambers?”
“Very well.”

They went their separate ways until later that eve.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Glorfindel was at his doors within moments of hearing a knock. He immediately stood aside and allowed Erestor entry.

“You know you needn’t knock, you are welcome in my chambers. At any time of day or….night.” He finished with a serious and knowing look, leaving no room for misinterpretation.

“I’ll bare that in mind.” He replied quietly, and quickly seated himself in his usual seat which was in a small lush sofa beside an already lit fireplace. Usually Glorfindel would sit opposite him, so he was surprised when Glorfindel sat down beside him, pushing a mug into his hand.

“What’s this?” He asked with a brow raised.
“Cocoa, hot cocoa. Something I have discovered I have an affinity for ever since Elrohir insisted I try some of his from his little oliphont mug.”

Erestor laughed at the image that sprang to mind and took a sip from his thankfully ordinary mug. Humming and slouching in the sofa a moment later.

“I haven’t had this in years.”
“Makes a nice change does it not?”
“Indeed.”

There were a few moments of silence before both spoke at once.
“Glorf..”
“Eres..”

Both stopped and laughed.

“Go ahead.” Erestor said.
“I was hoping you would tell me a little of our past, as in…*our* past.”

Erestor sat for a moment in thought before setting his mug aside and looking back to Glorfindel seriously.

“Glorfindel, I…I have noticed.”
“Noticed what?”
“I’ve noticed that each morn after I tell you or you remember another part of your past that you look, warn. More than worn, you look weary, ‘tis why I am loath to tell you too much at once. What happens when we part Glorfindel?”

Glorfindel sighed and turned away, this was not what he had wanted to discuss. “I…I have dreams Erestor, bad dreams. Nightmares.”

“Of what?” Erestor whispered, taking of Glorfindel’s hands in his own.
“Of…fire, smoke, the molten eyes of the….of the beast that killed me.” He finished in a strained voice and looked away in shame as fearful tears filled his eyes.

“Oh Glorfindel, here…” Erestor gently turned Glorfindel’s face back to him just as the blonds tears were threatening to spill. “Never feel you must hide from me, or keep anything from me. You can tell me anything and everything…there is no shame.” He finished in a whisper as he wiped away the first few tears that fell despite the warriors efforts.

Glorfindel managed to smile and cleared his throat anxiously, he had shed many tears but still felt a silly fool when doing so in front of Erestor.

“Come here.” Erestor pulled Glorfindel to him to comfort him in a warm embrace. Ironically much like how Glorfindel had comforted him earlier that day. After a short while Erestor loosened his hold when Glorfindel shifted, again they were nose to nose. Both looking uncertainly at each other for a moment before Glorfindel lunged.

Erestor gasped but did not pull away, he had dreamed of having his lovers lips touching his for so long. Eventually he joined the kiss, tangling his hands in blond hair tightly as he opened his mouth to an inquisitive tongue and was slowly pushed to lay down on his back.

Glorfindel moaned as Erestor granted his questing tongue entry. He laid himself upon Erestor on the small sofa and plundered the sweet mouth deeper. An all of a sudden familiar taste exploding across his tongue and lips. He pulled back with a gasp, as a vision invaded his waking eye.

**~**~**

He was back in Gondolin, and knelt facing a small boy with dark eyes and hair. Erestor. He had been crying but was now smiling as he held a small wooden figure of an elven guard. The younger Erestor bit his lip before kneeling up and pressing his closed lips to Glorfindel’s, taking him completely by surprise. He remembered blinking in surprise, the slight smacking sound as Erestor pulled away, and covering his mouth as he giggled afterwards. That had been his first ever kiss. After they had finished giggling like the elfling’s they had been Erestor had hugged him tightly, and had whispered into his ear.

“You are my best friend Glorfindel.”
“And you are mine.”

**~**~**

“Glorfindel?” Erestor was concerned, Glorfindel again had that far away look. His eyes went wide at what that could of meant. “What is it? What do you remember?”

Glorfindel did not answer, he smiled brightly down at Erestor with tears in his eyes. Inexplicably he laughed, a joyous laugh and touched his lips to Erestor’s innocently. Almost as innocently as their first.

“Our first kiss.” He whispered.
“You…under the oak?”
“Yes.”

Erestor laughed aloud in delight, throwing his arms around Glorfindel’s shoulders.
“Ai Glorfindel ‘tis wonderful marvellous news!”
“Oh Erestor, with every memory that returns to me my love grows.”

Erestor giggled as Glorfindel covered his face in small kisses, though he moaned when the warrior lips again came to rest against his own. Delving, exploring, tasting and claiming. He whimpered quietly when Glorfindel ended the kiss, but did not pull away.

Glorfindel still lay atop of him between his bent legs, dark blue eyes regarded him lustfully and he gasped as he felt a hand slide beneath his robe. It was so arousing to see Glorfindel watching for his ever reaction, never looking away from his own eyes as he slowly slid his hand beneath the robe to touch his calf. That hand slowly slid from his calf up to his knee and up the outside of his thigh, ever watching him, never looking away.

“I want to remember another first Erestor.” He spoke huskily as he again leaned down for another kiss. Erestor obliged but after summoning all his will power managed to push Glorfindel back.

“G-Glorfindel we, you can not…”
“Why not?” He asked as he again let his hand stray further up the thigh, only to be stilled by Erestor’s hand.

“Because, two vivid and important memories you’ve remembered this day. I do not want to….overwhelm you.” He continued as Glorfindel made to protest. “As much as I may want this, in fact you have no idea how much self discipline I’m showing right now, but as much as I want this I do not want…can not overwhelm you like this. The dreams, remember?” He finished gently.

Glorfindel nodded in understanding, discontent clear in his eyes but he removed his hand from Erestor’s thigh anyway.

“And that is also why, I must leave now.”
“Must you?”
“Aye, it is late and if I stay much longer I will not be able to make myself leave.”

Glorfindel sighed and lifted himself off of Erestor, he helped the advisor to his feet that he noted with a grin were wobbled at first. Erestor quickly straightened his robe and hair, he turned to speak his goodnights to Glorfindel but before he could speak Glorfindel had pulled him into another devastating kiss. Again Glorfindel invaded his every sense, he felt one hand bury itself in his dark hair, and another dip beneath his waist to gently rest on his behind. Eventually he managed to pry his lips away, but did not open his eyes.

“Goodnight Glorfindel.” He whispered and pushed Glorfindel away before finally opening his eyes.

“Goodnight.”

Erestor took a few deep breaths before opening the doors to Glorfindel’s chambers, though he paused when he felt Glorfindel tug back on his hand.

“Remember Erestor, you don’t need to nock, day…or night.”

Erestor swallowed hard and nodded, knowing his voice would come out as nothing more than a squeak at that moment. After Glorfindel had released his hand he had finally managed to close the door behind him and had immediately headed back to his rooms. He silently congratulated himself on his restraint, he had been yearning for Glorfindel for centuries and had managed to resist his touch. But he would not run the risk of overwhelming him. No he would take care of his own need tonight, hopefully it would not be long before that would no longer be necessary.

When finally in his own rooms he quickly threw his robes aside and laid upon his bed. He idly stroked himself for a few minutes, as if in foreplay. Before reaching around and letting one of his fingers, moist from his own mouth, slide into his entrance. He moaned and began to push the finger in and out faster, brushing against that magic spot inside of him.

That was how he found his release, and had been finding his release for the past millennia in Glorfindel’s absence. Glorfindel had been the only and last person to touch his body in such a way, and he found that his own hand could no longer bring him to orgasm unless he were to touch himself from the inside, as Glorfindel had the last time the warrior had pleasured him. Though he would never add more than one finger, as much as he sometimes ached to. For that was for Glorfindel to do, he was no more stretched than when Glorfindel had last touched him, no more experienced. He had kept his promises, each one in their fullest. He could barely wait to feel Glorfindel inside of him again, he had yearned for it for so long. He longed to bind with his forever mate.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Glorfindel was dreaming, but not his usual dreams. No, there was no smoke, flames or great beast. This was much worse. He was kissing someone, but it was wrong, it felt so wrong. When he pulled away he saw who it was, it was Ecthelion! He had been kissing Ecthelion!

He did not realise it but he was stirring in his sleep, a deep frown marring his brow.

He could tell that Ecthelion had not particularly enjoyed it either by the slight scrunch of the others nose. Then he was looking past Ecthelion and over to who he remembered as his father, who seemed pleased for some reason or another. Then Ecthelion was calling his name, and finally he was turned to face the entrance of the great hall, although all other faces were blank and shapeless.

He was moaning now, helpless and tangled in his sheets.

And then the real nightmare began, at that entrance stood a young elf alone. A look of pure heart break on his face. It was Erestor! He watched as Erestor’s fingers trembled, a wilted rose, which at that moment held no meaning to him fell from Erestor’s digits. Just as tears fell down his cheeks, to cling to a trembling chin before letting go. He watched as Erestor turned and fled, stumbling as he did so.

He was calling Erestor’s name, twisting and reaching out to the memory.

He had managed to catch up with Erestor when the dark haired elf had fallen to his knees. Though everything around them was hazy he could make out the distraught and grief-stricken expression on the young Erestor’s face.

Tears fell unnoticed down his cheeks as the memory played out during his slumber, a conversation sounding from the deep recesses of his mind.

**~**~**

No! Don’t touch me!” Erestor choked out amidst his sobs, trying his best to move away from Glorfindel, only to be caught by Ecthelion.

“Get off of me!” He took a few heaving breaths before near screaming at Ecthelion. “YOU PROMISED ME! YOU SWORE YOU WOULD NOT TAKE HIM FROM ME!”
“And he has not taken me from you I swear Erestor..”
“No! No more promises!”

Both Ecthelion and Glorfindel grew concerned as Erestor clutched at his chest sobbing hard, “It hurts.” Was all they could make out as Erestor somehow managed to stand whilst still clutching his chest with one hand. He stumbled twice more before again getting to his feet.

**~**~**

And then someone else had come, the elf was faceless and he couldn’t quite make out what it was he was saying, but he could tell from the height and build that it was a guard of some sort. He took Erestor away.

Glorfindel sat bolt upright with Erestor’s name spilling from his lips. He was shaking, with trembling fingers he touched his cheeks and then wiped at his eyes, a choked sob leaving his lips. That had been worse than any fire demon. He had betrayed his Erestor. He knew not the details but what he did know that he had, in the past, betrayed Erestor.

He frowned in confusion, there was something about that kiss he did not understand. Not only had he not understood why he had been kissing Ecthelion but he also knew that neither he or Ecthelion had enjoyed it. He closed his eyes and thought back to what he remembered so far of Ecthelion, there were no romantic feelings there, yes there was love, but that was love of friendship. Why would he kiss Ecthelion? Why would he do that to Erestor?

He hastily stood from the bed, ripping the sheets angrily away from where they clung to his damp body and walked unsteadily to his bathroom. He splashed water upon his face and felt nauseous, something he had never experienced from any nightmare before, but none of them had ever been that bad. So far they had all been of the pain he had suffered. But this, in this dream he had caused Erestor pain, such pain for one so young. Then suddenly he remembered earlier in the library, when he and Erestor had been speaking of the discussion he and Ecthelion had shared. A shadow had passed over his eyes for a split second, as if some old hurt lingered there.

He stared at his reflection, and loathed what he saw there. He had never hated himself more. He laughed humourlessly at that, for he knew that he must of undoubtedly had to of hated himself as much back then.

He closed his eyes tightly in deep thought, what had happened next?! Obviously Erestor had forgiven him, and undeservingly in his opinion. But how? What had come next? And what had come before? He needed to know, yet at that moment, he was to ashamed to even face his reflection, let alone the elf he loved and had betrayed.